This can't happen again.

CORINNE AND CHRIS UPDATE, A VERY BIG UPDATE. COULD THE GOLDEN COUPLE BE BACK TOGETHER??? (I'm making this sound like a sitcom) READ AHEAD:

I see us inside of each other
I feel my unconscious merge with yours
and I hear a voice say. "what's his is hers"
I'm falling into you
This dream could come true
and it feels so good falling into you
I was afraid to let you in here
Now I have learned love can't be made in fear
so close your eyes and let me kiss you
and while you sleep I will miss you

-falling into you Celine Dion

so yes today I decided to go and see chris after his 43 missed calls-yes 43. To ask what's wrong with him, and why does he keep on ringing my phone like he was going to die in the next 24 hours and desperately wanted to say goodbye. So entering Cheryl's house I felt uneasy to the fact that when chris came in to the hallway to see who rang for the door I wanted to bolt. In someway, I knew what was gonna happen between us. I knew he would wanna have some deep conversation about our relationship (well the lack of it) and just trying to judge me trying to know me again! Of course me knowing him so well he would try and bring up the question of 'will you go out with me again?' and me being me I'd probably laugh. So at first he was surprised but happy to see me as he led me up to his bedroom (don't think dirty now) well I know the way to his bedroom I've been there enough times (ooooh that sounds even worse. ... not like that....uhhhh just keep reading) but he thought taking my hand would be a lovely gesture, me I just felt a bit weird holding his hand like that again. so anyways we got up to his bedroom and I sat on his bed to find the only picture of us together on his desk in between some papers (I swear that is the only picture of us together and we are holding my cousin Jazmin, and I was dating him for three years I must admit I look quite buff in that picture but anyways) I was like "I haven't seen this picture in ages" he kind of did this half hearted smile and turns off his PS2, and then underneath that picture was another picture of me I never known was taken and this was at his engagement party. (yes, if you don't know the story of me and chris this will only confuse you more. I swear we were like the real life Buffy and angel with all the ups and downs and twists and turns. That was our relationship) I was in my black dress my mum brought me and I just remembered her saying "if he's gonna get married to someone else we are gonna make him feel it, make him have second thoughts" lets just say that dress clung in all the right places, plus it draped on the floor. Pure guys were checking me out in that party (although I was trying to ignore them) but the guy I wanted (at the time) was on the stage constantly looking at me and being congratulated by stupid fools who knew nothing about the situation I was facing.

So anyways the picture was of me sitting on the table with one leg over the other giving this fake smile to the camera. but I was wondering why the hell these pictures were on his desk (at first my dirty mind started with masturbation but come on I'm not nice) so I asked him what they were doing there. he was just doing the oh nothing I was just looking through some of my stuff, trying to figure out what stuff to throw away. and I was like okay insult, but hey this is what I wanted. (or was it). So he was like oh that pile I'm keeping and I was like phew (not much of insult anymore) so he sat on the bed next to me and at first our convo was very joke filled e.g. haven't you heard that the black version of dumb blondes are black redheads

I knew it, the convo I was planning to avoid had to come to the surface. It had come to haunt me but it had a different turn to it this time he decided to tell me what he knew. Meaning, he decided to tell me why I wont go out with him again I don't remember it word for word but here it goes. 'you are tying to punish me for what I had to do" ha what you had to oh that's fresh." I know you still love me, because joe says you keep on turning him down every time he mentions you considering to be his girlfriend, does that mean you've turned every guy down since me "he hit home so hard that I couldn't say anything back to him and all of a sudden my eyes had a sudden interest in his carpet. "you know it wasn't my fault about what happened, I had to accept" um no you didn't you only did it because it was considered as the smartest thing to do but you never ever took the easy road. 'I'm sorry coco what else do you want from me" to leave me alone. "sometimes I miss you........ the other girls that I've been out with can't come close and I know. I know you were angry by me constantly flaunting of them in your face, but it felt like you were doing the same (which I wasn't) and I know that and I'm trying to make it right" what was with the sudden over use of the words I know it was like a new word he learnt or something and the heart apology can anyone say he has been watching to much o.c. I just wanted to leave, I just wanted his confession to me to stop. Honestly I really didn't want to hear all this but, of course I love this guy and it was slightly weakening. Then I started arguing back and with a vengeance and he didn't like the things that was coming out of my mouth as I could tell by that annoyed teacher look he has. by the anger and annoyance I let something slip something i hadn't which was 'yeah I love you but chris you chose who you wanted and it wasn't me!" why the fuck did i have to say LOVE. WHICH I REALISED HE REGISTERED do you know how I realised? cus' HE POUNCED ON ME. This wasn't a hi your my ex girlfriend i just wanna kiss you to recapture the memories, it was I wanna fuck you now kind of thing where I ended up on my back and him on top of me (not having sex of course just lying there) and I was (I couldn't believe myself) kissing back. I realised how wrong this was, which kind of made me stop while he was really eager to carry on. (I swear it was like a warning bell going off loud in my ear saying stop, stop now deep end, deep end come up for oxygen......... breathe). I was like OMG...okay slide yourself from under him and get up and leave corinne..................LEAVE. It didn't happen that way cus he started asking all these question. The thing that came out of my mouth after the twenty questions was "I've got to go" he gave me one of the old hugs (this is gonna sound soppy) the ones that used to make me feel safe (like the one he gave to me in the police station when he got arrested for punching my dad and everyone in the police station was looking at us just standing there hugging as he was talking to me quietly) then this the comment of the day made by me this would have hurt any person who just went through that moment with his ex girlfriend "you do realise this didn't mean a thing yeah" well it wasn't in those exact words (cus' I can't properly remember what I said) but it had that feel to it. His face dropped even I wanted to go "ow that must have hurt "and he was like "yeah..................yeah I knew that, but we can always be friends no harm in that" and I kind of did this little jog down the stairs and he opened the door and I bolted out of there. I was so glad to see the street again, to breathe.

I swear I should put my life on film it would make great viewing. It has more twist and turns than sunset beach, and the relationships always have some fucked up with them.
So when i got home I thought about it cause I bought Celine Dion album falling into you the day before. (the song falling into you was one of me and chris' songs cus I realised he actually owned under all his hard-core rap collection and I put it on, this was before we ever kissed by the end of that day we had. Its the power of that song.) I think buying that cd for 4.99 was warning me something was gonna happen and I was not listening to it which is kind of funny. So anyways yeah we are not back together but hey something about this day has just changed me. I don't know how but I feel different like I love the boy yeah ADMIT I still have feelings for him, but now he falls under the category of ex boyfriend who is now my good friend (hopefully). woohooo.