Hey guys well its the begining to another wonderul and thrilling week, yey! (being sarcastic) and already I am already feeling the short raspy breaths that I get sometimes from having asthma. The closer it gets to may the more I worry about exams and missing lesson and syu. I feel kinda let out, before I left college I made loads of new friends and now the only way I contact the is wither through Alex (because I am not allowed on campus) Or standing outside the campus and then get shooed away by the guards. I have good news though all the people who I have told so far except for Tim (because his "little sister" will be around campus), Sufia and Jasmine, are not too happy for me. Basically, I got a place in Luton for a really in demand course and its an unconditional placement. I know just great. That personal statement must have blew them away because there was no interview involved and Luton is like place 14 in the uni charts. It's a great opportunity but my mum still needs a personal slave,David wishes Manchester would hurry up and accept me *laughs*,My dad thinks its too far,uncles and sunts have said how will I pay the rent, Vic thinks I'm gonna need people to ground me down at uni and if I am away my friends and family can't do that, Kaz says I can't go because I am her best friend and she would feel alone. So all in all people are doing it to me again, it was around this part of the year when I told everyone abotu my uni choices and they were hearing places such as sussex,manchester,luton,reading coming otu of their mouths their jaws dropped. I can't help it, in a way I just wanna be a little bit more free and I cannot do that in London because here is where all the constrictions lie.
Couple of things that have been bugging me recently... My mum for one, My continuous lack of money, my health (I wil explain that later), my brother (I wonder if he is doing okay. I miss the idiot) Feelings inside my heart I shouldn't have, my ucas stupidity (I will leave that for another entry)and other general stuff. But one that has been creeping up recently is Kaz.
Now everyone knows I love this bitch, she knows it, I know it, the rest of the world knows it.We are slightly alike and some of our lives aspects mirror each other. E.g. We don't trust men. but when we let our guards down we let it down (lets just say we are both prone for getting hurt in relationships), we both don't like our appearances (although I think she is blind), known trouble makers in school and in our families, Our brothers are both favorites (damn don't you just hate favoritism), both used rosemary to get out of certain lessons, have fuckers for dads...the list can go on all the way down the page.
But recently I told her about taking my stuff and then not looking after them, so they end up coming back in a tattered or broken state.Somehow I don't think she listened. My ring chris and my aunt got for me when I was 14/15. The white gold celtic one ( and I know he is going to read this and go through the roof). Well Kaz in a drunken night took it off my finger as well as a bracelet that she boguht for me for my birthday, that is studded. I left it with her for two days (although my mind did tell me to go and get it) and she lost it. The ring is very special and she knows that, but still she couldn't just look after it. Then a few days ago she tells me "its not her fault if its lost" and I'm just like ...um love it was in your care of course its your fault (I do expect a call from chris after he reads this entry).
I have actually just sat there and thought how much stuff she has of mine and has broken destroyed,sold or kept.
Her list of my stuff
Celtic ring (lost)
Studded bracelet (lost)
Fairy Pendant
Stonewash Jeans
Stonewash Jeans with bleach dots
Indigo Jeans
Secondary school yearbook
Backstreet boys black and blue (broken in half)
Sugarbabes (scratched)
Staind (badly scratched)
Nsync celebrity (badly scratched)
Nsync no strngs attached (broken in half)
Trust Album (lost)
Christina Aguleria stripped (badly scratched)
My Big Fat greek Wedding DVD
Dont Be a menace DVD (Borrowed to Jason never returned)
Brothers Tie
Brothers hoodie (Messed up)
Tiger Top (lost)
Angel tapes x3 (that don't belong to me)
Buffy Tapes x3
Scary Movie2 on tape (misplaced)
Diva Las Vega book
Aaliyah (scratched)
Zoombinies Game x2
Music 2000
My list of the things I got of hers
Point horror book
Vanessa Carlton Album (still in perfect condition)
Aladdin Video
Headphones (lost)
Now is anyone seeing the quite obvious difference. Then nowadays when I get home I end up having a real bad asthma for all the smoke I Enhale at her place. My mum th inks I shoudln't go there anymore if I am getting this bad. I get shit scared because they are getting at the worst now that I actually am starting to feel that tightening all day long, must remind myself to go and get a stronger dosage asthma pump. I know I sound bad in saying all of this, I feel it I honestly do, because whenever I need someone to help me or to crash at their place when stuf goes wrong. I know I can always go to hers, but sometimes enough is enough. I know she doesn't mean to press these buttons but I don't know what other than say than, you know I have some part to play in this because some of the stuff I have willing given to her,knowing, how she treats stuff.
Other sttuf that has been happening with me:
My dad wants to send me to St.lucia to stay with my uncle. Now I never trust my dad when he says me and S.lucia in the same sentence...tis some scary shit, when I hear those words. Then again I am stay at my uncles, which he wouldn't make me do anything against my will e.g. MARRY MEN TWICE MY AGE. I know we like tradition in my family but that was rediculous. *laughs*
I am getting a new computer. Yeay I know. Not that it will ba able to fit in my box of a room. Honestly if I had to capture the essence and the actual size of my bedroom, just think of Harry Potter underneath the stairs and you are half way there.
Still haven't got a bed yet or wardrobes so I still sleep on the floor (yeah while my mum sleeps on a kingsize bed next door) but we finally got a washing machine...no more trips to the laundrette Yey.
New news my bro might be let out around december this year and then they will tag him for a next five months. So I will get to see him sooner than expected. My other bro is meant to be coming down from leeds to come and visit him. I know Kaz, Sufia and Jasmine will be there at victoria station with opened arms. My half brother although I don't see him this way...is on the buff side. Well I have been told.He's mixed, tall and has a nice body shape (oh god I can see them already drooling) We walked past him in the street one day, and he is very shy when he comes to meeting my friends, so he walked past saying " you okay sis" and I was like "yeah" and Sufia, whose eyes were popping out of her head and Kaz who turned around in awe as well as Jasmine were all quick to ask me "who the hell was that? he was buff" and when I said he was my half brother. They were saying in disbelief, you two are related (I am not that ugly you know). lol! I wonder if his girlfriend will be alright (she was pregnent last time I saw her) I haven't seen him ages, so that means prezzies *jumps up and down*
Anyway have to go and try and upload stuff on DA. Yep more crappy poems are coming the publics way, plus I have to start doing my duties for unknown poets or they are gonna kill me. Plus ninja's on DA has gone dead so I have to try help out with that and complete a task on Runescape when I am bored enough. lol.
see ya guys Mwah, mwah and mwah some more. byexxxxxxxx
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