-x-Am I ever replaceable-x-

Hey guys well its the begining to another wonderul and thrilling week, yey! (being sarcastic) and already I am already feeling the short raspy breaths that I get sometimes from having asthma. The closer it gets to may the more I worry about exams and missing lesson and syu. I feel kinda let out, before I left college I made loads of new friends and now the only way I contact the is wither through Alex (because I am not allowed on campus) Or standing outside the campus and then get shooed away by the guards. I have good news though all the people who I have told so far except for Tim (because his "little sister" will be around campus), Sufia and Jasmine, are not too happy for me. Basically, I got a place in Luton for a really in demand course and its an unconditional placement. I know just great. That personal statement must have blew them away because there was no interview involved and Luton is like place 14 in the uni charts. It's a great opportunity but my mum still needs a personal slave,David wishes Manchester would hurry up and accept me *laughs*,My dad thinks its too far,uncles and sunts have said how will I pay the rent, Vic thinks I'm gonna need people to ground me down at uni and if I am away my friends and family can't do that, Kaz says I can't go because I am her best friend and she would feel alone. So all in all people are doing it to me again, it was around this part of the year when I told everyone abotu my uni choices and they were hearing places such as sussex,manchester,luton,reading coming otu of their mouths their jaws dropped. I can't help it, in a way I just wanna be a little bit more free and I cannot do that in London because here is where all the constrictions lie.
Couple of things that have been bugging me recently... My mum for one, My continuous lack of money, my health (I wil explain that later), my brother (I wonder if he is doing okay. I miss the idiot) Feelings inside my heart I shouldn't have, my ucas stupidity (I will leave that for another entry)and other general stuff. But one that has been creeping up recently is Kaz.

Now everyone knows I love this bitch, she knows it, I know it, the rest of the world knows it.We are slightly alike and some of our lives aspects mirror each other. E.g. We don't trust men. but when we let our guards down we let it down (lets just say we are both prone for getting hurt in relationships), we both don't like our appearances (although I think she is blind), known trouble makers in school and in our families, Our brothers are both favorites (damn don't you just hate favoritism), both used rosemary to get out of certain lessons, have fuckers for dads...the list can go on all the way down the page.
But recently I told her about taking my stuff and then not looking after them, so they end up coming back in a tattered or broken state.Somehow I don't think she listened. My ring chris and my aunt got for me when I was 14/15. The white gold celtic one ( and I know he is going to read this and go through the roof). Well Kaz in a drunken night took it off my finger as well as a bracelet that she boguht for me for my birthday, that is studded. I left it with her for two days (although my mind did tell me to go and get it) and she lost it. The ring is very special and she knows that, but still she couldn't just look after it. Then a few days ago she tells me "its not her fault if its lost" and I'm just like ...um love it was in your care of course its your fault (I do expect a call from chris after he reads this entry).
I have actually just sat there and thought how much stuff she has of mine and has broken destroyed,sold or kept.

Her list of my stuff

Celtic ring (lost)
Studded bracelet (lost)
Fairy Pendant
Stonewash Jeans
Stonewash Jeans with bleach dots
Indigo Jeans
Secondary school yearbook
Backstreet boys black and blue (broken in half)
Sugarbabes (scratched)
Staind (badly scratched)
Nsync celebrity (badly scratched)
Nsync no strngs attached (broken in half)
Trust Album (lost)
Christina Aguleria stripped (badly scratched)
My Big Fat greek Wedding DVD
Dont Be a menace DVD (Borrowed to Jason never returned)
Brothers Tie
Brothers hoodie (Messed up)
Tiger Top (lost)
Angel tapes x3 (that don't belong to me)
Buffy Tapes x3
Scary Movie2 on tape (misplaced)
Diva Las Vega book
Aaliyah (scratched)
Zoombinies Game x2
Music 2000


My list of the things I got of hers

Point horror book
Vanessa Carlton Album (still in perfect condition)
Aladdin Video
Headphones (lost)

Now is anyone seeing the quite obvious difference. Then nowadays when I get home I end up having a real bad asthma for all the smoke I Enhale at her place. My mum th inks I shoudln't go there anymore if I am getting this bad. I get shit scared because they are getting at the worst now that I actually am starting to feel that tightening all day long, must remind myself to go and get a stronger dosage asthma pump. I know I sound bad in saying all of this, I feel it I honestly do, because whenever I need someone to help me or to crash at their place when stuf goes wrong. I know I can always go to hers, but sometimes enough is enough. I know she doesn't mean to press these buttons but I don't know what other than say than, you know I have some part to play in this because some of the stuff I have willing given to her,knowing, how she treats stuff.


Other sttuf that has been happening with me:

My dad wants to send me to St.lucia to stay with my uncle. Now I never trust my dad when he says me and S.lucia in the same sentence...tis some scary shit, when I hear those words. Then again I am stay at my uncles, which he wouldn't make me do anything against my will e.g. MARRY MEN TWICE MY AGE. I know we like tradition in my family but that was rediculous. *laughs*

I am getting a new computer. Yeay I know. Not that it will ba able to fit in my box of a room. Honestly if I had to capture the essence and the actual size of my bedroom, just think of Harry Potter underneath the stairs and you are half way there.
Still haven't got a bed yet or wardrobes so I still sleep on the floor (yeah while my mum sleeps on a kingsize bed next door) but we finally got a washing machine...no more trips to the laundrette Yey.

New news my bro might be let out around december this year and then they will tag him for a next five months. So I will get to see him sooner than expected. My other bro is meant to be coming down from leeds to come and visit him. I know Kaz, Sufia and Jasmine will be there at victoria station with opened arms. My half brother although I don't see him this way...is on the buff side. Well I have been told.He's mixed, tall and has a nice body shape (oh god I can see them already drooling) We walked past him in the street one day, and he is very shy when he comes to meeting my friends, so he walked past saying " you okay sis" and I was like "yeah" and Sufia, whose eyes were popping out of her head and Kaz who turned around in awe as well as Jasmine were all quick to ask me "who the hell was that? he was buff" and when I said he was my half brother. They were saying in disbelief, you two are related (I am not that ugly you know). lol! I wonder if his girlfriend will be alright (she was pregnent last time I saw her) I haven't seen him ages, so that means prezzies *jumps up and down*

Anyway have to go and try and upload stuff on DA. Yep more crappy poems are coming the publics way, plus I have to start doing my duties for unknown poets or they are gonna kill me. Plus ninja's on DA has gone dead so I have to try help out with that and complete a task on Runescape when I am bored enough. lol.
see ya guys Mwah, mwah and mwah some more. byexxxxxxxx

Valentines day/what is gwanin' up in my life

Hey guys I hope everybody had a good Valentines day because good lord knows mine was um...eventful. So as I told you before Alex asked me out, but I kinda said you know what I'm going out with my friends. So it was decided I was going to pizza hut with my friends...but my mum had other plans. Yes, church was on this womans mind like never before and wanted me to attend. Basically I told my mum I had already made other plans...she started shouting and screaming for me to go to church, when I said no and I kept on saying until she ame out with "well if you aren't going to church ten you can get out of my house" I was in disbelief at first. Nah honestly I was until she screamed it at me again. "pack you stuff and get out" Okay this is the part where I started trudging around my house to find clothes and a bag to put all of this in. Of course me being a baby, I was crying and packing and just screaming at the fact that my mum says she is a christian but she is chucking her only daughter out of the house because she wont become one.

So I was out of the streets and then Jasmine called me and told me to come and stay at hers so I did. to make me feel better they ordered pizza, they being Jay and Sufia.So I stayed on Jays couch. Hardly slept, because...yes I was still crying. God I do sound pathetic. So next day, actually in the early morning and Alex asks how was my valentines day and just said he misses me and all that. Then I told him and he was like you know you can come crash at mine and I was like that doesn't sound like a good idea.

So me and jay go to kings uni (her uni) and just collect some of her stuff. Then we went to the national gallery. Where to my embarresment I forgot to turn my phone on silent, so it began to ring. My mum was calling me, telling me to come by tomoz and be her slave, Oh fun.

Then Jay said I couldn't stay another night because her annoying cousin, she tried to beg her gran because I need the space more than she does, but of course I aint family. So I went to Stay at Kaz's, where dizzy was releasing the most hideous farts ever *laughs* Plus Ant came up as well as Leanne.

Lets just say, ant got drunk and was in a touchie feelie state and was just all over me. *shakes head* not good. Because he kissed me, grinded with me. kissing leannes neck. Then when we were in the bed he was trying to bang me from behind. He litraly got out his dick and rested it on my ass and was trying to do me. *laughs* never going anywere near ant again when drunk.

I got a date with Alex on Saturday to make up for valentines day. Yeah still mixed up about this one, I just hope my head can clear up. *slaps self* clear up mother fucker now. OMG I have found the most funniest piss take valentines day card Plus walking down camden I just found some funny things written on the walls. But I'll put them in my next entry because I have been to lazy to send them to my laptop. But I have the piss takes card1 card2 card3 card4 card5

Oh I forgot I took a special pic for valentines day... Hey it may not be my favorite day but I can still take pictures for it. damn. lol! so it is in pic of the week, which is in the navigation.

Anyway, I am tired and its friday. Oh I forgot to say its my mums bithday today as well so Happy Birthday

Okay I'm gone guys see ya laterxxxxxx

Shit you slapped the hell out of me...

What can I say except that this weekend has just ben filled with weirdness, let downs and annoying or me ,my naivity (if that is even a word) and tears. A normal friday gathering at Kaz's house, the line up a bit changed this week consisted of: Kaz (obviously) me, chantelle , lianne, Dwaine , Anthony, Scott (husband), scanner, Shaun and access and some other random people. May I warn you this will be a really muddled while reading because I was trying to rememeber everything in chronological order but I was slightly pissed. Surprisingly no Aalisson or Mark in sight.

Mark the pussy shark I have decided to call him is now saying he is going to act as bad as everyone thinks he is. Personally I think Mark is going to getting an STD very soon if he doesn't calm down and stop playing girls around. He messed up one of my bestfriends so me and him not on nice green grass right now.

All the girls, meaning me lianne, Kaz, chantelle and Dwaine (Yes we class him as a chick right now) Played drinking games before everyone got there meaning Kaz trying to get me drunk on magic coke again. Shit tastes like asbestos.
Since we couldn't stick to one damn game, We ended up not playing any games at all.


Scott kept on coming in and going back and forth to the clayton Pub. Then Scanner and access (manwhore) arrived. Access for some reason started approaching Chantelle telling her how pretty she was and poor chan was lapping it up like no man's buisness and honestly thinking that he was being sincer. Then Ant arrives bringing much humour my way. So anyway access callls Chantelle to the bathroom and me anthony were making giving head actions lol! So dwaine walks in from outside and plans to go toilet and walks in on Chantelle and this access guy kissing eachothers faces off (ew!) So D has to dun out o the door to stop scanner from stabbing someone in his drunken state ( I know, don't tell me. Dumb black people in Peckham)
So it was only me, ant, Kaz, Chantelle and this access guy and I don't know where Kaz went to but me and Ant got subjected to more Chantelle and access kissing. All I could hear coming out of Ants mouth was why? god why? why so much toture? While I was litraly hiding in Ants shirt trying to not see them lying on top of each other. Little did I see before hand access' plans that night was to try and get of with every girl in the room. Including more randoms of vicky (who used to go to st.saviours). I started to guess this when just after he kissed Chantelle He started touching up my arm, trying to chat me up, but clearly he saw that neither Kaz or me were interested. So he decided to say to Lianne right infront of Chan, you are so pretty (same lines he used on Chan) and started dancing closely with her. Shaun who called me a lesbian (fucking twat) because I wouldn't dance with him.

Then access started on vicky and scanner started chatting up the other friend of vicky, by this time dwaine and Kaz are outside having one of their heart to hearts (meaning they were arguing again)

Scott who or some reason kept on liking my face and my lips in the dark and grinded up against me at the door. This was not taken to well by Chantelle as she likes him. my simple explination is...he is my husband what else are married couples supposed to do lol!
Anthony now has a sudden fascination with showing me his dick. I mean everytime he did and I would say "He just showed me dick" he was looking like he never did anything. Everyone was like "corinne stop trying to anthony told off". I was only joking a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about what turns a guy on and stuff and he asked me what turns you on. I said to him I dunno, when someone strokes my hair or plays with my feet. He said when girls sit infront of me on me I like it. So I was curious and I said like this and I straddled him (yes infront of my husband). To his slight embarressment. He got an instant hard on and I was like how big is that thing and he whipped it out when no one was looking. Litraly my Jaw hit the floor Anthony is very ...ummm.....Blessed. *laughs* So now when he knows I have drunk something he pulls me onto him and whips it out like it is nothing, Everyone keeps on saying
aww you and ant would make a cute couple. Can I just say...ew - Jailbait anyone, breaking the law. He is like my younger brother, who I just appreciate the size of his appendage lol! so does Kaz *laughs* which I will come to later.

So Scanner and Access decide that they are gonna leave with these random girls. Shaun went with them as well and before Scanner goes he something about going to sleep with one of them. Oh and the funniest bit about all this you see Access going around with all o these girls and this boy (yes I choose to call him a boy because no man does this) has a girlfriend of 2 years *tuts*. Lianne likes Scanner alot, she kissed him countless amount of times and as he says that she burst into tears and Kaz comforts her.

Everything is finally starting to mellow down a bit and scotty,ant and D were the only males left. Husband is drunk out off, because of his various running to Kazs and the clayton. I was like Husband move up you are like taking all the space on the sofa I wanna sit down. He btw was lying across the sofa. He patted his body and said " lie on top of me" So I leaned down off the arm rest of the couch and laid down ontop of him. He was just rubbing my arm and my side and was attempting to shhhhh me to sleep, which once again I don't think sat to well with Chanelle, as he ego was probably severly bruised that night.

So Ant calls me outside to talk to Kaz who was just feeling really depressed and shit. So I sat outside in the kitchen talking to her and then Ant comes out and we start eating malteasers and pizza and mini chedders and just talking away. When Ant suddenly whips it out again and Kaz looks like she was gasping for air, like a fish on dry lands lol! she was like just put it awa away omg. I was like that was what I was trying to tell you about and you didn't listen. He comes out with " it comes with the height" lol!
So we go back in the room to fall asleep and stuff when anthony kept on going out of no where "fucking fuck off" for no reason over and over and over again lol! Kaz was cracking up like mad. Then D (killer of any happy mood) starts moaning so we all shut up and then ant comes out with " why am I here...my house is down stairs ...bye"... Lol! so there was my friday/ saturday.

Other updates.....

As everyone knows I was well excited to go and see my brother, I meantioned it to nearly everyone that he decline wanting to see me. So I left Kaz's house and made my way to my house picked up my passport and rushed to my aunts where I saw my dad. so we go to the prison and stuff and I go through all the checks. Now for some reason my brother sent that I live at my dad's house. He only did that because he didn't want my dad to find out my new address and because I didn't have any proof to show that I still lived at this address eventhough I had my passport as a form of ID they wouldn't let me in. I was so upset.
Pathetic little me started crying when I got back to the waiting room, because my dad got to see him and I didn't. I know I sound like a kid but everyone felt sorry for me. Sue had to call me in my crying state and clam me down. It took ucking ages but I got there in the end. Since my bro is convicted he is only allowed two visits per month. So next month he wants me to be the first person he see's yey! I found out he works in the kitchen and stuff (which just makes me imagine my brother with a hairnet on lol!) but that cheered me up a bit. what pissed me off a bit was when I was with Kaz, I saw Jonathan (the cousin who stiched up my bro)...he walked past me and had the cheek to say hi to me. I stopped and Kaz was confused and I was like I can't belive he just nsaid hi to me like nothing is wrong with it. Plus he was dressed like my bro I mean what is trying. There is only one person who can pull of the look o my bro and that is the fucking original.

Okay something this week also got me. I slept during the day time at my dad's house in my old bed. The fact is everything was alright he was being nice and actually caring with what I do wiht my life. I almost felt sorry for him and him being alone half of the time. I just wanna slap myself for feelign this way, but this eeling gets stronger evertime I go there. Maybe I am just fucking Naive or maybe because I feel for people I just like helping people that is who I am. Yeah I know I can be the most worst bitch you can run into. But if I promise to someone I would be there for them, then I will be. I said that to my dad...I know all the shit that has happened but i you need anything...or someone to talk to if you are feeling a bit lonely just call me.

Valentines day: Yeay...not! Okay this is my problem right here *laughs* Alex wants to go out with him on valentines day, chris is asking if I am doing anything on valentines day and the guys wanna go pizza hut and I wanna watch the oc and vic is coming down on tuesday to come and see his sister and me and David is too. So what the hell is this nigger supposed to do ,who do I see. Damn my valentines day has never been this active. I mean if I normally do something its either going out with a guy or a group of friends. It just seems that half of my phonebook wants to meet up with on tuesday lol.#

Oh its my mums bday on friday...So I have to buy her something... I'm thinking footspa and a chain or something. Hopefully I will get paid on thursday so I can buy all this stuff.

Been making alot of songs recently without using the help of my guitar and still hearing them in my head and being able to play them. Need to update DA cus I haven't in a while and I should because I have wrtitten and taken pictures of a whole load of shit and I think I should.

Introducing back the guys of drool as well...I du nno who are gunna be the lucky guys of this month, but I guess I will put them up and you will see. Eventhough I am not the valentiny person *laughs* Hate the day...it's evvvviiiiillll! I took a pic of me ecspecially for the pic of the week. I will get my links working eventually and just start stuff up again...until then guys I will love ya and see ya laterxxxx

Someone needs a slap, a slap I tell you.

Yes, before you guess it this will be another rant about my mum and just general stuff I cannot take right now. My mother and her over christianised self is pissing me off. I swear the woman can't remember anything about before she became a christian, but seriously me and that woman are colliding with each other big time and soon, yes very soon I will snap and no matter how evil it sounds but I will rant and rave and shout in that womans face...if that's what I have to do to get my point across then that's what I am gonna fucking do. The WOMAN tells me today that the "lord" said to her that everybody that lives in her house must be holy and going to church and stuff. So I was like what is that supposed to mean. She was like either you become a christian or you get out of my house. I was like WHHHHHAAAAATTTTT!!!! Now people is anyone thinking that line that she just said isn't "christian" like or is it just me, and she wonders why I don't wanna come to church. Most people that go to church are hypocrites...its true. One minute they are saying that they are holy and shit and next they are telling their daughters to evade the household if they are not "holy". Not to be rude but I can I be holy in the comfort of my own room.I can pick up a bible if I chose to and read and that would be good enough right...

Well not for this woman.

Plus she passes out yesterday during Fasting *laughs* sorry I know it is harsh I was very worried for her, but then again no one asked you to go and fast for 21 days to shows your appreaction for gods love did they...Love you aint in the desert and you haven't been blinded so why.

Talked to Kaz about some stuff, actually wrote her a little note and stuff and she took it pretty badly at first but then she was asking me if I forgive her for putting me through certain stuff. Also she might have just did something that I honestly am very proud of and even if she didn't go all the way through with it, I will be proud of her for trying too. Well on saturday she dumped Dwaine.... I know... Yey! Lets just hope she doesn't take him back. He started crying as well on sunday morning. I'm like after all she went through. Bitch, you don't deserve to cry.

Okay can't think of anything to write so I am gonna go and just do something else...might just go and play some runescape see ya laterxxxx

Okay I love Kaz and Everything and I know she is a very nice and intelligent person but she has the tendancy of doing things without my will. e.g saying bye to people online. Plus, taking my skirt. and my book and just in genral all my stuff. Lord I ask her mental state to return. and she says its not gonna hapeen aww what a shame.

I can't believe this woman

Okay I know I love my mother, yes I would do anything for her but this is stupid honestly the WOMAN as I now refer to her because she is annoying the crap out me wakes me up this morning and tells me to not have any food (food no food-- Arghhh)just water for the next few days because they are fastign in the church. 1. Do I even go to church so why do I have to do it? and 2. I am sick, Sick woman. So I do it anyway, but I am so gonna eat at 6 I don't care what anyone says even my mum I love her but this has just gone too far. Pkus, she is trying to force me to go to church and has even got her little church friends to blackmail me going to church. It aint even funny this woman is going deep.

So here I sit in an internet cafe and bottle of water trying to calm the hunger that eats away at me very, very slowly.*cries*

Okay well I am planning to get the pictures back up and running since they kind of crashed on me.....and there will be new ones, new embarressing ones...not of me anyway, thankyou god but you get the point.

Saw the dead or Alive 4 poster in the blockbuster window... tears came to my eyes it was so beautiful and I want it *laughs* maybe I shoudl go and check if there are some dead or alive posters on ebay *goes to check*

Meant to be going camden with Kaz today and Sue tomoz. Should be fun. Sue is going there to Shop on there other hand me and Kaz plan to go down there for other reasons which I will explain in a later entry.

Found out some floor breaking goss (oh god I am really turning into a chick) btu I can tell it but I don't htink people will apreciate it if I tell the whole of the internet their buisness *laughs* but ti is seriously wrong and slightly funny. But when I get the all clear...you will hear it TRUST ME.

Oh me and Zak were having this funny ass convo online last night, it just cracked me up beyond all belief all I have to say is well done my son, well done. *laughs*

Spent time with David omg he made me laugh to the point that I couldn't take it I was dying for a wee. I miss him he went back today...back to that uni that takes him away from me. He made me feel ten times better about everything that has been going on recently and his uni stories always crack me up. We just hung out in a park until about 2 in the morning, playing on the swings..talking and eating Kebabs (although he never puts on weight lucky mofo)Then went back to house and fell asleep in his bed. It was fun just to have him around. He is thinking about dropping out of uni though. I don't want him too. He is really intelligent (maybe the most smartest person I know after Jasmine) and I don't want him to give up... so dave if you are reading this hang on in there mate just one year left *mwah*Love yaxx

Anyway I am gonna go...I need to go pee again (yes I know you didn't need to know that) and I must carry on drinking my water so have a nice day ya'll.xxxxxx