what is the meaning of love!

I am really confused, I'm not gonna say what about because I know it will just start up problems and frankily I am fed up of problems. Then other people will get involved and I'm just you know gonna shut up now because I think I like it when I am not being shouted and screamed at. Also Jay and Sufia had a long convo about this earlier and they were saying how they feel and that they dislike and can't stand the person in question, because of what the signs point to. I am trying to ignore them right now. But I know what I have to do soon, because I am getting fed up of the problems and stuff.

But yeah has been a an alrighty day just talking about who wants to screw me wither Jay or alan it was really sick convo

alan says:
i would play with corrinie

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hey Alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:

alan says:
sorry to hear that
alan says:
hey j
alan says:

My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
you're sorry to hear about me
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:

~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
but you know what I don't care anymore alan I really don't
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
She does
alan says:

~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
No I don't
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wish he would fly off a cliff
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't think he can fly dear
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Anyway how're you dear beloved Alan
alan says:

alan says:
lol
alan says:
not bad i guess thanks
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
gooody
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I'm in a strange mood
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hyper
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
what she means by hyper is that she means she's horny
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Bitch
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I am not repeat not horney
alan says:
im horny
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I'm just laying all your shit bare today aren't I
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
ok maybe a little
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
told you, she wants you alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
yes you are laying it all bear any other life long secretes you'd like to share with the world
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Alan you're always horney
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
Yeah I would like to share that you think dwaine is hot
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I have never ever said that in my life!!!
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
yeah right
alan says:

~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you think he's short style matches with yours
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Why would I say that he is not my type and you know it
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and that you want to screw him on Kaz's bed aint that what you said
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Yeah I fancy every person under 5foot 5
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I realised
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Nah, there is someone I'd like to screw but not on Kaz's bed
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
who would you like to screw tell meh
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
please
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
alan says:

alan says:

alan says:
lol
alan says:
honesty
alan says:

~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
lol! yeay I am play with material
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*woots*
alan says:
lol
alan says:
yep
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
You can't have her I want her
alan says:
can i wach
alan says:
tho
alan says:

My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Maybe if you're a really really good boy
alan says:

alan says:
im always good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Really?
alan says:
yep
alan says:
lo
alan says:
lol
alan says:
i take it kaz still aint got net working
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
How good is good babe
alan says:
did she ring bt?
alan says:
like 99% good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
nah still no net
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't know
alan says:
lol
alan says:
that s
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
she did ring though
alan says:
look at these
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
*purs in Alans ear* I like
alan says:
what they say?
alan says:
lol
alan says:
purs back
alan says:

~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wanna purr *sad face*
alan says:

My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
We'll be very happy for you to pur with us
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
can't see it for some reason alan
alan says:
come here corinie
alan says:
u can ill make u
alan says:
lol
alan says:
realy cant see them
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Make her what?
alan says:

alan says:
what comes up then?
alan says:
erm pur
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
we can see it now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
alan you are sick
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I can see one of them now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and the woman is sahking her ass
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
One mans sick is another mans nice
alan says:
cool
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*shaking
alan says:

alan says:

alan says:
lol
alan says:

alan says:

alan says:

~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you got a running Kasumi
alan says:

alan says:
whats that?
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Do you just have like porn filled on your PC
alan says:
mabe
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Don't like the one with the woman shaking her breasts they look a bit icky
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
um this chick in a game
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
That's OK so do I
alan says:
but thats not porn
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:

alan says:
like emotions
alan says:
things
alan says:
lol
alan says:

alan says:
like that

I loved this convo I just had to put it on display some where and why not here you know lol! anyway guys my net time is running out so SEE YA XX

*in weird alex voice* Your baby is fine!!!

so News about my life lets see....hmmmm......

I have actually got a new skirt *people start fainting* *gasps all around* okay, okay I got the point it aint that bad. Its a gypsy skirt long and black. Fuck summer I don't care if the colour black attracts sunlight and heat. Its a colour that I love, adore and must wear.

At the moment I am quite bored and nobody is helping with the process of me not being bored listening to Brooke Fraser - lifeline. I think its a good song its sounds a bit like delta goodrem, I know, bad music taste... leave me.

um what has happened to me over the past few days.

+ I drank alcohol *SLAPS HAND* but... I didn't drink to get drunk although I was quite typsy at one point when char wanted to go to the chicken place and mark didn't want us to go alone. I told him I was *coughsobercough* I kinda lied.

+ I got whooped, when I mean whooped, I mean whooped at dead or alive 2 by none other than Mark (damn him) need to kick his ass. He wont let it drop. So I must take that smug grin of his face (breathe corinne breathe)

+ Azera and Jasmine Met each other for the first time. Lets just say Azera found out about Jay being bi and asked me does she like me because I would rather cheat on my fiancee with a woman rather than a male. I was like Okay then. But they looked like they got on very good.

+ mum lost my script for my drama exam tomoz *cries*

+ its my bro's b-day today, and I haven't wished him happy birthday. so.... Happy 24th Birthday Thomas *claps*

+ I have to testify at my dad's court case soon, quite scared. Hate being under pressure.

+ found out that I wasted two hours of my time on friday, even though alex hassell was in that play and he looked great (as ever usual)it was quite boring version of the tempest and sir knew it was crap but made us watch it in the heat, at the globe theatre. May I add that there was people collapsing around us like flies because of the heat. I was freaking out.

+ Charlotte so still likes mark. It was so bait on friday. let me not further explain. He thinks sufie is pretty. oooh he's in trouble he likes the two ball breakers of the group.

+ sufie just found out and is gonna play bitch for just one day. ah, its good to see my friends striving to be bitches lol!

+ oh and I broke my task that I promised to Tim I wouldn't do. Sorry *laughs*

So I think that's it got nothing left to say except I have to plague this school tomoz I mean it leave my mark. I don't put tissue paper everywhere, write my name on every board in the school. walk into my exam stark nekked I dunno but I have to do something lol!!!! anyways guys I'm gone for the day see ya!!!

Speak to me, in the words of ENGLISH?!!!

Hey guys, well today someone didn't know how much to pay on the bus in english so I came on the bus and realised he was talking french so here he is speaking french yeah to me, and I'm understanding him. So there I am talking to him and then he starts speaking stuff worng, now I've been doing french for how long and it happens to be a part of the second language I speak but come on, it was really bad so I was wondering if he was doing this to get out from paying cus the bus driver was getting really annoyed. and the bus driver let him go through it was later on that it was confirmed to me that he was lying cus his phone rang and he picked up speaking in a perfect english accent I just had to laugh. I spent my time trying to do that to help the guy and he did that.

Um only got two minutes left at the net cafe so I gotta type really fast.

actually I better say bye and continue this entry another day. byexxxxx

Cordie xanax smoking barrels all the way to the bank baby! *smiles*

well this week is becoming quite a good week well all is good so far. well yesterday I went on a little shopping spree with Kaz. Not that it was completely fun cus I was in the sweltering heat, and Kaz trying on random clothes while I had to guess if the fit me or not because her lack of waiting time. I don't take that long. So right now I am actually at college (actually the prison hole) I had to see mr J today about my 2.30hr exam I have to do on Tuesday. He just wanted to go over a few stuff alone with me 'cus I haven't been ablr to make it down from my new abode to school. So I came in after he made a phone call to me at 1'o clock at night. I mean, what teacher calls their student at 1 in the night to talk to them about coming into school.
So I drag myself to school not willingly but I had to.]

Got there and I walk in and there is Mr J with papers beyond papers of stuff that I have to learn for Tuesday, its seems too easy this exam does. It even seems more easier than my As levels, which just shouldn't be the case.

Everything seems to be settling into place, I am gaining purpose again and my mind aint so muddled anymore. Minus a few things, but those will be cleared up soon, and this court case I have to go through. Gonna need all my friends for this one, and my boyfriend, that's if he doesn't hate me too much by now. lol! actually that's not even funny its just simply the truth.

For a couple of weeks or to put more thought into it three months I have been in this twisted way, where I was actually losing myself. Everyone started to notice Iwas acting differently, but I am becoming myself again. I think I need to get some closure on a few things and hopefully, the old cordie will be back *smiles*. I just want to thank all the people who told me never to give up on myself or things that I was doing.... you all know who you are!

Um so much has been going on at Kaz's for the past few months.. I've become to queen of need for speed and Dead or Alive (I knew that one already) but yeah Jay brought the game over, because she knows I love the game to death! for what reason I don't know, I just do. Poor Alan got punched by annoying and always drunk lenny. Um Kaz has managed to break her bathroom door *does a little laugh* Charlotte and Mark have fallen out (not good) Sufie has fallen out with Kaz (not good either) Um martha has finally fucked off (I'm happy, that's one good piece of new I can tell you that)
yeah and just basic stuff that would be entertaining to anyone who went around there. I swear everyday brings a new exciting problem. Nah, just kidding, But alot of stuff does happen in that one house, it makes me laugh at times.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys, Azera, 'aka' Martha number 2 has been stalking me, yes stalking me and I am not exaggerating as sometimes I do. Like on saturday I told Azera I was going to see my dad and then go to peckham and see some friends. She asked me where my friends lived, so I went unwillingly to my dad's house and then down to peckham and where was Azera waiting outside of the ABC pharmacy. My eyes widened and she was like I was waiting for you where have you been and followed me to Kaz's house. Then she said to me "your friends are gonna hate me" I asked "why?" she answered "because I am going to take you away from all of them" I was like okay then.... freak......stalker.... someone,anyone....help!
Does anyone have any Martha repellant spray? if they have can I borrow some.

its on its way, happiness starts from today.

Today, I am better. Yey, happiness. God I really have to stay less from depressed for more than a week. Its tiering,l stupid and frankily I think its caused by more hormones going on a stupid, crazy thing. I don't want to explain. Its disagusting and I don't think the male readers of this blog would appreciate it.

So yeah I am happier today, minus I notice that me being happy normal has that effect that everyone around me becomes argumentative, sad and frankily just annyoing. Take for instance Kaz and Dwaine are arguing for what reason you ask... I don't know. So there is alot of storming around the room. Alot of childish behaviour. Not that I mean it in a bad way, I just think there is a way to avoid all this but ah well its just my htoughts on the matter and my thoughts aint really great 'cus I have my own problems in that department.

So I found out today that I am getting new guitar stuff, which is just yey. What new guitar stuff? New songs books, new guitar strap and since my cousin has got my electric gutiar and refuses to give it back. I might get a new Guitar *woots* I love my aunt, she sees a black person in need and tries to help them.

My dad found out that my mum is taking him to court, is he scared hell yeah. Do you know why because there is every chance that he could spend up to 5 years in prison and for the time that he has been abusing all of us, in my eyes it aint enough. I hate that he still plague s my life even if I'm not in his care anymore I feel the need to talk about him. I don't know why. I don't think about him, I mean why should I? but there are times when a convo aint the same without me mentioning his name you know? *looks at everyone reading this, as they don't understand* ah don't worry.

I must state this alan calls up today and states I got laid I was like uh by that mother chick yeah he was like yeah. You can just imagine him smiling from ear to ear. lol! and then he says if you stick me in a room with charlotte and a few others that will also make me very happy.

May I state this here Jason is a prick. Okay moving on.

How can we raise around 200 hundred quid in 8 days. hmm maybe I should put up a pay pal donations site thing to help children who need to pay really expensive telephone bills and then hire hitmen to kill Jason. I find it seems resonable.

Just spoke to ash on the phone apparently I was rude, I didn't mean it in that way I was just really busy with requests from people coming out of my ears and plus I was helping tim

Pay me a price to killl myself and I will gladly accept!

Okay yesterday I actually said some really cruel things about people and stuff in this blog, I know it offended some people and guaranteed to because of its content. like I said I say stuff cus I know I can hurt people, I happen to do it when I am annoyed and upset. Such as how I did with chantell a few days ago when she called me a cow and said I dress and look like a boy then I said back to her "excuse me you're more like to be mistaken for guy since your tits are like non existant" she started calling me all this stuff and I kept on calling her a transexual. I am so mean. I hate myself, I hate that I do this to people. I am a minipulative little cow. I know how to get to people and how they work!!!! (yeah right) But its true I always learn peoples personalities and the ones that I don't like I use it like a natural bitch and use their weaknesses against them. I disgust myself, that's why when people say I'm cute, I'm sweet and stuff I feel differently. I'm just a cold hearted bitch, a psychotic cold hearted bitch. I really don't know what has brought this on maybe its my inability to feel happy within myself recently. Great, I'm back to doing the Mallory statements again. fuck it. what can I say but I make people unhappy maybe I should stay away or disassociate myself from everyone, then maybe I won't feel like I am hurting them or manipulating them, just like my dad says I do. That guy has really screwed me up put all these words and sayings into my head that I can't erase. Like when he found out before when I was dating chris he called me a whore and a user and maybe I am only with him to feel safe within myself and maybe he was right. Maybe I am this horrible chick that always uses people or maybe I am a hoe just like he said. Shut up cordie you are no hoe you don't date around and you haven't kissed all the guys that you know. I feel that because he has embedded these things within me, that they are true. My mum keps on telling me not to listen not to take notice, but I can't help it I just do. okay guys that's enough of my bordeline pissed off and depressed talk. time to talk love

I think I may have a new quest on my hands but the point is I can't follow it through...why you all ask? cause it involves my baby sufie. As we all know Sufia (Nickname sufie) is muslim and can't persue any relationships because she will be arranged marriaged. Kinda like me, except for I am not gonna let my dad choose a husband for me
.it aint happening. Oh before you all are wondering, I am not muslim lol! its just culture. So anyway, yeah mark has admitted to having likings for sufia which I think is yippie. BUT come on we have been over this which guy in there right mind wouldn't be attracted to the chick she's skinny, beautiful,has one of the most gorgeous singing voices ever and can be just like one of the guys. In some ways sufie said she used to feel a bit like my apprentice but lord knows she has blossomed alot more better than I have. so anyways I wanna play flirt maker cus its not like I can actually play match maker can I? but they have the same interests and stuff. but what I have learnt is that just because you have the same interests, doesn't mean that you are great for eachother trust me I KNOW!!! gonna also collaborate with sufie on guitar and drums and its a song thats she made so yeah it shall be fun working with sufie is always a laugh minus when she gets all deadlinie on me. lol!

I am actually typing this in the dark because my room mate or martha number 2 wants to go to sleep so when I wanna go to sleep she is keeping me up until all times in the morning. but when she wants to go to sleep its lights off everyone. urgh god why do you torture me this way. I tried to get away from annoying people such as my father and instead of giving me some nice, considerate, sane and understanding person you gave me the black version to martha. Do wanna know what this chick is all about she sleeps around just like martha,
she has imaginary relationships just like martha. she got pregnant for her current boyfriend after knowing him for a month and a half. She was known as a hoe ..wait a second just like martha. Is paranoid. Keeps on having conversations to me about constantly herself and when I try to say anything its like she cuts me out even when I am trying to giver her advice in one ear out the other. She nick my clothes without warning. I come home to no food because her and her pregnant self have cleaned out all of the shelves. Sorry I didin't ask her to get pregnant at the age of 17 and stop doing her exams because of it so don't keep me up hours before I do my own. *screams* Okay I think I'm done screaming. Looking at the beginning of this entry I was feeling annoyed at myself, a bit depressed and slightly sad, but now I feel better. Alot better infact I am all smiles again.

Things I have to do tommorrow
go out to the post office with azera (oh yey joy)
go to drama at 11
maybe go to Kaz's (might decided against that. I'll explain below)
practise some chords and do some improvisation (need to practice)
cook dinner (that's if anything will be left in the cupboards lol)
finish reading my book and go to bed

(ooh aint my day interesting lol!)

I'm thinking about lessning the time I spend at Kaz's house because I realise that it is like I am freeloading the place she said it yesterday, but it felt like it was being directed at me. Cause I do freeload off her I am always there I try to come with my own money to buy food while I am there but she always happens to go through my bag takes my stuff and then doesn't know where she put it e.g. what happened with my pound. so I feel like I am becoming martha I am always there always getting on her nerves always in her face so maybe I should you know piss off and let her spend some time with Dwaine and stuff and just stay at home, which is actually something I am considering doing from next week. You know getting a little me time in as well, haven't been alone in a while it would be great and not having people analysing me constantly with what I do and when I do it and how to bahave around bestfriends, ex boyfriends, current boyfriend , family etc etc. so yeah from next week I am gonna be a very distant Cordie.

Okay so I am done for the night gonna get some sleep cus its like nearly three in the morning and I'm going to have to have alot of strength if I am dealing with you know who frst thing in the morning lol! see you guys LATER!!

10 minutes after I worte that: the bitch broke my chain I can't belive it, she broke my chain. she got into a fight with me and pulled it in two. I want to cry. Ash gave that to me and she broke it and nearly broke my laptop too. Thank god that punch around her face affected her lol! Kaz doesn't think I'm upset enough but if she saw me last night I was all crying and upset trying to fix it. I might as well still wear the pendant but in a different chain. I'm officially done.

*american accent* Am I Just the dirt that you walk on?

well today is an alright day nothing really annoying me at the mo, just worried about some of the exams I am taking. Not stressed, which is a quite a surprising, although when it normally comes to exams I am laid back and just take them as I come. I don't know I can't do the whole I'm shutting the world out and be stressing over it, because after the exams and you have the whole waiting period for the results you will wanna kill yourself so after they are done I just let them go. Its the only thing you can do really. Look at me going on like I am the exam expert.

Um we had a Dead or Alive tornament yesterday it was fun and stuff. I had fun for once and I was getting my ass whopped by dwayne because he learnt how to use Ein and was beating up everyone. Of course I had control in the beginnning, because come on its me, me and Kasumi are a team, we just rock together. We had another play around today it was a bit easier 'cause there was no cheating and stuff.

Went to see my dad on sunday too, I was so annoyed that he starting telling his lies to Jasmine too. I was upset stading there and hearing him talking about how he didn't do this and didn't do that! I was so annoyed that he was trying to get to Jasmine trying to get people on his side like he has been trying to get everyone on his side while my mother sits there bruised and battered and while he lives with his nice house and sky tv and telephone, while she lives in a smalll shelter room. I wish people would understand how I feel you know maybe it be just a teeny bit easier on me and have more people to talk to about my situation. I know I have friends with me and that they care for me and stuff but for people just don't get it, I can't be all happy and hunky dory all the time, with the things that happen in my life. I know that's the kind of person I used to be compressing my feelings always being happy, but I can't do that no more its just coming to the surface right now and I don't know how to control it.

I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry infront of you - Avril Lavigne


gotta go now just had an argument with Kaz about myself and stuff and because she's hjad an argument with dwayne and stuff she is taking it out on me its funny how everyone always takes shit out on me my mum dad, brother, Kaz, Ash and Tim. its just great aint it just fucking great I'm wanna leave now, because I'm fed up of being everybody's escape goat when they need to take out they inside frustrations.

_5minutes of calm down time_

Okay I'm sorry for what I said above, very stressed and didn't mean just wrote it because I am not my inner feelings I just have a ting that I can hurt people with my words and stuff. I'm sorry everyone. I'm fucked up why am I so fucked. Oh great Martha's here now which makes it better me and sufia are planning to take off right now. 'cus its like 07 minutes past ten.

Um oh I got a picture of martha number 2 this girl jacks all my shit and then keeps me up until 5 in the morning talking about the same issues she did yesterday night lol! so here the pictures>>>>>>> Pic

see ya guys xxx

Inhaling is really bad

so yep its a friday night at Kaz's house. Yep, you've heard of those nights, they are constantly and mostly the highlight of the week. But I can't breathe, lol! what do I mean by that you ask? I am a getting cigarette smoke from every direction, not good when you have athsma! so right now my lungs are doing that lovely tightening feeling they like to do so much.

We are sitting here basically drinking. I ended my 5 weeks no drinking thingy with a drink today being forced down my throat, by none other than Char and Kaz. Right now char is being a bit violent and dwayne is doing his slight raping thing on her too. I don't think Kaz is too impressed. Plus, I look very ugly right now since Kaz, decided to take my earrings so therefore the uglyness occures. Its very bad. I think i look ugly without earrings, what its just my little theroy. Leave me. Well its not I exactly like I look too hot at the moment, with my dirty trousers and my crappy and cheap 2 shirts in one top. Yeah, oh and don't foregt the dry lips. lol!

When we have char on the other hand who is is in a short skirt and a nice bordot top. Can I just say I feel crap in comparison. Yeppers, feel crappy.

so anyway I gotta go because I am now being forced to go to ashers, well not entirely forced because I don't mind but yeah you get the whole factor where I am tired and had a five hour exam its getting to me now. It really is getting to me. see ya guys

Stupid Cordie! Stupid, stupid cordie.

So yesterday I let a very important secret out of the bag. I mean, I was doing so well. I have been keeping alot of my secrets and other people's very well. I was very trustworthy and very good, then I spoilt it. Lets just say, I could split a family, a relationship, making kids no longer have a father. I mean what kind of person am I to let that slip. I seriously feel like killing myself so I am not blamed. I know I should blame myself, but I am scared. Plus, I know I am about to fuck up some of my friends lives. Omg, Omg, Omg.

I have a drama exam today, Oh fun. I am a bit nervous to do it but I think I'll be alright. I haven't written notes yet so that I can take into the exam. Dont shake your heads at me, I'll do eventually before this afternoon *smiles*. Wish me goodluck guys I am really gonna need it, in both cases.

I feel so annoyed at myself for letting stuff slip out of my big trap of a mouth. I am really depressed now, Kaz and jay thought I was joking I seriously wanna hang myself from the nearest tree. How about if I stuff cotton down my throat maybe that could work too. I mean, no one is gonna miss me if I died, NO ONE!!! They would probably be sad for two seconds and then so oh well bye then.

I'm gonna go and commit suicide or something or the other. (nah really I gotta go and do notes for my exam) see ya *waves*

Entries of daily struggle

Well I'm in my shelter placement and I am kind of tired and upset. I miss home I miss having certain access to stuff such as a KEBAB shop there isn't a kebab shop anywhere around here I know that make me sound like a person obsessed with food but I need a kebab once in a while to function (oh great I sound like Philip) but I miss everyone too. I miss being able to walk down to peck ham or east street and go to peacocks they have like no where like that here I see like weird shops like MacKay's and stuff.

Good point this week though I spotted a net café. Yep which means I can go there to go on the net and talk to all my contacts and finish Tim's Template. Talked to char this morning she was going to visit Joe (yeah I will further on that story later on.)

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to Kaz although I would try to be over on Monday. Everyone is going on like I live far away I just don't live in the place I used to and can access places I could before just by walking. When I update this onto the blog it's probably be quite an old entry because I don't know when I will be able to access the internet. Just listening to clips of James Blunts album sounds alright.

Also watching Joey quite a funny episode, my mum has just called me wondering how I am. She cares, I know she does and she is not happy about the situations she is in and misses the safe (quite unsafe in my eyes) but yeah the familiarity of home. I know she feels less of a mother but personally I think she is the strongest person I have ever known and I know she loves the familiarity of home and the area, but I guess me and her are going to have to get used to what is going on and just settle in. They still haven't decided what they are going to do with me yet. I have to wait until Monday for another meeting. They don't want to keep me here because of my age and think that I might bring males in the shelter. Number 1. I am no Hoe I don't go on the street and bring in random men. Number 2. I have a boyfriend, which right at this particular moment I miss, Love you Ash! Mwah (oh cheesy me). Number 3. what guy would want me after first sight on the street.

Lol on the street when I was on the way to Kaz's on Friday I was waiting at the bus stop waiting for the bus that like never comes and it's the only one to take me to Peckham. So there was like a bunch of boys on bikes going past coming down the road and I was like standing there like what do they think this is the London version of Biker boys or something are that they are on the Bronx streets. So I'm standing there just minding my own business, these boys must have clocked me from far away, because they all stopped. I wasa thinking "oh shit, this is not my normal area I don't know what to do" Then this one had the cheek to just say to "digits" I was so surprised about it. This boy must have thought he was hot because he infront of all of his friends just comes out with "digits" like I was going to give them to him or something, not even asking (not that it would be given) but yeah stating that I must and have no choice. I just looked at him and said " you better continue down that road" he just laughed and started riding off and his friends joined rode off behind him. Honestly I was shocked about the rudeness. Oh because I have tons and tons of black boys here on a bike with me you must say yes *laughs*.

I so miss home and stuff I mean I don't miss the house so much. I miss having my own space where I know I can put something somewhere and it won't move and I wasn't living out of bags and I had my double bed and wasn't confined to a single bed. cries I wish he could just leave to go to st.lucia and leave the house for me and my mum. I took some pictures of my mums bruises to prove what I am about to say right now in the next paragraph.

My dad is a lying little shit of this earth and I hate his guts. I really can't stand him and now that I am away from him I still like he plagues my life, he is everywhere I turn and I wish I could just erase him. I know that people say I should be grateful I had a dad because there are some who really want one and stuff but Ii don't want mine. I don't wanna be associated with him. Do you know why I say my dad is a liar because you know that on that Wednesday morning, when I found that my dad beat up my mum. He said that she slapped him, so why would she slap him, if you know my mum she is such a passive and spiritual person she wouldn't slap him or anything like that. Even when she is getting punched she won't relatiate or anything she would just lie there and take it, unlike me that is why she is always saying that I am like my dad, which is an insult , but anyway. This disgusting excuse for a man has been going round to not only his family, but my mums family and her friends, telling them that she slapped him and that he slapped her and she fell and that's all that happened. That I brought around friends to beat him up. The lies that I have heard about already. I hope he enjoyed seeing my face the other day cause that was the last time he was going to see it. Oh the best bit about all his lies was he went to the same people that he didn't like my mums church and told them what happened too. Guess what Mr. joseph came by when we were leaving and started saying stuff to my mum so he actually listened to what my dad is saying. Why is everyone believing the lies that is coming out of the fat trollops mouth. He lies too well for his won good. All this crap is affecting my mum cause when she thought she would leave and that would be the last of him trying to destroy her and hurt her he is going around spreading rumors about us. I'll have to finish this later since the my room wants to go to bed see you guys laterXX

Btw we changed the password to martha's msn account and yada yada yada. and Kaz can't be bothered to come outside cause she thinks she looks UGLY yeah right she looks every ugly. I don't even know why I bother sometimes my breath is just wasted. So yeah I'M DONE NOW

Oh pictures of where I live now my bedroom and kicthen and my mums room with all our bags in it. Pic 1 Pic2 Pic3

We went in for battle and we came out victorious.

Yesterday was like ending a chapter of life for me. All the things I wanted to happen, happened it just fit into place. Let me explain.

I went out shopping with Kaz and everything was okay, I mean I still had my mum on the back of my mind, and where she was and how was she doing. I had to try and get on with the day. I get back to Kaz's and look at my phone, I got two voicemail messages which I could really listen to 'cus 02 (expensive fuckers) don't do voicemail for free. They would get much more customers if they did. So anyway, I look at my missed call from my mum. Part of me jumped up and just was in this state of confusion, should I call? will she shout at me? All these question just wizzed around in my brain for like 10 minutes. I just went outside and sent her a txt.

Immediately she called back and I said "hi mum where are you?" she replied "I'm at the police station" I knew, she knew where I was so she wouldn't worry about calling the police and thinking I was in some ditch somewhere. so that's when I got worried and asked her "are okay" "no" "what's wrong" "you're dad beat me up" I burst out into tears crying I couldn't hold them back. I knew she wasn't safe, I told everybody that I felt it. She said she had been waiting at the poilce station for a long time and someone would escort her to the house to get her stuff. They had given us a shelter place.

I told her stay at the police station, she said no she's was going back to the house alone to get her stuff. I made sure she weren't going alone. during the process I happened to offend Kaz by not giving her to phone, because Kaz likes to talk to people when she is in these situations I don't know why? its this phone grabbage that she does lol!!! I know its because she cares. But my mum didn't have a lot of credit. So yeah. So she said I'm going the bus stop mear the house I will wait for you there fair enough.

So we make our way to Kaz's mum's house for her mum to help with getting my mum's stuff, which I was grateful for. So we get the car and we go over to my house.

I get there and the man has barricaded the door with a really hard green thingy. So we can't getin I made all these suggestions to my mum and she was saying no 'cus you might get hurt. The fact is, if my dad tried anything with me that night oh I would have messed him. So we decided to call the police. this was around 10. Do you know what time these lovely (annoying) people came? 12:15 in the morning.

So they ask us what's the problem? and we tell them the situation and that he barricaded the door and we can't get in. They start knicking on the door. He comes to it all nicely to speak the poilce being all nice but you can see how hostile he wants to be. so I go and help my mum pack her stuff and get some of the stuff I left behind. Then I went downstairs, do you know what he did he followed me downstairs he tried to push me and was making rude remarks. I told him if he tried anything with me he wouldn't like what I would do to him, so he backed off *laughs* so for the remarks he said I emptied the fridge too *cracks up* by the time I come upstairs again my dad was already harrassing Kaz outside and trying to push her and stuff. The cheek of this man.

He even said to me you will pay for this corinne I'm the perfect husband and blah blah blah, Iwas saying the perfect husbands don't beat up their wives do you know what he had the cheek to say back to me... How did you know I did anything to her you weren't here to see it... oh so my mum was limping for no entire reason.

So I'm grabbing the last bits of our stuff 'cus we had half an hour and it was nearly up. So he started shouting stuff at the door and and I was waving and saying "bye dad" and Kaz was saying you aint coming back and he was saying "if you see me in the street don't talk to me" I was like fair enough and Kaz was still saying "you aint coming back here" "and he was like shut up she's my daughter" "you just disowned me" so we are walking away and says "I don't care about you slag" I just turned around and was like "what" everyone just laughed and I was like were you saying something and he was like no I wasn't talking to you although he blantantly was. I just cracked up and walked away.

Omg I can't believe it I'm free I don't live there no more I know I left alot of stuff there my massive Aragon poster on the wall *cries* So yeah, that was basically my night. what I have to do is thank everyone who helped me and gave me advice on the past few days. Thank you so much you have made my life a whole lot better. Anyway, see ya laterxx

Gaining strength

So Yeah I'm free. But now I gotta just think about a couple things I didn't. e.g what is my dad doing to my mum?,what am I gonna do about going uni?, should I go back just to protect my mum? Just different things are just running through my head. I know that me doing this and me thinking one step ahead of him will have him hitting the roof. But I just need to know if my mum is alright 'cus if she aint I will goiung after that fat trollop myself, I don't care if I get mashed up in the process. Stupid you Corinne everyone must be thinking. My mother has tried to protect me for many years and its about time I returned the favour.

I've been trying to get in contact with her no luck! and the house phone aint working. I keep on txting Thomas but no reply. Its is like I am dead to my family. Scary though eh? Corinne the one who is always organizing family get togethers and stuff is dead to my own family.

still a bit bruised, my shoulder is messed. Tyring to take Paracetmol to cure the pian. but yeah I think I'm coming immune lol!

So yeah thats about it see ya guys and thanx for all the emails they are much appreciated. mwah!

Is this where my pain ends??? How do I put my life into bags?

Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never knew just where to turn for shelter from the storm

It hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Every time my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
And every morning that I wake
I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK - Christina Aguileria I'm Okay

So I am about to do one of the most daring things of my life I can't say anything much but I know I have my friends behind me a hundred percent of the way. That's all I can say until I actually do it. I know people read this thing that can tell my dad what I am about to do. but I am basically gonna leave, cause something is gonna kick off tonight and it aint gonne be pretty. Trust me. I know some people believe that I deserve all that I have gone through. Some don't care. I wouldn't if I had me for a friend.

To my mum I know you will read this. If everything goes right with you I will see you soon but until then, you know what we have to do. I love you loads and wish that it never had to come to this. I know your probably thinking my daughter is never this cheesy, but I mean it. I have watched you mum and have seen what you been through and hopefully tomorrow both of us will be remotely free.

I'm just so confused at the moment (I sound like martha) I hate that the future does not look clear I don't want to be in a position where I can't cope and I have no money to support myself, but ah well its gotta be done or I will die tonight.

Kaz and D are hopefully gonna help me out, cause against uncles and my dad I have no chance.

I finished one of my pics I might photoshop it but yeah basically its very crappy just like how am so here it is pic

To ash I know you hate me right now and you have every right to. I can't make what's going on right now better since you wont talk to me. But I want to tell you I am truly sorry. Maybe you derserve a person better than me. since I am a selfish, inconsiderate bitch.

So yeah I'm done being all sad and stuff. I hope everything goes alright for me tonight. I am really nervous and scared. *breathes* lol! iwll be fine see ya guys laterxx

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
family - Pink Family Portrait

Belief

Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god - Gavin Degraw Belief (listen to this track very good)

Well, its 8:23 in the early monday and guess whose bags I had to wheel into my house from the airport. Yep, none other than my dad's. He's back *cries*. He came with his nice-ness as well, it was very sickening of "baby, how are you Darling you have grown" Yeah anyone would grow without three months of your bullshit. I have actually grown compared to him, I am the same height as him. I was never that tall before YAY!!!! My mum is downstairs slaving over the oven again. I feel sorry for her right now, to have peace for three months and it come to be disturbed by that fat trollop. Meant to be going with Char and the gang to convent garden just to laze around and have fun and stuff. Should be cool and all. Shopping with Sufie on Tuesday. I aint got that much money so basically I am going to watch Sufie hold up about five shirts that are the same and ask me which one she should get. She hates it when we go somewhere like FCUK and asks me what top looks better they all look the same she always looks skinny in them so I don't see the point. But that is only coming from a tomboy's perspective. Kaz gets annoyed at me too when I say that about how much time she spends on doing her makeup I swear 50 kids in africa die while she is putting on makeup. Yep, finally I'm returning to myself. *smiles*

It was the spawn of Satan's birthday yesterday on saturday she said she was going to camden to go and get a "gothic" dress for the occasion, from the black rose, which as everyone knows whose been Camden with me I get all happy when I see things with long whipsy sleeves. Don't laugh at me ask Kaz. So she was going on saturday to buy a dress and wear it around Kaz's house woooooo how adventurous lol! (Okay cordie stop being so mean) Yeah and now she's trying to scam off my b-day too. She's asking me, because she feels all left out that nearly the whole groups birthdays are in july that could we get her a cake so she doesn't feel all left out. I wouldn't have a problem with that if her birthday was in june but come on May lol! we are planning on just getting everyone together and have a night out dressed all weird then I have a party at my house with my family which of course everyone is invited to and something called the blessing that every St.Lucian person receives when they turn 18 and 25 from their parents. Its really embarrassing I watched my brothers and he was trying not to crack up through it lol!
But I would want my friends (my real family) there with me. Then just days later head down to Manchester (hopefully) for an InMe gig *woots* I think this birthday is gonna be the best and I can't wait for it.

Zen (David) is down in London. We are friends again. He came to my door bearing a massive Jericho poster and said "a peace offering, in other words talk to me" I just cracked up. I hung out with him all saturday and slept at his house. Actually I wasn't intending to sleep there. We were watching the pirate version of "The Kingdom of Heaven" (that boy is learning from me) It was good from what I watched, but I was so tired, I hadn't slept in the last 24 hours, I fell asleep on his bed. Did he wake me up? No, he left me there sprawled on his bed and just got in next to me. Sneaky bastard. I wake up next morning, I went home to wash and he called me on my phone and I was back over there just having a jam feast on guitars. He doesn't like the fact that a "girl" is better at playing guitar than him lol! But then again he does play Bass what's so hard about it? I'm thinking I might go over there again today he's here until wednesday and then he heads out to Scotland for his job placement. He's done most of his exams so he wants to tour around England. In his words "you should come with me" and I say "ummm...Nah!!!"

Tim says I don't mention him enough so this whole paragraph is gonna be dedicated to him *smiles*
You are like my bro., you stupid boy of course I love you. what would I do without you bugging me everyday to keep sharp and to wake me up and stuff. Then you take time out from what your doing to talk to me about my problems and make me see things clearer. I'm only mean to you because when anyone cares about me I feel the need to push them away because I'm not used to being cared for that much. You know that although you say that I have been, But ah well. Thank you for giving me help Tim. Even though you still haven't made me a meal yet and keep on promising to put my boyf and his sister in a pedigree. lol!

Witnessed my first exorcism yesterday as well late in the evening, My mum and her church friends came over and they were blessing the house 'cus they knew my dad was coming back to prevent trouble (my dad always comes back with a certain anger when he's been to st.lucia and you know what that leads to) Now my mum is a powerful christian I believe that, but what I saw was crazy. I know I am about to sound crazy, but I saw it for my own two eyes. She was praying and then she fell onto the floor. Darling, my mums stronger christian friend started praying for her. Darling rested her hand on my mums stomach and Mum in a very innocent voice said to darling "you are hurting me"
Darling said "that is not gil speaking you come out and you come out now" all of a sudden my mum shaped her fingers like claws and her voice went really deep and old like an old man of some sort. It was scary. Proper I was shitting myself (well not literally but yeah) I was so afraid. so they kept on praying and my mum went suddenly back to normal and then started vomiting everywhere. They said that she was under spiritual attack from my granddad, which I can understand because he does deal in black magic and stuff. Oh what a fucked family I have.

Oh my dad just gave me a present, well he let me choose. He gave me two pairs of gold earrings in front of me and told me to choose. Me knowing well, that my mum would get the other pair. The pair that I think my dad wanted me to choose where gorgeous the most expensive pair, but then I thought about it and looked at my mum who had such a sad look on her face while doing the dishes and took the other one not the pretty one.
I must admit I saw the shock on his face when I didn't take the pair he wanted me to have. I wanted it to go to my mum she deserved some happiness. When she saw them she just smiled. I knew then I had did the right thing. awww my mummy I love her so much. I just wanna make her happy. Also I swear I can smell the essence of St.lucia in my kitchen. lol! I know that sounds very stupid, but St.lucia has that sweet kind of smell to it. You know when you are there by just the smell. Right now, I can smell that familiar smell in my house especially in the kitchen.

Missed Asher a lot on friday, but I think he's still slightly off with me for what I said in my last entry and the conversation that followed it was very fun and sarky (I put my own little sarcastic spin on it.)

I think this has been the longest entry in ages. I don't know, I never felt in the mood to write about my life too depressing. Today though, I feel happy although I know my freedom is gone, and it will be much harder to get outside. I'm strangely happy inside. *smiles* Yeah I know crazy, but its just how I feel. you'll see by tomoz I'd be writing a depressed entry lol! anyway guys, I'm taking off, got nothing much to do but lie on my bed and probably go to the net cafe later. Byexxx

Martha martha what a whore you are!

so we have access to all the little freaks in martha's msn account and guess what? paybacks a bitch!!! *smiles* no one uses my aaccount and pretends to be me and gets away with it. so what have we done... gone into martha's contacts and started talking to her people and then we realised we had access to her emails too. Like I've said never mess with this bitch and we looked and there was endless dating services and stuff emailing her and just take a look at the lies in this profile

Age: 17
Hair colour: Blonde
Eye colour: Blue
Body type: Average
Height: 5'1'' to 5'4''
Ethnicity: White
Religion: Christian (Catholic)
Education: Higher Degree
Employment: Student
Industry: Charity
Income: Under 5,000
Drinking: Drink occasionally
Smoking: Smoke occasionally
Relationships: Single
Have children: No
Want children: No
Housing: Council tenant

now can we all just laugh togther please one, two, three *cracks up*

In my mind there is haze...

So this part of week has been alright minus somethings e.g. my dad playing mind games with my mum and juts cussing her downt he phone at my aunts house (my mum can't take his Bs) I feel sorry for her at times, sometimes I catch her crying alone and saying knowone loves her. I sound like her sometimes, but the point is, is that my dad is saying he aint paying the phone bill that he succesfully ran up before he left. I wanted to call him in St.lucia and just cuss him down the phone. I hate his guts. I know people keep on saying that I shouldn't say that because he is my father and yada yada yada, but right now I don't even consider him that. I have had to do try and control everything in this house and I have upto a point. I don't know how to deal with my mother though, its hard.

Um what else has happened *thinks* um talked to Zak during the week saw him on webcam and wow doesn't he look older than the last time I saw him. Saw all people signatures all over his body, I was telling him I hope you have a bath sometime soon he was like Nah.....

Um also Ash came to see me on Monday, it was great to see him and stuff but it was only on tuesday that it rose some questions to me that since matt left would he still have come to see me if he was still there *thinks* Nah didn't think so either. lol!

um just been talking to a few of my friends that are still doing stuff in school and they really want me to come in I wanna go in too, but I hate that place more than words can say. If I could take a flame thrower in there with me and burn down all the hallways, teachers and stuff then I sooooo would! Oh and did I mention Martha got slapped yes I didn't see it but I heard about it and hearign about it just made me happy I am so fed up with that chic, she hasn't been around Kaz's for two days, could today be a third *gasps* anyways see ya guys later I got other stuff to do before my time on the net runs out.... Later days....

Last day, Last day *woot* its the last day

Okay so its the last day today anything interesting happened...no Just a bunch of people crying and getting all emotional. Did I cry once...No!!!! why because this school sucks, the teachers suck and the students suck even worse. So yeah I am finally free. I'm in the computer room and the common room clang are playing the slow version of Heaven by Dj sammy on repeat. I mean come on its a nice song but shouldn't be used for such horrible and vile people such as the common room clang.
*breathes*

So anyway, nothing much except for Mr.J giving me a hug and saying goodbye and stuff. Recieving a certificate for my contribution to the school (shame it didn't come with money) clearing up still from our drama exam and stuff and trying to avoid my horrible and nasty form tutor. Shame I couldn't avoid Mr.Boyd, with his "Corinne, this is your last day I just remembered how do you feel" walks closer to me, I take a step back " fine" his hand rests on my shoulder "Just take care of yourself and have a great time doing whatever you maybe doing... okay" *hands slides down arms in slight rubbing motion* *yanks arm away* "yeah bye sir!" *runs* Whenever I'm around I feel the need to go home and wash and use bleach on my skin, then burn my clothes.

Also yesterday what is wrong with the men down peckham this was at 2:30 at night yeah me and jay were having are into depth life convos that we normally have, that normally come after our petty joking little arguments. So anyway, we are there you know chatting and then this man comes upto me and says that his name is Johnny are you up for buisness, I was like what?? you know do you wanna come to my house???? Do I look like I wanna come to your house I say back to this guy and he is like we can chill out talk and make the most of it. Most guys won't even give you a cab and its all part of the deal if you just sleep with me. I was like uh no, no, no and no leave me alone and luckily the 343 bus came along and we got on it leaving him at the bus stop. We started cracking up. Imagine if it was just me at the bus stop I would have been shit scared but in way not taking any shit.

In alot of pain today and yes people it is that time of month. Least it was better than last time, last time I felt like I was gonna die. Like daggers were gonne through my womb and ripping me apart. It was bad. So far this one has only been prodding at me so that's good!

Oh yeah I watched starwars spisode 3 yesterday with Jay,Mark,Dwayne,Ash and Matt. Well technically not with Ash and matt 'cus they sat two rows behind us. But we kept on shouting out stuff and making dirty remarks and the film was great.*spoiler below star wars fans who haven't seen the film skip until you see spoiler over* Poor Dwayne is still a little bit traumatised from the little kiddies got killed by Anakin. all of us on the from row just gasped it was funny. Plus, I kept on saying that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine needed some Benylin to cure the rediculous laugh stroke cough thing he was doing
*spoilers over*

So yeah I'm about to go home and have something to eat and maybe change my clothes after being hand raped by Mr.Boyd. So guys I'll see you later.xx


http://www.shockwave.com/sw/spotlight/battlex/?mid=0

Hey....my emotional *cough* day

Hey everyone guess what one more day until I leave this place. *woots* *screams* *runs around happy* um people are all being sad today. I was feeling a bit sad in Drama 'cus we all gel so well in that class and I will kinda miss Mr J being all happy nd sarky and sometimes rude. Um I have to play Rounders in the rain next in the rain. I swear these people don't care about our health oh yeah chuck 'em in the rain they won't care. lol!

Got a bit annoyed today got my report for the year it wasn't bad but it wasn't good!
so with that my mum decides she would just take trip down to my school and have a lovely converstaion with my head of year Ms Weston about my attendance and yada yada yada.

It was my last drama lesson today it was a bit sad, because these people have become like my family (minus a few) but you get my point and to have done that last exam was like an ending chapter you know, saying goodbye to the old and maybe looking forward to the new. ah well starting to sound like Ms Bishop (I don't care what people say she aint bloody Dr. Bishop)

My brother has gone to court today a bit worried for him 'cus it is a serious charge and stuff but yeah I hugged him and told me that I should have loads of strength and stuff and if things don't go his way then he'd see me in a few years. I got scared. I know he's mean, sometimes annoying and loves hi-jacking my stuff, but I care about him still. He is my bro I am trained to care. I just hope he is fine.

what else happened in my day um........ I can't think of anything else. Um I found out that I am loved by specially by a teacher wont say which one though. Its is soooooo wrong but it is funny. Might be goingto get chinese with everyone tonight or watch Starwars episode 3, which is great either a good movie or good food, sounds like an even deal to me.

My cramps have started again which means only one thing, yes that time of the month is coming. I was having this jokey argument with ash online about him pms-ing more than I do. (which is true by the way babe) but yeah. I feelign a bit moody this morning, which was for no reason I bursted out into tears on my bed, maybe it was a way of releasing some of the build up tension inside of me, 'cus I feel ten times better. Shame about the cramps though, they never stop. Oh and Tim earlier, I didn't see you were online it told me you wasn't and you messages did get sent to me until I pressed control when clicking the page.

So I think I'm done, last day of school tomoz its gonna be great *jumps up in the air s-club7 style*

*vicky pollard*I done it *starts dancing* "put it on the stage and call it blackbird"

Well at 6:30 today I kicked ass by acting my heart out, well not entirely all out but yeah I did a very good job everybody was complimenting me it was great. I was dressed in tight jeans and a pink stripy top and a black over shirt and a pink scarf and pink makeup I looked great. I forgot a few lines but it I never made it bait, but it looked cool. Kaz, Dwayne, Alan and Kaz came to watch, they found totally great... well not great but yeah. So I finished and I was meant to call Ash but some problems arose and I never got round to it. Watched another groups play called Bouncers. I couldn't help laughing.

Sufia called and was talking to us about college and then was talking to me about her home problems, I think Kaz is slightly pissed off at me. Why? you ask...because everytime Sufie calls she ends up engaging in a long convo on her phone we don't mean to do but I can see she is upset with me... but Ah well nothing I can do about it.

Tim asked me to mention him in his diary so here I am mentioning you! I give a shout out to my more alike big brother Tim who just loves to remind me of my drinking habits... you mean, the one I don't have, but yeah I love ya 'cus you are the first person who cares so... *hugs*

Um Alan took this picture of me and Ash I know he probably wont like it but I personally think its slightly cute but yeah.

Got nothing more to talk about I mean I'm a bit tired but I am just glad that all of the drama and guitar stuff is over. This is the part where I start to have fun. I have my prom on friday this is my dress minus the arm thing it looks better when its one me lookie>>>http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v614/cordie/gq261v24.jpg its pretty.

But anyway, I'll be leaving you, see you later xx

The fear of a girl who doesn't know her lines... "what's my line again???"

Okay so it is drama exam day today and how many times have we practiced... once since this morning I am petrified I'm getting lines mixed up were are having arguments with other groups, we are tired. It is stressful. I wanna run away right now I have never felt this bad about doing a play really I am close to throwing upI am literly looking at the time tick away and feeling me crying inside I just can't wait until its over. People are trying to tell me I will be fine but trust me I wont be... I'll freeze I can feel it now I should knopw this like the back of my hand but today nothign feels like it is sinking in. I'm gonna go now 'cus Zoey and Vic are probabaly waiting for me see ya guy later xxxxx

Now give me an E sharp! *guitar breaks* oops!!!

Okay it is now 1:05 this is where I, Corinne Natalie Natasha Stacey Hunt begins to panick. Okay Corinne try not to concentrate on the exam next I have practiced enough, I shall be fine *breathes* I wont be fine.........

So anyways I met the St. Olaves boys today and Zoey asked one boy name Chris if he had an older brother because for young boy all the guys were eyein him up. Even Zoey, but you expect it off her. lol! but they were all so small all under the height of 5'5 it was sweet. The girls are so much bigger they were towering them. I remember when we had to meet the boys when we were in year 7 one kept on coming upto me and mooing in my ear. *shudders* which reminds me,yesterday I met lenny and he is really fucked up. 2 days ago he asked Martha for a threesome as a joke and yesterday he kept on blowing kisses at me at one point he licked my ear. Do you know how sick I felt. There was also too much burberry all in one room it was bliding and quite sickening. It felt like I was in the middle of bloody Chavs 'r' us.

As I continue to type the time gets closer they are observing me outside the computer room, like I am some unknown species. Its driving me crazy. Oh cool one of them has examined me before and he just said he liked my style he is finding this funny that I am typing this in, and says that he can't wait to hear what I have produced this year. So that's cool!

Um Carlicia, you the chic who gave me the bad flu type thing with the whole throat infection, she left today for good to go back to Jamaica. I'm gonna miss her loads she was a good friend and was very funny to talk too.

Oh Okay since Kaz's net is not working there is no where in hell she can read what her prezzie is gonna be so I might as well say it. I'm gonna get her tickets to go and see INME in Manchester University on the 28th of July. I know cool pressie. One bad thing about it is I know who lies in Manchester. Yeah your probabaly reading this and frankily I don't care, but my point is, is that yeah you know I'll be there but I aint coming to see you. Okay guys I love you loads and wish me luck, I'll come back and tell you if I passed or failed. see ya *waves*

I've got all the tricks up my sleeve

So my guitar exams is tomorrow people and I am about getting ready to scream. I'm not too nervous about it now because I actually can play my pieces to the best of my ability, no that my ability is good but lord god I hope it helps lol. The examiners came and pointed out to me what I could and could not use and made me fill out a sheet of paper stating the songs that I am gonna play, my own piece and my grade 5 finisher piece. *waves arms* lol! When they looked at my sheet they looked at me like .....Oh this should be interesting. lol! I am getting Sufia to back me up on drums we practised a few days ago and it was great to Jam with Sufie again she is great drummer. So my song selection is:

Point de etre (grade 5 finisher)

I feel you (my song) This Time - 3 doors down (selected piece)

Everywhere/Goodbye to you- Michelle Branch (selected piece)

I think I rock at my version of Everywhere/Goodbye to you and having sufie on Drums is just gonna be wicked. I can hear it now!!!! Actually I shouldn't be saying these things it could all go terribly wrong so I shall stop talking. Not that I'm that nervous right now but when the bloody time come I know about around 2 tomorrow I will be ready to kill myself. lol! I just found a great prezzie for Kaz on her B-day and it could also be a little present for myself as well 'cus there is no where in hell I'm gonna miss what I have planned for her yey... anyone who wants to know just ask me on msn if you wanna come, ask me too.

I'm a happy bunny today, which is good news for some people 'cus loads of people have been trying so hard to put a smile back on my face. I guessed I pulled through and without their help I might have just been still moping arou and not smiling much. I'm very upbeat, I have been proper hyper in Drama today sir was actually finding it quite. scary lol!

I might be going Brighton with the girls next week, should be fun. For only £1.50 *woots* I think things are starting to look up. Except for my Drama practical still trying to learn my lines that I actually properly a week ago, I'm been trying to batter them into my brains with Victoria and Zoey but it doesn't seem to b sinking in (damn it) but if it don't, I swear I will waffle my ass off in the exam like woah!!!! So I gotta go like now because Kaz wants to go to the hospital and Miss gothic won't go with her anway guys I'll see you later

Monday and I'm regaining strength

Well its monday and Iwas wait for it........early *woots* omg I am so proud of myself and so was everybody else. I actually graced the doors of school before 10. Today has been a better day, I mean I'm not sitting and being all depressed I am being actually happy! I'm listening to Anna nalick - Breathe its a great song I love it to death I don't know, I think its because its all calming and stuff and she has a voice like Alanis Morrisette. So if you like Alanis Morrisette check this song out 'cus its great. oh and kittie- into the darkness is also wicked. I'm only saying this because I'm listening to it right now. Um what else I gave in my drama coursework in today and called our play the "Reflection of Kin" I have drama practice next maybe, I don't know. I can't believe it I really have nothing to write about. *thinks* nah I really don't. Except I think I might put up countdown clocks for various things in my Navigation Bar, so look out for that. um wel this has to be the most dry entry....well least I aint sounding like Mallory no more *yippie* anyways I love you guys and missing you allxxxxxxxxx oh thanks everyone who is in my msn for helping me and making me feel better ecspecially Tim and char they cracked me up anyways byexxxx

sunday realisations

This weekend was something that I strangely realised how messed up I am. Yeah, I already knew that my home life was fucked terribly but I never thought it actually effected who I was before, but when I look at it I am seriously messed up mentally laughs I also tried to drown my problems into glasses of alcohol, 14 glasses to be exact before throwing up most of it up in a green bucket, before I started crying and was comforted by Jasmine and Kaz outside about another problem that was bugging me. I even remember me drinking from Alan and Marc’s glasses so technically that was 15 glasses damn Am I turning into Kaz laughs *shakes head* NAH!!!!

Felt pretty ugly this weekend although I had Alan constantly staring at Charlotte and me. I know why he was staring at Charlotte like come on what man wouldn’t, plus she made out with him on Friday/Saturday but why me. It was proper Michael style staring as well. “Are you coming carina” Sorry I had to put that there just to amuse myself. We also dubbed Charlotte and Sufia the ball breakers of men. I mean if these two came onto any guy, these guys would be willing to screw anyone just to kiss then. Sufia can even get teachers under her spell, you should see her at work its great.

I also have been putting myself down a lot lately. That sucks. I used to be very happy within myself, but for some reason I think I never look good enough or this and that. Could it be I’m turning into a proper chic? I have been wearing skirts a lot more lately and no they are not specifically for Asher as Kaz keeps saying. I’m feeling a lot more better compared to last week though. Last week I was considering suicide ‘cus my life was just fucked and no one cared. I still feel kind of the same just less on the wanting to die factor. I hate when I make people depressed when they read my shit so from Now on I’m going to try and be more cheery just for you guys.

Um I got to go and have a bath ‘cus unfortunately I have to go to that God forbidden shit hole that I consider to be sixth-form tomoz. Tomoz I also have to practice for my drama practical, which is in one week and three days. I don’t even know my lines are or what we have done because my group is never present I should have expected this come on you know who is my group. Then I have my guitar exam in four days and counting and my song and my selected pieces sound shi. My guitar teacher said to me that maybe I shouldn’t take the exam ‘cus I don’t seem to be concentrating and I look “down” can people atop telling me I can’t do shit it is really becoming annoying. I also noticed that time dawns on me that my dad will be back soon I wanna’ run screaming from my home or burn my dad’s town hall records also citizenship papers and then he would have to stay in fucking St. Lucia and wont come back saying how many men want “his nice English daughters hand in marriage” I hate being an St. Lucian Indian it sucks.

Oh also I can’t wait until the 23rd of May… guess why? MY STUDY LEAVE STARTS *does a little dance* I can’t wait, no fucking crappy St. Saviours ever again…………BYE SSSO, HELLO LEWISHAM COLLEGE. New people, new teachers and new start. Just what I need. SSSO screwed me over so many times. I can’t wait for a new start and new friends should be good. Zen was complaining at me earlier because I weren’t going to uni. I then told him that I couldn’t go anyway ‘cus I didn’t get entered for Media. He might be coming up to London this week to come and see me Oh joy *coughsarcasmcough*. I went to see Chris in the hospital today too he is doing okay I was a bit worried when I heard what happened so he said I made him feel better, that‘s good. Least I’m good about making others feel great about themselves but I can do shit all about myself lol!!!! Anyways see ya laterxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DoNt LiKe ThAt I'm ChAnGiNg. DoN't LiKe WhO I HaVe BeCoMe.

Well today I didn't even plan in coming to college but guess what I am here in this shit hole but Jay is with me right now so everything is fine. I feel so unloved today like no one cares in the world, which I know is not true but the point is that is how I feel I just can't help it. I sound so pathetic right now and my depression is started to taking its toll I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. I wish I could be the way I used to be fisty cordie who had a mouth a was careless and the most fun person to hang around with. Now I am generally depressed and really quiet. Its creepy! I hate this quiet streak I'm gonna on. Before I couldn't even shut my mouth I always had something to laugh and joke about, always had another cuss up my sleeve. I think its just school maybe when I'm out of this place I will turn back to normal. I'm still trying to accept the fact that I am a failure but hey I think i will soon.

Whore came in to school today to actually do work *jaw drops* Omg!!!!! Yeah but of course I had to help her edit the script I mean couldn't she had done that without my help or was she feeling a bit lonely. She spoke to Zak today and was having Martha like tendancy's of taking over my user account how annoying.

Before me and Zak were having a cool convo basically about stuff that is going in our lives and it just gave me this realsation that everything around us is so fucked and people around us are so fake. So yeah, basically we just talked about certain stuff. I also talked to Sebis who haven't talked to in ages and Joanne.

I'm here talking to Jasmine she making me laugh and telling me to not worry and be strong lol! I'm also worry about her sanity and wondering if its there or not. Today we are going Pizza hut or somewhere today I don't know where we are going but I feel like evrything is off today meaning certain people but I'm guessing I'll find out what I have done now to get people annoyed at me now lol!

Yesterday I got hom and guess what I found a dusty space where my tv in my bedroom used to be no lie my brother Jacked my fucking tv. My tv Mine I was so pissed off he wants everything of mine soon I wont have any cool stuff left.

Oh my friend Samantha, her mum got hit by a bus today I just wanna send out my sympathies to her and hope that she is alright.

Okay guys I think I'm done I'm going off to possibly change my tights and do my hair and go to Kaz's. see ya later xxxx

Find something worth voting for.......... Vote Active *cheesy grin* "okay cut" Thank God where's the alcohol lol!

Today is voting day and we are praying that the Active party wins and then we could put (I love Bashment dude) Natalie in her place and our manisfesto so rocks so.... yeah personally I think we should win *smiles* I'm even wearing my Vote Active Badge today in support, of my party *woots* So anyways, today has been feeling quite odd I mean, Miss Weston is being nice, everyone is being nice. Its quite creepy. Very tired though as I look around and realise that I have just wasted another two years of my life, Knowing that I might have to do another two more to actually aquire another subject to replace the hole that Media left. So great, I was gonna be the first one to go to uni out of our group and in about a few seconds my dreams were dashed. *cries* I can't believe this, its actually a big come down for me, I don't fail , I never fail. I mean, I'm always been seen as a failure to my dad because of the whole Chris shit and me basically being me. But I have never failed academically *feels stupid* how the fuck am I gonna get to uni and become what I wanna become they want excellance, excellance is not someone who has to stay four fucking years in college.

I did something pathetic last night though, I cried myself to sleep. I'm so afraid to tell my mum what is happening and how the hell am I gonna tell my dad. Spoke to Joe about it Yesterday he really made me smile and cheered me up a bit, I needed that I seriously needed someone to tell me that it was gonna be okay. He did, so Joe if you are reading thanx alot!!!! So before this September I have got to think about hwta the fuck I am going to do with my life and how the hell is everything gonna be ok. I still need a hug from the certain someone but they are never around these days.....you know who are! Missin u!

Still on the hunt to find my MD, still no luck. We think maybe the people in the chip shop were lying... so .... I'm gonna try there again but not only me with marc and Dwayne. Speaking of Dwayne, yesterday or the day before *thinks* can't really remember.He thought he would sit on top of me and smack my ass really hard. I am also thinking of playing matchmaker this weekend, because I'm bored and my own life is fucked so why not make someone elses that much happier. I'm gonna match up Charlotte (sorry philip *hits him across the head*) and Marc. I found out (because I happen to be a nosey little fucker) that they like each other..soooooooooooooooooooooooo....*smiles* I'm just gonna work what magic I have left and hopefully everything will be out in the open......by let's say ummmmmmmmm Monday next week. Lets see if I can do this.

Going pizza hut on friday, I'm not really up for the whole day with all happy friends and stuff and being all smiles everywhere, but I guess, it will cheer me up a bit. I actually wondered last night if I died how many people would care? 'cus I know if it was upto my dad he would find the most nearest hole and wrap me up n white cloth and put me in it. He would be glad to get rid of me. Maybe I should find my own place so I wouldn't have them shouting at me and telling me I'm useless and stuff.

Oh yeah I also have a New Template I think it looks so cool. This one was actually donated to me, 'cus of a wicked cool Backy I made *woots* so I got this in return. I've been trying to make it pretty all day and filling in stuff...still gotta add some blinkies and some other stuff and then we wil be good to go.

Mr J just came in asked for his coursework I have done it but guess what people......no fucking printer in this school is actually working so I am just wondering how the fuck and am I gonna print it tommorrow for him lol! crazy this shit is, just crazy. So I think I'm done I'm just gonna go to Kaz's and hopefully cry out my stress and stuff and hopefully martha won't ask me stupid stuff like can I use your msn name please? if you want to talk to people find your own friends don't borrow mine and chat shit to them. *breaths and panting in an angry state* So anyways guys see you laterxxxxxxxx

Just tell me straight

Well today I nearly, when I say nearly made it to school on time if I had walked just a bit faster I would have made it, but ah yes that's my life never straight forwards, nothing ever goes my way.I got into Media and done some really good work and I got my coursework back to do a little changing to it. I felt happy in Media, more happier than usual and I also felt, like I actually belonged in this school, for once in my life lol! Lauren comes out with how my voice is very posh, I was loking at her and was like what corinne are you listening too. I really wonder.

My day is going fine until Ms Weston comes to the sixth-form computer room and tells me....I think you need to have a chat with you Media teachers at lunchtime to discuss if you will be entered for Media. First of all why do we need the converstaions for I think they can make their decision without seeing my face, sitting there looking like a miserable little fucker. Two, it's luchtime, not to be really bringing out my ghetto nature *laughs* But come on, Y'all fucking with me right, Lunchtime to see your ass, Nigger like me need food and need time to rest and I'm very sure you do too....couldn't we just listen to each other and say look corinne is, or is not entered and I will be happy.

Okay the weirdest thing just happened, Raina just took a picture of me for her Media project, the way she just looked at me and said yep picture to camilia *flash of light goes off* okay that's good next Subject I was like what??!!?

So I am just a bit annoyed today, just over this whole media thing and of course Martha and this whole Alan and Michael thing that she just keeps on going on and on about, 'cus she actually has two guys that like her. She slept with Alan (YEP IT IS COMFIMED SHE GOT DOWN AND DIRTY) and then decideds that she doesn't want a relationship with him *shakes head* well I'm not gonna say anything.But I have made this important pic just for her. pic. Oh guess what I found a picture of Natalie (click on her name to see the pic)Aint she really pretty *laughs* This is miss I love BASHMENT DUDE, and don't talk to me about FUCKING orginisation. I also took some shots might submit them later, THEY ARE NOTHING SPECIAL BUT I got a bit bored during school so I snuck out with the digi cam don't know why so take a look. pic1 Pic2 pic3

So yeah I think I'm done for the day. I might come back and write any updates or tell you what the decision is for my media entry. I only realised how many people read this. I get around 42 hits a day that's just crazy. Anyways see ya later Kissesxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*~ After the meeting ~*
I found out that I am not entered for media they were all so patronising and fake and stuff and whenever I tried to get my point in or my thoughts about the matter in, I was denied left right and center. When they all said at the end like they had fucking rehearsed it Corinne I don't think its best. Then all looked at me and they all started getting up and leaving. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I need a hug or something or another. Just need to talk to someone who actually cares. (there are not many people who actually care)but anyway I'll see ya later guysxx

had a bad week

hey ya everyone had the most worst weekend ever, Okay well on friday I lost my buss pass and my bank card on a bus heading towards brixton....yep brixton that's gonna end well. Then I got kinda got a bit pissed on friday felt even worse 'cus my scratchy throat turned into a headache and temperature and I was feeling really bad.It got even worse on saturday I couldn't even sleep and stuff and on sunday I had Kaz saying come over I was like uh...................No. With the help of benylin I am at school not that is a good thing. ummmmm I'm going over to kaz's now because I can't be bothered to stay at school.

They're a bit bitey

So yesterday we went to he theatre and sir asked us to dress smartly,no "ghetto clothing" as he put it so we all dressed up but before that I asked sir "can I wear a skirt" he replied "Corinne I told you to dress smartly, not wear skirts to turn on men" I was like ooooooookay then. ( I sound like Martha) so anyways we went to the theatre and guess who was in theplay and that I got to meet afterwards the mother from Shaun of the Dead *woots* I was totally star struck, everyone was asking me who is she.Only me and (I listen to bashment dude)Natalie (and her very greasy hair) knew who she was. I actually went to her They are a bit bitey and she just started cracking up. Kaz very jealous. I woke up this morning and my voice is gone, well kinda can't speak and the back of my throat is very scratchy. It hurts really badly, but I'm fine as long as it doesn't come with a headache or a cold , I'll be fine.
although my eyes are killing me. I have also realsied I have caught it off from carlicia. 'cus she has it too but before me so I blame her.

Oh its also official, Martha is the greatest whore I have ever met. She spent the whole day plus night with her new guy Alan and said to Karli she would come back to her house in the early morning. oooooohhh. She has only known him for a few hours and already she is "sleeping" (WE DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF SLEEPING) with him.

Finally finished all my Media amen this could be a weekend of wait for ......wait for it....rest.

No its not because I still have drama to do which Mr J had to go and remind me while I was talkign to Miss Weston couldn't he do it afterwards.

Oh whore is in today, whore meaning Zoey, she finally stopped shagging random men to actually come into school and spend a whole day here *gasps* anyways I got nothing doing so me and my sick self is gonna go to Kaz's house. Oh and I love this little picture here it just fascinated me lol!

by the way I am being asked to pay to being entered into my media exam because my coursework is late and now I have to go and talk to Ms Bishop (oh sorry Dr Bishop, you mean the title she didn't even work for) to sort out what will be happening also just got a picture of my online friend Sebis so here it is.

Okay so I'll see you guys later. xxx

Could it be, Martha has found lurrrrrvvvvveeeee

Okay so yesterday I went to Kaz's house to finish my coursework. I got some done but I still need too finish the rest of it lol! do you wanna know why I couldn't finish it because the night just got more and more entertaining. We also met a guy named Alan, one of Dwaynes friends and of course Martha was on the prowl. That was Dwayne's whole plan in the beginning to get Martha attached to one guy so that she wont be handing herself out to every guy she meets. So they stayed the whole night talking and he actually found her fascinating and stuff. Finally somone who actually understands Martha. So Dwayne introduced the alcohol and Kaz started drinking liking usual and so did Martha. Then Alan joined in and so did Dwayne so it was the whole drinking feast minus me. So Dwayne invites Kirsty and leanne up and they already pisse dout of their brains and Leanne grabs and pours alcohol into my mouth no lie that girl is strong I tried fighting her in the end I gave up. lol! but yeah everythign is hectic and I still haven't handed in my coursework for media I am a dead girl. I gotta got ot the theatre today so yeah I guess I wil he preoccupied today so guys I'm gonna catch lunch see yaxxx

Nearly done, nearly done and my battle is nearly won.

New news just in I am being threatend to not get entered into media because Mrs edi -fucking- matie is not happy, but all my other Media teachers are standing up for me so yey!!!!!! I hate that cow! oh plus I still haven't found my mini disc and I just gave up on one of my courseworks see below

Well today is a very hectic day I have coursework coming out of my eyes, mouth and other nether regions but my point is I'm covered in the shit. My Media was meant to be handed in today, still is, but I thought I might take a break 'cus my eyes are starting to hurt and I did a straight night of working, I am just flat out tired right now *sighs* and still got more work to go. Plus Mr J came up to me today and asked me for my drama coursework I was like sir please just don't ask for it...........I'll get it to you when I can I promise and he looked at me really sympathetically, I just laughed. He said I should talk to him on msn if I am really having problems with doing it. I don't have problems doing it, its just the amount I have to do on it, that is what's driving me crazy.

The campaigning for the school election has started and I am part of the Active party run by Sabriye (yeay) but there has just been a lot of stuff going on.Our posters are being ripped down by the free rights party. The point is Megan Carr is the front person of The free rights Party, but Natalie Murphy (Mrs I listen to bashment dude and looks very unwashed) is on her party. Now everyone knows that Natalie is a very competitive fucker, which I hate and she is actually forcing people to vote for her and going agaisnt what Megan is saying I swear she thinks she's running. She even said today " I aint reaching out to anyone how am I gonna get any votes" The active party (yey) are all wearing badges and stuff and Natalie is going its not about bloody badges its about their manifesto (which is true) but is ripping down other peoples posters part of your fucking manifesto too. (LOL) This argument is starting to get very vicious we are having a debate today which I wont be present for 'cus I have to do coursework, but I think that will be great to see Natalie pushing Megan out of the way and talking for her.

Anyways enough on election crap, can't vote in the real one anyways (still not 18) Saw Ash yesterday I miss him loads today I told him that I would miss him tomorrow when we were sitting on the bus and guess what...... Its true. Dwayne and Kaz are so cute......they are all joking around with each other and stuff and Martha was like Can you people take your kissy business somewhere else please looking at Ash and I and Kaz and Dwayne and then put her back up against the wall and did her slight sulking thing. Dwayne wanted me to chuck heavy bin roll at her. I wouldn't do it 'cus I knew I would hit Karli, so ash did it 'cus he basically wanted to, he got her as well, which is yey!!!! *does a little dance*

*looks out the window* I swear this day started off sunny and now its looks all gloomy and ready to rain. *Andy voice* I don't like rain. *normal voice again* unless if I need to think. I gotta help Lauren out with her Media since she is struggling more than I am, she is literally going insane, I must help.

So anyways I'm going now to try and finish off Media and Drama and help Lauren with her coursework! Love you people loads xxxx

XxStuff to still doxX
+ Drama Essay 1
+ Drama Essay 9
+ Redo Drama Essay 2
+ Media Construction (given up)
+ Media Evaluation
+ Media Research
+ Media Planning
+ Redo Storyboard
+ Type up Lauren's Coursework
+ Help Lauren with Construction
+ Fix credits on Media Sequence

How am I going to do it all today, before I leave this Sixth-form? Only Lord knows! *sits in a corner and cries*

I've lost you, my baby.

Yesterday, something really strange happened. I lost my Mini-Disc. My lovely silver net MD, is no where to be found. All I remember was Kaz taking out of my bag earlier that day. She said that she gave it back to me with my bus pass on the bed. We checked the bed from head to toe, checked everywhere you could possibly imagine and still it was like no where to be found. I wanted to cry actually I was slightly cvrying it cost about £140 quid I'm allowed to cry aren't I? I don't know how it happened and I just had to stay 4 hours with out any entertainment during an exam and I have two hours to go *cries* can't........ do.......... anymore *shakes head* I am also trying to finish off that essay for Media, which may I add has to be in by tomorrow as well as my final draft of Drama and my Storyboard for our shoot thingy.

I really hope I find my mini-disc I really don't want to lose it and if I don't find it, what the hell am I gonna say to my mum? she is gonna flip!

Messed up my leg or legs again (they are both hurting) this time I don't know what reason yesterday I started limping and today I can hardly walk . Oh yeah I forgot New Template This is gonna be the template until I fix the old one (might change it, since there is limited space on this thing.)but umm yeah I don't like the whole sweet angel thing, but hey, its the best that has been given so I don't mind displaying it. People if you wanted to know my tagger is the scroll 'cus personally if I put it next the writing it would mess up the way it looks.

um.......... Zoey and Vic weren't here for Drama today and sir was a bit annoyed 'cus I was doing the planning and stuff by myself so he helped awwwwww! lol! but yeah sir started singing some song about medea and it cracked me up but for some reason I can't remember it now!

Martha Decided yesterday she wanted to take drugs, fun , fun, fun. I mean not to be rude (actually I do) but the point is, the girl is trying everything to get that little bit of attention and lord knows this is the last straw, I've had enough. As soon as she heard that Ash was not gonna talk to her if she took the drugs she was like "I don't want them, why is everyone yelling at me?" (cue Fake tears) Also she still isn't over the whole me and Ash thing she actually had the cheek to ask Karli, in her own words "when are Asher and Corinne gonna break up?" I was like wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttt????????????????
She keep on looking at me eviliy and stuff and Michael just keeps on looking at me full stop, with like no expression, or anything. I must say that is starting to get reaaaaalllllly creepy! Anyways, I gotta go to lunch and get ready for the next two hours of lovely Media!!!! see ya guys xxxx

Oh I just I would post a pic up on here from media of my friend Lauren. She looks a bit ghetto in this pic but really she is sooo sweet and caring. We have become quite the team during the previous months and I just wanna say thankyou to her 'cus I probably would have already quit by now lol! so Thanks LaurenXXX

So Today.........................

Um what has happened today *thinks* nothing much um except for um me slightly sorting out the look of this blog... not that it has got better but hey. My picture that was on the top and the background got deleted (stupid me) so I had to make something in its place until I could be bothered to muster up something. Knowing me, that could take ages. Me and my lazy self. *tuts* So I put this shit thing in its place. *sobs* I'm at Kaz's belting out Christina, which Ash and martha aint agreeing with.Did some drama practical today....just started it actually and our practical exam is in 3 weeks and 1 day *screams* I'm really scared. Found out I gotta help Sabriye with her campaign, we are having a mini election in our school and making badges and stuff so it should be cool! Plus I know I'm on the winning team :-) So anyways back to my day left college early today couldn't be bothered to stay, so me and Zoey decided to escape through the school office. That's how I ended up at Kaz and being nearly half deaf because of how loud the music is anyways Martha and Zak want to have a lovely cosey conversation on the comp so I have to leave lol!

Looking over the mountains all I see is fog and a tiny bit of sunshine

Today I woke up, in pain and suffering from some proper violent cramps....meaning....its the time of month *boys screw up their faces* *girls holding their stomachs remembering the pain* So anyways, I'm already late for college, which means no EMA for another week ARRRGGGGGGHHHHHH *cries* but ah well. So I got in just in time for my Media lesson. We finished our little 3 minute thriller film opening piece and the coursework needs to be handed in on Wednesday, which gives me enough time to work my butt off (not something I do very often.)So I'm just gonna list what coursework and stuff I have to do and cross 'em off when I've finished them.

XxCourseworkx
x Media Planning and Research
x Media New media technical devises
x Media write up 2,000 words
x Drama coursework x2

Other projects I need to complete
x Learn Lines for play in 3 week *cries*
x Finish making Wallpaper for Aggie
x Make a new Disc for my mini-disc
x Need to finish making tracks on the computer

Yesterday, was also funny, Martha experianced Camden for maybe the first time, but anyways this was the most funniest thing ever to watch her admiring shops and looking at different types clothes and going "This is COOL AND GOTHIC" *cracks up*

We also got caught on the train without the right tickets so we had to get off fair enough. So we are out on the platform with the people and they asking us our ages. I say 16, Martha says 15 and so does Kaz. Right then. The Guy asks Kaz what's your date of birth she comes out with 07.07.86. I just looked at her with this look like what are you doing. She turns to me and says Shit. So this guy asks identification from me and I show him my 16-17 bus pass. Plus me doing the whole I am utterly innocent look. So the guy ask Martha for identification, just those words set Martha off into being rude. If she continued and we hadn't screamed at her to shut up then we would have all got fines. I'm a bit weary of actually getting on bendy buses at the mo lol!

So anyways meant to be hanging out with the gang later on, gotta go to Ash's first but I am really not feeling well, plus I have to go home and change because I have this big stain on my clothes .....really Nasty. On Wednesday I was at Ash's hanging out and stuff and Philip calls Ash. Philip kicks off this whole convo about yu-gi-oh cards and ash kind of says "Philip I'm a bit busy doing something" "what?" he replies. Ash hands the phone and I say hi and he just goes "oh....OH!" I started cracking up I give the phone back to Ash and Philip is down the other end of the phone going "I'm sorry man, sorry dude really sorry" like Ash was gonna beat him up. The funniest thing is that we weren't even doing anything.