Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away
Maybe I'm just blind
Maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone-When I’m gone- 3 doors down
Hi guys I’m a bad, bad girl. I’ve hurt a really good man in the process of my life. I’m not even kidding I’m seriously being sorry. As we all know for the past few months I have not been dating, but have been rather friendly with Chris lol! I like being with him, everyone agrees I have become so much happier, slipped back into my old self again. I knew he had a great deal to do with that happening, honestly, he sat there for hours even though he didn’t need to on the phone to me talking about random problems we had or he had and we made it an everyday thing plus us having “conversations” while playing the ps2, so that’s what they were. But a few weeks ago he got beaten up a family member and five of his four brothers and we all can guess who this family member is. So I saw him battered and bruised and I know because of me that he is in this shape and in my head I thought I can’t do this anymore. I care for him so much; it hurt to see what they did to him. So went to his house last Friday to see you know how he was feeling cus apparently he is fine but he can’t laugh because it hurts, which made me think cracked rib, but he had it checked out and he was fine. So yeah I’m at his house and first sight of me, literally he opens the door and starts kissing my face off lol I didn’t even have a chance to say howdy.
So we were sitting there playing Underground most wanted (because Chris always has to get the new games out) and then out of the blue he paused the game, cus I thought it was because I was doing a good job of trying to keep up with him, also cheating and swerving him off the road lol. He stopped the game and looked up at me (because he was lying on my legs) and was like “I don’t want to be half way anymore I want you to be my girl” and I was like uh why. He was like saying because he loved me and I swear my eyes just saw the scar of when he got dragged on the floor and I kept on saying no, not even listening to him then he said “do you love me?” and because I wasn’t listening I said no. He went quiet and I realised what I said I try to dig myself out of it but kept on digging a deeper hole for myself and he wasn’t saying anything so I asked him did he want me to leave he nodded and I left. He called me later and was like I know why you said it now, not because you really don’t love me, but because you don’t want me to get hurt. He was saying that he would put his body on the line to be with me. He is 20 he can take care of himself. Stuff he was saying he was making it out like it could be done, but I told I love him but it going to stay the way it is now. He can go out and find another girl and I understand but it’s going to be halfway.
Oh I feel like a big meanie. Sufia was getting ready to jump down my throat as soon as I told her. I’ve been a bit mopey, I know he is probably laughing at me while reading this but it is true. I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. I’M SORRY.
Nothing much really happened we moved char to Camden during the week. Um I reached the 1000 mark on DA a couple of weeks ago. Lol! And I actually got picked as a special read for poetry on unknown poets…. wicked. Plus I’m part of a new community of ninja on DA. Come check it out and join.
Um official world Aids day, maybe when I get paid I might give some money to the cause. I like giving to charities and helping and stuff…Plus the darkness have another album coming out *looks up to the sky* shoot me someone lol! I hate the darkness and not that their first album wasn’t enough lets just bring out another one. GAWD! *shakes head*
Right guys so I am taking off. See ya latersxxxxxxx
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