My drunken wednesday!

So yeah it was mid week and I knew that I college tomoz and had important coursework to do and what did I do.........I got pissed.
Trust me Kaz is very convincing....So we went out and got drunk and stuff and then here's me staggering around the place with Kaz and chantelle in tow. We decided to go to peckham library.

xTHINGS THAT WE DID AT PECKHAM LIBRARYx
+I fell over 3 times
+I decided to I would lie over the moon thing for about ten minutes
+I tried to climb this big ball thing that looked like a sun
+I popped a squat in the middle of an open space peckham park's grassy areas.
+Argued with random black boys outside a kebab shop
+Happen to stumble my way home, to colapse on my bed
+Woke next morning total in pain

xNext Morningx
+I had to flush out all the drink
+I stumbled to get ready for school
+I started crying 'cus I had a burning in my left Kidney
+Had aching leg pains because I decided I would climb up that sun thing.
+Remember and try to patch together my thoughts.

So all is well and its good friday tomoz. Right now I am actually with my two pissed friends and they are happening to be arguing about.....wait for it.......cigarettes lol! I think this is so funny.
Do you know why......because it just is.

Had school assembly today, why do sixth formers have whole school assembly if we hardly get anything. you tell me. So I sit in this fuck ass long assembly wanting to bite my own hand off in my total boredom. When I need to finish ten pieces of coursework. So here is me sitting there wanting to cry, when suddenly I realise....yes this long assembly is done so I run to the door and guess who calls my name.......Miss hicks.........and says............."corinne why were you late today" I was thinking well I was totally pissed and was trying to recover from a hangover. but I said "I don't know" "well corinne this not acceptable"
"I know, I know" " please corinne fix thisattitude that you have towards your school life" " yes miss"

Talking about that I should do an entry dedicated to that woman god she is a pain in the butt. Until then folks goodbye and Have a great Easterxxxxx

what is wrong with me..........

Please can someone help me understand why I can't define thingsd in my life, how I can't just say yeah that's what I want I always, always, always have to be difficult about it. Not gonna further explain what that is about I just needed to write that or I was going to explode.

I also feel an bit alone today, eventhough I have talked to many friends about how I feel and stuff, I just feel alone. I also have a bruised ligament the docters told me and Kaz didn't make it any better by kicking it yesterday, which has resorted in me not being able to walk at all. I just about made it down to the net cafe today and then guess what I find out Msn is not up and running....so that gets me even more pissed off.

So here's me hobbling around and being all depressed and stuff I swear I get worse as the days go past. I'm at a net cafe with my hurt leg and there are girls outside that remind me of us when we normally get drunk which is scary!

Another Fallen angel

I was terribly bored so I did a poem, which kind of blended in with my blog. So I thought I might as well add it here you know since it is name after my blog loL!


Dirty is her face with markings of her fathers hand
beaten
Not loved by anyone
the wings that were given to her a sign of giving others hope
has now become one of the things
she is despised of

why is she so different from her own kind
why has she fallen
tell me why she stays awake thinking at night
restless in her open eyed slumber
her clothes that were of plain whited materials
now darkening under the strain of her own inner
hatered

see her face it looks like my mine
different features there on that canvas
but somehow reflecting myself on her
she looks at me and I see her soul
icy
plain
unconnected
cold like mine.
could this be me
what I would look like as and angel
Fallen so deeply
out of proportion
Dropped for the heavenly skies
pushed out from the norm

I'm not what I used be
Someone to give grace
but failing
I can't help what I am
Save me I'm crying.
Inside me, I'm dying.
Losing all my dignity,
losing all of me.
Falling into my own depression.
Falling from the clouds.
Another fallen angel is what you've found

Ow don't like needles. Has anyone realised its hot today

So I had my blood test today, it was really painful, wanted to cry. I can imagine people looking at the screen and laughing ecspecially Zen. He came with me once to get my jabs when I was going to St.Lucia, and he was cracking up laughing 'cus he could see the tears building up in my eyes. Although it didn't hurt I hate things that go into my skin that's why I haven't got my second ear piercing yet.

Walked out the hospital a bit woozy today and a bit of cotton on my arm. Stopped and realsed omg its remotely warm. I took off my jacket and had to put it in my bag. Summer is coming I don't know wether I should happy or sad. My exams are int he summer and I like summer cus its summer and the log break that is study week.

Yesterday night when I left Kaz's house and was standing at the bus stop by myself at 12:45 at night/morning, whatever you consider it being I was just there okay. So anyways the bus wasn't coming so I thought I'd walk further into peckham to next bus stop because I could possibly get a 63,363 and a 343 to take me straight home. So as I'm walking I see my brothers friend Pj of Peter whatever he calls himself these days. He hugs me, I don't minds that since he's known me since I was younger, then he stokes my face and I started to get a bit worried. So I try to move back and he locks his arms around my waist and push with a force backwards as he bumps in the little street poles things. He goes to me "no one has to know corinne, your brother doesn't have to know"tries to stroke my face again it was very sickening. He then again tries to kiss me and that was when I slapped him. I swear half of the road could hear. I just started walking away. I felt so dirty afterwards. That one of my brothers friends would dare try it on with me. I got home and got into the bath and tried scrubbing really hard. I know he didn't rape me or anyhting but it felt like he did. It was awful.

also had to go to the theatre and it was one of most weirdest plays I ever had to watch. It had no storyline. It was based around a dream, and the stuff that happened to him in his life was reflecting meanings in his dreams. There was a scene that really made me laugh to the point that half of the theatre could hear me. Was when his x wife came up and said "you forgot this at my house!" and handed him his penis I just wanted to crack up lol!

Okay is she trying to take over from my dad

So as we know my dad is gone left a week ago. can I have a yey *distant people shout yey* thankyou lol! It seems like my mother is trying to take over and trying to be all strict and it's driving me up the wall. I told heryesterday I know you've never had time to step down your foot and tell us what to do but this is just rediculous. She didn't let me go out on saturday because *cracks up laughing* I didn't clean my room. I mean what shit is that. I'm 17 nearly 18 and I'm being reminded to clean my room. Then the constant nagging of me to wash the dishes...look I'm gonna do it eventually during the night. So right now I'm quite tired but quite glad with myself another A underneath my belt couldn't ask for anything more to make me more happier.

Chantelle is thinking of starting another fight with Martha and me and Kaz this time are not gonna get involved. We told her to stay away but it doesn't seem to be happening. She fell out with us yesterday on the way to my house because we told her that her reasons for her wanting to do this much damage to Martha was not valid, but of course she saw it differently.

So kaz and chantelle decided to clean my house out of all the food lol! Kaz also decided she would try and scam from the pot which she mus have forgotten about 'cus she didn't end up doing it lol! umm I found out that it's definate that the operation for my back will take place on my birthday, I'm a bit scared. I've been through it before but the last time I stopped breathing and they had to push a tube down my throat and pump oxygen into my lungs and I had to recover from throat bruising from the tube for 2 weeks. So I'm a bit worried to go through that again.

I think that's so far all that's happened and plus I gotta go with Kaz today to he hospital they are planning to put her under general aneasthetic to take her teeth out and she is freking out so I gotta go with her to take care of my other lesbian lover lol! take care everybodyxx

He's gone.....wooooohooooo.....But all is not well

So, yes the countdown is over, the champagne is being served and the party of freedom has just started. Yes I, Corinne Natalie Natasha Stacey Hunt am free from the grips of my father until the 29 of May. you heard it correctly the 29th of May. But of course a good day for corinne never goes well. I had academic review day. A day where you sit with your form tutor and talk about your progression e.g. how your subject are going and what choices we were planning to make for the future.

I had to give a definate answer today wether I was going uni this year or not and I counldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to say anyhting on the subject. I got to my college, and I was about 5 minutes late, and my form tutor Miss Hicks, was no where in sight. So I am going to call it a day and go home.

I told Kaz abotu my uni offer yesterday and she didn't even want to talk to me so much that she went to sleep and left me all alone and stuff and was nervous to say anything until I was out of the proxiomity of her house she called me at the bus stop and started crying and I felt so bad, that I wanted to leave and it was make others around me upset. Then another part of me is just saying stay and go next year. The point is this uni is the best that does my course and if they want me now with the grades I've got then that would be excellent. I guess others don't see it that way. Not even my own mother.

I'm a bit sad over it and a bit confused and I have so many people telling me what I should do, it is actually blocking out what my heart is saying for me to do. I don't know maybe I should change the name of this blog to Another confused angel, but then that would involve Martha lol! oh by the way she's meant to be coming over today yey for me! I think that's it for today. Got nothing else to do but sit and cry in my own confusion. I see you guys later.

By the way did anyone notice how this entry started off happy and ended in me being completely depressed.....ah well......

Times Endless poem

Thought I might just put this up here. Don't ask me why I made this personally I don't this up to my usual standard. Not that my usual standard is high, but I'm just saying yeah here is just something I thought up and thought I would craply write about lol! so here it goes.


Sleepless nights
of Restricted turning
as time slowly ticks away
telling a story of one
that someone's
Future lays ticking
in those very hands
So little and so much of it
they say
but look beyond these words
of cryptic meanings and understandings
time is what makes you
realise what you have
before it is gone
NO
before it escapes
and left for a feeling of unloved emptiness
then who will hold you
while stil it's springs and gages
force it to work
to keep track of
earth's worldly time
or your own
Deaths little design
time is......
calculates special times
oh how fragile
as it senses how near you are to your edge
as I sit here a restless sleeper
how much time have I used
Much time I have wasted
time and tide waits for no man
when will yours wash in

This child is in some deeeeeeep Trouble

So me being a lazy cow didn't decide to get out of bed until 11:30.Got dressed to go to college. I was meant to be in at 8:45. Anyways, get in and got caught going in through the back door than who other than Ms Weston (the head of my sixth form) and she called home to tell them that I haven't been attending college and that I might not be entered to my Media exam because I haven't been attending my lessons. Everything just started coming out and I just couldn't take it. I know when I go home today I'm gonna have a lot to deal with. *sits infront of the computer needing a BIG hug* I could hear my dad going totally berserk down the phone 'cus I happened to be in the same room when this converstaion was happenening. I felt tears burning in my eyes. I'm used to trouble, but this was bad, real bad. I think my parents realised that their angel has finally fallen and can't be bothered with life or school.

The girl that was a great achiever and stuff, has long left the building but I guess they don't understand that I was even given an ultimatum that if I continued with this attitude that I will be kicked out of school! do I care? .....some of me does the other bit of me doesn't. I don't know why I have suddenly become this way. I'm used to proving teachers wrong in this school but now I just can't be bothered.

Dusted off my old Staind cds and put them in my cd player to remember my Staind obsession....yes that's what I call it my obssesion. The great songs they have e.g. it's been awhile, so far away, Zoey Jane, Fray. Great hits. Anyways I'll see ya guys later bye....