Monday, September 05, 2005

Darkness falls upon her attitude! Regaining the fire

This week seems to be a week of just plain arguments with friends and annoying housemates. When I say annoying housemates I think you all know who I speak of. But anyways chronological order I will do all the arguments that have taken place during the week.

Starting with enrolment day which was on Thursday it was okay...okay l got so annoyed on that day I swear to God when I went kickboxing on Friday you could actually see dents in the bag. So anyways let me explain the day as I remember it least you will get a jest of what I was facing on that day. 'Cause I have heard so many different versions to this one day to make certain sound more victimized than they originally were.

So basically I got there to the college at 9:30 because I forgot when I coming from forest hill I have to change buses at Catford. So the journey was quite long. I got a lovely txt message from Sufia asking me where I was. No one complained when I got there because I explained how bloody big Catford was and they understood. So basically we get into the building and they give us the rooms we are meant to enroll in since me and Sufia were doing A-levels and our courses are on demand and it's a first come serve basis. We said to Kaz that we could do hers after we do our because the courses she wanted to do where not in high demand.

So we go into enroll and Sufia has to choose out of group and she couldn't mix and match her subjects. This means if she had to do any sciences she would have to chemistry, biology and physics. That is what she did last year and she nearly broke. Those courses were really putting on the pressure and she was not going to make the same mistake again. My problem was that they didn't have English language A2 course. I mean what college doesn't have an English course are they high. Plus they were saying they were a bit nervous about putting me in even though I have a B in AS because I come from a different school. Then they were trying to force a YEHE course on me. I think bullshit I got grades higher than that.

So I took the sheet and told Sufia about my problem and I realized she was having one as well. Sufia asked me do I wanna check out Southwark college and I said because they aren't offering me what I want here so I might as well. Looking at the time we would just about get down there to get decent course and stuff. So outside Kaz started going into one of her moods. Because I told her that's what I am gonna do and trying to get me to sign up to do drama when I have already done it. So Kaz and Sufia get in an argument because Sufia was telling her that we were on a tight schedule and she had to make up her mind whether she was staying here or coming to Southwark College with us. She just sat there in silence and saying how we were being unfair and how we were leaving her alone. I got a phone call from Sabriye and went outside. They were standing on the stairs still arguing while people going past.

After about half an hour and Sufia edging away from Kaz 'because I know that look she was gonna punch her. She was getting really frustrated. Sufia asked me am I coming with her, because Kaz was just sitting there not making her mind up or anything. The n she said take me to the room then. So if she was upset that we weren't taking her to her room then we would and maybe she might feel better.

So we took her to her room and keep in mind we have to take a journey all the way to waterloo from lewisham. So we stand outside and then she comes to the door asking if we were coming in. So I come in standing next her while she is still sniffling and Sufia stays at a far away distance. So we are sitting there for about 3 minutes Max when Kaz just walks out and says she aint coming to college and that she aint following us to Southwark College and that lot and we caught the bus and she was still crying when she got off. I was annoyed that after all of that, even though I proud that it took her that much courage but she went and signed up and still got the courses she wanted.

At Southwark college Law, all the sciences were filled up and psychology. The subjects I basically needed to go to uni and the courses Sufia also needed as well. Let's just say Sufie is not a happy bunny right now. So I'm doing sociology, Media and English A2.

So I went to her house and she wasn't there and then I saw marky mark in Pub and then I went it. Asked him if he knew where Dwaine was because wherever Dwaine is Kaz is normally. Then he told me about the version that he heard from Kaz's front and that made me mad and stuff, because that was really different from how it was.

So Mark called him and said that he was at Kaz's mum's house. So I was infuriated the only way I was gonna stop being angry was if I saw her and screamed a bit. Mark said to me too many people in that house hate you right now because she probably told them the version I heard. I really didn't give a shit to be honest. So we leave mark to up sink his sorrows in a glass of alcohol and make our way to Kaz's mum's house. Jasmine made it sure that Kaz only saw her nice and kind face first before she saw me on the other side of the door pissed off as hell.

So we talk, I get my point across and she tells us how insecure she is about certain things and then I tell her she needs to stand on her feet for a change and stop depending on people. I don't think she was listening but for once I spoke out about I feel, which I don't normally do. I will either just sit there and get in a mood or just sulk.

So Yesterday I got into a big ass argument with Azera (I think I'm on a roll watch out anyone if you piss me off I might just snap at you lol!) She started up an argument with my mum about her going to church and stuff about how fake she is and stuff and my mum was really hurt so it just set me off and I started shouting and screaming my ass off. I could tell she was upset about what I was saying but hey I don't care. I told her how she uses that baby in her stomach to get charity and make me people be on her side and just takes the piss with everyone and its pissing me off. I called her selfish, attention seeker. Do you know what I think has brought on this sudden change in my attitude is because I am slowly slipping back into being me! I fed up of people fucking me around and my mum was even saying to me that I was scary when I was arguing with Azera. She was even still arguing with my mum while arguing with me I was saying "look you are arguing with me now. So stop begging rudeness with my mother and shout at me."

I got really pissed off she is another person who I have just let run over me like a fucking steam roller. so she started befriending me this morning that bought food and stuff and stocked up the freezer with her own money and no-one elses *gasps* Mark is telling me to go over to Kaz's because he is bored out of his mind and has nothing else better to do. So he asked me and I said that I would go with him.

Plus the refuge got broken into last night after I went out round the corner because chris came to see me. We walked through the park, drank coke, ate muffins (doesn't taste nice with coke) and he walked me back home. Basically Bernadette this chick that lives in the hostel, is one crazy ass bitch and basically she was holding a knife and twisting it in her head, ready to draw blood. I had to take her two year old off her. It was just so twisted. The police came and checked the whole building and checked that it was secure and stuff. We nearly all had a sleepover in the lounge, cause we were all terrified that was some random person just wondering around.

so yeah I wouldn't exactly think this was an update about stuff but I guess I am not bothered to write the rest. So yeah bye from me guysxxx

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