I am really confused, I'm not gonna say what about because I know it will just start up problems and frankily I am fed up of problems. Then other people will get involved and I'm just you know gonna shut up now because I think I like it when I am not being shouted and screamed at. Also Jay and Sufia had a long convo about this earlier and they were saying how they feel and that they dislike and can't stand the person in question, because of what the signs point to. I am trying to ignore them right now. But I know what I have to do soon, because I am getting fed up of the problems and stuff.
But yeah has been a an alrighty day just talking about who wants to screw me wither Jay or alan it was really sick convo
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hey Alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
alan says:
sorry to hear that
alan says:
hey j
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
you're sorry to hear about me
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
but you know what I don't care anymore alan I really don't
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
She does
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
No I don't
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wish he would fly off a cliff
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't think he can fly dear
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Anyway how're you dear beloved Alan
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
not bad i guess thanks
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
gooody
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I'm in a strange mood
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hyper
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
what she means by hyper is that she means she's horny
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Bitch
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I am not repeat not horney
alan says:
im horny
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I'm just laying all your shit bare today aren't I
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
ok maybe a little
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
told you, she wants you alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
yes you are laying it all bear any other life long secretes you'd like to share with the world
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Alan you're always horney
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
Yeah I would like to share that you think dwaine is hot
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I have never ever said that in my life!!!
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
yeah right
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you think he's short style matches with yours
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Why would I say that he is not my type and you know it
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and that you want to screw him on Kaz's bed aint that what you said
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Yeah I fancy every person under 5foot 5
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I realised
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Nah, there is someone I'd like to screw but not on Kaz's bed
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
who would you like to screw tell meh
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
please
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
honesty
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
lol! yeay I am play with material
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*woots*
alan says:
lol
alan says:
yep
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
You can't have her I want her
alan says:
can i wach
alan says:
tho
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Maybe if you're a really really good boy
alan says:
alan says:
im always good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Really?
alan says:
yep
alan says:
lo
alan says:
lol
alan says:
i take it kaz still aint got net working
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
How good is good babe
alan says:
did she ring bt?
alan says:
like 99% good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
nah still no net
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't know
alan says:
lol
alan says:
that s
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
she did ring though
alan says:
look at these
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
*purs in Alans ear* I like
alan says:
what they say?
alan says:
lol
alan says:
purs back
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wanna purr *sad face*
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
We'll be very happy for you to pur with us
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
can't see it for some reason alan
alan says:
come here corinie
alan says:
u can ill make u
alan says:
lol
alan says:
realy cant see them
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Make her what?
alan says:
alan says:
what comes up then?
alan says:
erm pur
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
we can see it now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
alan you are sick
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I can see one of them now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and the woman is sahking her ass
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
One mans sick is another mans nice
alan says:
cool
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*shaking
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you got a running Kasumi
alan says:
alan says:
whats that?
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Do you just have like porn filled on your PC
alan says:
mabe
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Don't like the one with the woman shaking her breasts they look a bit icky
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
um this chick in a game
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
That's OK so do I
alan says:
but thats not porn
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
alan says:
like emotions
alan says:
things
alan says:
lol
alan says:
alan says:
like that
I loved this convo I just had to put it on display some where and why not here you know lol! anyway guys my net time is running out so SEE YA XX
Thursday, June 30, 2005
what is the meaning of love!
I am really confused, I'm not gonna say what about because I know it will just start up problems and frankily I am fed up of problems. Then other people will get involved and I'm just you know gonna shut up now because I think I like it when I am not being shouted and screamed at. Also Jay and Sufia had a long convo about this earlier and they were saying how they feel and that they dislike and can't stand the person in question, because of what the signs point to. I am trying to ignore them right now. But I know what I have to do soon, because I am getting fed up of the problems and stuff.
But yeah has been a an alrighty day just talking about who wants to screw me wither Jay or alan it was really sick convo
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hey Alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
alan says:
sorry to hear that
alan says:
hey j
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
you're sorry to hear about me
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
but you know what I don't care anymore alan I really don't
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
She does
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
No I don't
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wish he would fly off a cliff
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't think he can fly dear
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Anyway how're you dear beloved Alan
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
not bad i guess thanks
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
gooody
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I'm in a strange mood
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hyper
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
what she means by hyper is that she means she's horny
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Bitch
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I am not repeat not horney
alan says:
im horny
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I'm just laying all your shit bare today aren't I
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
ok maybe a little
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
told you, she wants you alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
yes you are laying it all bear any other life long secretes you'd like to share with the world
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Alan you're always horney
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
Yeah I would like to share that you think dwaine is hot
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I have never ever said that in my life!!!
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
yeah right
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you think he's short style matches with yours
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Why would I say that he is not my type and you know it
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and that you want to screw him on Kaz's bed aint that what you said
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Yeah I fancy every person under 5foot 5
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I realised
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Nah, there is someone I'd like to screw but not on Kaz's bed
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
who would you like to screw tell meh
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
please
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
honesty
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
lol! yeay I am play with material
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*woots*
alan says:
lol
alan says:
yep
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
You can't have her I want her
alan says:
can i wach
alan says:
tho
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Maybe if you're a really really good boy
alan says:
alan says:
im always good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Really?
alan says:
yep
alan says:
lo
alan says:
lol
alan says:
i take it kaz still aint got net working
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
How good is good babe
alan says:
did she ring bt?
alan says:
like 99% good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
nah still no net
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't know
alan says:
lol
alan says:
that s
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
she did ring though
alan says:
look at these
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
*purs in Alans ear* I like
alan says:
what they say?
alan says:
lol
alan says:
purs back
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wanna purr *sad face*
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
We'll be very happy for you to pur with us
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
can't see it for some reason alan
alan says:
come here corinie
alan says:
u can ill make u
alan says:
lol
alan says:
realy cant see them
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Make her what?
alan says:
alan says:
what comes up then?
alan says:
erm pur
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
we can see it now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
alan you are sick
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I can see one of them now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and the woman is sahking her ass
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
One mans sick is another mans nice
alan says:
cool
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*shaking
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you got a running Kasumi
alan says:
alan says:
whats that?
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Do you just have like porn filled on your PC
alan says:
mabe
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Don't like the one with the woman shaking her breasts they look a bit icky
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
um this chick in a game
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
That's OK so do I
alan says:
but thats not porn
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
alan says:
like emotions
alan says:
things
alan says:
lol
alan says:
alan says:
like that
I loved this convo I just had to put it on display some where and why not here you know lol! anyway guys my net time is running out so SEE YA XX
But yeah has been a an alrighty day just talking about who wants to screw me wither Jay or alan it was really sick convo
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hey Alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
alan says:
sorry to hear that
alan says:
hey j
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
you're sorry to hear about me
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
but you know what I don't care anymore alan I really don't
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
She does
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
No I don't
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wish he would fly off a cliff
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't think he can fly dear
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Anyway how're you dear beloved Alan
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
not bad i guess thanks
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
gooody
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I'm in a strange mood
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Hyper
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
what she means by hyper is that she means she's horny
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Bitch
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I am not repeat not horney
alan says:
im horny
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I'm just laying all your shit bare today aren't I
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
ok maybe a little
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
told you, she wants you alan
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
yes you are laying it all bear any other life long secretes you'd like to share with the world
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Alan you're always horney
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
Yeah I would like to share that you think dwaine is hot
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I have never ever said that in my life!!!
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
yeah right
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you think he's short style matches with yours
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Why would I say that he is not my type and you know it
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and that you want to screw him on Kaz's bed aint that what you said
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Yeah I fancy every person under 5foot 5
alan says:
lol
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I realised
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Nah, there is someone I'd like to screw but not on Kaz's bed
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
who would you like to screw tell meh
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
please
alan says:
i would play with corrinie
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
honesty
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
lol! yeay I am play with material
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*woots*
alan says:
lol
alan says:
yep
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
You can't have her I want her
alan says:
can i wach
alan says:
tho
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Maybe if you're a really really good boy
alan says:
alan says:
im always good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Really?
alan says:
yep
alan says:
lo
alan says:
lol
alan says:
i take it kaz still aint got net working
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
How good is good babe
alan says:
did she ring bt?
alan says:
like 99% good
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
nah still no net
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
I don't know
alan says:
lol
alan says:
that s
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
she did ring though
alan says:
look at these
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
*purs in Alans ear* I like
alan says:
what they say?
alan says:
lol
alan says:
purs back
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I wanna purr *sad face*
alan says:
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
We'll be very happy for you to pur with us
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
can't see it for some reason alan
alan says:
come here corinie
alan says:
u can ill make u
alan says:
lol
alan says:
realy cant see them
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Make her what?
alan says:
alan says:
what comes up then?
alan says:
erm pur
alan says:
lol
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
we can see it now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
alan you are sick
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
I can see one of them now
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
and the woman is sahking her ass
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
One mans sick is another mans nice
alan says:
cool
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
*shaking
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
lol
alan says:
alan says:
alan says:
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
you got a running Kasumi
alan says:
alan says:
whats that?
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Do you just have like porn filled on your PC
alan says:
mabe
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
Don't like the one with the woman shaking her breasts they look a bit icky
~*~Cordie* children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children says:
um this chick in a game
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
That's OK so do I
alan says:
but thats not porn
My knickers breed when I'm not there *Jas* says:
alan says:
like emotions
alan says:
things
alan says:
lol
alan says:
alan says:
like that
I loved this convo I just had to put it on display some where and why not here you know lol! anyway guys my net time is running out so SEE YA XX
Monday, June 27, 2005
*in weird alex voice* Your baby is fine!!!
so News about my life lets see....hmmmm......
I have actually got a new skirt *people start fainting* *gasps all around* okay, okay I got the point it aint that bad. Its a gypsy skirt long and black. Fuck summer I don't care if the colour black attracts sunlight and heat. Its a colour that I love, adore and must wear.
At the moment I am quite bored and nobody is helping with the process of me not being bored listening to Brooke Fraser - lifeline. I think its a good song its sounds a bit like delta goodrem, I know, bad music taste... leave me.
um what has happened to me over the past few days.
+ I drank alcohol *SLAPS HAND* but... I didn't drink to get drunk although I was quite typsy at one point when char wanted to go to the chicken place and mark didn't want us to go alone. I told him I was *coughsobercough* I kinda lied.
+ I got whooped, when I mean whooped, I mean whooped at dead or alive 2 by none other than Mark (damn him) need to kick his ass. He wont let it drop. So I must take that smug grin of his face (breathe corinne breathe)
+ Azera and Jasmine Met each other for the first time. Lets just say Azera found out about Jay being bi and asked me does she like me because I would rather cheat on my fiancee with a woman rather than a male. I was like Okay then. But they looked like they got on very good.
+ mum lost my script for my drama exam tomoz *cries*
+ its my bro's b-day today, and I haven't wished him happy birthday. so.... Happy 24th Birthday Thomas *claps*
+ I have to testify at my dad's court case soon, quite scared. Hate being under pressure.
+ found out that I wasted two hours of my time on friday, even though alex hassell was in that play and he looked great (as ever usual)it was quite boring version of the tempest and sir knew it was crap but made us watch it in the heat, at the globe theatre. May I add that there was people collapsing around us like flies because of the heat. I was freaking out.
+ Charlotte so still likes mark. It was so bait on friday. let me not further explain. He thinks sufie is pretty. oooh he's in trouble he likes the two ball breakers of the group.
+ sufie just found out and is gonna play bitch for just one day. ah, its good to see my friends striving to be bitches lol!
+ oh and I broke my task that I promised to Tim I wouldn't do. Sorry *laughs*
So I think that's it got nothing left to say except I have to plague this school tomoz I mean it leave my mark. I don't put tissue paper everywhere, write my name on every board in the school. walk into my exam stark nekked I dunno but I have to do something lol!!!! anyways guys I'm gone for the day see ya!!!
I have actually got a new skirt *people start fainting* *gasps all around* okay, okay I got the point it aint that bad. Its a gypsy skirt long and black. Fuck summer I don't care if the colour black attracts sunlight and heat. Its a colour that I love, adore and must wear.
At the moment I am quite bored and nobody is helping with the process of me not being bored listening to Brooke Fraser - lifeline. I think its a good song its sounds a bit like delta goodrem, I know, bad music taste... leave me.
um what has happened to me over the past few days.
+ I drank alcohol *SLAPS HAND* but... I didn't drink to get drunk although I was quite typsy at one point when char wanted to go to the chicken place and mark didn't want us to go alone. I told him I was *coughsobercough* I kinda lied.
+ I got whooped, when I mean whooped, I mean whooped at dead or alive 2 by none other than Mark (damn him) need to kick his ass. He wont let it drop. So I must take that smug grin of his face (breathe corinne breathe)
+ Azera and Jasmine Met each other for the first time. Lets just say Azera found out about Jay being bi and asked me does she like me because I would rather cheat on my fiancee with a woman rather than a male. I was like Okay then. But they looked like they got on very good.
+ mum lost my script for my drama exam tomoz *cries*
+ its my bro's b-day today, and I haven't wished him happy birthday. so.... Happy 24th Birthday Thomas *claps*
+ I have to testify at my dad's court case soon, quite scared. Hate being under pressure.
+ found out that I wasted two hours of my time on friday, even though alex hassell was in that play and he looked great (as ever usual)it was quite boring version of the tempest and sir knew it was crap but made us watch it in the heat, at the globe theatre. May I add that there was people collapsing around us like flies because of the heat. I was freaking out.
+ Charlotte so still likes mark. It was so bait on friday. let me not further explain. He thinks sufie is pretty. oooh he's in trouble he likes the two ball breakers of the group.
+ sufie just found out and is gonna play bitch for just one day. ah, its good to see my friends striving to be bitches lol!
+ oh and I broke my task that I promised to Tim I wouldn't do. Sorry *laughs*
So I think that's it got nothing left to say except I have to plague this school tomoz I mean it leave my mark. I don't put tissue paper everywhere, write my name on every board in the school. walk into my exam stark nekked I dunno but I have to do something lol!!!! anyways guys I'm gone for the day see ya!!!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Speak to me, in the words of ENGLISH?!!!
Hey guys, well today someone didn't know how much to pay on the bus in english so I came on the bus and realised he was talking french so here he is speaking french yeah to me, and I'm understanding him. So there I am talking to him and then he starts speaking stuff worng, now I've been doing french for how long and it happens to be a part of the second language I speak but come on, it was really bad so I was wondering if he was doing this to get out from paying cus the bus driver was getting really annoyed. and the bus driver let him go through it was later on that it was confirmed to me that he was lying cus his phone rang and he picked up speaking in a perfect english accent I just had to laugh. I spent my time trying to do that to help the guy and he did that.
Um only got two minutes left at the net cafe so I gotta type really fast.
actually I better say bye and continue this entry another day. byexxxxx
Um only got two minutes left at the net cafe so I gotta type really fast.
actually I better say bye and continue this entry another day. byexxxxx
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Cordie xanax smoking barrels all the way to the bank baby! *smiles*
well this week is becoming quite a good week well all is good so far. well yesterday I went on a little shopping spree with Kaz. Not that it was completely fun cus I was in the sweltering heat, and Kaz trying on random clothes while I had to guess if the fit me or not because her lack of waiting time. I don't take that long. So right now I am actually at college (actually the prison hole) I had to see mr J today about my 2.30hr exam I have to do on Tuesday. He just wanted to go over a few stuff alone with me 'cus I haven't been ablr to make it down from my new abode to school. So I came in after he made a phone call to me at 1'o clock at night. I mean, what teacher calls their student at 1 in the night to talk to them about coming into school.
So I drag myself to school not willingly but I had to.]
Got there and I walk in and there is Mr J with papers beyond papers of stuff that I have to learn for Tuesday, its seems too easy this exam does. It even seems more easier than my As levels, which just shouldn't be the case.
Everything seems to be settling into place, I am gaining purpose again and my mind aint so muddled anymore. Minus a few things, but those will be cleared up soon, and this court case I have to go through. Gonna need all my friends for this one, and my boyfriend, that's if he doesn't hate me too much by now. lol! actually that's not even funny its just simply the truth.
For a couple of weeks or to put more thought into it three months I have been in this twisted way, where I was actually losing myself. Everyone started to notice Iwas acting differently, but I am becoming myself again. I think I need to get some closure on a few things and hopefully, the old cordie will be back *smiles*. I just want to thank all the people who told me never to give up on myself or things that I was doing.... you all know who you are!
Um so much has been going on at Kaz's for the past few months.. I've become to queen of need for speed and Dead or Alive (I knew that one already) but yeah Jay brought the game over, because she knows I love the game to death! for what reason I don't know, I just do. Poor Alan got punched by annoying and always drunk lenny. Um Kaz has managed to break her bathroom door *does a little laugh* Charlotte and Mark have fallen out (not good) Sufie has fallen out with Kaz (not good either) Um martha has finally fucked off (I'm happy, that's one good piece of new I can tell you that)
yeah and just basic stuff that would be entertaining to anyone who went around there. I swear everyday brings a new exciting problem. Nah, just kidding, But alot of stuff does happen in that one house, it makes me laugh at times.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys, Azera, 'aka' Martha number 2 has been stalking me, yes stalking me and I am not exaggerating as sometimes I do. Like on saturday I told Azera I was going to see my dad and then go to peckham and see some friends. She asked me where my friends lived, so I went unwillingly to my dad's house and then down to peckham and where was Azera waiting outside of the ABC pharmacy. My eyes widened and she was like I was waiting for you where have you been and followed me to Kaz's house. Then she said to me "your friends are gonna hate me" I asked "why?" she answered "because I am going to take you away from all of them" I was like okay then.... freak......stalker.... someone,anyone....help!
Does anyone have any Martha repellant spray? if they have can I borrow some.
So I drag myself to school not willingly but I had to.]
Got there and I walk in and there is Mr J with papers beyond papers of stuff that I have to learn for Tuesday, its seems too easy this exam does. It even seems more easier than my As levels, which just shouldn't be the case.
Everything seems to be settling into place, I am gaining purpose again and my mind aint so muddled anymore. Minus a few things, but those will be cleared up soon, and this court case I have to go through. Gonna need all my friends for this one, and my boyfriend, that's if he doesn't hate me too much by now. lol! actually that's not even funny its just simply the truth.
For a couple of weeks or to put more thought into it three months I have been in this twisted way, where I was actually losing myself. Everyone started to notice Iwas acting differently, but I am becoming myself again. I think I need to get some closure on a few things and hopefully, the old cordie will be back *smiles*. I just want to thank all the people who told me never to give up on myself or things that I was doing.... you all know who you are!
Um so much has been going on at Kaz's for the past few months.. I've become to queen of need for speed and Dead or Alive (I knew that one already) but yeah Jay brought the game over, because she knows I love the game to death! for what reason I don't know, I just do. Poor Alan got punched by annoying and always drunk lenny. Um Kaz has managed to break her bathroom door *does a little laugh* Charlotte and Mark have fallen out (not good) Sufie has fallen out with Kaz (not good either) Um martha has finally fucked off (I'm happy, that's one good piece of new I can tell you that)
yeah and just basic stuff that would be entertaining to anyone who went around there. I swear everyday brings a new exciting problem. Nah, just kidding, But alot of stuff does happen in that one house, it makes me laugh at times.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys, Azera, 'aka' Martha number 2 has been stalking me, yes stalking me and I am not exaggerating as sometimes I do. Like on saturday I told Azera I was going to see my dad and then go to peckham and see some friends. She asked me where my friends lived, so I went unwillingly to my dad's house and then down to peckham and where was Azera waiting outside of the ABC pharmacy. My eyes widened and she was like I was waiting for you where have you been and followed me to Kaz's house. Then she said to me "your friends are gonna hate me" I asked "why?" she answered "because I am going to take you away from all of them" I was like okay then.... freak......stalker.... someone,anyone....help!
Does anyone have any Martha repellant spray? if they have can I borrow some.
Friday, June 17, 2005
its on its way, happiness starts from today.
Today, I am better. Yey, happiness. God I really have to stay less from depressed for more than a week. Its tiering,l stupid and frankily I think its caused by more hormones going on a stupid, crazy thing. I don't want to explain. Its disagusting and I don't think the male readers of this blog would appreciate it.
So yeah I am happier today, minus I notice that me being happy normal has that effect that everyone around me becomes argumentative, sad and frankily just annyoing. Take for instance Kaz and Dwaine are arguing for what reason you ask... I don't know. So there is alot of storming around the room. Alot of childish behaviour. Not that I mean it in a bad way, I just think there is a way to avoid all this but ah well its just my htoughts on the matter and my thoughts aint really great 'cus I have my own problems in that department.
So I found out today that I am getting new guitar stuff, which is just yey. What new guitar stuff? New songs books, new guitar strap and since my cousin has got my electric gutiar and refuses to give it back. I might get a new Guitar *woots* I love my aunt, she sees a black person in need and tries to help them.
My dad found out that my mum is taking him to court, is he scared hell yeah. Do you know why because there is every chance that he could spend up to 5 years in prison and for the time that he has been abusing all of us, in my eyes it aint enough. I hate that he still plague s my life even if I'm not in his care anymore I feel the need to talk about him. I don't know why. I don't think about him, I mean why should I? but there are times when a convo aint the same without me mentioning his name you know? *looks at everyone reading this, as they don't understand* ah don't worry.
I must state this alan calls up today and states I got laid I was like uh by that mother chick yeah he was like yeah. You can just imagine him smiling from ear to ear. lol! and then he says if you stick me in a room with charlotte and a few others that will also make me very happy.
May I state this here Jason is a prick. Okay moving on.
How can we raise around 200 hundred quid in 8 days. hmm maybe I should put up a pay pal donations site thing to help children who need to pay really expensive telephone bills and then hire hitmen to kill Jason. I find it seems resonable.
Just spoke to ash on the phone apparently I was rude, I didn't mean it in that way I was just really busy with requests from people coming out of my ears and plus I was helping tim
So yeah I am happier today, minus I notice that me being happy normal has that effect that everyone around me becomes argumentative, sad and frankily just annyoing. Take for instance Kaz and Dwaine are arguing for what reason you ask... I don't know. So there is alot of storming around the room. Alot of childish behaviour. Not that I mean it in a bad way, I just think there is a way to avoid all this but ah well its just my htoughts on the matter and my thoughts aint really great 'cus I have my own problems in that department.
So I found out today that I am getting new guitar stuff, which is just yey. What new guitar stuff? New songs books, new guitar strap and since my cousin has got my electric gutiar and refuses to give it back. I might get a new Guitar *woots* I love my aunt, she sees a black person in need and tries to help them.
My dad found out that my mum is taking him to court, is he scared hell yeah. Do you know why because there is every chance that he could spend up to 5 years in prison and for the time that he has been abusing all of us, in my eyes it aint enough. I hate that he still plague s my life even if I'm not in his care anymore I feel the need to talk about him. I don't know why. I don't think about him, I mean why should I? but there are times when a convo aint the same without me mentioning his name you know? *looks at everyone reading this, as they don't understand* ah don't worry.
I must state this alan calls up today and states I got laid I was like uh by that mother chick yeah he was like yeah. You can just imagine him smiling from ear to ear. lol! and then he says if you stick me in a room with charlotte and a few others that will also make me very happy.
May I state this here Jason is a prick. Okay moving on.
How can we raise around 200 hundred quid in 8 days. hmm maybe I should put up a pay pal donations site thing to help children who need to pay really expensive telephone bills and then hire hitmen to kill Jason. I find it seems resonable.
Just spoke to ash on the phone apparently I was rude, I didn't mean it in that way I was just really busy with requests from people coming out of my ears and plus I was helping tim
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Pay me a price to killl myself and I will gladly accept!
Okay yesterday I actually said some really cruel things about people and stuff in this blog, I know it offended some people and guaranteed to because of its content. like I said I say stuff cus I know I can hurt people, I happen to do it when I am annoyed and upset. Such as how I did with chantell a few days ago when she called me a cow and said I dress and look like a boy then I said back to her "excuse me you're more like to be mistaken for guy since your tits are like non existant" she started calling me all this stuff and I kept on calling her a transexual. I am so mean. I hate myself, I hate that I do this to people. I am a minipulative little cow. I know how to get to people and how they work!!!! (yeah right) But its true I always learn peoples personalities and the ones that I don't like I use it like a natural bitch and use their weaknesses against them. I disgust myself, that's why when people say I'm cute, I'm sweet and stuff I feel differently. I'm just a cold hearted bitch, a psychotic cold hearted bitch. I really don't know what has brought this on maybe its my inability to feel happy within myself recently. Great, I'm back to doing the Mallory statements again. fuck it. what can I say but I make people unhappy maybe I should stay away or disassociate myself from everyone, then maybe I won't feel like I am hurting them or manipulating them, just like my dad says I do. That guy has really screwed me up put all these words and sayings into my head that I can't erase. Like when he found out before when I was dating chris he called me a whore and a user and maybe I am only with him to feel safe within myself and maybe he was right. Maybe I am this horrible chick that always uses people or maybe I am a hoe just like he said. Shut up cordie you are no hoe you don't date around and you haven't kissed all the guys that you know. I feel that because he has embedded these things within me, that they are true. My mum keps on telling me not to listen not to take notice, but I can't help it I just do. okay guys that's enough of my bordeline pissed off and depressed talk. time to talk love
I think I may have a new quest on my hands but the point is I can't follow it through...why you all ask? cause it involves my baby sufie. As we all know Sufia (Nickname sufie) is muslim and can't persue any relationships because she will be arranged marriaged. Kinda like me, except for I am not gonna let my dad choose a husband for me
.it aint happening. Oh before you all are wondering, I am not muslim lol! its just culture. So anyway, yeah mark has admitted to having likings for sufia which I think is yippie. BUT come on we have been over this which guy in there right mind wouldn't be attracted to the chick she's skinny, beautiful,has one of the most gorgeous singing voices ever and can be just like one of the guys. In some ways sufie said she used to feel a bit like my apprentice but lord knows she has blossomed alot more better than I have. so anyways I wanna play flirt maker cus its not like I can actually play match maker can I? but they have the same interests and stuff. but what I have learnt is that just because you have the same interests, doesn't mean that you are great for eachother trust me I KNOW!!! gonna also collaborate with sufie on guitar and drums and its a song thats she made so yeah it shall be fun working with sufie is always a laugh minus when she gets all deadlinie on me. lol!
I am actually typing this in the dark because my room mate or martha number 2 wants to go to sleep so when I wanna go to sleep she is keeping me up until all times in the morning. but when she wants to go to sleep its lights off everyone. urgh god why do you torture me this way. I tried to get away from annoying people such as my father and instead of giving me some nice, considerate, sane and understanding person you gave me the black version to martha. Do wanna know what this chick is all about she sleeps around just like martha,
she has imaginary relationships just like martha. she got pregnant for her current boyfriend after knowing him for a month and a half. She was known as a hoe ..wait a second just like martha. Is paranoid. Keeps on having conversations to me about constantly herself and when I try to say anything its like she cuts me out even when I am trying to giver her advice in one ear out the other. She nick my clothes without warning. I come home to no food because her and her pregnant self have cleaned out all of the shelves. Sorry I didin't ask her to get pregnant at the age of 17 and stop doing her exams because of it so don't keep me up hours before I do my own. *screams* Okay I think I'm done screaming. Looking at the beginning of this entry I was feeling annoyed at myself, a bit depressed and slightly sad, but now I feel better. Alot better infact I am all smiles again.
Things I have to do tommorrow
go out to the post office with azera (oh yey joy)
go to drama at 11
maybe go to Kaz's (might decided against that. I'll explain below)
practise some chords and do some improvisation (need to practice)
cook dinner (that's if anything will be left in the cupboards lol)
finish reading my book and go to bed
(ooh aint my day interesting lol!)
I'm thinking about lessning the time I spend at Kaz's house because I realise that it is like I am freeloading the place she said it yesterday, but it felt like it was being directed at me. Cause I do freeload off her I am always there I try to come with my own money to buy food while I am there but she always happens to go through my bag takes my stuff and then doesn't know where she put it e.g. what happened with my pound. so I feel like I am becoming martha I am always there always getting on her nerves always in her face so maybe I should you know piss off and let her spend some time with Dwaine and stuff and just stay at home, which is actually something I am considering doing from next week. You know getting a little me time in as well, haven't been alone in a while it would be great and not having people analysing me constantly with what I do and when I do it and how to bahave around bestfriends, ex boyfriends, current boyfriend , family etc etc. so yeah from next week I am gonna be a very distant Cordie.
Okay so I am done for the night gonna get some sleep cus its like nearly three in the morning and I'm going to have to have alot of strength if I am dealing with you know who frst thing in the morning lol! see you guys LATER!!
10 minutes after I worte that: the bitch broke my chain I can't belive it, she broke my chain. she got into a fight with me and pulled it in two. I want to cry. Ash gave that to me and she broke it and nearly broke my laptop too. Thank god that punch around her face affected her lol! Kaz doesn't think I'm upset enough but if she saw me last night I was all crying and upset trying to fix it. I might as well still wear the pendant but in a different chain. I'm officially done.
I think I may have a new quest on my hands but the point is I can't follow it through...why you all ask? cause it involves my baby sufie. As we all know Sufia (Nickname sufie) is muslim and can't persue any relationships because she will be arranged marriaged. Kinda like me, except for I am not gonna let my dad choose a husband for me
.it aint happening. Oh before you all are wondering, I am not muslim lol! its just culture. So anyway, yeah mark has admitted to having likings for sufia which I think is yippie. BUT come on we have been over this which guy in there right mind wouldn't be attracted to the chick she's skinny, beautiful,has one of the most gorgeous singing voices ever and can be just like one of the guys. In some ways sufie said she used to feel a bit like my apprentice but lord knows she has blossomed alot more better than I have. so anyways I wanna play flirt maker cus its not like I can actually play match maker can I? but they have the same interests and stuff. but what I have learnt is that just because you have the same interests, doesn't mean that you are great for eachother trust me I KNOW!!! gonna also collaborate with sufie on guitar and drums and its a song thats she made so yeah it shall be fun working with sufie is always a laugh minus when she gets all deadlinie on me. lol!
I am actually typing this in the dark because my room mate or martha number 2 wants to go to sleep so when I wanna go to sleep she is keeping me up until all times in the morning. but when she wants to go to sleep its lights off everyone. urgh god why do you torture me this way. I tried to get away from annoying people such as my father and instead of giving me some nice, considerate, sane and understanding person you gave me the black version to martha. Do wanna know what this chick is all about she sleeps around just like martha,
she has imaginary relationships just like martha. she got pregnant for her current boyfriend after knowing him for a month and a half. She was known as a hoe ..wait a second just like martha. Is paranoid. Keeps on having conversations to me about constantly herself and when I try to say anything its like she cuts me out even when I am trying to giver her advice in one ear out the other. She nick my clothes without warning. I come home to no food because her and her pregnant self have cleaned out all of the shelves. Sorry I didin't ask her to get pregnant at the age of 17 and stop doing her exams because of it so don't keep me up hours before I do my own. *screams* Okay I think I'm done screaming. Looking at the beginning of this entry I was feeling annoyed at myself, a bit depressed and slightly sad, but now I feel better. Alot better infact I am all smiles again.
Things I have to do tommorrow
go out to the post office with azera (oh yey joy)
go to drama at 11
maybe go to Kaz's (might decided against that. I'll explain below)
practise some chords and do some improvisation (need to practice)
cook dinner (that's if anything will be left in the cupboards lol)
finish reading my book and go to bed
(ooh aint my day interesting lol!)
I'm thinking about lessning the time I spend at Kaz's house because I realise that it is like I am freeloading the place she said it yesterday, but it felt like it was being directed at me. Cause I do freeload off her I am always there I try to come with my own money to buy food while I am there but she always happens to go through my bag takes my stuff and then doesn't know where she put it e.g. what happened with my pound. so I feel like I am becoming martha I am always there always getting on her nerves always in her face so maybe I should you know piss off and let her spend some time with Dwaine and stuff and just stay at home, which is actually something I am considering doing from next week. You know getting a little me time in as well, haven't been alone in a while it would be great and not having people analysing me constantly with what I do and when I do it and how to bahave around bestfriends, ex boyfriends, current boyfriend , family etc etc. so yeah from next week I am gonna be a very distant Cordie.
Okay so I am done for the night gonna get some sleep cus its like nearly three in the morning and I'm going to have to have alot of strength if I am dealing with you know who frst thing in the morning lol! see you guys LATER!!
10 minutes after I worte that: the bitch broke my chain I can't belive it, she broke my chain. she got into a fight with me and pulled it in two. I want to cry. Ash gave that to me and she broke it and nearly broke my laptop too. Thank god that punch around her face affected her lol! Kaz doesn't think I'm upset enough but if she saw me last night I was all crying and upset trying to fix it. I might as well still wear the pendant but in a different chain. I'm officially done.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
*american accent* Am I Just the dirt that you walk on?
well today is an alright day nothing really annoying me at the mo, just worried about some of the exams I am taking. Not stressed, which is a quite a surprising, although when it normally comes to exams I am laid back and just take them as I come. I don't know I can't do the whole I'm shutting the world out and be stressing over it, because after the exams and you have the whole waiting period for the results you will wanna kill yourself so after they are done I just let them go. Its the only thing you can do really. Look at me going on like I am the exam expert.
Um we had a Dead or Alive tornament yesterday it was fun and stuff. I had fun for once and I was getting my ass whopped by dwayne because he learnt how to use Ein and was beating up everyone. Of course I had control in the beginnning, because come on its me, me and Kasumi are a team, we just rock together. We had another play around today it was a bit easier 'cause there was no cheating and stuff.
Went to see my dad on sunday too, I was so annoyed that he starting telling his lies to Jasmine too. I was upset stading there and hearing him talking about how he didn't do this and didn't do that! I was so annoyed that he was trying to get to Jasmine trying to get people on his side like he has been trying to get everyone on his side while my mother sits there bruised and battered and while he lives with his nice house and sky tv and telephone, while she lives in a smalll shelter room. I wish people would understand how I feel you know maybe it be just a teeny bit easier on me and have more people to talk to about my situation. I know I have friends with me and that they care for me and stuff but for people just don't get it, I can't be all happy and hunky dory all the time, with the things that happen in my life. I know that's the kind of person I used to be compressing my feelings always being happy, but I can't do that no more its just coming to the surface right now and I don't know how to control it.
I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry infront of you - Avril Lavigne
gotta go now just had an argument with Kaz about myself and stuff and because she's hjad an argument with dwayne and stuff she is taking it out on me its funny how everyone always takes shit out on me my mum dad, brother, Kaz, Ash and Tim. its just great aint it just fucking great I'm wanna leave now, because I'm fed up of being everybody's escape goat when they need to take out they inside frustrations.
_5minutes of calm down time_
Okay I'm sorry for what I said above, very stressed and didn't mean just wrote it because I am not my inner feelings I just have a ting that I can hurt people with my words and stuff. I'm sorry everyone. I'm fucked up why am I so fucked. Oh great Martha's here now which makes it better me and sufia are planning to take off right now. 'cus its like 07 minutes past ten.
Um oh I got a picture of martha number 2 this girl jacks all my shit and then keeps me up until 5 in the morning talking about the same issues she did yesterday night lol! so here the pictures>>>>>>> Pic
see ya guys xxx
Um we had a Dead or Alive tornament yesterday it was fun and stuff. I had fun for once and I was getting my ass whopped by dwayne because he learnt how to use Ein and was beating up everyone. Of course I had control in the beginnning, because come on its me, me and Kasumi are a team, we just rock together. We had another play around today it was a bit easier 'cause there was no cheating and stuff.
Went to see my dad on sunday too, I was so annoyed that he starting telling his lies to Jasmine too. I was upset stading there and hearing him talking about how he didn't do this and didn't do that! I was so annoyed that he was trying to get to Jasmine trying to get people on his side like he has been trying to get everyone on his side while my mother sits there bruised and battered and while he lives with his nice house and sky tv and telephone, while she lives in a smalll shelter room. I wish people would understand how I feel you know maybe it be just a teeny bit easier on me and have more people to talk to about my situation. I know I have friends with me and that they care for me and stuff but for people just don't get it, I can't be all happy and hunky dory all the time, with the things that happen in my life. I know that's the kind of person I used to be compressing my feelings always being happy, but I can't do that no more its just coming to the surface right now and I don't know how to control it.
I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry infront of you - Avril Lavigne
gotta go now just had an argument with Kaz about myself and stuff and because she's hjad an argument with dwayne and stuff she is taking it out on me its funny how everyone always takes shit out on me my mum dad, brother, Kaz, Ash and Tim. its just great aint it just fucking great I'm wanna leave now, because I'm fed up of being everybody's escape goat when they need to take out they inside frustrations.
_5minutes of calm down time_
Okay I'm sorry for what I said above, very stressed and didn't mean just wrote it because I am not my inner feelings I just have a ting that I can hurt people with my words and stuff. I'm sorry everyone. I'm fucked up why am I so fucked. Oh great Martha's here now which makes it better me and sufia are planning to take off right now. 'cus its like 07 minutes past ten.
Um oh I got a picture of martha number 2 this girl jacks all my shit and then keeps me up until 5 in the morning talking about the same issues she did yesterday night lol! so here the pictures>>>>>>> Pic
see ya guys xxx
Friday, June 10, 2005
Inhaling is really bad
so yep its a friday night at Kaz's house. Yep, you've heard of those nights, they are constantly and mostly the highlight of the week. But I can't breathe, lol! what do I mean by that you ask? I am a getting cigarette smoke from every direction, not good when you have athsma! so right now my lungs are doing that lovely tightening feeling they like to do so much.
We are sitting here basically drinking. I ended my 5 weeks no drinking thingy with a drink today being forced down my throat, by none other than Char and Kaz. Right now char is being a bit violent and dwayne is doing his slight raping thing on her too. I don't think Kaz is too impressed. Plus, I look very ugly right now since Kaz, decided to take my earrings so therefore the uglyness occures. Its very bad. I think i look ugly without earrings, what its just my little theroy. Leave me. Well its not I exactly like I look too hot at the moment, with my dirty trousers and my crappy and cheap 2 shirts in one top. Yeah, oh and don't foregt the dry lips. lol!
When we have char on the other hand who is is in a short skirt and a nice bordot top. Can I just say I feel crap in comparison. Yeppers, feel crappy.
so anyway I gotta go because I am now being forced to go to ashers, well not entirely forced because I don't mind but yeah you get the whole factor where I am tired and had a five hour exam its getting to me now. It really is getting to me. see ya guys
We are sitting here basically drinking. I ended my 5 weeks no drinking thingy with a drink today being forced down my throat, by none other than Char and Kaz. Right now char is being a bit violent and dwayne is doing his slight raping thing on her too. I don't think Kaz is too impressed. Plus, I look very ugly right now since Kaz, decided to take my earrings so therefore the uglyness occures. Its very bad. I think i look ugly without earrings, what its just my little theroy. Leave me. Well its not I exactly like I look too hot at the moment, with my dirty trousers and my crappy and cheap 2 shirts in one top. Yeah, oh and don't foregt the dry lips. lol!
When we have char on the other hand who is is in a short skirt and a nice bordot top. Can I just say I feel crap in comparison. Yeppers, feel crappy.
so anyway I gotta go because I am now being forced to go to ashers, well not entirely forced because I don't mind but yeah you get the whole factor where I am tired and had a five hour exam its getting to me now. It really is getting to me. see ya guys
Stupid Cordie! Stupid, stupid cordie.
So yesterday I let a very important secret out of the bag. I mean, I was doing so well. I have been keeping alot of my secrets and other people's very well. I was very trustworthy and very good, then I spoilt it. Lets just say, I could split a family, a relationship, making kids no longer have a father. I mean what kind of person am I to let that slip. I seriously feel like killing myself so I am not blamed. I know I should blame myself, but I am scared. Plus, I know I am about to fuck up some of my friends lives. Omg, Omg, Omg.
I have a drama exam today, Oh fun. I am a bit nervous to do it but I think I'll be alright. I haven't written notes yet so that I can take into the exam. Dont shake your heads at me, I'll do eventually before this afternoon *smiles*. Wish me goodluck guys I am really gonna need it, in both cases.
I feel so annoyed at myself for letting stuff slip out of my big trap of a mouth. I am really depressed now, Kaz and jay thought I was joking I seriously wanna hang myself from the nearest tree. How about if I stuff cotton down my throat maybe that could work too. I mean, no one is gonna miss me if I died, NO ONE!!! They would probably be sad for two seconds and then so oh well bye then.
I'm gonna go and commit suicide or something or the other. (nah really I gotta go and do notes for my exam) see ya *waves*
I have a drama exam today, Oh fun. I am a bit nervous to do it but I think I'll be alright. I haven't written notes yet so that I can take into the exam. Dont shake your heads at me, I'll do eventually before this afternoon *smiles*. Wish me goodluck guys I am really gonna need it, in both cases.
I feel so annoyed at myself for letting stuff slip out of my big trap of a mouth. I am really depressed now, Kaz and jay thought I was joking I seriously wanna hang myself from the nearest tree. How about if I stuff cotton down my throat maybe that could work too. I mean, no one is gonna miss me if I died, NO ONE!!! They would probably be sad for two seconds and then so oh well bye then.
I'm gonna go and commit suicide or something or the other. (nah really I gotta go and do notes for my exam) see ya *waves*
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Entries of daily struggle
Well I'm in my shelter placement and I am kind of tired and upset. I miss home I miss having certain access to stuff such as a KEBAB shop there isn't a kebab shop anywhere around here I know that make me sound like a person obsessed with food but I need a kebab once in a while to function (oh great I sound like Philip) but I miss everyone too. I miss being able to walk down to peck ham or east street and go to peacocks they have like no where like that here I see like weird shops like MacKay's and stuff.
Good point this week though I spotted a net café. Yep which means I can go there to go on the net and talk to all my contacts and finish Tim's Template. Talked to char this morning she was going to visit Joe (yeah I will further on that story later on.)
Yesterday I had to say goodbye to Kaz although I would try to be over on Monday. Everyone is going on like I live far away I just don't live in the place I used to and can access places I could before just by walking. When I update this onto the blog it's probably be quite an old entry because I don't know when I will be able to access the internet. Just listening to clips of James Blunts album sounds alright.
Also watching Joey quite a funny episode, my mum has just called me wondering how I am. She cares, I know she does and she is not happy about the situations she is in and misses the safe (quite unsafe in my eyes) but yeah the familiarity of home. I know she feels less of a mother but personally I think she is the strongest person I have ever known and I know she loves the familiarity of home and the area, but I guess me and her are going to have to get used to what is going on and just settle in. They still haven't decided what they are going to do with me yet. I have to wait until Monday for another meeting. They don't want to keep me here because of my age and think that I might bring males in the shelter. Number 1. I am no Hoe I don't go on the street and bring in random men. Number 2. I have a boyfriend, which right at this particular moment I miss, Love you Ash! Mwah (oh cheesy me). Number 3. what guy would want me after first sight on the street.
Lol on the street when I was on the way to Kaz's on Friday I was waiting at the bus stop waiting for the bus that like never comes and it's the only one to take me to Peckham. So there was like a bunch of boys on bikes going past coming down the road and I was like standing there like what do they think this is the London version of Biker boys or something are that they are on the Bronx streets. So I'm standing there just minding my own business, these boys must have clocked me from far away, because they all stopped. I wasa thinking "oh shit, this is not my normal area I don't know what to do" Then this one had the cheek to just say to "digits" I was so surprised about it. This boy must have thought he was hot because he infront of all of his friends just comes out with "digits" like I was going to give them to him or something, not even asking (not that it would be given) but yeah stating that I must and have no choice. I just looked at him and said " you better continue down that road" he just laughed and started riding off and his friends joined rode off behind him. Honestly I was shocked about the rudeness. Oh because I have tons and tons of black boys here on a bike with me you must say yes *laughs*.
I so miss home and stuff I mean I don't miss the house so much. I miss having my own space where I know I can put something somewhere and it won't move and I wasn't living out of bags and I had my double bed and wasn't confined to a single bed. cries I wish he could just leave to go to st.lucia and leave the house for me and my mum. I took some pictures of my mums bruises to prove what I am about to say right now in the next paragraph.
My dad is a lying little shit of this earth and I hate his guts. I really can't stand him and now that I am away from him I still like he plagues my life, he is everywhere I turn and I wish I could just erase him. I know that people say I should be grateful I had a dad because there are some who really want one and stuff but Ii don't want mine. I don't wanna be associated with him. Do you know why I say my dad is a liar because you know that on that Wednesday morning, when I found that my dad beat up my mum. He said that she slapped him, so why would she slap him, if you know my mum she is such a passive and spiritual person she wouldn't slap him or anything like that. Even when she is getting punched she won't relatiate or anything she would just lie there and take it, unlike me that is why she is always saying that I am like my dad, which is an insult , but anyway. This disgusting excuse for a man has been going round to not only his family, but my mums family and her friends, telling them that she slapped him and that he slapped her and she fell and that's all that happened. That I brought around friends to beat him up. The lies that I have heard about already. I hope he enjoyed seeing my face the other day cause that was the last time he was going to see it. Oh the best bit about all his lies was he went to the same people that he didn't like my mums church and told them what happened too. Guess what Mr. joseph came by when we were leaving and started saying stuff to my mum so he actually listened to what my dad is saying. Why is everyone believing the lies that is coming out of the fat trollops mouth. He lies too well for his won good. All this crap is affecting my mum cause when she thought she would leave and that would be the last of him trying to destroy her and hurt her he is going around spreading rumors about us. I'll have to finish this later since the my room wants to go to bed see you guys laterXX
Btw we changed the password to martha's msn account and yada yada yada. and Kaz can't be bothered to come outside cause she thinks she looks UGLY yeah right she looks every ugly. I don't even know why I bother sometimes my breath is just wasted. So yeah I'M DONE NOW
Oh pictures of where I live now my bedroom and kicthen and my mums room with all our bags in it. Pic 1 Pic2 Pic3
Good point this week though I spotted a net café. Yep which means I can go there to go on the net and talk to all my contacts and finish Tim's Template. Talked to char this morning she was going to visit Joe (yeah I will further on that story later on.)
Yesterday I had to say goodbye to Kaz although I would try to be over on Monday. Everyone is going on like I live far away I just don't live in the place I used to and can access places I could before just by walking. When I update this onto the blog it's probably be quite an old entry because I don't know when I will be able to access the internet. Just listening to clips of James Blunts album sounds alright.
Also watching Joey quite a funny episode, my mum has just called me wondering how I am. She cares, I know she does and she is not happy about the situations she is in and misses the safe (quite unsafe in my eyes) but yeah the familiarity of home. I know she feels less of a mother but personally I think she is the strongest person I have ever known and I know she loves the familiarity of home and the area, but I guess me and her are going to have to get used to what is going on and just settle in. They still haven't decided what they are going to do with me yet. I have to wait until Monday for another meeting. They don't want to keep me here because of my age and think that I might bring males in the shelter. Number 1. I am no Hoe I don't go on the street and bring in random men. Number 2. I have a boyfriend, which right at this particular moment I miss, Love you Ash! Mwah (oh cheesy me). Number 3. what guy would want me after first sight on the street.
Lol on the street when I was on the way to Kaz's on Friday I was waiting at the bus stop waiting for the bus that like never comes and it's the only one to take me to Peckham. So there was like a bunch of boys on bikes going past coming down the road and I was like standing there like what do they think this is the London version of Biker boys or something are that they are on the Bronx streets. So I'm standing there just minding my own business, these boys must have clocked me from far away, because they all stopped. I wasa thinking "oh shit, this is not my normal area I don't know what to do" Then this one had the cheek to just say to "digits" I was so surprised about it. This boy must have thought he was hot because he infront of all of his friends just comes out with "digits" like I was going to give them to him or something, not even asking (not that it would be given) but yeah stating that I must and have no choice. I just looked at him and said " you better continue down that road" he just laughed and started riding off and his friends joined rode off behind him. Honestly I was shocked about the rudeness. Oh because I have tons and tons of black boys here on a bike with me you must say yes *laughs*.
I so miss home and stuff I mean I don't miss the house so much. I miss having my own space where I know I can put something somewhere and it won't move and I wasn't living out of bags and I had my double bed and wasn't confined to a single bed. cries I wish he could just leave to go to st.lucia and leave the house for me and my mum. I took some pictures of my mums bruises to prove what I am about to say right now in the next paragraph.
My dad is a lying little shit of this earth and I hate his guts. I really can't stand him and now that I am away from him I still like he plagues my life, he is everywhere I turn and I wish I could just erase him. I know that people say I should be grateful I had a dad because there are some who really want one and stuff but Ii don't want mine. I don't wanna be associated with him. Do you know why I say my dad is a liar because you know that on that Wednesday morning, when I found that my dad beat up my mum. He said that she slapped him, so why would she slap him, if you know my mum she is such a passive and spiritual person she wouldn't slap him or anything like that. Even when she is getting punched she won't relatiate or anything she would just lie there and take it, unlike me that is why she is always saying that I am like my dad, which is an insult , but anyway. This disgusting excuse for a man has been going round to not only his family, but my mums family and her friends, telling them that she slapped him and that he slapped her and she fell and that's all that happened. That I brought around friends to beat him up. The lies that I have heard about already. I hope he enjoyed seeing my face the other day cause that was the last time he was going to see it. Oh the best bit about all his lies was he went to the same people that he didn't like my mums church and told them what happened too. Guess what Mr. joseph came by when we were leaving and started saying stuff to my mum so he actually listened to what my dad is saying. Why is everyone believing the lies that is coming out of the fat trollops mouth. He lies too well for his won good. All this crap is affecting my mum cause when she thought she would leave and that would be the last of him trying to destroy her and hurt her he is going around spreading rumors about us. I'll have to finish this later since the my room wants to go to bed see you guys laterXX
Btw we changed the password to martha's msn account and yada yada yada. and Kaz can't be bothered to come outside cause she thinks she looks UGLY yeah right she looks every ugly. I don't even know why I bother sometimes my breath is just wasted. So yeah I'M DONE NOW
Oh pictures of where I live now my bedroom and kicthen and my mums room with all our bags in it. Pic 1 Pic2 Pic3
Friday, June 03, 2005
We went in for battle and we came out victorious.
Yesterday was like ending a chapter of life for me. All the things I wanted to happen, happened it just fit into place. Let me explain.
I went out shopping with Kaz and everything was okay, I mean I still had my mum on the back of my mind, and where she was and how was she doing. I had to try and get on with the day. I get back to Kaz's and look at my phone, I got two voicemail messages which I could really listen to 'cus 02 (expensive fuckers) don't do voicemail for free. They would get much more customers if they did. So anyway, I look at my missed call from my mum. Part of me jumped up and just was in this state of confusion, should I call? will she shout at me? All these question just wizzed around in my brain for like 10 minutes. I just went outside and sent her a txt.
Immediately she called back and I said "hi mum where are you?" she replied "I'm at the police station" I knew, she knew where I was so she wouldn't worry about calling the police and thinking I was in some ditch somewhere. so that's when I got worried and asked her "are okay" "no" "what's wrong" "you're dad beat me up" I burst out into tears crying I couldn't hold them back. I knew she wasn't safe, I told everybody that I felt it. She said she had been waiting at the poilce station for a long time and someone would escort her to the house to get her stuff. They had given us a shelter place.
I told her stay at the police station, she said no she's was going back to the house alone to get her stuff. I made sure she weren't going alone. during the process I happened to offend Kaz by not giving her to phone, because Kaz likes to talk to people when she is in these situations I don't know why? its this phone grabbage that she does lol!!! I know its because she cares. But my mum didn't have a lot of credit. So yeah. So she said I'm going the bus stop mear the house I will wait for you there fair enough.
So we make our way to Kaz's mum's house for her mum to help with getting my mum's stuff, which I was grateful for. So we get the car and we go over to my house.
I get there and the man has barricaded the door with a really hard green thingy. So we can't getin I made all these suggestions to my mum and she was saying no 'cus you might get hurt. The fact is, if my dad tried anything with me that night oh I would have messed him. So we decided to call the police. this was around 10. Do you know what time these lovely (annoying) people came? 12:15 in the morning.
So they ask us what's the problem? and we tell them the situation and that he barricaded the door and we can't get in. They start knicking on the door. He comes to it all nicely to speak the poilce being all nice but you can see how hostile he wants to be. so I go and help my mum pack her stuff and get some of the stuff I left behind. Then I went downstairs, do you know what he did he followed me downstairs he tried to push me and was making rude remarks. I told him if he tried anything with me he wouldn't like what I would do to him, so he backed off *laughs* so for the remarks he said I emptied the fridge too *cracks up* by the time I come upstairs again my dad was already harrassing Kaz outside and trying to push her and stuff. The cheek of this man.
He even said to me you will pay for this corinne I'm the perfect husband and blah blah blah, Iwas saying the perfect husbands don't beat up their wives do you know what he had the cheek to say back to me... How did you know I did anything to her you weren't here to see it... oh so my mum was limping for no entire reason.
So I'm grabbing the last bits of our stuff 'cus we had half an hour and it was nearly up. So he started shouting stuff at the door and and I was waving and saying "bye dad" and Kaz was saying you aint coming back and he was saying "if you see me in the street don't talk to me" I was like fair enough and Kaz was still saying "you aint coming back here" "and he was like shut up she's my daughter" "you just disowned me" so we are walking away and says "I don't care about you slag" I just turned around and was like "what" everyone just laughed and I was like were you saying something and he was like no I wasn't talking to you although he blantantly was. I just cracked up and walked away.
Omg I can't believe it I'm free I don't live there no more I know I left alot of stuff there my massive Aragon poster on the wall *cries* So yeah, that was basically my night. what I have to do is thank everyone who helped me and gave me advice on the past few days. Thank you so much you have made my life a whole lot better. Anyway, see ya laterxx
I went out shopping with Kaz and everything was okay, I mean I still had my mum on the back of my mind, and where she was and how was she doing. I had to try and get on with the day. I get back to Kaz's and look at my phone, I got two voicemail messages which I could really listen to 'cus 02 (expensive fuckers) don't do voicemail for free. They would get much more customers if they did. So anyway, I look at my missed call from my mum. Part of me jumped up and just was in this state of confusion, should I call? will she shout at me? All these question just wizzed around in my brain for like 10 minutes. I just went outside and sent her a txt.
Immediately she called back and I said "hi mum where are you?" she replied "I'm at the police station" I knew, she knew where I was so she wouldn't worry about calling the police and thinking I was in some ditch somewhere. so that's when I got worried and asked her "are okay" "no" "what's wrong" "you're dad beat me up" I burst out into tears crying I couldn't hold them back. I knew she wasn't safe, I told everybody that I felt it. She said she had been waiting at the poilce station for a long time and someone would escort her to the house to get her stuff. They had given us a shelter place.
I told her stay at the police station, she said no she's was going back to the house alone to get her stuff. I made sure she weren't going alone. during the process I happened to offend Kaz by not giving her to phone, because Kaz likes to talk to people when she is in these situations I don't know why? its this phone grabbage that she does lol!!! I know its because she cares. But my mum didn't have a lot of credit. So yeah. So she said I'm going the bus stop mear the house I will wait for you there fair enough.
So we make our way to Kaz's mum's house for her mum to help with getting my mum's stuff, which I was grateful for. So we get the car and we go over to my house.
I get there and the man has barricaded the door with a really hard green thingy. So we can't getin I made all these suggestions to my mum and she was saying no 'cus you might get hurt. The fact is, if my dad tried anything with me that night oh I would have messed him. So we decided to call the police. this was around 10. Do you know what time these lovely (annoying) people came? 12:15 in the morning.
So they ask us what's the problem? and we tell them the situation and that he barricaded the door and we can't get in. They start knicking on the door. He comes to it all nicely to speak the poilce being all nice but you can see how hostile he wants to be. so I go and help my mum pack her stuff and get some of the stuff I left behind. Then I went downstairs, do you know what he did he followed me downstairs he tried to push me and was making rude remarks. I told him if he tried anything with me he wouldn't like what I would do to him, so he backed off *laughs* so for the remarks he said I emptied the fridge too *cracks up* by the time I come upstairs again my dad was already harrassing Kaz outside and trying to push her and stuff. The cheek of this man.
He even said to me you will pay for this corinne I'm the perfect husband and blah blah blah, Iwas saying the perfect husbands don't beat up their wives do you know what he had the cheek to say back to me... How did you know I did anything to her you weren't here to see it... oh so my mum was limping for no entire reason.
So I'm grabbing the last bits of our stuff 'cus we had half an hour and it was nearly up. So he started shouting stuff at the door and and I was waving and saying "bye dad" and Kaz was saying you aint coming back and he was saying "if you see me in the street don't talk to me" I was like fair enough and Kaz was still saying "you aint coming back here" "and he was like shut up she's my daughter" "you just disowned me" so we are walking away and says "I don't care about you slag" I just turned around and was like "what" everyone just laughed and I was like were you saying something and he was like no I wasn't talking to you although he blantantly was. I just cracked up and walked away.
Omg I can't believe it I'm free I don't live there no more I know I left alot of stuff there my massive Aragon poster on the wall *cries* So yeah, that was basically my night. what I have to do is thank everyone who helped me and gave me advice on the past few days. Thank you so much you have made my life a whole lot better. Anyway, see ya laterxx
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Gaining strength
So Yeah I'm free. But now I gotta just think about a couple things I didn't. e.g what is my dad doing to my mum?,what am I gonna do about going uni?, should I go back just to protect my mum? Just different things are just running through my head. I know that me doing this and me thinking one step ahead of him will have him hitting the roof. But I just need to know if my mum is alright 'cus if she aint I will goiung after that fat trollop myself, I don't care if I get mashed up in the process. Stupid you Corinne everyone must be thinking. My mother has tried to protect me for many years and its about time I returned the favour.
I've been trying to get in contact with her no luck! and the house phone aint working. I keep on txting Thomas but no reply. Its is like I am dead to my family. Scary though eh? Corinne the one who is always organizing family get togethers and stuff is dead to my own family.
still a bit bruised, my shoulder is messed. Tyring to take Paracetmol to cure the pian. but yeah I think I'm coming immune lol!
So yeah thats about it see ya guys and thanx for all the emails they are much appreciated. mwah!
I've been trying to get in contact with her no luck! and the house phone aint working. I keep on txting Thomas but no reply. Its is like I am dead to my family. Scary though eh? Corinne the one who is always organizing family get togethers and stuff is dead to my own family.
still a bit bruised, my shoulder is messed. Tyring to take Paracetmol to cure the pian. but yeah I think I'm coming immune lol!
So yeah thats about it see ya guys and thanx for all the emails they are much appreciated. mwah!
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