Take my Hand...

Hey people. Well I am now losing all sanity I thought I had left, rying to grip on to it as much as I can but it seems to be slipping away from me bit by fucking bit.I'm gonna list all the problems that I have a discuss them one by one and just laugh at how god is just expecting to much of me to be able to deal with this year and finish 2006 with my mental state intact cause I can tell you I am gonna have a breakdown soon. I will snap at ever living creature in the vicinity of this me before it though. I hate when I start to do that. Let start with the most rediculous ones.

This whole Sufia and Charlotte thing. Okay I have never seen such stupidity in my life. Haven't they ever heard when your man starts doing you wrong and starts coming on to other chicks never blame the chick...blame the man. But Oh no. Sufia is still clearly in love with mark no matter how much she tries to deny it. (yes I know you will read this sufia that is every reason why I am putting it here) How me, Jay and Azera sat in the park for how many hours explaining to sufia why going out with mark would be a really bad move. Did she listen to us... does she ever...NO! Now when mark starts going around being the manwhore that he is, she starts feeling hurt and abused and I am like didn't I tell you this was going to happen. Still she blames Charlotte. Yes, we all know charlotte has her times when she seems...whats the word...easy.That's char... you can't change who she is. She knows that every guy finds her attractive so she uses it to her advantage. So a couple of weeks ago charlotte came back into me and Kaz's life and has decided she wants to hang around with us again. Since sufia has found out that I am hanging out charlotte, all of a sudden I am a traitor. Also that I am acting differently towards her, when she is being off with me.Practically I know she has been complaining to Jay about me and you know what...I don't give a damn no more because I am realising the people who I have always trusted, my trust in them is starting to fade now.

Which brings me to Jay. Don't get me wrong, I love jay with everything that I have got but lord knows I am never gonna tell her anything to do with mark, charlotte or sufia again. I know sometimes I say things I shouldn't but if they are said I always say 'em to jay so I can keep 'em there. But the fact of the matter is I asked Jay did you tell sufia about the whole charlotte thing in depth, she swore to me and said no. Sufia comes round and does something to make me think that she does. It makes me so angry and upset with her. that I am used as her link, her gossip. Therefore I will play this role no more. When I go to Jays to watch o.c I am just gonna go there watch the programme and leave straight away. No talking about Kaz's house or any of it. Then the funniest thing is she says she has had enough of Kaz's but when they need there little entertainment top up that's when her and sufia go over there. They are not friends to her, and if that is the only way of showing their friendship then lord knows I am not too sure I wanna be in contact with these people.

My mum is saying she wants me out of her house now, because definatley I am nto gonna turnholy and time soon. So I have to find a hostel placement before I start uni.So once again another family memeber is treating me like shit and Ihave to leave my home and find somewhere else, to be even more depressed at...oh yey.

My dad and my mum's courtcase is coming up. I don't want to be there. They keep on expecting me to have all this time to pay attention to both of their bullshit. One wants me to not go to church, come and see them every fucking day and the other wants me to go to church and forget all my friends and the clothes I wear and the music I listen to. Yeah I have never changed myself for anyone why should I start now.

My bro has been moved to the isle of wight prison. I don't have the money to be going down there and seeing him. So I have no one who knows what it is like to go through this shit around me. Plus, I need him to put my rents in their place. They are just both taking fucking advantage of me right now.

University and applying for the fucking thing is ticking me off. The student loan form is as heavy as two fucking bibles and its like it is written in hebrew of some sort although yes it is written in the english language. I feel like shooting the people that made up that form. They must be sitting there laughing knowing that I have to fill in my name more than five times on a damn booklet. I am only through half of it and I have filled in my name 4 friggin times!

Synovate the company I am meant to get the new job from.Is just annoying me, I have to wait until next month until they hire me.

My relationship issues lol! Read half of my DA shit and you might get the idea.

I haven't really enjoyed myself in a while like properly. That is why when I go on this dev meet on the 29th of april I plan to have so much fun and meet so many new people to make my life a bit more interesting. More people to talk to.

I Think I am done. I have finished my ranting and I think I feel alot better now. Yep, I think I do lol! So I think I am gonna go and remember my blog, my words. shut the fuck up and just read. lol
byesxxx