Can we do that again? lol!!!

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
and nobodys gonna bring me down today
been feeling like nothings been going my way lately
But I decided right here, right now, that my outlook's gonna change
That's why I'm gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried
Everytime somebody hurts my pride
Feelin' like they won't let me live life
And take the time to look at what is mine -Christina Aguleria - Keep singin' my song

Hung around with the girls last night. It was really great, minus one factor. They know who they are so I don't have to say anything.....actually I might later on in this entry. So anyways, Me and Char went out to get food for everyone, so we venture mcd's and its shut and we a pissed off but we go down the road to Dixie Chicken and brought burgers and chips and stuff 'cus the deals were cheap, there was enough food to go around. *smiles* So anyway we Listened to music dance a bit got all hyper and stuff (and of me of course taking every chance to diss Martha). So Dwayne calls and and he's at the door say that he is the delivery guy. I get up to find him standing there with bottles, upon bottles of alcohol. So everyone started drinking Martha was already pissed and doing a great job of making a fool out of herself but I couldn't say anything I remember is me dissing her out loud calling her a 24 hour shop and stuff, oh yeah and me slapping her across her head when she asked me for a cigarette, which would be a stupid thing to do 'cus I don't smoke.Although I was told by Michael said I would look sexy holding one. (Dont ask me I don't even know.)

Through half of the night I colapsed in the kitchen and Dwayne and Mark and think even Martha at point came into the kitchen and she wasn't too happy to see Mark trying to straddle me (dont think dirty) to keep me to the ground lol! Before that though Martha was realising that Dwayne wasn't paying her any attention and was too interested in Kaz. Do you know what the girl does? first she tries to STAB HERSELF with a fork, which Mark was like give it to me. Then she took it low and tripped up Kaz so she would go flying into the livingroom door and smash her head on the corner of it. It was bad Kaz has lump there, but she wont die lol! So in the early hours of the morning to be precise 4:30 Mark said "I'm gonna go home now" to that Martha replies "I'm coming with you" and we were all like god damn, corner shop coughs and hoe chants started going around the room and laughing. I smacked it though when Martha was was ready and was about to leave with Mark to go to his house I said to her. "Martha have you got everything..............Coat..........Ciggarettes.....Morning after pill" everyone just started pissing themselves laughing. So I left Kaz about 5:40 in the morning to get ready to leave for work at 6:30 to get to greenwich for about 7:30. I get to work, tired as hell, still quite out of it and I go and talk to my manager and see richard on the way, I told him about my night he just laughed and told me that one of his friends died yesterday in a car crash. I gave him the biggest hug ever he really needed it, we stood there hugging for ages until Clive came back to his office, which was where both of us were standing.

He looks at us and tries to imply something is going on I just laughed really loudly. Clive looks at both of us and says that we look like hell and maybe he'd only make up work two hours, but get full pay. I was like wicked thanx!!!! Finished work ventured around the shopping center with Rich. Went into new look and Rich bought a cool dragon blazer. I wish I could do that after work go and buy shit....but no....... I have to pay all different fucking bills in the house I don't even get money for myself not even my bonus money from my ema. I gave all 160 quid to my mum to pay of rent arrears. Plus my dad has left us with debts but.... ah well!!!

I get home and my dad calls me being all disgusting and sweet and shit, so he treats me like crap when he's here but when he's down there he thinks it alright to show and pretend that you love your family.......suck my big toe. He actually asked me if I'm okay how are the bills going? If my hand could reach down that phone and slap him I would be a very happy chappie. lol! so I think that's about it. I'm going over to Kaz's later....so if any interesting stuff happens or I get news about Martha you guys will be the first to know lol! see yaxx

An upset cordie

Most people already know what I am upset about and it is really tearing me apart. Sad at the fact that I am not trusted for more detail go to AnarchysFire DA. I dont want to explain it here for certain reasons. but yeah my day has been pretty crappy. Kaz also decides to call me at the most odd times. I was doing this presentation thing in Pse and my phone rings and my phone wasnt on silent lol! so that was practically my day

Tell me why does it feel so bad -Alicia Keys

Today, everything just felt like it was crashing down around me and I was watching the pieces fall to the bloody floor.I found out in my Media class today that I have like tons of coursework that no-one didn't tell me about to do. So I have to do catchup by friday.....you heard me right Friday. Everyone had at least two weeks to do it and I get 2 days to finish a Research, Planning,Construction and Evalutaion piece. I am sooooooo angry. Plus I am tired as hell 'cus most of my energy is going into my psychology piece and since I am independent student on that subject, I have to take more care to it.

I also have this almighty headache that is just thumping around in my head, which for me indicates sickness (low immune system)damn my body. Can't anything go right for me! Really if this doesn't make you feel sick, I feel like my BRAIN is gonna burst through my head, and fall on the desk infront of me.

David decides to put in my tagger that Ash and I are Pathetic and childish well david I have something to say to you

Good I've finished my little moaning session and now I am going to try and be happy. *tries to smile* sorry people it aint working. I am happier than usual though, which is a good thing, not quiet today either, I am very talktive today too.

So I'll update about my easter week soon I just can't be botherd to do it now lol! anyway people I love ya but I gotta leave ya Mwahxx

God, I'm back at the place I hate the most....

well its 09:19 in the morning and I happen to be in the common room to the sixth-form writing this. Yes, I am back at college *sobs* but My Easter Holiday was fun while it lasted. I wouldn't have minded if it lasted longer but....hey. So this morning I was actually got to school ...........earl....Late lol! had you lot just then. Me reaching to college must be a miracle. I refused to leave my bed this morning since I was as tired as hell, due to talking to Kaz on the internet until about half two. Then rememebered that I haven't finished off my drama coursework so Mr Jahans is gonna kill me lol!

hmmm what else.........what else.....

found out that dead or Alive ultimate is coming out soon, bad news for me though.........I don't own a xbox anymore *sobs* so I can't play it anyway. Doesn't the cover look wicked though. I must start promoting it now lol!

I'm actually right now sitting here yawning 'cus I am sooo bored, I wish I never had to come back here =( this place sucks! I aint got nothing more to write since this is just the morning something juicy will end up happening towards the end of the day.

Lunchtime
Zoey didn't come in for Drama today and also it was Mr J's B-day today we made him all red and everything because we gave him card and sung happy Birthday lol! but anyways.........She said she has a viral infection......well......I wonder where she got that from then lol! Everybody is cussing her lol! Sabriye just said she should go to a sex clinic lol! we also found out that our drama exam has been moved up to the 11th of May or 14th of may instead of the 20th arrrrrggggggghhhhh *screams* and this girl still refuses to get her over sexed ass in to school. anyway I'll finish this later see yax

I don't know what to do confusion hits me!

Me and My friend David who has come up for easter had an argument online yesterday and I went to his house and said some really hurtful things to him, which actually reduced him to tears and I was soooo sorry about that. What he next was totally unbelievable and I didn't know what to do I was petrified. He is like my best friend and I just nearly wanted to cry 'cus of what happened. Plus Stephen was in the bedroom next door and I was like annoyed, angry confused all at the same time. Not a good feeling. He left today and we are on bad terms. I hate that feeling more than ever he said he will call me when he get back to Manchester, but the way he said was like he was saying it for the sake of just saying it.

Feeling a bit upset (seriously I wanna cry) I need a seriously biiiiiiiiiiiiigggggg hug lol! anways I'll update later about my week tomoz! *waves*

I ruin everything

well today we were meant to go to nandos and have a nice tasty meal and then the school decided to screw me over and didn't give me my EMA because my bad behaviour towards my form tutor. Just because I called my form tutor a fucking snooping cow. I'm sorry she deserved it. She just keeps on getting involved and all up in my face so I personally think that the comment was very well said. Bad factor to my rudeness is my Ema money either being deducted or me having long chats with the rat i.e Miss weston, which ends up with me being bored I wanna chew my hand off.

I didn't go to college today either, I know, I know very bad cordie, But I really couldn't be bothered. I woke up like 10:23 today there was no point. I missed most of my lessons, so there was practically no point. Martha is worrying that Dwayne has done...wait for it......Black magic on her lol!I had to crack up laughing about that. She broke up for michael 'cus she says that he is too obssesed with her ........yeah right lol! anyways I'm gonna go and pretend I have a life lol! see ya!!!!xx

Its oh so quiet

well today I decided not to go to college and thought I would just hang around the area today. I know I have work to do and stuff but I just need a break from it all. Umm got in trouble yesterday for calling miss hicks a "stupid snooping cow". I didn't think it was offensive since it is the truth and I hate her guts so it just makes sense. So Miss Weston Decided she would have a lovely talk about my behaviour towards my form tutor and basically I told her I wanted to move forms and I guess she thinking of doing. Me, Kaz and Martha are going out to the social and I have the great luxury of holding dizzy yeay (hear the sarcasm) lol! anyways it turns out that everyone who was in Kaz's house yesterday got pissed and I didn't I'm very proud of myself , I didn't touch one bit of alcohol. Plus Michael said something really weird to me, He kept on saying I wanna see what you look like when you smoke and I was like why? and he says I think you'd look sexy holding a cig. I was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt??? so anyways yeah thats my diary entry for today....

My drunken wednesday!

So yeah it was mid week and I knew that I college tomoz and had important coursework to do and what did I do.........I got pissed.
Trust me Kaz is very convincing....So we went out and got drunk and stuff and then here's me staggering around the place with Kaz and chantelle in tow. We decided to go to peckham library.

xTHINGS THAT WE DID AT PECKHAM LIBRARYx
+I fell over 3 times
+I decided to I would lie over the moon thing for about ten minutes
+I tried to climb this big ball thing that looked like a sun
+I popped a squat in the middle of an open space peckham park's grassy areas.
+Argued with random black boys outside a kebab shop
+Happen to stumble my way home, to colapse on my bed
+Woke next morning total in pain

xNext Morningx
+I had to flush out all the drink
+I stumbled to get ready for school
+I started crying 'cus I had a burning in my left Kidney
+Had aching leg pains because I decided I would climb up that sun thing.
+Remember and try to patch together my thoughts.

So all is well and its good friday tomoz. Right now I am actually with my two pissed friends and they are happening to be arguing about.....wait for it.......cigarettes lol! I think this is so funny.
Do you know why......because it just is.

Had school assembly today, why do sixth formers have whole school assembly if we hardly get anything. you tell me. So I sit in this fuck ass long assembly wanting to bite my own hand off in my total boredom. When I need to finish ten pieces of coursework. So here is me sitting there wanting to cry, when suddenly I realise....yes this long assembly is done so I run to the door and guess who calls my name.......Miss hicks.........and says............."corinne why were you late today" I was thinking well I was totally pissed and was trying to recover from a hangover. but I said "I don't know" "well corinne this not acceptable"
"I know, I know" " please corinne fix thisattitude that you have towards your school life" " yes miss"

Talking about that I should do an entry dedicated to that woman god she is a pain in the butt. Until then folks goodbye and Have a great Easterxxxxx

what is wrong with me..........

Please can someone help me understand why I can't define thingsd in my life, how I can't just say yeah that's what I want I always, always, always have to be difficult about it. Not gonna further explain what that is about I just needed to write that or I was going to explode.

I also feel an bit alone today, eventhough I have talked to many friends about how I feel and stuff, I just feel alone. I also have a bruised ligament the docters told me and Kaz didn't make it any better by kicking it yesterday, which has resorted in me not being able to walk at all. I just about made it down to the net cafe today and then guess what I find out Msn is not up and running....so that gets me even more pissed off.

So here's me hobbling around and being all depressed and stuff I swear I get worse as the days go past. I'm at a net cafe with my hurt leg and there are girls outside that remind me of us when we normally get drunk which is scary!

Another Fallen angel

I was terribly bored so I did a poem, which kind of blended in with my blog. So I thought I might as well add it here you know since it is name after my blog loL!


Dirty is her face with markings of her fathers hand
beaten
Not loved by anyone
the wings that were given to her a sign of giving others hope
has now become one of the things
she is despised of

why is she so different from her own kind
why has she fallen
tell me why she stays awake thinking at night
restless in her open eyed slumber
her clothes that were of plain whited materials
now darkening under the strain of her own inner
hatered

see her face it looks like my mine
different features there on that canvas
but somehow reflecting myself on her
she looks at me and I see her soul
icy
plain
unconnected
cold like mine.
could this be me
what I would look like as and angel
Fallen so deeply
out of proportion
Dropped for the heavenly skies
pushed out from the norm

I'm not what I used be
Someone to give grace
but failing
I can't help what I am
Save me I'm crying.
Inside me, I'm dying.
Losing all my dignity,
losing all of me.
Falling into my own depression.
Falling from the clouds.
Another fallen angel is what you've found

Ow don't like needles. Has anyone realised its hot today

So I had my blood test today, it was really painful, wanted to cry. I can imagine people looking at the screen and laughing ecspecially Zen. He came with me once to get my jabs when I was going to St.Lucia, and he was cracking up laughing 'cus he could see the tears building up in my eyes. Although it didn't hurt I hate things that go into my skin that's why I haven't got my second ear piercing yet.

Walked out the hospital a bit woozy today and a bit of cotton on my arm. Stopped and realsed omg its remotely warm. I took off my jacket and had to put it in my bag. Summer is coming I don't know wether I should happy or sad. My exams are int he summer and I like summer cus its summer and the log break that is study week.

Yesterday night when I left Kaz's house and was standing at the bus stop by myself at 12:45 at night/morning, whatever you consider it being I was just there okay. So anyways the bus wasn't coming so I thought I'd walk further into peckham to next bus stop because I could possibly get a 63,363 and a 343 to take me straight home. So as I'm walking I see my brothers friend Pj of Peter whatever he calls himself these days. He hugs me, I don't minds that since he's known me since I was younger, then he stokes my face and I started to get a bit worried. So I try to move back and he locks his arms around my waist and push with a force backwards as he bumps in the little street poles things. He goes to me "no one has to know corinne, your brother doesn't have to know"tries to stroke my face again it was very sickening. He then again tries to kiss me and that was when I slapped him. I swear half of the road could hear. I just started walking away. I felt so dirty afterwards. That one of my brothers friends would dare try it on with me. I got home and got into the bath and tried scrubbing really hard. I know he didn't rape me or anyhting but it felt like he did. It was awful.

also had to go to the theatre and it was one of most weirdest plays I ever had to watch. It had no storyline. It was based around a dream, and the stuff that happened to him in his life was reflecting meanings in his dreams. There was a scene that really made me laugh to the point that half of the theatre could hear me. Was when his x wife came up and said "you forgot this at my house!" and handed him his penis I just wanted to crack up lol!

Okay is she trying to take over from my dad

So as we know my dad is gone left a week ago. can I have a yey *distant people shout yey* thankyou lol! It seems like my mother is trying to take over and trying to be all strict and it's driving me up the wall. I told heryesterday I know you've never had time to step down your foot and tell us what to do but this is just rediculous. She didn't let me go out on saturday because *cracks up laughing* I didn't clean my room. I mean what shit is that. I'm 17 nearly 18 and I'm being reminded to clean my room. Then the constant nagging of me to wash the dishes...look I'm gonna do it eventually during the night. So right now I'm quite tired but quite glad with myself another A underneath my belt couldn't ask for anything more to make me more happier.

Chantelle is thinking of starting another fight with Martha and me and Kaz this time are not gonna get involved. We told her to stay away but it doesn't seem to be happening. She fell out with us yesterday on the way to my house because we told her that her reasons for her wanting to do this much damage to Martha was not valid, but of course she saw it differently.

So kaz and chantelle decided to clean my house out of all the food lol! Kaz also decided she would try and scam from the pot which she mus have forgotten about 'cus she didn't end up doing it lol! umm I found out that it's definate that the operation for my back will take place on my birthday, I'm a bit scared. I've been through it before but the last time I stopped breathing and they had to push a tube down my throat and pump oxygen into my lungs and I had to recover from throat bruising from the tube for 2 weeks. So I'm a bit worried to go through that again.

I think that's so far all that's happened and plus I gotta go with Kaz today to he hospital they are planning to put her under general aneasthetic to take her teeth out and she is freking out so I gotta go with her to take care of my other lesbian lover lol! take care everybodyxx

He's gone.....wooooohooooo.....But all is not well

So, yes the countdown is over, the champagne is being served and the party of freedom has just started. Yes I, Corinne Natalie Natasha Stacey Hunt am free from the grips of my father until the 29 of May. you heard it correctly the 29th of May. But of course a good day for corinne never goes well. I had academic review day. A day where you sit with your form tutor and talk about your progression e.g. how your subject are going and what choices we were planning to make for the future.

I had to give a definate answer today wether I was going uni this year or not and I counldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to say anyhting on the subject. I got to my college, and I was about 5 minutes late, and my form tutor Miss Hicks, was no where in sight. So I am going to call it a day and go home.

I told Kaz abotu my uni offer yesterday and she didn't even want to talk to me so much that she went to sleep and left me all alone and stuff and was nervous to say anything until I was out of the proxiomity of her house she called me at the bus stop and started crying and I felt so bad, that I wanted to leave and it was make others around me upset. Then another part of me is just saying stay and go next year. The point is this uni is the best that does my course and if they want me now with the grades I've got then that would be excellent. I guess others don't see it that way. Not even my own mother.

I'm a bit sad over it and a bit confused and I have so many people telling me what I should do, it is actually blocking out what my heart is saying for me to do. I don't know maybe I should change the name of this blog to Another confused angel, but then that would involve Martha lol! oh by the way she's meant to be coming over today yey for me! I think that's it for today. Got nothing else to do but sit and cry in my own confusion. I see you guys later.

By the way did anyone notice how this entry started off happy and ended in me being completely depressed.....ah well......

Times Endless poem

Thought I might just put this up here. Don't ask me why I made this personally I don't this up to my usual standard. Not that my usual standard is high, but I'm just saying yeah here is just something I thought up and thought I would craply write about lol! so here it goes.


Sleepless nights
of Restricted turning
as time slowly ticks away
telling a story of one
that someone's
Future lays ticking
in those very hands
So little and so much of it
they say
but look beyond these words
of cryptic meanings and understandings
time is what makes you
realise what you have
before it is gone
NO
before it escapes
and left for a feeling of unloved emptiness
then who will hold you
while stil it's springs and gages
force it to work
to keep track of
earth's worldly time
or your own
Deaths little design
time is......
calculates special times
oh how fragile
as it senses how near you are to your edge
as I sit here a restless sleeper
how much time have I used
Much time I have wasted
time and tide waits for no man
when will yours wash in

This child is in some deeeeeeep Trouble

So me being a lazy cow didn't decide to get out of bed until 11:30.Got dressed to go to college. I was meant to be in at 8:45. Anyways, get in and got caught going in through the back door than who other than Ms Weston (the head of my sixth form) and she called home to tell them that I haven't been attending college and that I might not be entered to my Media exam because I haven't been attending my lessons. Everything just started coming out and I just couldn't take it. I know when I go home today I'm gonna have a lot to deal with. *sits infront of the computer needing a BIG hug* I could hear my dad going totally berserk down the phone 'cus I happened to be in the same room when this converstaion was happenening. I felt tears burning in my eyes. I'm used to trouble, but this was bad, real bad. I think my parents realised that their angel has finally fallen and can't be bothered with life or school.

The girl that was a great achiever and stuff, has long left the building but I guess they don't understand that I was even given an ultimatum that if I continued with this attitude that I will be kicked out of school! do I care? .....some of me does the other bit of me doesn't. I don't know why I have suddenly become this way. I'm used to proving teachers wrong in this school but now I just can't be bothered.

Dusted off my old Staind cds and put them in my cd player to remember my Staind obsession....yes that's what I call it my obssesion. The great songs they have e.g. it's been awhile, so far away, Zoey Jane, Fray. Great hits. Anyways I'll see ya guys later bye....

Damn this place is cold. Kiddies it's time to go home!

The best thing, and the first thing to ever happen in St.Saviours history. We are allowed to go home early due to no heating. Thankyou God, 'cus I am freezing, no lie, I can actually see my own breath. The sixth-form block is the worst and yes that happens to be where I have all my lessons.

But less on my day at college and more on what I found out yesterday.

I happen to be a little nosey when it comes tomy brothers. I can't help it. I was going past my oldest brothers wardrboe and a yellow bit of folded paper caught my eye. In fact my brother had not told me the truth about our little trip to jail. On it was a report of the incident. They actually describe me as hostile on this report......liars, I was crying. I didn't know what was going on....Hostile my ass.

He told me he was down for having no license or insurance and told the policeman that it was his friends car and he didn't know anything about the drugs found. On this report it claims and I quote " you instructed Grace France (our lawyer) you did not have an insurance or license. You also instructed Grace France that you had purchased Crack Cocaine for your own personal use"

So the fact is that my Bro was found holding a class A drug and has been granted unconditional bail and must attend Walworth police Station on Thursday 19th of may 2005 at 11am and monday 28th of February 2005 at 10am (which is today) for not havign a license. I can't believe this I know I sometimes feel like I hate him, but what the hell is happening. I can't say anything to him, 'cus he would know what I have been up to. Why didn't he say something about the drugs not being his. He promised me and looked me in the face and said he wouldn't take the fall for his stupid friends and does he do - he does the complete opposite. I can't believe him.

The funniest thing happenend on Friday/Saturday. Charlotte and Kaz decided they would call me at 12:23 in the morning and this was just after I did a very long shift at work to get some extra money, 'cus lord knows my parents are making me pay for everything. Kaz was so pissed she just kept on laughing down the phone eenthough she had nothing to laugh at. Charlotte just kept dropping in the background and calling for Kaz. Kaz decided she would keep saying she loved me as well. It was jokes lol!

Okay so I think I'm done for the day. Might be going to the cinema with the girls later and possibly do a tiny bit of shopping (not that I'm a fan) I just need to. Okay guys I'm done. Oh Dave you were right I listened to that Kelly Clarkson song it is so me!! lol! oh and Ash I miss ya this much *holds out arms as far as they can go* lol! okay now I'm done.

Jasmine's taste in clothing

jasmine's almighty great dressJasmine think this pink dress is nice I said to her that it isn't and she says I don't have taste please someone tell her otherwise.



this is also what she put on msn to me
Well I'm not crazy you are
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
I know what you're trying to do, you want to make me doubt myself
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
well I won't the pink elephant in my head told me I'm sepecial
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
I'm not nuts, it said that the blue baboon had told him so
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
He said that the blue Baboon heared from the yellow hamster that lives
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
in tommy's head that I'm special and that I'm not crazy like the rest of them
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
Oh well Hady ha ha.
blue_ice@amuro.net says:
Goodybye I will be leaving my own head now.


I cracked up!

If I'm nuts why haven't I realised......

If I'm nuts why haven't I realised me losing my own sanity. It's quite stupid to write about. So anyway I realised that everyone says I get these hyper bursts which I Can't control and start doing all weird shit, that I don't even realise I 'm doing. Well I know that I'm doing them but they don't seem strange. eg got bored today and for no reason I grabbed a shaker of salt and started pouring it into evian water and drank it and everyone was laughing, but they say only a real crazy fucker would do that, "but I'm not crazy." I start kicking doors and kartwheeling and stuff like that for the kick of it, I feed off that kind of weird energy, it brands me as weird but I love it.

Yesterday Sufie came round to Kaz's and gave us really late birthday and Christmas presents it was quite funny. I got lip gloss stuff and so perfume and Kaz got some spray and candles so of course Kaz is never a person is satisfied with what she gets, she starts saying for me to give her some of my lip glosses and I hate trying make up on..................... actually I hate trying on makeup full stop. Not that kind of girl. Well maybe the occasional eyeshadow but that's it, it has something with me being a tomboy. So I tried on this brown lipgloss and we started pissing ourselves laughing because I said it made me look like an African who just got off the banana boat with really dry lips." we were there in fits of laughter for hours.

When I left I happened to grab my scarf and leave my phone, which woke Kaz up in the morning because it's my alarm for me to wake up for school. Guess what Kaz does, she calls up my house and tells my dad to wake me up LOL! but I got in trouble because I went to Karli's after "college" LOL! If only he knew the truth. Everytime I look at that countdown clock a sudden feeling of happiness comes over me, knowing that I am getting closer to the day that man is out of my life for three months. I actually told him that this morning he wasn't' too happy. Oh well not like I care, he never cared for me.

In the common room computer room trying to concentrate when the this hifi blasting next to me why all the girls are dancing with each other. Been in this school too long, seeing girls proper grinding with each other LOL! Anyway not feeling good getting really bad abdominal cramps when I'm older my lower organs such as my womb, Fallopian tube and all the other shit, is getting ripped out I don't care no more, it has to get removed. I think I'm done for today. See yaxx

countdown clock

countdown until my dad leaves for St.lucia
click on it wooohhoooooo! great! freedom!

Just found out something

I found out the best news today. My friend Zen (david) is coming back to london for a week. woohooooo. I can't wait to see him, I miss him ever since he went uni up in Manchester. He said we have to go to Fobidden planet together and go down west like we used to do every week end, while I shopped and he checked out guys lol! but David said he may get tickets to go to the wrestlemania revenge tour so wooohoooo!!!!!!!!!

me and David going to the wrestlemania revenge tour cool!!!! can't wait to see him!!!!! um Zoey my friend is obsessing over Zak and waiting for him to come online, right next to me, that she asking Ash stuff about him! lol! gotta go to lunch and this play thing at the National Theatre. Also I have happened to loose ten pieces of my coursework and have to get it done by the end of the week.

Okay so Half-term is over and my Week started off good and came down slowly

So I started school again today so I'm gonna recap my week:

14th of February

Valentines day.
My rant below on Valentines day is just so funny you will see why. I don't mind the day it's just it brings bad luck (well for me anyways)but I survived........Why? Because I got the most sweetest and thoughtful gift ever. So at first we all said we were going to Nando's got into Nando's and there was the longest line ever (well not ever but you know me I like to exaggerate)so we ended up in Pizza Hut. We were sitting at the table when Karli said she needed to go toilet and suddenly Charlotte wanted to go and they were smiling and giggling I knew something was up. So Ash and I was sitting there joking around and he says something along the lines of " I don't normally do valentines day but I used it as an excuse to get you something" now I was already like OMG, and when he brought out a jewelry box and I was OMG-ing everywhere (very unlike me)and I opened the box and started using all girlie words from underneath the sun that I would never use in basic conversation, they just kept on blurting out like verbal diaohreah (LOL!)

It's necklace with a Gibson guitar on it. I love it, I really do. I can't stop staring at it either (great I'm doing the girlie thing again)I hope Ash realises I'm not taking it off LOL! Oh he even got the frets added on for me *girls start screaming in the background* I know LOL!

only three people in the world know this code below:

l12126c3k f6 M13J10 F6A1IGN4L1276N147J10H11

M1367 F6 N14B2 8L12N149J10K11

but yeaht hat was my valentines day in nutshell

15th of February

The greatest fight took place on this day. Forget about your Mohammed Ali and George Foreman FIGHT rumble in Jungle or Big show and JBL. This was the fight right here (you can imagine TIGGER from def Jam vendetta saying this). This was something your grandchildren had to see. Where everyone in London should have had a ticket.

Chantelle vs Martha

It was like Mike Tyson vs Shannon Moore. It was brutal, but in some ways great viewing. There was a lot of hair pulling and a lot of me and Karli saying " stop it chantelle don't do that" "get off Martha" "OMG" It was great....Just great! Gothsnapz was beaten up so badly she was holding her hair in her hand and her face was like half red for the evening. How did it break out. Martha opening that trap of hers and kept on going on. She really didn't think Chantilly was gonna touch her. Well ha chantelle proved her wrong. So I thinks that's all that happened for that day

16th
Nothing really interesting happened on this day except I got grounded, for like the week.

17th
um it was my mummy's birthday today. She cried over our card and flowers. Some mum's are easier to please than others.
I remember being in a bad mood cus my comp crashed which meant no internet......No contact with the outer world. It was heat aching stuff trust me.

18th
Throwing almighty bad tantrums today, because I was going insane not being allowed out the door. I was going crazy. Looking at my dad for endless hours was not fun!

19th
Christopher "I think I want to you back " Fleming decides he would turn up at my work place and make a scene with my friend, my manager and security saying he needed to talk to me when in real fact I am bored of talking to him, can't and won't do it no more.The line of "baby we need to be together you and me just fit" made me laugh even more and turning to Richard "what are you her boyfriend why are you defending her?"
Richard replies " nah I just know a prick when I see one" made me laugh even more.
just after that Clive comes upto me "corinne could you keep your personal affairs at home please" I smiled and went sure.

20th
watch a few program's tried to tape no way out but the video recorder broke down. Saw the promos for wrestlemania even the one where they are taking the piss out of pulp fiction. That was great. I watched a funny film too called Down Periscope (1995) had that guy from seinfield in it and also Rob Schneider from Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. It was fantastic and the song at the end (In the Navy) was so gay, but so funny LOL! I couldn't stop laughing.

Anyway, I think I'm done here. That was my week for all of you in one. If I got something to talk about tomoz I'll probably be posting then,but until then good morning, good afternoon and goodnight. LOL! seeya

Cells are lovely places to be especially if you are 17

Okay so hey everybody it's valentines day wooohoooo! (sarcasm) I hate this day I don't think it should take one day for you to express to anyone how much you love them although the gesture and the thoughts of this day is sweet I just find that, everything seems to go wrong either on this day or a few days before it. (don't ask) but hey I am about to prove to you my theory of what I think about this day is true. Yesterday, I was being driven home from one of my brothers parties in the early morning and we get pulled over. I already knew we were in trouble to the fact that my brother doesn't have a drivers license but then this part I didn't know about the police man asked one of brothers to pop the trunk and there laid bags and bags of drugs I wanted to cry. I was scared 'cus I knew I was gonna get arrested. Let me tell you something I have been arrested before but this one was painful. I mean they put the cuffs on so tight I was losing most of the circulation to my arms. Then shoving (shoving the only word I can think that can describe it) into the back of this cold van and being driven to the police station looking angrily at my brother. (I am still not talking to him)Eventhough they questioned me for 3 hours and knew that I was underage and that I had no clue that those drugs were in the boot. I was once again brutally shoved once again into a cell.

I didn't know what I wanted to do I just kept pacing and crying, I called my mum and she came to pick me up, well bail me out and my other brothers as well. Both of them are for drug charges but this stays on my record until I'm 18 and then it will wiped off. Great I CAN KISS MY JOB IN CIVIL SERVICES GOODBYE. *cries* I am slowly getting over the experience. They didn't even put me in a minors cell, the minors cell I could take in but they put me in a adult offenders cell which was just so scary.

So here I am, in Old Kent road internet cafe and guess who walks through the door the same guy who decided that he would become friendly with my neck LOL! Yup you guessed it Alex!!!!! And now he saying he is leaving in two weeks ..................Yeah I believe you not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

um going Nandos tonight with Kaz, Char and Ash tonight. Checking online if I have enough, and crap I only have 5 quid this aint good LOL! Anyways I thinks that enough from me! Happy Valentine's day to everyone!!!!!!Xx

not a prefect anymore!!!!! wooohoooo

so I went to school and did no work like usual, but come on I'm a person who does no work and comes out with amazing gradesso it's no biggy to me. So I went into the computer room and there lies Claire Reid the most snobbiest, annoying, two faced little sarcastic bitch that had ever walked this earth. She also happens to be our deputy Head girl. So suddenly today this girl who never wanted to talk to me in her life, because of my lets say...................Low class family, decides she wants to have a conversation with me. I knew something was up.....I knew it. So since I ignored her that she wanted to talk to me, finding that I should help my friend to get on msnmessenger than talking to her, she gets her little another annoying shit who thinks she's great...............Ashley to shout out you have been replaced as 11oranges prefect.................yeah,that thing Claire decides to replace me. Why? because my form class have been acting disrespectfully to Miss Hicks. I'm sorry that is not my fault. I didn't ask that woman to be a bitch it just comes naturally.

Yesterday I was round Karli's and mARTHA DECIDED SHE WOULD COME OVER AND STAY THE NIGHT LOL! poor Kaz but yeah she was trying to talk to Matt last night and he was either ignoring her or just trying to talk to Asher which was funny. Oh damn when will that girl stop trying to offer her own prostitue service lol! anyways nothing much has happened today either, wnet to drama, meant to be in media right now but I can't be asked....it's miss Edimaties lesson I don't like self torture lol!!!!!

yeah I aint got nothing much to say except for

Claire reid is a bitch

ah got that out of my system so yeah I'm done!!!!!!!

I couldn't have asked for a better Daughter-in-law

So yesterday I didn't go to college, that was mainly to the fact that I couldn't be bothered, you know me I can be really lazy at times. So I went to Kaz's and we both fell asleep on eachother arms (not like that) but yeah we fell asleep for hours. Until the phone rang and it was Ash, who had to clean the house from top to bottom before eight (before his mum came home) so we had to go and help out. So after having trouble with getting dizzy on the bus and this guy giving me dirty looks so bad that I actually shouted at him "can you not look at me". So we get to Ashers, to find it spotless (we were impressed lol)So we didn't do anything really but sit and watch T.v. So Kaz's and Asher's mum comes home and apologies at me for the things that she said last time and made me understand that none of that stuff was directed at me and thought it would have diluted the effect of the whole situation if she told me there and then so that was quite understandable.

After that most of the stuff after that was mostly a blur all I remember was that either Kaz's mum or Kaz called up Tony (Kaz and Asher's Dad) and he hung up on them. So there is alot of crying going on and stuff and it was really bad.

Most of it me and Ash were alone in his bedroom and not to go in to too much detail (not that I'm alot of detail girl and that it may distub my friend Zen) we kissed and talked and kissed and talked and kissed (I think you're seeing the pattern that is occuring here). The funniest thing that happened was that when we hugging before was that Asher's mum comes in and says the funniest line ever "Karli there are people hugging in here" and I was laughing my head off. Then the line to top it off was " I couldn't have asked for a better Daughter-in-law" I was wailing in laughter after that I couldn't help it.

Just when I thought that embarressment would be over Kaz started doing the whole "I'm your bestfriend thing you must tell me" I kept it quiet and she was just guessing and everything started coming out lol! so do you know what my so called BEST friend did..............SHE TOLD HER MUM!!!!!!!!! I had to kind of hide my face or wish that I had a plastic bag over my head! lol! but yeah it was just a very eventful but strangely calm evening. Even when i got home I didn't get in trouble.

Also the funniest thing is that we haven't said that we like each other to directly TO eac others faces but over the net it's quite funny.

I'm also a bit depressed today also I don't know why but I am, have been since yesterday, but like Sufia says if you don't know what's wrong that means everything is wrong. anyway I've got to go to Kaz's house 'cus Steve isn't taking to see that woman (I can't remember her name) and because I have a photographic memory I remember where it is! so I gotta leave now, or she is gonna kick my ass really hard lol!

My heart is in your hands

Okay, I was late again to college. (come on it's me) I woke up at 8:30 today and rushed around the house. Got to college around 9:35, and what's a day without a prefect being told off with half of year 11 being there, yeay lucky me. (being sarcastic) This school is taking everything out of me...........I can't wait to leave. So today did a few shoots for our media project, me being behind the camera fucked up a whole big part so we have to film it again, but most of the other scenes I filmed were alright so that's okay. I'm listening to Gavin DeGraw's "I don't wanna be" it is a cool song which he sings live. Here, he playing the piano and singing on the clip, if you go to the website then go to multimedia it's a great song and I'm trying to promote it lol! (not that I'm doing a great job at it).

So yesterday, as Asher would know and probably laugh at me for writing this but..... I couldn't let go of him yesterday, I just wanted to stand there hugging him. It's quite funny when I look back on it, and his line of "you know I'm not gonna pull away from you" made me wanna laugh even more. I've also realised that I'm very good at hiding my emotions, as I've been told.

Anyways,I was soooo tired yesterday and it was only tuesday. You see black people get energy from being exsposed to long doses of violence......looks like I have to take another trip down brixton then lol! Oh and I found this today and I know some people will laugh when they see this because I'm constantly treated like a slave by my friends because I'm black.(DONT ASK) and I was thinking of putting this one on the u.h.f.m site Okay so I think I'm done for today...................................yep! see ya

right nothing happened today

okay well today nothing has really happened and I got so bored so I did yet another quiz and here it is

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	beautiful
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	eternal
Quiz created with MemeGen!

it generates things about you just by your name. So since this is the only thing I have done today I thought I might put it up here. I have got media filming tonight and to ge the shots......perfect and I'm behind camera today. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! but it should be good fun! these are some of the pictures from our thriller renou and Mr mc morrow
renou and mr mc morrow2 this pic is soooo funny

I got Jacked!

Okay I'm am so annoyed right now. My brother kept MY Playstation2 and promised me he would buy me any games console that I wanted to replace it and since Asher had been bugging me to get an Xbox I decided to give in and convert. (omg I can't believe I actually did) So Anyway I come home yesterday from Kaz's house after Ash borrowed me Guilty Gear to find my Xbox gone. (yes GONE) I ask my Mum and Dad where it had gone do you know what and answer I got? "Thomas said that he had to come pick it up and that he borrowed it to you" I was so annoyed I tried calling him and he wouldn't pick up my calls. Watch when I get my hands on him he is a dead man. Also he decided he would also go to Leeds with it as well so I wouldn't mind if he was in London with it, but he is in LEEDS.

TWO days ago Martha decided she would come back into our lives and you know what that means..... TROUBLE. So Last night alot of stuff happened e.g. Karli losing eyeliner,Ash writing on Martha's Jacket and hand in permanent pen (not like she wasn't enjoying it.)Me, I started showing my bitchy side she saw up close and personal (ooh new tv show when innocent black people go bad lol!)which I think she didn't like to much.

So I have a mini media exam I will have so much fun during this exam but I know I'm gonna be tired after it.

So after my little secret got out through Karli's LOVELY TELLING MOUTH things have pretty much gone back to normal and me and Ash just joke about us liking eachother, which is pretty cool. One person who is not entirely comfortable with our joking around is Martha........
So we thought we might do a little experiment. Me and Ash realised that when we went somewhere like just the two e.g. the kitchen Martha would follow and when we went back into the living room, she would follow us there. It was really entertaining to watch.

Yeah so I think that's mostly everything that has happened to me. I don't think I've got nothing more to say. nope I haven't.

Just did a personality quiz and I think it really fits me lol!

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

In a past life I was

corinne Hunt was a Brilliant Army General in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

clumsy clumsy Cordie

So once again (because it's becoming a routine)I was late for college today, but I slipped in without being marked in which means if I keep out Miss Weston way all day but still turn up to Drama and Media I can say I wasn't in! *smiles* The only reason I was late today was because I stepped (with full force) on a drawing pin. Ouch you say...I was saying it too. It went in so far circular bit was flat on my foot. So being quiet so my parents didn't because I know them to well and they would complain, I pulled it out and a gush of blood followed it. It was so painful. So I was practically limping to school. Walking across the road I nearly get run over by a car. Lovely. So I get to school to be attacked by cetain girs in this college of mine asking me why my phone was off last night and I was like "my battery power died on me" and they were like "yeah sure". Knowing these girls very well a rumour will be going round the school that I was doing something I wasn't supposed to, but come I was only with Kaz and Ash last night. I can't see anything happening there. So that's my day altogether started with pain and fear and now ends in boredom. I have this drama thing to go to tonight really I'm not in the mood to watch a play but I guess I have to it's part of my exam see you guys later.

Right that's it- fuck it

I have had enough of this fucking sixth-form. I am actually fed up of forever doing coursework and the more I do, the more I seem to get. It's like a never ending cycle that will never end until the day I die. lol! I'm sick and tired of it, I really need to actually have ten hours straight with no interruptions of just sleep (ah that would be nice) but I know I wont get it. So I'm doing five hours a day, and doing coursework in between it. lol! This is not good because I become a real bitch when I don't get any sleep! so today in college what things happened:-

1) my prefecting form stood up for me and gave hell to miss hicks (thankyou)
2)handed in only 6 different chapters of my coursework
3)finished Psychology experiment should try it on my friends
4)had Mr Jahanns be really cruel to me (leave me alone gay man) joking!!!!!!
5) sitting at lunch time and am still hungry after a cheese and onion sandwich and a fanta

great the almightly gay shit is here meaning Mr boyd Gotta go

After Registration
so after being practically pulled off the computer by Mr Boyd (any excuse to touch a student) I came into the common room computer room. To be actually put in on time for the register *Hallelujah chorus starts playing* *looks up at the skies* "Oi you cut it off" *music stops playing* "thankyou". So anyways I'm having serious thoughts on leaving early but then I have to shoot some scenes for media after school so I could be here allllllllll night! *screams* Lord knows I don't wanna be here surrounded by these self centered annoying people..... someone save me. So that's me for the day....I'm soooo gone..

Dry tears

Subdued dreams in my eyes
Essence they’ve yet to find,

Sweet flames of bitter desire,

What fire burns in my chest?


Lonely are these nights,

How do I sleep them?

I can’t write any longer,

Dry tears spill on my cheek.


You may be far but close,

The reason my heart beats

It feels you are missing,

And I drown in these memories.


Find me a reason to live,

Tell me how I can forget

To take a breath when

I’m not thinking of you.


Save me before I die,

Loneliness is a habit now,

Your voice I hear at night

Myself I’ve begun to lose.


Oh, I beg for help

Soaked in my own tears,

Dry tears I blink in my eyes,

Haven’t I cried enough, God?

Charlotte's birthday

Okay so it was charlotte's birthday on friday and it was great. well not to great when my stomach felt like it was going to explode afterwards, but I had alot to drink. Yes the corinne who swore not fall back into her old ways ....was drunk like a true alkie lol! well except for I wasn't intending too. Karli thought she would give me many "magic cokes" as we call it now I was already tipsy that I couldn't tell she put whiskey in my coke lol! by this time I started having the "magic coke"; the birthday girl was staggering about and falling all over th place it was funny. Charlotte is really entertaining when she is drunk. So also before this all happened we thought we should make a banner thing for charlotte welcoming her to the house and It was sweet least she actually appreciated it.

Okay so back to the topic at hand was how charlotte was acting 'cus this really needs to be documented somewhere. So we ran out of Coke and charlotte wanted more drink so we decided to go to the shop. Practically dragging charlotte back, me and martha carried her up the stairs. 10 minutes later charlotte asks "did we go to the aready" we just all bursted out laughing it was soooo funny. Then just to add to it she kept falling all over the place, in the toilet, outside and in the kitchen. It was classic Charlotte (always the entertainer).

Myself I was jumping and spinning around the place while listening to music and me and Kaz decided to dance with eachother when Michelle Branch -Everywhere came on we just kept on spining round and round practically injuring each other as I still have a bruise on my back somewhere. After the hyperness stopped and we were becoming mellow, I sat in the kitchen because number one it is much warmer than the living room/ bedroom and number 2 I just had to sit down cus my head was killing me and I thought what better place than the floor. So anyways Ash joined me and we were talking for a while and kind of cuddling eachother when Martha asks for my minidisc and asks if she can listen to it. So me trying to be nice to her for this new year, I said yes. Then all of a sudden she sits in the corner of the kitchen giving me this evil look (we all know for what reason) and turns on the minidisc, and Kaz joins us since Charlotte (party girl)had fallen asleep.

So it was fine when she was listening to some of the rock tracks and murdering the art of headbanging (meaning she was shit)and started listening to the r'n'b tracks on my minidisc. My god she started Headbanging......yes you heard me Headbanging.....let me just say it one more time Headbanging to Alicia Keys Karma. That is where I just started cussing and under the influence of alcohol my speech was very loud. Karli had to keep on telling me to shut up. lol! Martha's face became picture of jealousy when me and ash started holding hands that's when she came over and starting laying on Asher.

Now thinking this was entertaining to see Martha like this was just mean, but come on it was funny. So by the end of it I went back into the living room with Charlotte and Kaz and just talking, and for some reason , lord knows why I decided that i would take a walk by myself outside at 4 in the morning. Eventually me, Kaz and Charlotte fell asleep in the living room.

But overall the day was good and I went home and got in trouble just like every other day!lol!

Omg what am I about to be involved in!

Okay this what is happening on Friday! Innocently its charlotte's birthday.............. I don't know if I'll be able to write an entry on friday so................... Happy Birthday charlotte *woohoo, dances around* She finally 18 I feel so proud like a mother lol! But there is just a tiny problem with this little birthaday gathering, and that is the wrath of Chantell and her plan to take out Martha......for good. She wants to CUT I stress on the word Cut off all of Martha's hair until it is bald and I just feel bad for Martha because chantelle is really gonna do this. I don't know what to do, either be the mothery and kind corinne, which would help Martha and tell her or be the palin bitch I know I can be! but I promised to Karli I wouldn't say anything so I guess I have to keep to my word. okay so I have to continue this because I gotta registration.

After Registration

Well didn't actually end up going to registration instead I went into the computer room where I ended up having argument with some girl that used to be in my form it was quite annoying but hey I'm over it anyways, I'm really tired and sick so that just makes it worse

endless (unfinished)

time ticks away of
many seconds, minutes
hours
of wasting time
space
breathing oxygen
counting our time down to our deaths
uncontrolable fluctuations in feeling

so sick, I wanna scream

so Iwas fine yesterday, woke up this morning and I couldn't even speak right and this throbbing headache went along with it. I knew I would just catch it off my mum. Its official my immune system is shit. So anyways I've been in bed coughing out parts of my lungs I didn't even know I owned. So I stayed home yeay, but then today was the day I was plannning to make my big entrance back into the media lessons of miss edimatie, and that never happened either. So I am at home nursing my sick mother as well as she is nursing me and chris some how knows I'm at home (I'm gonna kill my mum) and he started being all nursing too which was quite creepy. so anyways I'm tired and I need some rest 'cus my head feels like people are playing either the congo drums or the steel pans in there.

Okay so I'm in love with this song as well right now!

I just thought this is a new thing I'm gonna do.
When I fall in love with a new song I'm gonna put its lyrics up on here. I don't know why! lol! Okay so today it

Zebrahead-Falling apart

Stutter step through another trap set by deception

Mention rejection

Always lies in your eyes

Settles in your action

Jeopardize everything that I want

And I won't compromise anything anymore

In any way victimize myself any more

Liberty

Bridge

Manipulations on my mind

Expectations well defined

Frustrate me

Liberate me

Chorus

Cause everything's falling apart

You can't control me

Everything's falling apart

Now I can't see you

Doesn't matter what I do

I can't see you

Cause everything's falling apart

Varse 2

I got exposed to a deeper form of infection

Shout out" I need acception"

Always lies in your eyes

Settles in your action

Criticize everything that I do

And I will overcome anything that's in store

Nevermore look up to you and adore

Liberty

Manipulation is on my mind Inspect me - try to check me Expectations well defined Dissect me - want to wreck me Violator of my own will Accept me- reject me Separate or shoot to kill

I need this feeling

I need to feel safe in your arms

as the harsh rain reminds me

how alone

how seperate I am from society.

Your comfort is the only thing I call for

inside me, you breathe

words of energy

shines this light into this darkness

keeps it burning

don't let

me fall into this dimness

of tears and depression

save me

take me under your wing

care for me

but I understand until my conflicts end

and my thoughts are not so muddled

and my sprit is not in Contravention

this will never happen

-firequeen

well I'm back at school................now take me home

well I've started school today and I am sooo tired I can hardly stay awake and ....yes you guessed it my trade mark thing to do or get during winter.........a cold which I will probably end up passing ont to to Kaz, poor her. Okay so I need new clothes like desperately because someone hint hint....(Asher) ripped my cargo pants yesterday because he just didn't want to let go of my leg and decided he would use my leg as a guitar also! lol! not to mention him doing the same exact thing to Martha but for longer, and everyone knew she was enjoying it but lets just leave that to the other site. *site* So anyways got into college late today , so late that miss weston was nearly gonna start having a fit at me, least I actually made it in! lol! The fact is that I set my Alarm for 6:30 an then decided to get up at 7:30 then 7:30 turned 8:30 when I finally got up.I kind of ran to the bathroom cus I know I had fifteen minutes to get to school.....would I make it.......no, because I lost my bus pass! Great this day can't get any better.

I haven't really got anything to actually say because nothing really interesting has happened today and normally when that happens I put it teen open diary but today I haven't. Dont ask me why cus I don't know. So guys I'll see you later and start leaving me notes starting to feel a little unloved here!

This can't happen again.

CORINNE AND CHRIS UPDATE, A VERY BIG UPDATE. COULD THE GOLDEN COUPLE BE BACK TOGETHER??? (I'm making this sound like a sitcom) READ AHEAD:

I see us inside of each other
I feel my unconscious merge with yours
and I hear a voice say. "what's his is hers"
I'm falling into you
This dream could come true
and it feels so good falling into you
I was afraid to let you in here
Now I have learned love can't be made in fear
so close your eyes and let me kiss you
and while you sleep I will miss you

-falling into you Celine Dion

so yes today I decided to go and see chris after his 43 missed calls-yes 43. To ask what's wrong with him, and why does he keep on ringing my phone like he was going to die in the next 24 hours and desperately wanted to say goodbye. So entering Cheryl's house I felt uneasy to the fact that when chris came in to the hallway to see who rang for the door I wanted to bolt. In someway, I knew what was gonna happen between us. I knew he would wanna have some deep conversation about our relationship (well the lack of it) and just trying to judge me trying to know me again! Of course me knowing him so well he would try and bring up the question of 'will you go out with me again?' and me being me I'd probably laugh. So at first he was surprised but happy to see me as he led me up to his bedroom (don't think dirty now) well I know the way to his bedroom I've been there enough times (ooooh that sounds even worse. ... not like that....uhhhh just keep reading) but he thought taking my hand would be a lovely gesture, me I just felt a bit weird holding his hand like that again. so anyways we got up to his bedroom and I sat on his bed to find the only picture of us together on his desk in between some papers (I swear that is the only picture of us together and we are holding my cousin Jazmin, and I was dating him for three years I must admit I look quite buff in that picture but anyways) I was like "I haven't seen this picture in ages" he kind of did this half hearted smile and turns off his PS2, and then underneath that picture was another picture of me I never known was taken and this was at his engagement party. (yes, if you don't know the story of me and chris this will only confuse you more. I swear we were like the real life Buffy and angel with all the ups and downs and twists and turns. That was our relationship) I was in my black dress my mum brought me and I just remembered her saying "if he's gonna get married to someone else we are gonna make him feel it, make him have second thoughts" lets just say that dress clung in all the right places, plus it draped on the floor. Pure guys were checking me out in that party (although I was trying to ignore them) but the guy I wanted (at the time) was on the stage constantly looking at me and being congratulated by stupid fools who knew nothing about the situation I was facing.

So anyways the picture was of me sitting on the table with one leg over the other giving this fake smile to the camera. but I was wondering why the hell these pictures were on his desk (at first my dirty mind started with masturbation but come on I'm not nice) so I asked him what they were doing there. he was just doing the oh nothing I was just looking through some of my stuff, trying to figure out what stuff to throw away. and I was like okay insult, but hey this is what I wanted. (or was it). So he was like oh that pile I'm keeping and I was like phew (not much of insult anymore) so he sat on the bed next to me and at first our convo was very joke filled e.g. haven't you heard that the black version of dumb blondes are black redheads

I knew it, the convo I was planning to avoid had to come to the surface. It had come to haunt me but it had a different turn to it this time he decided to tell me what he knew. Meaning, he decided to tell me why I wont go out with him again I don't remember it word for word but here it goes. 'you are tying to punish me for what I had to do" ha what you had to oh that's fresh." I know you still love me, because joe says you keep on turning him down every time he mentions you considering to be his girlfriend, does that mean you've turned every guy down since me "he hit home so hard that I couldn't say anything back to him and all of a sudden my eyes had a sudden interest in his carpet. "you know it wasn't my fault about what happened, I had to accept" um no you didn't you only did it because it was considered as the smartest thing to do but you never ever took the easy road. 'I'm sorry coco what else do you want from me" to leave me alone. "sometimes I miss you........ the other girls that I've been out with can't come close and I know. I know you were angry by me constantly flaunting of them in your face, but it felt like you were doing the same (which I wasn't) and I know that and I'm trying to make it right" what was with the sudden over use of the words I know it was like a new word he learnt or something and the heart apology can anyone say he has been watching to much o.c. I just wanted to leave, I just wanted his confession to me to stop. Honestly I really didn't want to hear all this but, of course I love this guy and it was slightly weakening. Then I started arguing back and with a vengeance and he didn't like the things that was coming out of my mouth as I could tell by that annoyed teacher look he has. by the anger and annoyance I let something slip something i hadn't which was 'yeah I love you but chris you chose who you wanted and it wasn't me!" why the fuck did i have to say LOVE. WHICH I REALISED HE REGISTERED do you know how I realised? cus' HE POUNCED ON ME. This wasn't a hi your my ex girlfriend i just wanna kiss you to recapture the memories, it was I wanna fuck you now kind of thing where I ended up on my back and him on top of me (not having sex of course just lying there) and I was (I couldn't believe myself) kissing back. I realised how wrong this was, which kind of made me stop while he was really eager to carry on. (I swear it was like a warning bell going off loud in my ear saying stop, stop now deep end, deep end come up for oxygen......... breathe). I was like OMG...okay slide yourself from under him and get up and leave corinne..................LEAVE. It didn't happen that way cus he started asking all these question. The thing that came out of my mouth after the twenty questions was "I've got to go" he gave me one of the old hugs (this is gonna sound soppy) the ones that used to make me feel safe (like the one he gave to me in the police station when he got arrested for punching my dad and everyone in the police station was looking at us just standing there hugging as he was talking to me quietly) then this the comment of the day made by me this would have hurt any person who just went through that moment with his ex girlfriend "you do realise this didn't mean a thing yeah" well it wasn't in those exact words (cus' I can't properly remember what I said) but it had that feel to it. His face dropped even I wanted to go "ow that must have hurt "and he was like "yeah..................yeah I knew that, but we can always be friends no harm in that" and I kind of did this little jog down the stairs and he opened the door and I bolted out of there. I was so glad to see the street again, to breathe.

I swear I should put my life on film it would make great viewing. It has more twist and turns than sunset beach, and the relationships always have some fucked up with them.
So when i got home I thought about it cause I bought Celine Dion album falling into you the day before. (the song falling into you was one of me and chris' songs cus I realised he actually owned under all his hard-core rap collection and I put it on, this was before we ever kissed by the end of that day we had. Its the power of that song.) I think buying that cd for 4.99 was warning me something was gonna happen and I was not listening to it which is kind of funny. So anyways yeah we are not back together but hey something about this day has just changed me. I don't know how but I feel different like I love the boy yeah ADMIT I still have feelings for him, but now he falls under the category of ex boyfriend who is now my good friend (hopefully). woohooo.

unspoken suicide

I was looking through some of my computer files and I found this old song I wrote so I'll guess I can put it on here for old time sake. since this day is for looking back on the things that have happened toy ou in the past and a chance to look forward to the future so here it is:

You always wanted so much from me
what I couldn't give
and then you tell me
that I'm inferior
its your way of being manly
slipping away from you
wanting my own revenge
as I see how my life is gonna turn out
being your bitch for eternity

bridge
I wouldn't be able to take that forever
seeing me being your silent puppet
I know you could take it away from me
my life
but I'll take it just to get away from you

all the pain you caused me now
it all stays the same
I screamed out for forgivness to God
taking out my anger
as I slitted
and wrote my suicide note
telling you what I couldn't
speaking out the truth
my unspoken suicide
right infront of you

torment is what you're good at
you know nothing else
it like the devil inside of you
when your deadly hands strike
I hate your prentece world
where we are the best of friends
you show me off
as I sit in silence
contemplating
I'm giving up
I'm at the tip of world
about to fall off
I love you mother
Thank you for keeping me safe

Bridge

Chorus (screaming leads into guitar solo)

Guitar solo

Chorus

so woah unspoken, so unspoken now here's my suicide, time to die, time for you to cry

Sleeping with the dead (unfinished)

Of all the secrets they could keep
They kept this from me
and all my childhood memories
lay somewhere in Heathergreen
Never got to say goodbye to you
Never singing my Amazing Grace
They wont even let me know
Where they laid you
Afraid I might get attached to this place

I'm sleeping with the dead tonight
my only way to find peace
I'm sleeping with the dead tonight
such a bad parting you and me
Traumatic
not enduring
Nothing here left for me
I wanna lay down on the dirt in the dark
crying out my memories

uncles funeral/things that are happening

I can't believe this college wont let me go to my uncles funeral just because I'm a prefect I couldn't care less if I'm a damn prefect! my uncles wishes was that amazing grace would be SUNG AT HIS FUNERAL! either played or sung and I wanted to to be the one to sing now I can't even attend his funeral all I wanna do now is cry!!!!! I mean this school is so fucking unfair. just two seconds ago ash asked me to join his band I'm just afraid! as we all know I'm afraid of playing the guitar infront of other people, I told him I might think on it!lol! but anyways today I'm going shopping with kaz and sufia in camden so we will see how that goes!!!!!

Over you

okay so this was not by me although I wish it was cause my song writing style is a bit what the word....limited. So Ash (kazs Bro) let me put this on here! and I plus I think in someways I think it kinda goes with my whole relationship problems!

Ready to walk another chapter of my life,
Entering the best part, there's enough to realise,
You're clutching on to things
As though you know they've become strange,
Well, open up your eyes,
You'll see it's you that has changed.

So what about you?
Do you really think that I'm a fool?
Believe me, it's true,
I never thought it'd be so cool.
When real lives
Are set to break apart,
I'm out of tries,
When I'm done, I'll leave my mark.

Do you know what it feels like
To lose your everything?
You think that it's easy
To just buy what you wanna be,
You keep lookin' down on the other ones
From your golden futon throne,
Who just wanna' turn the tables,
'Cause it's you that's got it all.

So what about you?
Do you really think that I'm a fool?
Believe me, it's true,
I never thought it'd be so cool.
When real lives
Are now coming to an end,
I'm over you now,
On you, I no longer depend.

[Solo]

So what about you?
Do you still think that I'm a fool?
Believe me, it's true,
I never thought it'd be so cool.
When real lives
Set in stone with broken hearts,
It's time to grow up,
And you'll be the first to start.

So what about you?
Do you still think that I'm a fool?
Believe me, it's true,
I never thought it'd be so cool.
When real lives
Are now set to shatter through,
I'm out of tries,
I gained much more over you.

-By Asher AKA Hyper Shadow

I've done my drama exam at last!!!!

omg there is no feeling like this when you know that this massive huge strain has been weighing you down and you have been thinking about it night after night. It kinda keeps you up. For me it has been this drama exam. I dont know without my mum there it felt like old times when she was to busy to watch any of plays or anything I was in. I guess havign her around at guitar exams and plays felt a little off I am just so used to my friends being there for me cheering me on! I felt kinda complete. So I guess things are practically, turnignt he way they should be with otu my mum screaming out embarressing things like "thats my baby" "lets see anyone do it betterthan her" yes I have actually suffered mymother doing that and guess what I suffered that through my guitar exam and the last play for an exam I had to do "find me". So anyways abotut he play, we did have enough time to do two dress rehearsals we only did like one and sir made us do these excersies to help us with our beathing and voice projection and then we did the cutest thing ever we did a prayer and I guess it helped since the play was excellent and we were so proud of ourselves. I was only dissapointed at myself when I was on stage and I couldn't remeber my monologue,but I decided to chat random crap until I could! oh and yeah the corinne hunt support group this year only consisted of kaz and Asher who were practically cracking up for most it I could hear them. Kaz thought that our play had more meaning and gave a more impact on the audience and then I think yes!!!!!!!! manny was excellent , she was great expecially the hypnotism scene and when she was asking me questions and she said and " you were picking and picking and picking and pick, pick , picking" I was just so wanted to laugh,but of course I couldn't. I don't know normally the death music would make feel sad but some weird happiness came over me knowing that I was nearly finished that the play was over. Kaz said I was great and good, then on the other hand ash (the annoying little fuck number 2 lol just kidding!) said I was crap but hey whatever(and I knew he was joking, but still). I done it and probably dont ever have to think of it again!!! I'm free from drama performances until................summer yey!!!!!!!!!

tomoz I'm going to suffer

okay so yesterday dizzy decided that he would take me for a walk and ran so fast I tripped and fell and bruised my head, got a big lump on my knee and my hands are so sore I'm finding it hard to open doors or get up from the floor (which kaz realised yesterday as she had to help me). so anyways after that I withdrew £10 pounds and blasted it clean and on kfc, cinema and socks. so um tomoz I got my drama exam and I'm scared not to confident in how its turning out but I guess I have to do it!

My uncle died and they hid that he was sick from me!!!

I mean I have this uncle well he wasn't my uncle he was a friend of the family and he died today. I mean my family knew I was close to my uncle and knowone , not one fo those tossers could just say to me your uncle is dying corinne you should go and see him. They thoguht if they told me when he was dead it would be better on me! I've know this guy all my life and then suddenly he is just not there anymore it really does hurt I can't believe they actually did that! when I heard that they did that I threw my phone away from my ear. I was so angry and I was just crying my eyes out. Part of me was hurt and part of me was in grief I just didn't know how to feel! I was just so torn! he always said that if he died he wanted amazing grace sung or played at his funeral..... so i will do every effort for that to happen. I'll probably sing it, but I know I will start crying. I'm emotional like that!! and I have every right to be! imgine the things I could have said sitting by his bedside, so by not letting me see him this condition they said it would keep my good memories of him. what crap. I remember when I was younger it was my tenth birthday and I realised my uncle hadn't arrived yet so I went to go and look for him. Little did I know my parents were looking for me and when I was at his house for an hour and he was singing happy birthday to me and stuff and when I got back to my party my parents went mad and I said I was just at uncles house and smiled at them. I swear I had more fun at my uncles house than I had at my party! I'M GONNA MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!! *R.I.P UNCLE RALPH*

what a lying cheating little skank!

okay so I'm writing a diary entry full of venom but not enough of it to fill the page. I found out that my friends boyfriend has slept with his ex girlfriend and low and behold she still loves him (well she would cus she didn't know about this) but it just really bad how she thinks the world of him and still he does this to her! she has trust issue that I already know abotu but does he really have to go and prove her right I only know this info because his own bestfriend cant keep his mouth shut, but I jsut think this is wrong and I wanna tell I do but everyone is telling me that I shoudln't and its killing me. Also chantell told me and kaz to come along with her to go and see her boyfriend so many lies were told in those tqo hours I was surprised. e.g alex said he was in france to chantell and then said he hadn't gone yet. he also said that he was going to buy a house in janurary and thats the same time he said he was goign to go back to BRAZIL (yeah right like he actually comes from that country cus he has said so many others ) he asked chantell if she was a virgin although chantell said that she had slept with alex (in her dreams) and alex kissed me on my neck and rubbed my back. can I just express the feelings of my sick coming up through my throat and possibly on the pavement! I tried washing my neck it will never leave me it haunts me his lips pressed against my neck! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

hey guys .........chatroom!!!!

made a new chat room and really its nothing special! just somewhere to hang!


My Chat Room

my banner thingys

I was actually quite proud of myself for doing this I actually thought I did a great job! lol! although its a bit plain I thought hey why not make a banner!

History In our hands

History's silent litany of suffering may yet be heard in whispers, between the echoing footsteps in an empty museum. The voices of many a Laban, hans or Boris might still be heard in dusty exhibits of discerned, throguh suffocated between the pages of a closed history book.

To the hand reaching out, searching perhaps for some connection, we say

"Do not touch the exhibit!!!!!!!"

Objectivity? A studied Detachment? Is this the nature of historical truth? or we nearly protect ourselves from seeing in the past a reflection of our own Times? Its Time to close. Good night. sleep...........Well.

Fading Sing

Verus:
These lonely walls
Trap me in
showing blood stains
run down them
and it enscribes your name
every memory I seek
is in the depths of me
I write them
trying to grasp what I have left of you
but you're fading
eventhoguh I protest I'm losing you

Chrous:

Come to me
From the side of my brain you hide
sing to me
the song grocki
Losing more souls tonight
I've seen you dissapear once
not gonna let it happen again
I buried you and you laythere
But your memory will always sing

sing on sing a song x2


Verse:
What do I have left
that isn'y already gone
Mama tells me to move on
without your is like a coma patient
fighting for air drowned in a deep sleep
everything about you gives me oxygen
giving me air to breathe

the beginning of my week

well this week is turning out to be very eventful I mean we played this really funny prank on phillip me kaz were pretending to be practically two busty blondes maria and leanne over the phone and he fell for it, it was soooooo funny! anyways today I came in to school with a note in hand and everything and me thinking maybe you know that awful shit of a woman miss hicks would let it go that I was late today because I never had enough money to get a bus pass and I was sick yesterday! but no low and behold she brings world war three at me and I brought it right back! I called her egotistical and I said half of her form thought so! I also told her she was not mature and that she frankily needed to get a life. I also told her she had issues and that she was really sarcastic. I was really proud of myself! lol! I was, I mean I walked out of there having a real impact on her head that her whole form class hate her, which they do! *SINGS* hahahahahaha bitch you got it, you got it , you really really got it. she got the corinne hunt special lol! dosage is deadly! lol! anyways got nothing else to really talk about and I'm already pissed off I really dont want to make myself more aggitated I'll see you later!

My Saturday

-
On the Saturday I went to nandos with char, kaz, ash and kaz and ashs little cousin Gabrielle. I remember her from when she fell over and hurt herself when she was trying to show off when we went bomfire night lol! but anyways as such nights or any meeting that happen recently they have always started with complications or the brother and sister (ash and kaz) having an argument this normally goes on for about and hour maybe two hours if the matter is really serious! but sometimes it gets jarring and they know this but still they carry on! This time it was about dizzy (kaz's dog) and her not wanting to go home alone! the only problem is that dizzy has a really annoying mind of his own which means like when you take him for a walk its more like he is walking you, and has a tendancy of ripping things (e.g. karlis wallpaper) but other than that he is just a sweet doberman!
-



So cus ash didn't want dizzy to rip up his stuff, he was angry that kaz brought the dog in the first place so here we stood for about five hours (okay over exaggeration)about half an hour having this debate about where the dog should go! so finally it was agreed that the dog would be taken to ashers house and put him in the bedroom! (by this time asher was in one of those annoying bad moods which always happen to be taken out on me)*poor me* so anyways we finally got nandos all in bad moods except charlotte and gabrielle who had no clue what was actually go on! But I asked why the table was so quiet me being the pacifist of the group I tried to make us talk to eachother. I can't remember what comment asher made but I snapped at him! I was just really annoyed by that point and really pissed off it took me a while to calm down again! that's normally not me!

so anyways after spending about and hours with eachother we were back on good terms and went to the moblie phone shop across the road. This is the shop where my friend sufia is normally eye raped by the horny guys that lie within this shop but for some reason they had an attraction to me! two of them!!!! arrrrggggh!!!!!! I asked to ash to help me as one was talking to me he put his arm around me! and you could see the guy shooting daggers at asher it was quite funny! yeah and the doctor dre look alike that might have gone on slim fast was just still looking at me! but it was alright least they weren't going to ask me for my number. So big thanks to ash!!!!!!!! but he really embarresed me on the bus it was so funny and people were talking about it on the bus but it was soooooooo funny! he decided that he would just run after the bus and shouting noooooooo|!!!!!! I just hid my face in my hands!!!!

my mum also went to france she looked like she had a great day away from my dad, which is good shame I didn't get the same treatment!! lol! anyways I'm in school now and I got dramam next so I gotta go!

found out that men can still lie to their girlfriends faces

We'll I got a friend lets name no names but if she reads this she'l know it was her I am talking about that has a boyfriend really cool guy as well, treats her remotey good (as she says) and is just great but some information I found out that just makes me wonder about mr Perfect boyfriend his bestfriend who he works with has had a child but not only was his bestfriend sleeping with this girl but my friends boyfriend was too so none of them actually know who the baby belongs to! I really wanna say something to my friend but I dont want to hear 2 years later about how she had a good thing going on with this guy and then he dumped her! and I hate being the bringer of bad news which is just me on the whole really but I really dont know what to do I'm realy lost I wish someone for once at least read this blog and told me how I could solve this!

Today jasmine came into visit shes been a bit, and I say a bit distant but I understand totally about the stress of university and stuff and the piles of work that has to be done but I just dont like the fact that hardly any of us get to eachother again I mean I have gotten used to fact that we are no longer you know at the same school going through the same things and many of us has just split and we need to adjust. but I miss having that familiarity where I can just kick back and say "yeah I have a group of friends which understand me and I can sit and joke with and be totally myself!" I can only do that when I'm at kazs house and I guess in school I have to act more sensible because everyone is acting urban" (kind word for black) I am black too but you dont exactly here me going "yeah blood, no blood, dats heavy" and waking down peckham high street with hair gelled so tightly down to my face. I hate it, I hate school and I'm starting to hate london! I think I'm gonna move out of this pace if this continues I swear sometimes they think they come from america! what was it two days ago I was goingt o kaz's it was freezing cold and there was this boy and a basketball jersey no jacket on, noe sleeves and the matching short on as wel with trainers I was thinking what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like not hot you know!!!!!!! but hey thats life you can't tell anyone what to do and the same with others to me!!!!!!!!!!!

And So It Goes On

And so it Goes on so what can I do to make you change your mind
to make your words sting less

as they have clouded my judgement

Its like you scrached me with them

Engraved me with the dirtiest blade you could find

your words

your words haunt me because I know they are true

"whatever you touch goes bad"

I try to block them out trying to rememeber that life goes on

"It'll probably effect your kids"

But there is not a day in my mind that doesn't revert

Turn back and look and see the damage I have caused

So dangerous

so Elicit

so painful

But still I sit eagerly

waiting until your life is at the tip of the knife

will you take it all back in your last breaths

could you bear to take your hatred for me to your grave

cause what choice you make determins where you go

and if life as I live it and you dont say

life will go on for some

but enternal burn for others

da Gig was good , life is good until I got to school lol!!!!!

So on sat I went to the most wildest and craziest mosh pit in my life when I mean crazy people were faling over left, right and center and I was being held by this really friendly guy! who was named mel he was a bit easy on the eyes as well! well I went with kaz (best friend) her bro asher (ash for short),martha (girl we were trying to set ash up with didn't quite work tho),georgie (poor guy who just wanted to go to a spunge concert and ashers friend),Thomas (cool dude a bit crazy left very early) and last but not least ZAK (which martha ended up liking which in truth has a girlfriend hiding in blackpool) so as you can imagine it was a very eventful evening of her trying to be the main center of the guys and good old ash wasn't falling for it although he was clearly upset! but first we got a bollocking off him where he snapped at me that I was so angry at him I wasn't talking to him for the whole bus ride there but oh well!!!!!!!!!! so anyways we got there and the place was small but when you there on the floor it was great! we dancing around having a great time and just waiting until spunge got on! are tactic was to get to the front so they all decided they were gonna push me into everybody so they could be a clear path! for us to get to the front unfortuantly that didn't quite go our way we ended up close but not that close to the front! so we were all dancing together! and being pushed on the floor drinks being handed out crowds carrying people over their heads it was one crazy night!!!!!!!

but then I wake up on monday morning all my muscles groups are hurting and I go to school and find out have a detention great more trouble and my teachers didn't appreciate that I left school early becuase I was bored! well I guess my life and school will never change!

hello world, hello spunge gig

-
on saturday I'm going to see them live in concert and I'm actually a bit excited cus the whole gang is going and its going to be funa and we are trying to set up my friends brother with a friend of ours and it going to be so cute since they are always like talking to eachother it like soooo cute! I really can't wait any longer but my dad is trying to not let me go on saturday morning I'm waking up bright early morning and walking out of my house in my gothic gear this should be fun!

Raising for breast cancer goes wrong and I got stabbed in the back!

well 3 weeks ago I thought of something great, something that would make breast cancer be known in my sixth-form and I thought that if I made an idea in my school I might at least be recognised for my work! So I preceded with my ideas since my aunt had breast cancer! and there was a promotion in Britain tio wear pink on that day! we wouldn't be in school that time so I decided that we should make it to the last day of term! little did I know I let a few people in on my ideas one o fthem being jenny udoh! she said of course we would keep on a hush hush before the week before little did I know she was trying to get credit for my brilliant thinking and brain work and of course my planning!

Trusting her I sadi alright by this time she had told everyone about the day, claimed it was her idea and took it to miss bishop whi announced that her brillinat work and ideas have pushed this sixth form forward. so once agin I'm left int eh dust and no mention of me no just jenny! jeenys great idea to wear pink and raise money, jeenys great idea......

I was my idea and it was snuffed from me taken!!!!!!!
not that I wanted to be well credited for it I just wanted to leave a mark, something that was entierly just me! but I guess that would never happen now because she already got the credit who will believe me!!!!!

The light

The lights flicker
an untimely circumstance
reminding you what you had faced once
knowing what you did to yourself
the gurney pulled
chatter all around you
you bleed
not only from your wrists
but your organs
dripping
spilling your secrets
all over the marbled floor.
what started as an ambition
turns out to be reality.
Those eyes
grogilly
dropping in out of conciousness.
As your mind fades
Into the pit of the dark thoughts it came from
slipping
showing no fear
no remorse
for what you had done

Everypart of your being
Slowing down as you can
hear the last beats of your heart
like an execution drum.
But the light still stays
it still shines
you wonder why
until you hear

"she's back"


and you realise
you're alive
patched up ready to go home
looking back you
hope silebtly to yourself
that it will fade out one day