Hey people. Well I am now losing all sanity I thought I had left, rying to grip on to it as much as I can but it seems to be slipping away from me bit by fucking bit.I'm gonna list all the problems that I have a discuss them one by one and just laugh at how god is just expecting to much of me to be able to deal with this year and finish 2006 with my mental state intact cause I can tell you I am gonna have a breakdown soon. I will snap at ever living creature in the vicinity of this me before it though. I hate when I start to do that. Let start with the most rediculous ones.
This whole Sufia and Charlotte thing. Okay I have never seen such stupidity in my life. Haven't they ever heard when your man starts doing you wrong and starts coming on to other chicks never blame the chick...blame the man. But Oh no. Sufia is still clearly in love with mark no matter how much she tries to deny it. (yes I know you will read this sufia that is every reason why I am putting it here) How me, Jay and Azera sat in the park for how many hours explaining to sufia why going out with mark would be a really bad move. Did she listen to us... does she ever...NO! Now when mark starts going around being the manwhore that he is, she starts feeling hurt and abused and I am like didn't I tell you this was going to happen. Still she blames Charlotte. Yes, we all know charlotte has her times when she seems...whats the word...easy.That's char... you can't change who she is. She knows that every guy finds her attractive so she uses it to her advantage. So a couple of weeks ago charlotte came back into me and Kaz's life and has decided she wants to hang around with us again. Since sufia has found out that I am hanging out charlotte, all of a sudden I am a traitor. Also that I am acting differently towards her, when she is being off with me.Practically I know she has been complaining to Jay about me and you know what...I don't give a damn no more because I am realising the people who I have always trusted, my trust in them is starting to fade now.
Which brings me to Jay. Don't get me wrong, I love jay with everything that I have got but lord knows I am never gonna tell her anything to do with mark, charlotte or sufia again. I know sometimes I say things I shouldn't but if they are said I always say 'em to jay so I can keep 'em there. But the fact of the matter is I asked Jay did you tell sufia about the whole charlotte thing in depth, she swore to me and said no. Sufia comes round and does something to make me think that she does. It makes me so angry and upset with her. that I am used as her link, her gossip. Therefore I will play this role no more. When I go to Jays to watch o.c I am just gonna go there watch the programme and leave straight away. No talking about Kaz's house or any of it. Then the funniest thing is she says she has had enough of Kaz's but when they need there little entertainment top up that's when her and sufia go over there. They are not friends to her, and if that is the only way of showing their friendship then lord knows I am not too sure I wanna be in contact with these people.
My mum is saying she wants me out of her house now, because definatley I am nto gonna turnholy and time soon. So I have to find a hostel placement before I start uni.So once again another family memeber is treating me like shit and Ihave to leave my home and find somewhere else, to be even more depressed at...oh yey.
My dad and my mum's courtcase is coming up. I don't want to be there. They keep on expecting me to have all this time to pay attention to both of their bullshit. One wants me to not go to church, come and see them every fucking day and the other wants me to go to church and forget all my friends and the clothes I wear and the music I listen to. Yeah I have never changed myself for anyone why should I start now.
My bro has been moved to the isle of wight prison. I don't have the money to be going down there and seeing him. So I have no one who knows what it is like to go through this shit around me. Plus, I need him to put my rents in their place. They are just both taking fucking advantage of me right now.
University and applying for the fucking thing is ticking me off. The student loan form is as heavy as two fucking bibles and its like it is written in hebrew of some sort although yes it is written in the english language. I feel like shooting the people that made up that form. They must be sitting there laughing knowing that I have to fill in my name more than five times on a damn booklet. I am only through half of it and I have filled in my name 4 friggin times!
Synovate the company I am meant to get the new job from.Is just annoying me, I have to wait until next month until they hire me.
My relationship issues lol! Read half of my DA shit and you might get the idea.
I haven't really enjoyed myself in a while like properly. That is why when I go on this dev meet on the 29th of april I plan to have so much fun and meet so many new people to make my life a bit more interesting. More people to talk to.
I Think I am done. I have finished my ranting and I think I feel alot better now. Yep, I think I do lol! So I think I am gonna go and remember my blog, my words. shut the fuck up and just read. lol
byesxxx
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
I Love spending my time with you....
Hey ya all. Well this easter holiday is looking slightly hopeful as I actually won money for the grand national got around 200 hundered quid kept 60 and gave 140 to my mum and where has this 60 quid gone...EBAY AND FUCKING CLOTHES LOL! and of course the girlie accesories like eyeliner and eyeshadow (not that they are going to be used that often) but yeah might as well you know pile on the endless make up like girls my age do. who am I kiddin. I may have the biggest and visible blackhead scar on the side of my face and also building family around it. but guess what I couldn't give a flying fuck about it being there. If it wants to stay there then go ahead I do not care, it would be nice if it went away though. Maybe my face might not look so pachy and stuff. Although guys ecspecially alex likes to tell me how innocent and cute I look. Look people yes I know I look 12 can we drop it now!
Um played a little prank on Zak, well not prank but to see whether he does know alot about music as he says he does. In his words not mine " why do these people keep on asking me have I evr heard of this band or that band. I probably know most of the bands out there". I said to him do you know crossade have a new album and he was like "uh I've downloaded it" when in real truth of the matter crossfade have not got a new album out because they are taking some kind of hiatus...therefore...my dear old pal Zak is lying. Plus, doesn't know what he is talking about. I was just sitting there at my comp screen pissing myself laughing. aww I am soo good.
The boondocks, this cartoon that I saw in america that I don't think they are going to bring over here is really funny if you just love hugie taking the piss out of R.kelly."i yoy want to help r.kelly find him a woman his own age, take away his damn video camera,and this nigger some help. Havre you lost your mind and can you please stop the god damn dancing get some dignity" Had me in stitches for ages. Holding my stomach and rubbing my cheecks and all sorts. It just rules. Plus Fran is trying make me watch every downloadable ep of bleach that exsists. She said see would give me anal probing jark style...so I prefer to watch intentally.
Started a collage on my wall of just different stuff. I am atcually gonna have bit of it relating to my life, kind o some progression o my personality how I have grown, 'cus believe it or not I have changed quite a bit from a year ago. David saw it last night.
Saw wrestlemania last night, Must say it wasn't the greateset one I have wacthed but it was alright. Me and Dave did get a bit bored through the middle and chatting online. After wrestling, listened to music chatted, joked AROUND OR AGES. We both fell asleep nearly at the same time. During the night his cat took placement practically on my head. In the morning I was wondering why my head was feeling heavy when I was waking up. To find gombachoff's ass in my face lol.
So yeah I am just gonna get back to living my life people see ya later x x x
Um played a little prank on Zak, well not prank but to see whether he does know alot about music as he says he does. In his words not mine " why do these people keep on asking me have I evr heard of this band or that band. I probably know most of the bands out there". I said to him do you know crossade have a new album and he was like "uh I've downloaded it" when in real truth of the matter crossfade have not got a new album out because they are taking some kind of hiatus...therefore...my dear old pal Zak is lying. Plus, doesn't know what he is talking about. I was just sitting there at my comp screen pissing myself laughing. aww I am soo good.
The boondocks, this cartoon that I saw in america that I don't think they are going to bring over here is really funny if you just love hugie taking the piss out of R.kelly."i yoy want to help r.kelly find him a woman his own age, take away his damn video camera,and this nigger some help. Havre you lost your mind and can you please stop the god damn dancing get some dignity" Had me in stitches for ages. Holding my stomach and rubbing my cheecks and all sorts. It just rules. Plus Fran is trying make me watch every downloadable ep of bleach that exsists. She said see would give me anal probing jark style...so I prefer to watch intentally.
Started a collage on my wall of just different stuff. I am atcually gonna have bit of it relating to my life, kind o some progression o my personality how I have grown, 'cus believe it or not I have changed quite a bit from a year ago. David saw it last night.
Saw wrestlemania last night, Must say it wasn't the greateset one I have wacthed but it was alright. Me and Dave did get a bit bored through the middle and chatting online. After wrestling, listened to music chatted, joked AROUND OR AGES. We both fell asleep nearly at the same time. During the night his cat took placement practically on my head. In the morning I was wondering why my head was feeling heavy when I was waking up. To find gombachoff's ass in my face lol.
So yeah I am just gonna get back to living my life people see ya later x x x
Friday, April 07, 2006
Easter...exams...revision...date...*smiles*
Um Okay I'm at the internet cafe like I am most of the time these days. No wonder I am sooooo poor. Lol! Well I am a little annoyed because of revison and exams. I mean, what teenager isn't shitting themselves about some exam about to take place. Mine determines whether not I go to uni or not. I have never failed before and I aint about to start now *wolf whistles and cheers* Thankyou.
Alex and me are starting to become more official lol! I know you lot must be wondering what is taking me all this time. The boy is Hot, sweet and is into the same stuff you are go for it. Well, that's all I have been hearing from people in college. I've just had alot of stuff on my mind and now I am like, you know what fuck it. Why don't I just go ahead with it and see what happens. It was embarrassing though at lunch last week in the middle of the hall I was holding my lunch waiting for my friends Jaz and Remi to get their lunch because it was taking ages and he just walked in spotted me smiled, walked towards me and was there he was smootching my face off. Not good because Jaz right next to us, watching us seriously and was like "wooohooo girl get to working" we just had to stop and crack up.
I've been trying to take a picture of him for ages, but he keeps on running away from the camera. Why are guys always afraid of a camera??? Uh I dunno. But we are going out next week *smiles* I think to watch scary movie 4 and go somewhere else but he won't tell me where. *shrugs shoulders*
Got a new cross the thing looks gorge. I saw it in the shop and I swear my heart missed a beat. *laughs* yeah so I just had to buy it. bought a new top too. Some other stuff as well.
On sunday me and david hopefully are watching wrestlemania together and he hasn't watched it just so I can watch it with him. Sad, but loving and geeky...*hugz* So come sunday I shall be in his house, in his bed with icecream, possibly popcorn and Pizza (um..... pizza) and kicking back. Aint done that with him in awhile so we have alot to do afterwards.
Okay well I gotta go because , my best friend Kaz has just lost her dad and is very upset about it, so bestfriend to the rescue. Okay so see ya x x x
Alex and me are starting to become more official lol! I know you lot must be wondering what is taking me all this time. The boy is Hot, sweet and is into the same stuff you are go for it. Well, that's all I have been hearing from people in college. I've just had alot of stuff on my mind and now I am like, you know what fuck it. Why don't I just go ahead with it and see what happens. It was embarrassing though at lunch last week in the middle of the hall I was holding my lunch waiting for my friends Jaz and Remi to get their lunch because it was taking ages and he just walked in spotted me smiled, walked towards me and was there he was smootching my face off. Not good because Jaz right next to us, watching us seriously and was like "wooohooo girl get to working" we just had to stop and crack up.
I've been trying to take a picture of him for ages, but he keeps on running away from the camera. Why are guys always afraid of a camera??? Uh I dunno. But we are going out next week *smiles* I think to watch scary movie 4 and go somewhere else but he won't tell me where. *shrugs shoulders*
Got a new cross the thing looks gorge. I saw it in the shop and I swear my heart missed a beat. *laughs* yeah so I just had to buy it. bought a new top too. Some other stuff as well.
On sunday me and david hopefully are watching wrestlemania together and he hasn't watched it just so I can watch it with him. Sad, but loving and geeky...*hugz* So come sunday I shall be in his house, in his bed with icecream, possibly popcorn and Pizza (um..... pizza) and kicking back. Aint done that with him in awhile so we have alot to do afterwards.
Okay well I gotta go because , my best friend Kaz has just lost her dad and is very upset about it, so bestfriend to the rescue. Okay so see ya x x x
Monday, April 03, 2006
Updates
Hey guys well I have all my uni choice back. But now I am getting a bit you know freaked out because of the change and I have to go and take an exam at london Met uni. Plus, I'M TOO TIERD TO START UNI. I don't think I am ready. I know sounds stupid, but I really do not feel ready. Plus I have to make a definate replay to all of my unis before the 4th of May. So I have a whole month to figure out what the hell I am going to do. Whether, I am going to make up my mind and go to uni or not. I just feel to tired honestly, believ me its part of a dream of mine to step into he doors of uni,but I dunno. I have these unconditional offers sitting here looking me in the face and I don't want to take any of them up. *shakes head* The closet to me is London Met and Greenwich, but then the others are Kingston uni which is far off, and another uni which happens to be all the way in ealing. So I am slightly screwed up travel wise. lol!
Other than that everything has been good. Went for a job interview and I got called yesterday and told me I might have a place. The guy didn't sound to sure lol, but hey whatever. I got to apply for my student Loan, which I should have done already arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh.
what else... I know I had loads to fill you in about but I can't seem to remember what they are... ah this brain of mine. Been writing alot more poetry recently, which kaz has been looking through my book that I carry with me everywhere... trying to evtry a poetry thingy and I have to do some kind of poemy thing for my exams too so I have to keep on at it I guess.
Anyways I am gonna go because I have loads of stuff to do and basically this is taking up precious time to write.
can't be bothered with a funny pun, or any thing humourous for you guys today so... bye, seeya later and have a nice day.
Other than that everything has been good. Went for a job interview and I got called yesterday and told me I might have a place. The guy didn't sound to sure lol, but hey whatever. I got to apply for my student Loan, which I should have done already arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh.
what else... I know I had loads to fill you in about but I can't seem to remember what they are... ah this brain of mine. Been writing alot more poetry recently, which kaz has been looking through my book that I carry with me everywhere... trying to evtry a poetry thingy and I have to do some kind of poemy thing for my exams too so I have to keep on at it I guess.
Anyways I am gonna go because I have loads of stuff to do and basically this is taking up precious time to write.
can't be bothered with a funny pun, or any thing humourous for you guys today so... bye, seeya later and have a nice day.
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