Its not too late, its never too late.

I'm good just tired and have a brusied leg. A really badly bruised leg. I think it was because I climbed over my damn gate that has spikes at the top. Painful. *sad face* anyway...Just finished law coursework, which I will probably get a crappy grade for because it was rushed and had hadly any case citings *shakes head* Hopefully God will look down on me in pity and save me from my bad grade. I now have the two big assignments left to finish in two weeks. Quantative Methods for Business portfolio 2 and Economics Business Plan. After these two are done I can procrastinate until exams in may... Oh yeah.

This song is by Three Days Grace its called Never too late. Its for a certain person. The will know who it is for when they read it. Its a good song and maybe you should take the words into thought. I Hope you get better x


This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around 'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late

Who would've thought that pretending was easy.

Here's me with a deadline over my head and I'm still procrastinating. I have a deadline at 3 tomorrow afternoon and right now. I have 5 questions to attempt and I'm on the third on yey!!! I left the easier ones for last as a little treat but they are still going to take sometime to do. Its now 03:00 in the morning on the dot and I have Its only love Blasting in my ears - by Heather Nova. This song is so beautiful its inspiring me to make a Naru Saku AMV. Should be fun. Only 2 more projects for the year and I'm done yey *w00ts*

I'm worried about something that is happening to one of my friends. I really hope it isn't what I think it is. If it is I may have some serious problems on my hands. I will go into detail when I know exactly what's what!

I'm smiling again today even though I have the deadline of the century hanging over my head. I know however God is helping me smile and be calm and be at peace because everyone is stressing and I'm cool, here watching anime, listening to music. Doing work at the same time. I thank him seriously.

Last week was not a good week ... but I'm smiley again. I however found out one of my uncles had a heartattack esq thing. So I hope he recovers and that he is better *hugs him*

I drew a new pic the other day and I think I am going to finally colour it. There is one of me and another of Kakashi and Kayane I never really finished. I need to draw a Naru Saku and a pic of my friends and family, colour it take it to a shop and print it as a poster.. I just need more practice though and I need to learn some techniques.

Hopefully Fran will be willing to give me some tips.. I hope she is alright. Seeing her again made me realise remember what it was like being her friend. The constant sarcasm, made me feel like I was at home again. Strange that. I wish we never stopped being friends, because maybe I could be a fraction of what she is today instead of the shell I am at the moment. Don't worry guys I will recover. Just give me time.

Anyway I better get off I have work. Now its 03:10, Its all good I might be able to get some sleep if I finish early. Next time Hopefull I will have a review of Ouran Yay!!!! *huggles you all* I love you so much x

Love...I used to think that I know

why we need this

I just assumed that weren't always be fine

Now I don't think that we last the feeling

But we.. let everything build up inside

It's only loveBut love.. should make us strong

It's only love

But love.. has been hurting so long

What a challenge.. honesty

What a struggle to learn to speak

Who would've thought that pretending was easy

It's only loveBut love.. should make us strong

It's only loveBut love.. has been hurting so.. long

And it's all, it's hard on meIt's tearing my heart off me

Love..And it's all, it shouldn't beHoping to learn only

Love..Love..

There's a party here on China beach

Still a pile I don't know

Tell me.. is the ocean a gift or a thief

The ocean let go..It's only loveBut love.. should make us strongIt's only love

But love.. has been hurting so.. long

And it's all, it's hard on me

It's tearing my heart off me

Love..And it's all, it shouldn't be

Hoping to learn only

Love..Only..

Only love.. Love..

Only love.. Love..

Heather Nova - Its Only Love

I need a break... A long break away from life.

So apparently I'm very rude, horrible. That I am not a good christian or I am not trying very hard. Me asking someone to listen to me instead of completely talking over me and coming to their own assumptions is rude of me and I should be listening attentively to everything that is being to said to me. Even though half of that stuff is not me, never has been me. But I am like that.

I just need a break... a break from all of this stuff. These people are putting me off. I dunno what to do anymore. I am not having my own way. I am just confused at what everyone tells me to do. I do something then another person gets angry at me for doing that and then takes not responsibility for it what so ever.

I'm just done. Done with it all for a while. I can't this much longer. I'm fed up of crying, fed of being talked at like a child, tired of not being heard and being that little squeak in the corner... I've been humble, i've taken crap continuously. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I wish I did take my chance when I ran away to totally disappear I mean get on a coach and left to go to some other city.

*sighs* Ah well.

Just got to make myself happy again. Imvu and music here I come. I am going to dance this crap out of me.

See ya x

Reviews, Updates and Happiness.

Hey everyone *waves* I thought I would do an update since I haven't done one in quite a while and an anime Review. I use to review stuff on my old blog all the time, I never really do that here. Ha ell there is always the time start and I guess this is it.

Anyway I am good. Well I think I am. Well as good as confusing life of mine gets. I can say though the upcoming weeks are going to be tough for me. I have alot of deadlines, things to sort out mentally and force my self away from my laptop, Imvu and playing Canis Canem Edit.

The painters and decorators came today and yes this is euphemism that most males and females will know so lets just keep it like that. I was in slight pain. Nothing I couldn't handle but I spent most of the day Imvu-ing and watching what I am about to review later *smiles*

As I have also known in the past, my half terms are never mine to do what I want with them, even if I want to do work. Mum starts offering me out to help people left right and center. Not that I mind I just wish I would have a say in when I have to hand myself out to everybody. Applied for a job in the odeon as well, hopefully something will come through... 'cus Cordie needeteh that damn cash.

I'm slowly but surely putting back on the weight I lost from the 21days fast. *looks down and stomach and tries to wish it away* ah well.. but that's not gonna happen.
Oh crap I just remembered I am suppose to write a letter to the people about my case... Yeah Transport of London is taking me to court. I just hope that this goes in my favour and guess that I'll have to leave it in Gods hands. He will take care of the matter better than I can.

Right Review...

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

This hillarious highschool Anime is packed full of suspense, random perviness, laughs and so much more.This cleverly written anime does at first annoy because the japanese version is shown in anachronic order, which makes the storyline confusing, but for the first time I will say I am happy there are English dubs around (has been put in an order which would seems as chronological- minus episode 7 which is the last episode on the japanese version ).

The main character Haruhi Suzumiya is to say the least a bit wierd. Obviously quite the looker, but does not posses the traits in her personality that would make her fit into the stereotypical nature of a normal teenager. On her first day of school Huruhi is asked to introduce herself and she stands up in class and boldly states to her other classmates "If you are not an alien, timetraveller or esper don't talk to me". People thought she was joking, how wrong they were. Fuelled by rumours from her old class mates from her other school, an intrigued boy named Kyon (top left, who is also the narrator of this story and is a damn comedian) attempts to converse with Huruhi and she slowly looses her horrid attitude towards him begins to open up. She speaks to him of how she wants a life filled with adventure, aliens and abnormal activity, that she has no time for things like love. Unbeknownst to her, she possesses the power to modify reality to how she wants it. Meaning she wants aliens, espers and timetravellers... she's going to get aliens, espers and timetravellers. Kickstarting the action and a romantic love tale between these two characters.

I won't go into too much detail with the other characters, because it would be kind of a spoiler.

Other characters this show blesses us with is Yuki Nagato (botton left), the most monotonic person I have ever heard... in the english dub version and in the japanese subs no matter where you watch this chick she is flat. Her head always in a book and is a girl of little words. She ends up joining the SOS brigade (A school club Mia makes up) forcefully...

Mikuru Asahina (bottom right): A very timid girl, who Haruhi forces to dress up in bunny outfits, maids costumes, nurse gowns and so forth. Also stripping her near naked infront of all the boys, much to her protest of course, but also makes Kyon a very happy guy *laughs*

Last but not least Itsuki Koizumi (hottie). He also joins SOS after being a transfer student in the middle of the year. He gives in to the stupid demands of Haruhi, because inside secretly he knows the consequences of disobeying her. What he has to fight with when she gets mad.

The first episode I watched which eventually made sense at the end. Was their project of making a film. This episode had me in stiches. I mean the greatest acting, from Mikuru and Kyons narrating is excellent (Itsuki leans in to kiss Mikuru and all you hear is this"How is this happening right now!!!! If your mouth gets any closer to her Someone standing off camera is gonna cut in to frame and kick your ass, DAMNIT!!!") ... I can't describe. Although the japanese sub is alot better, because the voices are much more
bearable, because Mikuru sounds like she is on helium on the eng dub.After this episode it will then goes in to normal story telling and I say stick the first episode even if you don't get it.

Although to my disapointment it only last 14 brilliant episodes they are bringing out a different spin off to the anime, they decided to ditch the next season *cries* not continuing the storyline of the original anime, because this show had so much potential and keeps you wanting more after those precious 14 eps!!!! In this new version Kyon better be narrating or there will be hell to payyyyy!!!!!

Anyway that's it... wasn't much of a review ( 'cus I got lazy) but ah well. Anyway that is me for today.

Hide - I just have to hide. Laast Chance!!!

Hide lyrics

Waste away
I'm crawling blind
Hollowed by what I left inside
For you, just you
I'm caught in place
But I ignore what I can't erase

I will run and hide till memories fade away
And I will leave behind a love so strong

Close my eyes theses voices say
Haunting me, I can't escape
For you, just you
Time will always wait
While I throw away what I can't replace

I will run and hide till memories fade away
And I will leave behind a love so strong [x2]

I will run and hide!
And I will leave behind!

I will run and hide till memories fade away
And I will leave behind a love so strong!

-RED Hide

In a way I know this has so much meaning to me right now. Ha how emo am I right now! Anyway just thought I should let people know I am alive.
Uni's going good, lots of coursework.
Just finished a 21 days fast and all I can hear in my ears is "last chance" my crossroad...my crossroad indeed..

Its Fran's bday tomoz so Happy Bday Hun x x x

I'm going off to go and play Canis Canem Edit Byez

"I will run and hide till memories fade away
and I will leave behind a love so strong"

Why should I frown I know myself after all.

The first time I say no to helping anyone with anything and I get hated for it. Funny that eh!
I would bother to explain, but its time wasting and I don't like wasting time.
Also I thank the way my mother brought me up, because her ways have been drummed into me and give me a certain overall calm when needed.

On to funnier moments this girl in south central who wearing some tutu esq skirt
decided she would get down on the floor with her friend and would slither their way across the floor and simulate sex on the rather hard surface (get it rather hard surface) it was pretty funny. I just happened to come out with "Kazzie everytime she bends over I can see her throat" to which Kaz cracked up laughing.Then the second quote of the night was "I felt like I was giving her a hysterectomy with my eyes". honestly we could see her knickers and her fellow friend who was also trying to be sexy on the floor and failing miserably boob's were hanging out.

I know this must seem like the creme de la creme for most guys but honestly it was off putting and frankily quite scary.Then they had the audacity to start fights with people when they were going after everyone's boyfriends and trying to touch them up. Perfect.

I've started back uni... it was okay I guess. and its 3 in the morning and I must sleep or I will go into my lecture feeling like crap.

Love you all x x x

I miss your hugs... you know who you are.


I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
& Nobody's gonna bring me down today They can say all they wanna say about meBut I'm gonna carry on Keep on singing my songI'm human, I ain't able to pleaseEveryone at the same time, so now I findMy peace of mind living one day at a timeI'm human and I answer to one godIt comes down to one loveUntil I get to heave aboveI've made the decision Never to give upTil the I day I die no matter whatI'm gonna carry on & keep on singing my song.....
- Christina Aguilera Keep on singing my song

Oooooh oooh Out going note not that I watch wrestling any more but... My baby is back. Chris jericho *swoons* Minus the vest and some slight cheesy lines. He is as good as ever.

The greatest fraudster on earth

Something I made when I was bored.

A broken blade in a confused heart.

Hey everyone just bullet point updating everyone so no-one get moody at me:

+ Uni is a lot better now. At first I was Hating the place because all my friends were in second year and I was in first year, but I am kind of happy it happened that way. I love the people I am with now.
Although, as I remembered working with fiona is still a difficult task. I have really nice people in my life such as Ashley, David, Chanelle, Dihran, Adeola and Adhnan.

+ I actually did my work before the deadline *gasp* I hope I get good grade by keeping on top of all my assignments.

+ Next week is hopefull the last week of uni and guess what on thursday, lecturers and Students drink up party at the crown pub... Hell yeah, I've already been promised 2 drinks. One by Adhnan for helping him with quants and one from david because I am cute lol.

+ Then Tracadero afterwards with Ashley yeyness. Thursday next week is going to be fun. That's when I will start to feel all my cares just start washing away. Well until we are due back, and I will want to cry. I know I will have 2 portfolio's, 2 classroom tests and 1 long ass assignment.*slaps self* Lets not think of that... lets think about lazying around, watching tv, playing games and eating good food. *big grin*

+ I really am tired, terribly exhausted and I need rest, but I can't because I am in serious demand and there is work to be done and can't neglect it. I have got to put all I can in to this year.

+ I have a new bed. its still in the living room, we have to mount it up... I don't like the look of the mattress, but it will have to do. I also got a new smexi corner desk for my room yes its tiny corner desk because as we all know my bedroom is an insult to all bedrooms but I am starting to get use to it.

+ I need to buy a new friends for dinkles to play with because he's getting lonely and all the other teddy's getting jealous because he's so bright and shiny.

+ I need an external hardrive, I don't think my laptop will be able to take much more lol.

So that's it.

I'm done ...

About Me...

So as we all know my name is corinne but my friends shortened it down to cordie. I have had two blogs in my history of blogging.. this current blog and the blog of my past which was called scarred! I got many views, many messages.

This old blog basically was me writing out my past like a story tale. It had in detail facts of what happened to me. People were shocked how strong I was. I made many on-line friends. people were worried about me they thought I was going to die in that house one day.
After much thinking and much protesting from others to keep it, I deleted that blog. I didn't want to be known as the child with the difficult past. Every time someone searched my onnie name Anarchy's Angel, that's the first thing they would see.
I didn't want to be the person who everyone goes “ooh she's had a hard life lets all be nice to her.” Like in school miss hicks hated me ... the bitch. Anyway, she picked on me practically everyday for stupid things that she would let other students get a way with, but then when she learnt what I was going through at home
she became nice towards me. I hated that. If you hate me right, you hate me. not because of my circumstance are you now going to turn around and say “oh corinne you are wonderful oh corinne you are great.” fuck right off.

Apparently I have a like-ability factor about me. I can hangout with all types of people and be really silent and they still like me... well like I said apparently. One question I have always asked myself is why? why do people like me? Really aren't I just a moody sarcastic bitch, who is generally an uncomfortable person to be around.

I'm not socially in tuned. I can't do what Kaz does. Go into room and not knowing anyone and come out with all of their numbers and talking about hanging out or going for drinks. People don't realise I am rather shy. I'm not really good with being social, but I'm apparently the life of the party. To which I think whatever life of the party I am this must be some rather dead party.

Another thing about me I actually do have a stammer, well a slight one actually. I trained myself to over come it so much that you can't really hear it in my usual speech. It comes back full blown however when I'm really nervous, uncomfortable, shy or scared. Like sometimes I say something, I know what I wanted to say in my head and when I say it out loud to me it sounds
like I've said the right thing until someone corrects me and I am like what did I say?? it is very hard to control sometimes. When it also takes me forever to word a sentence is annoying too.

I am lame in general. I look lame, I act lame everything about me oozes lameness. Even this fucking entry is lame. Everyone says its me fishing for compliments when I say I'm am ugly (which isn't true btw) I truly am not, and I mean that in all honesty I think I'm am really really hideously ugly. I honestly do think Chantelle is a whole lot more prettier than me *Kaz stands there looking at me in disgust*

A question I have asked most of the guys I have dated is why me? I mean if the outside isn't special and the inside is not that great either then why? Its true they could have their first pick of beauties, but they are dumb enough to choose me lol.

I mean people remind me everyday that I am ugly urgh corinne your hair is still short, urgh your still that dark (there's not a cure for my skin colour you know) corinne you are fat, corinne why are you so tall? My dad conditioned me since a young age. EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY I GOT TOLD THAT: I would never become anything, I was worthless, a whore, fat, ugly, I couldn't play the guitar, I should stop singing because I couldn't. Basically everything about me was wrong and that I couldn't be seen as perfect as his son. To my parents I was the mistake, well to my dad anyway.


So when anyone tries to tell me corinne you can do this very well, I very quickly dismiss it and say no I'm not or no I can't. Sometimes it an instant thing that happens and I can't help it. I remember one time I was watching tv and then my dad came in and decided he would start on me about being fat. He reduced me to tears, I don't think I ever felt more crap that he made me feel on that day. So I drank his alcohol on empty stomach nearly everyday to ease the pain of living with him. I didn't eat, I couldn't stand the sight of food... and I thought well maybe if I lost some weight then he would stop pushing me around. I always felt like it was my fault I was the one who was pushing him and getting him angry. Mum realised I wasn't eating and was acting weird (alcohol) she started to monitor my eating after that, she has ever since. That's why sometimes my mum makes me eat before I leave the house just so she knows that I have eaten.

I saw Nadia last week no matter even if it was for 2 hours it was so much fun. Anyway she informed me that I had drastically changed. Everyone is so use to the old me... corinne who was funny, sarcastic and hyper all the damn time. I miss her. The old corinne I mean. She was fun, I was happy to be her. Now I am so quiet and reclusive that I feel generally sorry for anyone who tries to strike up conversation with this tired withdrawn cordie of now. Nadia thinks it because of Alex, she says I've crawl back into this sort of shell and I wont come out for a while and then one day, BOOM!!! I am back to normal. The thing that is scaring me is I don't think I'm going to be normal any more. Neither do I have the strength, energy or self satisfaction to be like that.

Nadia's friend was there too I barely spoke one bit to him. Apparently he likes me a lot (this is the first time he had met me *deep breath* boys, what do they know eh?)I hardly spoke to him and that's how she knew something wasn't right. She's really worried, that I am becoming this unapproachable person. I think in some ways she is right.

Message to Alex from Nadia “WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?”

I want to be my old self again, I really do but I don't think that 'fun' side of me is attainable. It makes me sad, because right now who the hell am I? What have I become that has nadia so worried about me.

I also got the “you're depressed” talk. She also thinks that the excessive weight loss of recent is tied to that, and the constant tiredness.

I am fine people, just trust me give me time. Give me time.

Nadia also thinks my barrier against letting people in, is to the point where it can't be penetrated with a few questions or easily built friendships and I don't speak so you wont know anything about me.

Have I really become like this?

Richard said I might as well be Kaz's shadow, I follow her closely and have no speech of my own. Well I would rather be Kaz's shadow than be a carrier of a thousands STI'S like yourself Richard. Fucker.

Do you blame though. Left right and centre I have people backstabbing me, hating on me, abandoning me, turning their backs on me, wishing that I would die, not having any hopes that I will succeed. I have a right to shut myself away from the world. Its safer for everyone trust me.

Well jeez THAT was depressing.

Anyway I'm going to try and get some sleep although I just had 8 hours I am still tired *looks at Nadia* shut it don't say another word. Anyway I'll get up in an hour or two. Order my desk yeyness. Go down to the bank, talk them about getting a new card. Then go to cash converters and insult them for trying to cheat me out of a dvd. Then go sainsbury's back home and maybe Kaz's today.

Got a cold and period pains from the period that is nowhere in sight.

So I'm off to go and snooze now *waves* byeee x x x

Today's the day when I sit by and watch my life waste away

Hey Just back dating entries.

Sometimes I just find myself writing blog entries and then thinking, why the hell am I doing this. I mean I have no reason to write these things, but because its beccome such a part of me I can't help it.

whats happened this week?

My Aunt was diagnosed with cancer again, and my mother is going down to yorkshire to see her. I would have loved to go there because I LOVE THAT PLACE. I would marry it and have its like sheep and cow infested babies. Plus, I like being around my aunt. She's funny and is religious, but not as serious as my mum. Although she can be strict I love my mum for the way she has pushed me 'cus least I know I haven't done anything that I would really REALLY regret ...Well not yet anyway.
Sooooorry vic I know you have been annoying me for the past few months to suddenly turn up at your door step but I want some time alone. lol.

I've nearly got my voice back but at the same time have made everyone else around me terriby sick. I sang on Monday yeyness. I was also very confused on monday, but lets not even touch upon that subject.

still haven't recieved my student loan these people are taking the p-i-s-s.

I have a new found love for Quantative methods (statistics) ... yey! I normally hate maths and all that it stands for.

we need staff and some damn new members at sbos boards... google is being a bitch to us.

I bought slipper socks *stop and looks at everyone watching at her* WHAT!!!! *cute voice* they look like slippers but they are socks and they have loads of spots on them *giggles*

I crave pizza... ummmmmm pizza

Rewatching season 1 of angel, for what reason I don't know,

I'm trying to stop myself from buying the ipod Touch. I need an mp3 player (well I dont need one) and that thing is as smexi as hell.

Must start playing naruto arena again I was pretty good at it once upon a time.

Posted up new pics on FACEBOOK (well I should have by now anyway)...I must really update myspace and who uses bebo? just sounds like a damn african name. Sorry that was rude I take that back.

Plus I haven't made a new template for here yet, I really should. The Sasuke template must disappear, I know as soon it is gone I am going to have hate mail from nadia. Got the film yet? if so send it to me.. Quick tings blud quuuiiick tings.

Wrote a song yesterday called hello to fake dreams. Its sad.

Right so my lovlies I'll see you again for another great and exciting entry (lies)

Bye x x x

A cold that could Kill

Hey everyone went Karoke on thursday ... Didn't get up to sing...why? because I have lost my voice and currently sound like a man who has been on 40 cigs a day lol.

This is my second cold/flu thing in four weeks. My immune system, the most crappiest thing I know.

I was really, really tired. That's only because I spent the night prior to that thursday at karoke in a hotel room with jon and Kaz. Before you think it, I was not doing naughty stuff. okay maybe a little ... kidding.

Well the army is letting Jon stay in the hotel because he has no where else to go. They are basically paying for everything.

So kaz heard this and her eyes lit up lol. I was too ill to go down stairs and drink with them because I was coughing and blowing my nose. So I stayed nice and snug in the bed. btw that bed was damn comfortable.

During my journey to victoria station I had my first ride on the back of a bike... Did I look hot in a helmet? hell yeah. lol. It was fun Chris had bike but people were afraid we would take off if I got on the back of it and never to be seen again. So the bike was off limits to me.

Unfinished....

cordie x

Sister Mary Gang member and her gang banging crew.

I have the flu WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

My back started bleeding while I was at karoke on monday, didn't want to worry anyone by telling them so I keep on touching the area 'cept it looked like I was doing something totally different.
So if anyone saw any lower back rubbage its not what ya think lol. mum took me to hospital before uni and I'm fine people... well as fine as people with a wound on their tailbone can get.

Had fun at karoke although my head was pounding, my nose was slightly blocked and I tasted the most sickening ribs in my life. Nah dude seriously it tasted like someone just dipped it in honey took it out and thought hey I dont know what I'm doing but I'm going to attempt to season the fuck. Geez it was free but never again.

I'm tired today, I mean really worn down and I just want to rest but of course I can't. Way too much to do, seriously.

Had slight time though to start coloring in my new sig slash character for the new SBOS boards. Keavy did a awesome job I make a crap admin Honestly.... I'm sick, internetless and still struggling to get stuff sorted and its affecting the board. Darnit.
Sometimes I wished we never moved house, life would still be so much more relaxing. minus the whole my dad and half of his family showing up at the door.

The best video that I have managed to catch on film... I had to put it on youtube and its probably going to get taken off or some little twelve year is going to tell me. I hate this video get a life or something like that. Oh I love getting into fights with those kids who think they are the shit online
come against me and I will remind you that I am older than you. Stupid fools.

Anyway I'm bored now. Its 02:52 wednesday morning. I'm also very cold (our boiler broke*rolls eyes*) and there is nothing on tv and no I am not going to sit there and watch porn (not that there is any on.... you have gotta miss the old channel 5 though, Well I dont miss it but you get what I mean)

Sister Mary Gang Member is signing off.


Cordie x

Scotty doesn't Know

Hey!!!!!!

Scotty doesn't know,
That Fionna and me,
Do it in my van every Sunday.

She tells him shes in church,
But she doesn't go,
Still shes on her knees, and...

Scotty doens't know, oh.
Scotty doesn't know-oh.
So don't tell Scotty!
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

Fionna says shes out shopping,
But shes under me and I'm not stopping.

Cuz Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
So don't tell Scotty.
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....
DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

I can't believe he's so trusting,
While I'm right behind you thrusting.

Fionna's got him on the phone,
and she's trying not to moan.
It's a three way call,
and he knows nothing.
NOTHING!!!

Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Don't tell Scotty.
Cuz Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....
SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

We'll put on a show, everyone will go.
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....

The, parking lot, why not?
It's so cool when you're on top.
His front lawn, in the snow.
Laughing so hard, cuz...

Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.

I did her on his birthday.

Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Don't tell Scotty.
Scotty doesn't knoooooow....

Scotty will know,
Scotty has to know,
Scotty's gotta know,
Gonna tell Scotty,
Gonna tell him myself.

Scotty has to know,
Scotty has to know,
Scotty has to,
Scotty has to,
Scotty has to go!

Scotty doesn't know,
(Don't tell Scotty)
Scotty doesn't know,
(Don't tell Scotty)
Scotty doesn't know...
Scotty's gotta go!

-Lustra - Scotty doesn't know.

This song is only here because I haven't heard it in ages lol. Has nothing to do with me, before I get random friends asking me "cordie what have you been upto?"

xUpdates x

- Re-doing year 1 because I couldn't take my re-takes and was in hospital while they were taking place, although strangely enough my exstenuating circumstances was approved... I have still been sent back to the first year... and with that I have fiona with me for another year, because she also failed to progress to teh second year.
- I'm alot better, just waiting for my student loan to come through (*cough* more alike start filling out the form lol*cough*)
- Tierd alot (still drugged up on Co-dydramol)

- Started new Naruto fanart its called promise fullfiled. It makes me sad. Damn you Sasuke.

- Getting my net access back in the first week of october, praise be.

- Evil intentions in mind for certain people in my life.

- Playing the most funniest game of sims, with all my friends as characters. I might start taking screen-shots just because its so funny so far.. Chantelle sleeps with everything that walks ( wow virtual reality really does resemble real life) and is sleeping with Jon and Alan in different rooms, so they dont know about each other, Johnathon is a business man who desires expensive things and fancies all the women that walk through the door (so true to life as well) and is also sleeping with a married woman, the maid and his betfriends wife. Kaz and Alan are getting it on and are about to get engaged (*laughs* the day that happens in real life, is when I know the world is coming to an end) Anthony is obssesed with my character he has three damn lighting bolts with mean strong chemistry (although my character aint giving a crap about him ...oh wait that resembles life too) and currently is screwing the maid and Jasmine is screwing some old rich married guy (you can see her doing that lol) .... what my boredom took over one monday evening

- got a virus on my memory stick that refuses to budge

- my room is a total mess.. nah really its to the point where you wouldn't think a human being lives in this room.

- Still haven't got my Mp3 player fixed

- Gone up a bra size.... I know I know you didn't need to know that.

Funny things this week:

Although I have seen this many times and have also downloaded it on to my computer, I decided to watch them all again. What? you ask... the Naruto Abridged series honestly Vegeta, Masako ... you guys own.

Backstory: Iruka's parents were killed when he was young.

This scene takes place when iruka is sorting out the genin groups. he picks all the main characters and left the other people in the room unamed. Right... Action:

Random Kid: What about us?
Iruka Sensei: uh you're not impotant enough
Random Kid: My mum thinks I'm special
Iruka Senei: Well your mum's a skank
Random Kid: Least I have a mum
Iruka Sensei: Ah! Touche

- Naruto the Abridged Series

My punishment....

I'm not going to sussex

I have to repeat my year although its because of my illness that I didn't attend my exams and they know this.

All my cool friends are gone.

I am a loser and I am all alone.

Geez can anybody tell I am not in a good mood today.

Funny things I have seen today though

A ghetto guy proper head to toe covered in bling... NY HAT, Trackies....
Reading *gasp* and second gasp.... it was Harry Potter.

Wait... gangbangers actually know how to read... wow miracles do happen.

Update.... yeaaaahhhh yeaahhhh another one.

Hey everyone just updating 'cus I was ordered to *hits Nadia* (tell me, why can't you just call me LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD) *Sighs*

+ I no longer need nursing at home *jumps around does a little dance* and my cavity (as they are calling it now) is at its final stages of healing.

- I am actually starting to feel claustraphobic in my room.

+ I am planning to get 2 new guitars... I know, I know. I have no space to put them, but I will find somewhere okay. they are cheap and from ebay... annnnnd are handpainted like my guitar with butterflies. Although, the pink Hello kitty guitar is singing to me in my sleep. No, this is no joke I tell you,I have been dreaming of this guitar.

- I am so broke at the moment that it actually hurts. Ever felt so broke, that your heart feels heavy... no.... well you should try it, its a new pitiful experiance.

++ I am going to see david for two days next week. I miss him, I can't believe he abandoned me here in london and never to return, his answer to this...." Well... come and live with me". *dry tone* Yes Dave, that solves everything. *laughs*

+ Just thinking on how to decorate the claustophobic paradise (my room) I'm downsizing my bed to a mere double. I know, the pain. I am going to try and find the most smallest desk known to man, get a few draping cloths, tv, pillows, upto date posters (that's a lie I have loads of posters I just wish for more) dvd and cd rack, shelves and I think that will be it.

- Alex I thought you said you were going to stop stalking me.

-Yes nadia I will start your request for me to make a naruto and sakura video to even in death by evanescence, but it would be easier, if I could see the 4th movie then the song it would go.

+ Uni starts in four to five weeks I haven't started applying for my student loan, neither do I know whether I am going back or not.

Okay there you go, an update. it was boring and also time consuming.

love ya all x x x

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone. I see your shadow so I know they are all wrong.

hey all I've just come back from seeing rush hour 3 (Excellent film, Chris-Jackieness great humour like always) I did have a good night, but it felt wrong in a way.

Kaz asked me to come down and go harvester with her and I thought... Okay, I'll come down and spend some time with Kaz and co. Then Jon abruptly controls our plans of free foodness (what people I am black) to go to wetherspoons.
So Kaz asked if we would get fed, he said yes and yada yada yada. So anyway as soon as we get to wetherspoons, I get a text from my mum saying I had to bring my bus pass back and give it to her so she could go out.
So I told Kaz I can't come back down because my mum will have my pass and because of my broke ass no working summer, with much injuries I have no money to just take a bus back down.
She gave me her bus pass and said she would ask jon to buy her a bus pass. So I took the pass to my mums to find out that she didn't really need it. I wanted to murder her because I spent maybe an hour and twenty minutes trying to get myself back down to streatham.

So I leave my pass with my mum and come back down on Kaz's bus pass. So I get to wetherspoons and as you can imagine there is a chantelle looking very depressed, and the very merry twosome Jon and Kaz ( drunk like damn fishes swimming around in white wine) and two birds I have never seen before.
I get introduced to sophie and alice who are really sweet and beautiful girls (shame I'm nothing like that). A slight argument breaks out because kaz wants to go home and change, bcause she smelt of alcohol, but it wouldn't have made much difference because the amount of alcohol she consumed was already on her breath (lol!)
Chan didn't want to go because jon was there. Chantelle and jon are now enemies, although when they first met each other he wanted to jump her damn bones. (this is turning out to be a very long story).

So after much moaning and confusion jon had 4 tickets to go and see rush hour 3 he invited sophie and alice (who he just randomly met that day) and had space for one more person. So kaz and chan didn't want to go and I didn't exactly feel like going with Jon and the two other girls, but then Kaz did tell me that jon would waste a ticket and I felt guilty.
I dont know why this boy can't just go to peckham damn cinema like the rest of us cheap fucks.

So we get in a black cab after jon ran half way down the road for it. I had to run to the other side even though I told him I can't run due to my wound in my back still trying to heal (oh I ripped the skin on it a week ago that was damn paiiiiinful)
So whiz forward a bit, we are in the cab and jon is shouting from the rooftops that he gay, which doesn't surprise me much and talking about how much he earns in a year and suddenly I dont know where it came from but jon started turning on me.
He was saying it like it was a joke, but you know those jokes when you hear the person voicing their opinions about you, but hiding behind the walls of haha I'm just kiddin' ya. well it was like that. Jon said well you're poor, you wont get a good job and then to alice and sophie
that he admires them for being nurses because they are signing up to be poor for the rest of their lives, I dont know the way he was saying it, it made me feel low... I don't know about sophie and alice, but he just kept on going on about how poor I am always gonna be.

Then other comment of after the night out we had a month ago or so, went slept in the same bed (not like that people ewww) and he hugged me, he said something but I will not mention it. Anyway he started talking to alice thinking that I thought somethng was going on between us ( WHICH I NEVER) and he was like I mean why would I want to I mean she fat, Black and poor. once again if it was a joke at least a smile this was total seriousness in his voice.


So we get there and we are waiting for him to get his tons of food he ordered for himself asked me if I wanted anything I said no, then he said get one thing so I said coke. right so I got a coke. so he apparently topped up his gift card and gave it over to pay for the stuff that he bought, apparently it had insufficient funds. Jon gets into this argument with the manager, when they were trying to fix the problem and he just needed to patient, when I told him this I got a very harsh "just shut up corinne" so I just left him and went to talk to sophie. After this I decided I'm just going to try and stay out of his way and not get down about it
Finally got to our seats and the film had already started btw jon sat at the end to your left then sophie, alice then me at the end to your right.

He offered popcorn to sophie and alice and he said hey corinne wants some I was just about put my hand in and he pulls it away and says " well you are fat enough already I dont think you need anymore" and sit back in the chair then when he looked over and saw my face that when he decided that he would give me some, to which I then I rejected it until he started getting popcorn down alice and shoving it in my face, I took some just to shut him up.

Then he embarressed me in cinema about something else, which I will not mention.

I can take those kind of comments, when they are jokes. Even sometimes when they are jokes they hurt, but I just ignore them and brush 'em off. When everyone gangs up on me, even though I know they're joking, it makes me feel wrong to be black and I feel small ( I know what them lot are thinking along the lines of "but it is though") because most of my friends are not black and they go on and on and on about it. Once everyone was doing it, and I had a hard day and I want cheer up and I thought... yeah my friends will cheer me up. I wasn't feeling that great about myself either and then they all started. I acted like nothing was wrong, but its kind of funny how I went to the toilets and cried lol! Stupid me,

Jon however took it to a whole new level, the way he was saying it, it was like he meant every word he said. Then I remembered I still had to ask him for a bus pass to get back home and he had been going on about how 'poor' I am all night.

After punching me in my back and me punching him in the back in return, much harder, showing him that there is one thing about a black person you dont mess with... their strength.

I had to ask or i wouldn't able to get home as it seemed as he had forgot, I did at this point feel like shit so I reminded him and the angry WHAT?!? I got back was like, yey bring on the crappy feeling then he started going into one " NO-ONE TELLS ME THESE THINGS" grumbling underneath his breath, grabs a one day buspass out of his pocket and thrusts it at me and was like "well...bye"

So its decided I am never going out with jon again, well not by myself and not while he is drunk, well least I have a jist of what he really thinks of me. I wouldn't have even been there if Kaz hadn't told me to come back.

I know half of that stuff is true, but its the comments that are true that hurts more than the ones that are false right?

I don't know maybe I'm overreacting but when I was at the bus stop I felt tears coming to my eyes (I'm such a stupid twat sometimes) I just came home after the film I have wanted to see all year, feeling like dirt, I'm a bit better now.

x Updates x

- Uni finally are doing something about my extenuating circumstances form Yeyness. Hopefully by the grace of god this form reaches them by friday,

- I should be fully connected back to the net by october.

- I am actually an admin of a board that has more than ten members.

- Might be changing my blog template, I'm getting fed up of seeing sasuke. Well I haven't been online that much but I know he's there and its annoying (that sounds like such a jasmine thing to say)

- Wound in my back from the op has nearly closed, although it will take maybe a year or so to fully heal.

- I have to stop myself from drawing more fan-art, its starting to clutter my darnn room.The character I have drawn to soon be my DA ID ( dont know why I bother with DA anymore) looks so hot.... of course if its hot it looks nothing like me... although its my character... I should probably draw a black marshmallow woman and put that there instead.

- Still weak after losing 3 pints of blood two days after my operation and being rushed back to hospital. Then further after that losing another 1/2 a pint a few days after that. the doctor said I may feel tired alot, but still they are amazed how I can be as active as I am today.

- I think my tagger is on crack... I think it went to get high with all the other crack head taggers. its showing old messages instead of new ones. So I am just going to delete all my messages and start afresh ... better leave me comments biznatches.


Anyone I have droned on too long with my depressed self (well not depressed just slightly down)

Mina Arigato(everybody thankyou) for putting up with reading this lol.

love ya xx

Quote of the week

Jon: So chantelle I hear you are illiterate
Chantelle: *Looks all offended*
Chantelle: .... what's illiterate?
Jon: The answer is yes then

Quote from Rush Hour 3 - you have to see this part to find it funny and it also sounds like something I would say

*Chris tucker is dangling from the effile tower*

Chris tucker: No...woahhh.... black people don't fly, they just dont dont fly *shouts* black people don't flyyyyyy.

They Patched me up and sent me on my merry way

Hey Guys I am a bit weak at the mo, so I am going to give an update as fast as poss, before this damn tablet knocks me out again.

I had the operation on monday, I am still pretty weak, and have slight discomfort, but I'm doing fine.

They were even thinking of not doing my surgery because they couldn't find a surgeon who was free and willing lol. But finally after 4 1/2 hours wait they finally went through with it.
I came out looking like hell, honestly... but my mum, Jay and Kaz and ryan (lol!) made me feel loads better.

I am now at my new house (yes I have moved) and I have no internet, so its a bit annoying but hey gotta live with that for a while until I get everything sorted out and I am back on my feet again. So I will be around for a bit.

Thank you everybody for the texts, calls and emails to check if I am alright.

Soz you guys feeling really tired so I am going to go now.

Love ya loads

*mwah* x x x

My so deserved punishment

Hey guys still feeling awful, plus our favourite monthly friend made a visit and had me vomiting everywhere (I'm not kidding I swear at one point it was like projectile vomit) and I near collapsed if my mum hadn't grabbed onto me.
I felt kind of sorry for her today she has been so darn active because we are moving to are tiny house tomorrow... sorry I am going to state it how it is... its about half of the size of my house now (even smaller). Okay must stay happy I moving there tomorrow *tries to fill self with happy thoughts and fails miserably* oh well don't say I didn't try.

Anyway, I have had a lot of thinking to do over these past couple of days, and honestly I am very confused, but I am just going to ignore what's going on for awhile and enjoy in pain packing and so forth.

I love you guys so much and David I'm sorry I can't get back to your emails I'm fine and you don't need to come to London for me. You too Nadia. and Alex... stop with ringing me already you are the only person who calls me on private number I ain't going to pick up so just stop.

*big huggles*

ttyl x

(Oh depending on the moving I may or may not have internet access... pray that I do)

Hopefully Kazzie and Jaja are going to come over and help me out,which will be fun and we can have a little leaving ceremony to the big bedroom.

But I have already decided that I am havinf a tv in that room, when I get money I amgetting a flat screen tv and mounting it up on the wall Yeeeeaaahhhh Baby!!! right next to my bed.. the bedroom is going to get proper pimped.

sleepy now *yawns cutely* z z z z Z Z Z Z

I'm at my limit

hey everyone, just letting you know I might go missing for a while on everything this includes: My blog,DA,Blades of Seireitei,facebook,myspace etc...

This is because I have a serious and dangerous cyst, which needs to be removed and is extremely painful. I am very ill at the mo... and now it has come to the point that I can't sit or be active at all, can't eat and I am pretty much weak because of that.

I am hoping though that god will prevent it from getting worse and after it is removed that it will never return.

Sorry guys I'm too weak to type anything else

ttyl x

Happy B-day. You can stand under my umbrella.

Yeah it was my bday yesterday *dances around*. Pretty eventful, I had fun, but one person always tries to spoil my fun (must remember no ranting).

I had the first ever bday cake made out of pita bread and the biggest candle known to man in the middle (that was excellent) and we ate it all with cheese (yummm cheese).

There was craziness, seeing people I haven't seen in years. Becoming groupies, me walking around like a walking,talking birthday party *looks at everybody* What?! Kazzie attacked me with ballons, Loads of them.

I got some great presents, and I thank everyone who gave me a present,they were all so lovely *hugs you all* plus cards and actually showing up on my bday... *even more hugs*

Anyway, my mood plummeted during the night, and I think it affected everyone else, because I got a call from someone, who I wish no longer to name by name (you ass) who started wish death upon me (specific words being... I hope you die on that operation table you evil bitch, cow. I hate you. How dare you have fun on your birthday, while I'm miserable) because I wouldn't take them up on their offer.
I said no the first few hundred times what makes you think one more would make a difference.

I was so happy I couldn't feel my back pain during the night, it was until this morning, omg the pain kicked in. I feel so damn old, lol. I'm 20 years of age, 16 mentally and have an 80 year olds body. Well come in visit me in hospital everyone lol.

I am going to try and put the pics that I have of my bday up (there are not many) in my photo album. The link is in the navigation. Since everyone is making me sign up to facebook and myspace and other damn networking sites then I might as well show everyone.

My brother finally text me, this cheap message. 'Happy birthday sis holla at me when you can bye' but I am kinda happy because I still got a message from him. Its better than nothing right? I think he hates me now. I don't know why, I wish he didn't... I haven't done anything wrong, not anything that I know of. He is one of those people I love too much and anything he does to me I just accept. * feels a bit down* *slaps self*

Anyway, Happy stuff, ummm I'm going to the beach next week, dont know why the weather has been crappy.

I might get my new Zen Vision M because my other one decided the colour on the screen would give up on me.

GEEZ I really haven't got much going on at the moment have I? Damn you back, as soon asd they fix you, I WANT TO GET BACK ON MY FEET.

Anyway I'm done

Love ya

Cordie x