Black Diamond.

I' ve always wished to have a normal life
but never have
I wished to have parents who could take care of me
be there for me
understand me
But I never did.
I wish I could live alone
but I am bound to my mother
I never can.

This is kinda strange to write but I am worried. Stuff is happening that is out of my control.
I told my brother something I shouldn't and before I know it my dad will know and that will cause more problems for my mum. Apparently, by the words of god I will suffer if I do not come to church soon according to the Amos chapter 5.
It talks about mourning, like death. I dunno, I am just worried. I know I don't really believe all of this is happening, and ecspecially to me but it is. So I can't help worrying. Its just something in me, that i know something bigger is to come. I feel a war brewing on the Kaz and dwaine front and another war between my mum and my dad and guess what, now that my brotehr knows a piece of sensitive information I am not surprised that he will deliver it into the hands of my dad.

Oh god I am confused ... serious, no joke now. I am actually considering church.but, why me? Can't I just get a rest without drama. But no I'm sorry this is corinne natalie hunt of course I don't deserve a break. I wanna cry, I want to run away. I just want to hide is that so much to ask. Everything seems to be going wrong.
Minus uni. Uni is the one thing I feel happy about, I mean my friends there are kick ass cool. Specially Fiona, Ozzie,Ryan, Aj, Toks, Adealson, Tabo, sandra, Treasure, Simmran and boal. But I am so afriad about failure this year, more than any year of college or even more than my gcse's... my gcse's I was kaking myself. But the experience has been so fun.

See I have even started talking like these are my last days, maybe they are.. I dunno. I am just a confused bundle of mess, I will never understand why my dad just cannot let this go. Get a new woman for fuck sake, then go and beat her the fuck around. Slowly but surely you will forget my mum and move on to greener beating up wife like pastures.

Me and Alex are kinda starting to get back on track, I dunno how that is gonna go, but with all my luck, I am not surprised if something bad happens to the two of us. Already feeling the strain of everyone acusing me of something or another. To my mother I am a devil child, to Alex I am a liar, cheater and apparently now a whore,to my dad I have always been a whore (what is with people calling virgins whore, fucking hell get the facts straight) to Kaz I am probably being a bitch (with the whole I don't tell her I am angry with her I wait for a while, let the steam build up and blow. Plus, the me not trusting her with my stuff thing, I am not backing down with that one, I have seen to much of my shit get destroyed because of my TRUST),My brother of all people calling me a shit stirrer, if there was anyone who could stir shit successfully it would have to be him. I just feel like the world is on top of my shoulders and I really cannot take the strain any more. I am going snap just very everyone's info.

I feel like I am going crazy, that these past few months has just not been happening, because if they have this shit sucks.

I am still engaged (yey) me and my boyfriend are thinking of spending some quality time in a hotel somewhere up west (hey don't look at me like that I did ask for something cheaper, but he wants it to be special) right now any cherry popping is just out of the question. Even though it is the cure of stress related problems, just not now, not this month and definitely not this year.

People also lying about me, saying I am having secret relationships as well has fucked me up.

God I am being too open again.

No wonder some people call me emo, I get all worked up and stressed out and then I write one of these and its like... what the hell? Is she just so emo or what? I mean except for stupid white chicks, who would willing call themselves an emo... do you realise that you are cussing yourself. I over heard boys talking the other day to a bunch of american metalhead girls saying that they are emo and these girls started laughing, because it is just shameful.
I mean their music is good, yey for the used, hawthorne heights, My Chemical romance and sometimes bullet for my valentine.

I feel like a am trapped, like I have no way to turn, except the way that my mum wants me to turn, because she is blackmailing me practically to become a complete and utter devoted christian.

I have too many assignments to do, so much that they are running out of places to come out from and now are pushing their way through my ass. Plus it is like 02:07 in the morning and my first lecture is at fucking 8:00.. can someone, anyone... tie a noose around this neck and save me from this shit please...
*innocent voice* or at least take me on holiday. *laughs*
A war is about to take place between Kaz and dwaine, 'cept for I have a friend on the opposite side, which i actually think is not talking to me now for this reason. I dunno maybe I am just imagining it , but he has been acting super weird like avoiding me recently. Sent txt's no reply, talked to him online, no reply, left a message on myspace, still no fucking reply... so I give up. The last time I even bumped into me he wasn't even as pally as he used to be. He's totally changed with me, which is kinda scary. I actually feel like a stalker, which adds to his long collection, but I just wanna know if he is talking to me or not. Okay yes I know what you are thinking all sources point to a hell he definitely not talking to you, but I don't know why all of a sudden he would just do that... I would at least have thought that i would have had to do something wrong to cause that.

*SCREAMS* URRRRGGGH. CAN IT JUST ALL FINISH ALREADY.. ALL OF IT. PLEASE. THAT WOULD BE NICE GOD. THANX

SANTA THAT IS WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:

for my mum to shut up, her rants at me about christianity is just annoying me

for my father to get a life and stop trying to screw up mine

for my brother to take his head out of his ass and see the godamn light, because he may be in middlesex prison, but even from afar he is pissing me off.

for Kaz and dwaine to stop fighting already. This is getting old, tierd and frankily a bit stale.

for god to stop having me be "special" dont ask.

for all my friends I miss ... scottie (my husband who I haven't seen in ages) Mark (Marky mark the pussy shark) to just come back and be around more often. Them two always knew how to put a smile on my face.

for people to stop annoying me so easily, and can uni stop being so stressful. I mean for fuck sake I like challenges but this is a fucking 90 degree's mountain I am climbing.

God if this week I don't go on a drinking spree, it must be a fucking miracle. That's the only time I drink now. When I haveproblems eating away at me.

Anyways guys see ya later. need mahusive hugs from Alex and David. Since I haven't seen them two in a while. EXCEPT FOR THE MONDAY I CHOOSE TO FORGET. plus, they aint talking anymore. I knew it wouldn't last *sighs*

Need hotel fun *winks at alex* see ya lot later x

Update in bulletpoints. aint got time to write full lengths of crap.

- Still engaged although there have been some problems... some problems is an understatement.

+ I did actually manage to get my coursework in due to a little protest outside of my lecturers office. *laughs* I love my uni friends.

- I am buried and when I mean buried I mean, can't breathe, keeps me awake at night tossing and turning, having dreams of books chasing me buried. Under assignments, plus I have a time constrained assignment sometimes this week. DAMN BUSINESS. PPD and quantative Methods portfolios to give in. *cries*

- I keep on getting sick for no reason at all.

+ Uni sponsered pub crawls are the most funniest fucking thing you could ever attend

-+ I have a stalker, although he is quite a cool friend, he is very very much after me. Have I suddenly become some goddess that everyone is suddenly having feelings for me. I feel like Kaz, she has half of the male population attracted to her.

+ uni friends are planning another pub crawl *w00ts* spending more uni money wahhhey

- I kinda went mad on my student loan and I only have a hundred left from 1,600.

- I gotta move house again, fucking father won't leave us the fuck alone.

- I need to clothes.

- My mp3 player two weeks ago mysteriously stopped working. Fucking piece of sh-- *bangs the fuck out of it* umm that actually sounds a bit wrong.

+ I got drunk this week, I have done that in ages. eventhough it is still boring to me. but when I am drunk I can't help but be funnier than usual.

- My watch broke, my gorge watch, well technically Kaz broke it.

+ can't wait until I see dee. lol

I failed my assignment because of this fucked up shit

I HATE STUPID UNFACILITATED LIBRARIES

I HATE WOMEN WHO DON'T KNOW FUCK ABOUT COMPUTERS

I HATE FLOPPY DISKS

I HATE THAT SHOP MAPLIN

I HATE MY LUCK

I HATE MYSELF NOW, JUST WHEN I SPENT SO MUCH TIME LOVING MYSELF.

I HATE NEW STAFF IN LIBRARIES

I AM STARTING TO HATE AMANDA STAPLES

WORKING IN ORGANISATIONS SUCKS ASS

I HATE GREENWICH NOT WORKING SYSTEM.

I HATE ASSIGNMENTS

GOD DAMN IT TODAY I EVEN HATE YOUR MUM I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I JUST DO OKAY........

UNI WAS GREAT UNTIL TODAY.

I WANNA DIE TODAY.

GIVE ME A FUCKING KNIFE AND I SWEAR TO GOD I WOULD PLUNGE IT THROUGH MY HEART.

EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR GONE.

MY LUCK, MY GOD DMAN LUCK