So many times she has stood at the edge of a five story building screaming, "This is really it"
So many times she has lay on her flood praying for the Asprin to kick in, "I hate this shit"
So many times she has pressed the razor to her wrist sobbing till it hurts, "I'll never quit"
So many times she's started a note, "I'm sorry... I love you so"
So many times she's almost finished it, "It's my time to go"
So many times she's crumpled it up saying, "What does this show?"
So many times he's picked up the phone, "I love you. Don't go."
- By Slowlydying
Trust me I have written so many entries before this one, but because the lack of memory stck I cannot upload anything *cries* soo enough I will get paid and will remotely back ont he internet world. Okay Not that I am feeling anything like what is wrriten above... well except for the last line. Well Chris will not let me go. I love him of course but I can't be with him ever and I know it. So what is the point of me living these little tiny fantasys that keeps on happening. I wanna be "his" girl. I remember talkign tohim about it. I said to him I wanna be his but I can't. He was saying something along the lines of "this is me and you. Remember. Not you,me, your dad and mine. So already I see it as you are my girl!" Why does he have to be so stubborn and undeniably sweet. Oh1 god guys what the fuck am I going to do I swore to myself I wouldn't go down this road again but it seems like that's where it is going. Sufia and Jasmine are saying that I should just give in and go out with the boy and deal with the bad times when they start coming. The bad times are here and I think he's dad knows that we are more than friendly with each other,which could end badly so I'm in confused ville. Still happy, but just confused.
So what else has been going on with me. To tell you the truth nothing much. Been going college and having fun in my lessons. English and Media kick ass. I'm sorry but it has to be said there are so many people in there that are so fucking entertaining that it hurts. Um got new friends as well and some old that used to go to st saviours and stuff but everything on the college front is looking okay.
Um my mum is having a meeting today with lambeth housing society to finalise where exactly we are going to be housed to wheter it be brixton or stretham I will be one happy chic when I move.
Azera has been in labour for the past weeks. Yeah I know scary. I never wanna push a child out and if I suddenly end up wanting children may you please shoot me during the process. but yeah she has been bleeding (not that I really care) but you get the point if I live there any longer I might have a screaming brat as well as her annoying mother on my case. Azera basically has been seriously pissing me off she has said to my social worker that I have been taking all her stuff and have been using them to my certain use. May I just say something everytime anyone has seen Azera hasn't she worn a GAP t-shirt on. If I am correct isn't that GAP t-shirt mine. My trainers now smell like her feet because she wears them more than I do. She uses my laptop and just random other stuff... do I complain. But me what have I used of hers. Maybe just her oil and that's it. Oh and her boots when she pisses me off when in the morning I wake up and find the shoes that was once there before, gone. She also *cracks up* said to my social worker *laughs again* that I cut my arms. *looks at arms* um I don't see any marks there do you??? I haven't taken a knife, glass or any of that shit to my arm, never have, But now suddenly out of the blue my social worker is asking to see my arms. I gladly showed them. She was confused of course and told me all of the things that she said. I wanna strangle her, But that would kill her baby *thinks* ah well two for the price of one.
Inme have scheduled another gig yey. For december the 17 this time I will personally go down there myself, okay not by myself Jenny and maybe ron might follow. To get tickets. Hmmm but I'm just too tired to even drag myself down to west again (went down there two days ago with and Sufia to go Camden). Oh Sufia told me to say "Yeyness is fun" okay lol!
Um what else has happened with me..... ummmmmmmm .....*goes blank* um my english teacher deifnately must like me...okay because I just keep on getting winked at and stuff and given looks and its funny. I like Mr Tidey (nick) he is a great and fun teacher.
Oh and apparently I have a big mouth according to certain people who know themselves anyway so what's the point of actually mentioning their name (might tarnish the beauty of this entry)but I guess I deserve every comment I get even though I haven't done anything wrong. Because I actually speak up and don't hide my emotions for once... I get all of this...Ah well. Life is too good right now to care about the small things and the annoying people in it don't you agree.
Tim is back in uni so hey Tim!!! *waves* more net convo's!! been missing you being online al the time! um Fran has gone off to uni! *woots* well done and have a great time. I also got praised for my "perfect Ghetto evening video", which was apparently so influencing that after it 3 people went to go and watch aladdin lol!
So anyways guys I'm off I will put all the previous entries that I wrote in here but this entry might just sum them all up. But it's worth hearing it though... yeah... yeah I thought so!!!!
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