Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never knew just where to turn for shelter from the storm
It hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Every time my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon
Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
And every morning that I wake
I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK - Christina Aguileria I'm Okay
So I am about to do one of the most daring things of my life I can't say anything much but I know I have my friends behind me a hundred percent of the way. That's all I can say until I actually do it. I know people read this thing that can tell my dad what I am about to do. but I am basically gonna leave, cause something is gonna kick off tonight and it aint gonne be pretty. Trust me. I know some people believe that I deserve all that I have gone through. Some don't care. I wouldn't if I had me for a friend.
To my mum I know you will read this. If everything goes right with you I will see you soon but until then, you know what we have to do. I love you loads and wish that it never had to come to this. I know your probably thinking my daughter is never this cheesy, but I mean it. I have watched you mum and have seen what you been through and hopefully tomorrow both of us will be remotely free.
I'm just so confused at the moment (I sound like martha) I hate that the future does not look clear I don't want to be in a position where I can't cope and I have no money to support myself, but ah well its gotta be done or I will die tonight.
Kaz and D are hopefully gonna help me out, cause against uncles and my dad I have no chance.
I finished one of my pics I might photoshop it but yeah basically its very crappy just like how am so here it is pic
To ash I know you hate me right now and you have every right to. I can't make what's going on right now better since you wont talk to me. But I want to tell you I am truly sorry. Maybe you derserve a person better than me. since I am a selfish, inconsiderate bitch.
So yeah I'm done being all sad and stuff. I hope everything goes alright for me tonight. I am really nervous and scared. *breathes* lol! iwll be fine see ya guys laterxx
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
family - Pink Family Portrait
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
Belief
Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god - Gavin Degraw Belief (listen to this track very good)
Well, its 8:23 in the early monday and guess whose bags I had to wheel into my house from the airport. Yep, none other than my dad's. He's back *cries*. He came with his nice-ness as well, it was very sickening of "baby, how are you Darling you have grown" Yeah anyone would grow without three months of your bullshit. I have actually grown compared to him, I am the same height as him. I was never that tall before YAY!!!! My mum is downstairs slaving over the oven again. I feel sorry for her right now, to have peace for three months and it come to be disturbed by that fat trollop. Meant to be going with Char and the gang to convent garden just to laze around and have fun and stuff. Should be cool and all. Shopping with Sufie on Tuesday. I aint got that much money so basically I am going to watch Sufie hold up about five shirts that are the same and ask me which one she should get. She hates it when we go somewhere like FCUK and asks me what top looks better they all look the same she always looks skinny in them so I don't see the point. But that is only coming from a tomboy's perspective. Kaz gets annoyed at me too when I say that about how much time she spends on doing her makeup I swear 50 kids in africa die while she is putting on makeup. Yep, finally I'm returning to myself. *smiles*
It was the spawn of Satan's birthday yesterday on saturday she said she was going to camden to go and get a "gothic" dress for the occasion, from the black rose, which as everyone knows whose been Camden with me I get all happy when I see things with long whipsy sleeves. Don't laugh at me ask Kaz. So she was going on saturday to buy a dress and wear it around Kaz's house woooooo how adventurous lol! (Okay cordie stop being so mean) Yeah and now she's trying to scam off my b-day too. She's asking me, because she feels all left out that nearly the whole groups birthdays are in july that could we get her a cake so she doesn't feel all left out. I wouldn't have a problem with that if her birthday was in june but come on May lol! we are planning on just getting everyone together and have a night out dressed all weird then I have a party at my house with my family which of course everyone is invited to and something called the blessing that every St.Lucian person receives when they turn 18 and 25 from their parents. Its really embarrassing I watched my brothers and he was trying not to crack up through it lol!
But I would want my friends (my real family) there with me. Then just days later head down to Manchester (hopefully) for an InMe gig *woots* I think this birthday is gonna be the best and I can't wait for it.
Zen (David) is down in London. We are friends again. He came to my door bearing a massive Jericho poster and said "a peace offering, in other words talk to me" I just cracked up. I hung out with him all saturday and slept at his house. Actually I wasn't intending to sleep there. We were watching the pirate version of "The Kingdom of Heaven" (that boy is learning from me) It was good from what I watched, but I was so tired, I hadn't slept in the last 24 hours, I fell asleep on his bed. Did he wake me up? No, he left me there sprawled on his bed and just got in next to me. Sneaky bastard. I wake up next morning, I went home to wash and he called me on my phone and I was back over there just having a jam feast on guitars. He doesn't like the fact that a "girl" is better at playing guitar than him lol! But then again he does play Bass what's so hard about it? I'm thinking I might go over there again today he's here until wednesday and then he heads out to Scotland for his job placement. He's done most of his exams so he wants to tour around England. In his words "you should come with me" and I say "ummm...Nah!!!"
Tim says I don't mention him enough so this whole paragraph is gonna be dedicated to him *smiles*
You are like my bro., you stupid boy of course I love you. what would I do without you bugging me everyday to keep sharp and to wake me up and stuff. Then you take time out from what your doing to talk to me about my problems and make me see things clearer. I'm only mean to you because when anyone cares about me I feel the need to push them away because I'm not used to being cared for that much. You know that although you say that I have been, But ah well. Thank you for giving me help Tim. Even though you still haven't made me a meal yet and keep on promising to put my boyf and his sister in a pedigree. lol!
Witnessed my first exorcism yesterday as well late in the evening, My mum and her church friends came over and they were blessing the house 'cus they knew my dad was coming back to prevent trouble (my dad always comes back with a certain anger when he's been to st.lucia and you know what that leads to) Now my mum is a powerful christian I believe that, but what I saw was crazy. I know I am about to sound crazy, but I saw it for my own two eyes. She was praying and then she fell onto the floor. Darling, my mums stronger christian friend started praying for her. Darling rested her hand on my mums stomach and Mum in a very innocent voice said to darling "you are hurting me"
Darling said "that is not gil speaking you come out and you come out now" all of a sudden my mum shaped her fingers like claws and her voice went really deep and old like an old man of some sort. It was scary. Proper I was shitting myself (well not literally but yeah) I was so afraid. so they kept on praying and my mum went suddenly back to normal and then started vomiting everywhere. They said that she was under spiritual attack from my granddad, which I can understand because he does deal in black magic and stuff. Oh what a fucked family I have.
Oh my dad just gave me a present, well he let me choose. He gave me two pairs of gold earrings in front of me and told me to choose. Me knowing well, that my mum would get the other pair. The pair that I think my dad wanted me to choose where gorgeous the most expensive pair, but then I thought about it and looked at my mum who had such a sad look on her face while doing the dishes and took the other one not the pretty one.
I must admit I saw the shock on his face when I didn't take the pair he wanted me to have. I wanted it to go to my mum she deserved some happiness. When she saw them she just smiled. I knew then I had did the right thing. awww my mummy I love her so much. I just wanna make her happy. Also I swear I can smell the essence of St.lucia in my kitchen. lol! I know that sounds very stupid, but St.lucia has that sweet kind of smell to it. You know when you are there by just the smell. Right now, I can smell that familiar smell in my house especially in the kitchen.
Missed Asher a lot on friday, but I think he's still slightly off with me for what I said in my last entry and the conversation that followed it was very fun and sarky (I put my own little sarcastic spin on it.)
I think this has been the longest entry in ages. I don't know, I never felt in the mood to write about my life too depressing. Today though, I feel happy although I know my freedom is gone, and it will be much harder to get outside. I'm strangely happy inside. *smiles* Yeah I know crazy, but its just how I feel. you'll see by tomoz I'd be writing a depressed entry lol! anyway guys, I'm taking off, got nothing much to do but lie on my bed and probably go to the net cafe later. Byexxx
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god - Gavin Degraw Belief (listen to this track very good)
Well, its 8:23 in the early monday and guess whose bags I had to wheel into my house from the airport. Yep, none other than my dad's. He's back *cries*. He came with his nice-ness as well, it was very sickening of "baby, how are you Darling you have grown" Yeah anyone would grow without three months of your bullshit. I have actually grown compared to him, I am the same height as him. I was never that tall before YAY!!!! My mum is downstairs slaving over the oven again. I feel sorry for her right now, to have peace for three months and it come to be disturbed by that fat trollop. Meant to be going with Char and the gang to convent garden just to laze around and have fun and stuff. Should be cool and all. Shopping with Sufie on Tuesday. I aint got that much money so basically I am going to watch Sufie hold up about five shirts that are the same and ask me which one she should get. She hates it when we go somewhere like FCUK and asks me what top looks better they all look the same she always looks skinny in them so I don't see the point. But that is only coming from a tomboy's perspective. Kaz gets annoyed at me too when I say that about how much time she spends on doing her makeup I swear 50 kids in africa die while she is putting on makeup. Yep, finally I'm returning to myself. *smiles*
It was the spawn of Satan's birthday yesterday on saturday she said she was going to camden to go and get a "gothic" dress for the occasion, from the black rose, which as everyone knows whose been Camden with me I get all happy when I see things with long whipsy sleeves. Don't laugh at me ask Kaz. So she was going on saturday to buy a dress and wear it around Kaz's house woooooo how adventurous lol! (Okay cordie stop being so mean) Yeah and now she's trying to scam off my b-day too. She's asking me, because she feels all left out that nearly the whole groups birthdays are in july that could we get her a cake so she doesn't feel all left out. I wouldn't have a problem with that if her birthday was in june but come on May lol! we are planning on just getting everyone together and have a night out dressed all weird then I have a party at my house with my family which of course everyone is invited to and something called the blessing that every St.Lucian person receives when they turn 18 and 25 from their parents. Its really embarrassing I watched my brothers and he was trying not to crack up through it lol!
But I would want my friends (my real family) there with me. Then just days later head down to Manchester (hopefully) for an InMe gig *woots* I think this birthday is gonna be the best and I can't wait for it.
Zen (David) is down in London. We are friends again. He came to my door bearing a massive Jericho poster and said "a peace offering, in other words talk to me" I just cracked up. I hung out with him all saturday and slept at his house. Actually I wasn't intending to sleep there. We were watching the pirate version of "The Kingdom of Heaven" (that boy is learning from me) It was good from what I watched, but I was so tired, I hadn't slept in the last 24 hours, I fell asleep on his bed. Did he wake me up? No, he left me there sprawled on his bed and just got in next to me. Sneaky bastard. I wake up next morning, I went home to wash and he called me on my phone and I was back over there just having a jam feast on guitars. He doesn't like the fact that a "girl" is better at playing guitar than him lol! But then again he does play Bass what's so hard about it? I'm thinking I might go over there again today he's here until wednesday and then he heads out to Scotland for his job placement. He's done most of his exams so he wants to tour around England. In his words "you should come with me" and I say "ummm...Nah!!!"
Tim says I don't mention him enough so this whole paragraph is gonna be dedicated to him *smiles*
You are like my bro., you stupid boy of course I love you. what would I do without you bugging me everyday to keep sharp and to wake me up and stuff. Then you take time out from what your doing to talk to me about my problems and make me see things clearer. I'm only mean to you because when anyone cares about me I feel the need to push them away because I'm not used to being cared for that much. You know that although you say that I have been, But ah well. Thank you for giving me help Tim. Even though you still haven't made me a meal yet and keep on promising to put my boyf and his sister in a pedigree. lol!
Witnessed my first exorcism yesterday as well late in the evening, My mum and her church friends came over and they were blessing the house 'cus they knew my dad was coming back to prevent trouble (my dad always comes back with a certain anger when he's been to st.lucia and you know what that leads to) Now my mum is a powerful christian I believe that, but what I saw was crazy. I know I am about to sound crazy, but I saw it for my own two eyes. She was praying and then she fell onto the floor. Darling, my mums stronger christian friend started praying for her. Darling rested her hand on my mums stomach and Mum in a very innocent voice said to darling "you are hurting me"
Darling said "that is not gil speaking you come out and you come out now" all of a sudden my mum shaped her fingers like claws and her voice went really deep and old like an old man of some sort. It was scary. Proper I was shitting myself (well not literally but yeah) I was so afraid. so they kept on praying and my mum went suddenly back to normal and then started vomiting everywhere. They said that she was under spiritual attack from my granddad, which I can understand because he does deal in black magic and stuff. Oh what a fucked family I have.
Oh my dad just gave me a present, well he let me choose. He gave me two pairs of gold earrings in front of me and told me to choose. Me knowing well, that my mum would get the other pair. The pair that I think my dad wanted me to choose where gorgeous the most expensive pair, but then I thought about it and looked at my mum who had such a sad look on her face while doing the dishes and took the other one not the pretty one.
I must admit I saw the shock on his face when I didn't take the pair he wanted me to have. I wanted it to go to my mum she deserved some happiness. When she saw them she just smiled. I knew then I had did the right thing. awww my mummy I love her so much. I just wanna make her happy. Also I swear I can smell the essence of St.lucia in my kitchen. lol! I know that sounds very stupid, but St.lucia has that sweet kind of smell to it. You know when you are there by just the smell. Right now, I can smell that familiar smell in my house especially in the kitchen.
Missed Asher a lot on friday, but I think he's still slightly off with me for what I said in my last entry and the conversation that followed it was very fun and sarky (I put my own little sarcastic spin on it.)
I think this has been the longest entry in ages. I don't know, I never felt in the mood to write about my life too depressing. Today though, I feel happy although I know my freedom is gone, and it will be much harder to get outside. I'm strangely happy inside. *smiles* Yeah I know crazy, but its just how I feel. you'll see by tomoz I'd be writing a depressed entry lol! anyway guys, I'm taking off, got nothing much to do but lie on my bed and probably go to the net cafe later. Byexxx
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Martha martha what a whore you are!
so we have access to all the little freaks in martha's msn account and guess what? paybacks a bitch!!! *smiles* no one uses my aaccount and pretends to be me and gets away with it. so what have we done... gone into martha's contacts and started talking to her people and then we realised we had access to her emails too. Like I've said never mess with this bitch and we looked and there was endless dating services and stuff emailing her and just take a look at the lies in this profile
Age: 17
Hair colour: Blonde
Eye colour: Blue
Body type: Average
Height: 5'1'' to 5'4''
Ethnicity: White
Religion: Christian (Catholic)
Education: Higher Degree
Employment: Student
Industry: Charity
Income: Under 5,000
Drinking: Drink occasionally
Smoking: Smoke occasionally
Relationships: Single
Have children: No
Want children: No
Housing: Council tenant
now can we all just laugh togther please one, two, three *cracks up*
Age: 17
Hair colour: Blonde
Eye colour: Blue
Body type: Average
Height: 5'1'' to 5'4''
Ethnicity: White
Religion: Christian (Catholic)
Education: Higher Degree
Employment: Student
Industry: Charity
Income: Under 5,000
Drinking: Drink occasionally
Smoking: Smoke occasionally
Relationships: Single
Have children: No
Want children: No
Housing: Council tenant
now can we all just laugh togther please one, two, three *cracks up*
In my mind there is haze...
So this part of week has been alright minus somethings e.g. my dad playing mind games with my mum and juts cussing her downt he phone at my aunts house (my mum can't take his Bs) I feel sorry for her at times, sometimes I catch her crying alone and saying knowone loves her. I sound like her sometimes, but the point is, is that my dad is saying he aint paying the phone bill that he succesfully ran up before he left. I wanted to call him in St.lucia and just cuss him down the phone. I hate his guts. I know people keep on saying that I shouldn't say that because he is my father and yada yada yada, but right now I don't even consider him that. I have had to do try and control everything in this house and I have upto a point. I don't know how to deal with my mother though, its hard.
Um what else has happened *thinks* um talked to Zak during the week saw him on webcam and wow doesn't he look older than the last time I saw him. Saw all people signatures all over his body, I was telling him I hope you have a bath sometime soon he was like Nah.....
Um also Ash came to see me on Monday, it was great to see him and stuff but it was only on tuesday that it rose some questions to me that since matt left would he still have come to see me if he was still there *thinks* Nah didn't think so either. lol!
um just been talking to a few of my friends that are still doing stuff in school and they really want me to come in I wanna go in too, but I hate that place more than words can say. If I could take a flame thrower in there with me and burn down all the hallways, teachers and stuff then I sooooo would! Oh and did I mention Martha got slapped yes I didn't see it but I heard about it and hearign about it just made me happy I am so fed up with that chic, she hasn't been around Kaz's for two days, could today be a third *gasps* anyways see ya guys later I got other stuff to do before my time on the net runs out.... Later days....
Um what else has happened *thinks* um talked to Zak during the week saw him on webcam and wow doesn't he look older than the last time I saw him. Saw all people signatures all over his body, I was telling him I hope you have a bath sometime soon he was like Nah.....
Um also Ash came to see me on Monday, it was great to see him and stuff but it was only on tuesday that it rose some questions to me that since matt left would he still have come to see me if he was still there *thinks* Nah didn't think so either. lol!
um just been talking to a few of my friends that are still doing stuff in school and they really want me to come in I wanna go in too, but I hate that place more than words can say. If I could take a flame thrower in there with me and burn down all the hallways, teachers and stuff then I sooooo would! Oh and did I mention Martha got slapped yes I didn't see it but I heard about it and hearign about it just made me happy I am so fed up with that chic, she hasn't been around Kaz's for two days, could today be a third *gasps* anyways see ya guys later I got other stuff to do before my time on the net runs out.... Later days....
Friday, May 20, 2005
Last day, Last day *woot* its the last day
Okay so its the last day today anything interesting happened...no Just a bunch of people crying and getting all emotional. Did I cry once...No!!!! why because this school sucks, the teachers suck and the students suck even worse. So yeah I am finally free. I'm in the computer room and the common room clang are playing the slow version of Heaven by Dj sammy on repeat. I mean come on its a nice song but shouldn't be used for such horrible and vile people such as the common room clang.
*breathes*
So anyway, nothing much except for Mr.J giving me a hug and saying goodbye and stuff. Recieving a certificate for my contribution to the school (shame it didn't come with money) clearing up still from our drama exam and stuff and trying to avoid my horrible and nasty form tutor. Shame I couldn't avoid Mr.Boyd, with his "Corinne, this is your last day I just remembered how do you feel" walks closer to me, I take a step back " fine" his hand rests on my shoulder "Just take care of yourself and have a great time doing whatever you maybe doing... okay" *hands slides down arms in slight rubbing motion* *yanks arm away* "yeah bye sir!" *runs* Whenever I'm around I feel the need to go home and wash and use bleach on my skin, then burn my clothes.
Also yesterday what is wrong with the men down peckham this was at 2:30 at night yeah me and jay were having are into depth life convos that we normally have, that normally come after our petty joking little arguments. So anyway, we are there you know chatting and then this man comes upto me and says that his name is Johnny are you up for buisness, I was like what?? you know do you wanna come to my house???? Do I look like I wanna come to your house I say back to this guy and he is like we can chill out talk and make the most of it. Most guys won't even give you a cab and its all part of the deal if you just sleep with me. I was like uh no, no, no and no leave me alone and luckily the 343 bus came along and we got on it leaving him at the bus stop. We started cracking up. Imagine if it was just me at the bus stop I would have been shit scared but in way not taking any shit.
In alot of pain today and yes people it is that time of month. Least it was better than last time, last time I felt like I was gonna die. Like daggers were gonne through my womb and ripping me apart. It was bad. So far this one has only been prodding at me so that's good!
Oh yeah I watched starwars spisode 3 yesterday with Jay,Mark,Dwayne,Ash and Matt. Well technically not with Ash and matt 'cus they sat two rows behind us. But we kept on shouting out stuff and making dirty remarks and the film was great.*spoiler below star wars fans who haven't seen the film skip until you see spoiler over* Poor Dwayne is still a little bit traumatised from the little kiddies got killed by Anakin. all of us on the from row just gasped it was funny. Plus, I kept on saying that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine needed some Benylin to cure the rediculous laugh stroke cough thing he was doing
*spoilers over*
So yeah I'm about to go home and have something to eat and maybe change my clothes after being hand raped by Mr.Boyd. So guys I'll see you later.xx
http://www.shockwave.com/sw/spotlight/battlex/?mid=0
*breathes*
So anyway, nothing much except for Mr.J giving me a hug and saying goodbye and stuff. Recieving a certificate for my contribution to the school (shame it didn't come with money) clearing up still from our drama exam and stuff and trying to avoid my horrible and nasty form tutor. Shame I couldn't avoid Mr.Boyd, with his "Corinne, this is your last day I just remembered how do you feel" walks closer to me, I take a step back " fine" his hand rests on my shoulder "Just take care of yourself and have a great time doing whatever you maybe doing... okay" *hands slides down arms in slight rubbing motion* *yanks arm away* "yeah bye sir!" *runs* Whenever I'm around I feel the need to go home and wash and use bleach on my skin, then burn my clothes.
Also yesterday what is wrong with the men down peckham this was at 2:30 at night yeah me and jay were having are into depth life convos that we normally have, that normally come after our petty joking little arguments. So anyway, we are there you know chatting and then this man comes upto me and says that his name is Johnny are you up for buisness, I was like what?? you know do you wanna come to my house???? Do I look like I wanna come to your house I say back to this guy and he is like we can chill out talk and make the most of it. Most guys won't even give you a cab and its all part of the deal if you just sleep with me. I was like uh no, no, no and no leave me alone and luckily the 343 bus came along and we got on it leaving him at the bus stop. We started cracking up. Imagine if it was just me at the bus stop I would have been shit scared but in way not taking any shit.
In alot of pain today and yes people it is that time of month. Least it was better than last time, last time I felt like I was gonna die. Like daggers were gonne through my womb and ripping me apart. It was bad. So far this one has only been prodding at me so that's good!
Oh yeah I watched starwars spisode 3 yesterday with Jay,Mark,Dwayne,Ash and Matt. Well technically not with Ash and matt 'cus they sat two rows behind us. But we kept on shouting out stuff and making dirty remarks and the film was great.*spoiler below star wars fans who haven't seen the film skip until you see spoiler over* Poor Dwayne is still a little bit traumatised from the little kiddies got killed by Anakin. all of us on the from row just gasped it was funny. Plus, I kept on saying that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine needed some Benylin to cure the rediculous laugh stroke cough thing he was doing
So yeah I'm about to go home and have something to eat and maybe change my clothes after being hand raped by Mr.Boyd. So guys I'll see you later.xx
http://www.shockwave.com/sw/spotlight/battlex/?mid=0
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Hey....my emotional *cough* day
Hey everyone guess what one more day until I leave this place. *woots* *screams* *runs around happy* um people are all being sad today. I was feeling a bit sad in Drama 'cus we all gel so well in that class and I will kinda miss Mr J being all happy nd sarky and sometimes rude. Um I have to play Rounders in the rain next in the rain. I swear these people don't care about our health oh yeah chuck 'em in the rain they won't care. lol!
Got a bit annoyed today got my report for the year it wasn't bad but it wasn't good!
so with that my mum decides she would just take trip down to my school and have a lovely converstaion with my head of year Ms Weston about my attendance and yada yada yada.
It was my last drama lesson today it was a bit sad, because these people have become like my family (minus a few) but you get my point and to have done that last exam was like an ending chapter you know, saying goodbye to the old and maybe looking forward to the new. ah well starting to sound like Ms Bishop (I don't care what people say she aint bloody Dr. Bishop)
My brother has gone to court today a bit worried for him 'cus it is a serious charge and stuff but yeah I hugged him and told me that I should have loads of strength and stuff and if things don't go his way then he'd see me in a few years. I got scared. I know he's mean, sometimes annoying and loves hi-jacking my stuff, but I care about him still. He is my bro I am trained to care. I just hope he is fine.
what else happened in my day um........ I can't think of anything else. Um I found out that I am loved by specially by a teacher wont say which one though. Its is soooooo wrong but it is funny. Might be goingto get chinese with everyone tonight or watch Starwars episode 3, which is great either a good movie or good food, sounds like an even deal to me.
My cramps have started again which means only one thing, yes that time of the month is coming. I was having this jokey argument with ash online about him pms-ing more than I do. (which is true by the way babe) but yeah. I feelign a bit moody this morning, which was for no reason I bursted out into tears on my bed, maybe it was a way of releasing some of the build up tension inside of me, 'cus I feel ten times better. Shame about the cramps though, they never stop. Oh and Tim earlier, I didn't see you were online it told me you wasn't and you messages did get sent to me until I pressed control when clicking the page.
So I think I'm done, last day of school tomoz its gonna be great *jumps up in the air s-club7 style*
Got a bit annoyed today got my report for the year it wasn't bad but it wasn't good!
so with that my mum decides she would just take trip down to my school and have a lovely converstaion with my head of year Ms Weston about my attendance and yada yada yada.
It was my last drama lesson today it was a bit sad, because these people have become like my family (minus a few) but you get my point and to have done that last exam was like an ending chapter you know, saying goodbye to the old and maybe looking forward to the new. ah well starting to sound like Ms Bishop (I don't care what people say she aint bloody Dr. Bishop)
My brother has gone to court today a bit worried for him 'cus it is a serious charge and stuff but yeah I hugged him and told me that I should have loads of strength and stuff and if things don't go his way then he'd see me in a few years. I got scared. I know he's mean, sometimes annoying and loves hi-jacking my stuff, but I care about him still. He is my bro I am trained to care. I just hope he is fine.
what else happened in my day um........ I can't think of anything else. Um I found out that I am loved by specially by a teacher wont say which one though. Its is soooooo wrong but it is funny. Might be goingto get chinese with everyone tonight or watch Starwars episode 3, which is great either a good movie or good food, sounds like an even deal to me.
My cramps have started again which means only one thing, yes that time of the month is coming. I was having this jokey argument with ash online about him pms-ing more than I do. (which is true by the way babe) but yeah. I feelign a bit moody this morning, which was for no reason I bursted out into tears on my bed, maybe it was a way of releasing some of the build up tension inside of me, 'cus I feel ten times better. Shame about the cramps though, they never stop. Oh and Tim earlier, I didn't see you were online it told me you wasn't and you messages did get sent to me until I pressed control when clicking the page.
So I think I'm done, last day of school tomoz its gonna be great *jumps up in the air s-club7 style*
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
*vicky pollard*I done it *starts dancing* "put it on the stage and call it blackbird"
Well at 6:30 today I kicked ass by acting my heart out, well not entirely all out but yeah I did a very good job everybody was complimenting me it was great. I was dressed in tight jeans and a pink stripy top and a black over shirt and a pink scarf and pink makeup I looked great. I forgot a few lines but it I never made it bait, but it looked cool. Kaz, Dwayne, Alan and Kaz came to watch, they found totally great... well not great but yeah. So I finished and I was meant to call Ash but some problems arose and I never got round to it. Watched another groups play called Bouncers. I couldn't help laughing.
Sufia called and was talking to us about college and then was talking to me about her home problems, I think Kaz is slightly pissed off at me. Why? you ask...because everytime Sufie calls she ends up engaging in a long convo on her phone we don't mean to do but I can see she is upset with me... but Ah well nothing I can do about it.
Tim asked me to mention him in his diary so here I am mentioning you! I give a shout out to my more alike big brother Tim who just loves to remind me of my drinking habits... you mean, the one I don't have, but yeah I love ya 'cus you are the first person who cares so... *hugs*
Um Alan took this picture of me and Ash I know he probably wont like it but I personally think its slightly cute but yeah.
Got nothing more to talk about I mean I'm a bit tired but I am just glad that all of the drama and guitar stuff is over. This is the part where I start to have fun. I have my prom on friday this is my dress minus the arm thing it looks better when its one me lookie>>>http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v614/cordie/gq261v24.jpg its pretty.
But anyway, I'll be leaving you, see you later xx
Sufia called and was talking to us about college and then was talking to me about her home problems, I think Kaz is slightly pissed off at me. Why? you ask...because everytime Sufie calls she ends up engaging in a long convo on her phone we don't mean to do but I can see she is upset with me... but Ah well nothing I can do about it.
Tim asked me to mention him in his diary so here I am mentioning you! I give a shout out to my more alike big brother Tim who just loves to remind me of my drinking habits... you mean, the one I don't have, but yeah I love ya 'cus you are the first person who cares so... *hugs*
Um Alan took this picture of me and Ash I know he probably wont like it but I personally think its slightly cute but yeah.
Got nothing more to talk about I mean I'm a bit tired but I am just glad that all of the drama and guitar stuff is over. This is the part where I start to have fun. I have my prom on friday this is my dress minus the arm thing it looks better when its one me lookie>>>http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v614/cordie/gq261v24.jpg its pretty.
But anyway, I'll be leaving you, see you later xx
The fear of a girl who doesn't know her lines... "what's my line again???"
Okay so it is drama exam day today and how many times have we practiced... once since this morning I am petrified I'm getting lines mixed up were are having arguments with other groups, we are tired. It is stressful. I wanna run away right now I have never felt this bad about doing a play really I am close to throwing upI am literly looking at the time tick away and feeling me crying inside I just can't wait until its over. People are trying to tell me I will be fine but trust me I wont be... I'll freeze I can feel it now I should knopw this like the back of my hand but today nothign feels like it is sinking in. I'm gonna go now 'cus Zoey and Vic are probabaly waiting for me see ya guy later xxxxx
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Now give me an E sharp! *guitar breaks* oops!!!
Okay it is now 1:05 this is where I, Corinne Natalie Natasha Stacey Hunt begins to panick. Okay Corinne try not to concentrate on the exam next I have practiced enough, I shall be fine *breathes* I wont be fine.........
So anyways I met the St. Olaves boys today and Zoey asked one boy name Chris if he had an older brother because for young boy all the guys were eyein him up. Even Zoey, but you expect it off her. lol! but they were all so small all under the height of 5'5 it was sweet. The girls are so much bigger they were towering them. I remember when we had to meet the boys when we were in year 7 one kept on coming upto me and mooing in my ear. *shudders* which reminds me,yesterday I met lenny and he is really fucked up. 2 days ago he asked Martha for a threesome as a joke and yesterday he kept on blowing kisses at me at one point he licked my ear. Do you know how sick I felt. There was also too much burberry all in one room it was bliding and quite sickening. It felt like I was in the middle of bloody Chavs 'r' us.
As I continue to type the time gets closer they are observing me outside the computer room, like I am some unknown species. Its driving me crazy. Oh cool one of them has examined me before and he just said he liked my style he is finding this funny that I am typing this in, and says that he can't wait to hear what I have produced this year. So that's cool!
Um Carlicia, you the chic who gave me the bad flu type thing with the whole throat infection, she left today for good to go back to Jamaica. I'm gonna miss her loads she was a good friend and was very funny to talk too.
Oh Okay since Kaz's net is not working there is no where in hell she can read what her prezzie is gonna be so I might as well say it. I'm gonna get her tickets to go and see INME in Manchester University on the 28th of July. I know cool pressie. One bad thing about it is I know who lies in Manchester. Yeah your probabaly reading this and frankily I don't care, but my point is, is that yeah you know I'll be there but I aint coming to see you. Okay guys I love you loads and wish me luck, I'll come back and tell you if I passed or failed. see ya *waves*
So anyways I met the St. Olaves boys today and Zoey asked one boy name Chris if he had an older brother because for young boy all the guys were eyein him up. Even Zoey, but you expect it off her. lol! but they were all so small all under the height of 5'5 it was sweet. The girls are so much bigger they were towering them. I remember when we had to meet the boys when we were in year 7 one kept on coming upto me and mooing in my ear. *shudders* which reminds me,yesterday I met lenny and he is really fucked up. 2 days ago he asked Martha for a threesome as a joke and yesterday he kept on blowing kisses at me at one point he licked my ear. Do you know how sick I felt. There was also too much burberry all in one room it was bliding and quite sickening. It felt like I was in the middle of bloody Chavs 'r' us.
As I continue to type the time gets closer they are observing me outside the computer room, like I am some unknown species. Its driving me crazy. Oh cool one of them has examined me before and he just said he liked my style he is finding this funny that I am typing this in, and says that he can't wait to hear what I have produced this year. So that's cool!
Um Carlicia, you the chic who gave me the bad flu type thing with the whole throat infection, she left today for good to go back to Jamaica. I'm gonna miss her loads she was a good friend and was very funny to talk too.
Oh Okay since Kaz's net is not working there is no where in hell she can read what her prezzie is gonna be so I might as well say it. I'm gonna get her tickets to go and see INME in Manchester University on the 28th of July. I know cool pressie. One bad thing about it is I know who lies in Manchester. Yeah your probabaly reading this and frankily I don't care, but my point is, is that yeah you know I'll be there but I aint coming to see you. Okay guys I love you loads and wish me luck, I'll come back and tell you if I passed or failed. see ya *waves*
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
I've got all the tricks up my sleeve
So my guitar exams is tomorrow people and I am about getting ready to scream. I'm not too nervous about it now because I actually can play my pieces to the best of my ability, no that my ability is good but lord god I hope it helps lol. The examiners came and pointed out to me what I could and could not use and made me fill out a sheet of paper stating the songs that I am gonna play, my own piece and my grade 5 finisher piece. *waves arms* lol! When they looked at my sheet they looked at me like .....Oh this should be interesting. lol! I am getting Sufia to back me up on drums we practised a few days ago and it was great to Jam with Sufie again she is great drummer. So my song selection is:
Point de etre (grade 5 finisher)
I feel you (my song) This Time - 3 doors down (selected piece)
Everywhere/Goodbye to you- Michelle Branch (selected piece)
I think I rock at my version of Everywhere/Goodbye to you and having sufie on Drums is just gonna be wicked. I can hear it now!!!! Actually I shouldn't be saying these things it could all go terribly wrong so I shall stop talking. Not that I'm that nervous right now but when the bloody time come I know about around 2 tomorrow I will be ready to kill myself. lol! I just found a great prezzie for Kaz on her B-day and it could also be a little present for myself as well 'cus there is no where in hell I'm gonna miss what I have planned for her yey... anyone who wants to know just ask me on msn if you wanna come, ask me too.
I'm a happy bunny today, which is good news for some people 'cus loads of people have been trying so hard to put a smile back on my face. I guessed I pulled through and without their help I might have just been still moping arou and not smiling much. I'm very upbeat, I have been proper hyper in Drama today sir was actually finding it quite. scary lol!
I might be going Brighton with the girls next week, should be fun. For only £1.50 *woots* I think things are starting to look up. Except for my Drama practical still trying to learn my lines that I actually properly a week ago, I'm been trying to batter them into my brains with Victoria and Zoey but it doesn't seem to b sinking in (damn it) but if it don't, I swear I will waffle my ass off in the exam like woah!!!! So I gotta go like now because Kaz wants to go to the hospital and Miss gothic won't go with her anway guys I'll see you later
Monday, May 09, 2005
Monday and I'm regaining strength
Well its monday and Iwas wait for it........early *woots* omg I am so proud of myself and so was everybody else. I actually graced the doors of school before 10. Today has been a better day, I mean I'm not sitting and being all depressed I am being actually happy! I'm listening to Anna nalick - Breathe its a great song I love it to death I don't know, I think its because its all calming and stuff and she has a voice like Alanis Morrisette. So if you like Alanis Morrisette check this song out 'cus its great. oh and kittie- into the darkness is also wicked. I'm only saying this because I'm listening to it right now. Um what else I gave in my drama coursework in today and called our play the "Reflection of Kin" I have drama practice next maybe, I don't know. I can't believe it I really have nothing to write about. *thinks* nah I really don't. Except I think I might put up countdown clocks for various things in my Navigation Bar, so look out for that. um wel this has to be the most dry entry....well least I aint sounding like Mallory no more *yippie* anyways I love you guys and missing you allxxxxxxxxx oh thanks everyone who is in my msn for helping me and making me feel better ecspecially Tim and char they cracked me up anyways byexxxx
Sunday, May 08, 2005
sunday realisations
This weekend was something that I strangely realised how messed up I am. Yeah, I already knew that my home life was fucked terribly but I never thought it actually effected who I was before, but when I look at it I am seriously messed up mentally laughs I also tried to drown my problems into glasses of alcohol, 14 glasses to be exact before throwing up most of it up in a green bucket, before I started crying and was comforted by Jasmine and Kaz outside about another problem that was bugging me. I even remember me drinking from Alan and Marc’s glasses so technically that was 15 glasses damn Am I turning into Kaz laughs *shakes head* NAH!!!!
Felt pretty ugly this weekend although I had Alan constantly staring at Charlotte and me. I know why he was staring at Charlotte like come on what man wouldn’t, plus she made out with him on Friday/Saturday but why me. It was proper Michael style staring as well. “Are you coming carina” Sorry I had to put that there just to amuse myself. We also dubbed Charlotte and Sufia the ball breakers of men. I mean if these two came onto any guy, these guys would be willing to screw anyone just to kiss then. Sufia can even get teachers under her spell, you should see her at work its great.
I also have been putting myself down a lot lately. That sucks. I used to be very happy within myself, but for some reason I think I never look good enough or this and that. Could it be I’m turning into a proper chic? I have been wearing skirts a lot more lately and no they are not specifically for Asher as Kaz keeps saying. I’m feeling a lot more better compared to last week though. Last week I was considering suicide ‘cus my life was just fucked and no one cared. I still feel kind of the same just less on the wanting to die factor. I hate when I make people depressed when they read my shit so from Now on I’m going to try and be more cheery just for you guys.
Um I got to go and have a bath ‘cus unfortunately I have to go to that God forbidden shit hole that I consider to be sixth-form tomoz. Tomoz I also have to practice for my drama practical, which is in one week and three days. I don’t even know my lines are or what we have done because my group is never present I should have expected this come on you know who is my group. Then I have my guitar exam in four days and counting and my song and my selected pieces sound shi. My guitar teacher said to me that maybe I shouldn’t take the exam ‘cus I don’t seem to be concentrating and I look “down” can people atop telling me I can’t do shit it is really becoming annoying. I also noticed that time dawns on me that my dad will be back soon I wanna’ run screaming from my home or burn my dad’s town hall records also citizenship papers and then he would have to stay in fucking St. Lucia and wont come back saying how many men want “his nice English daughters hand in marriage” I hate being an St. Lucian Indian it sucks.
Oh also I can’t wait until the 23rd of May… guess why? MY STUDY LEAVE STARTS *does a little dance* I can’t wait, no fucking crappy St. Saviours ever again…………BYE SSSO, HELLO LEWISHAM COLLEGE. New people, new teachers and new start. Just what I need. SSSO screwed me over so many times. I can’t wait for a new start and new friends should be good. Zen was complaining at me earlier because I weren’t going to uni. I then told him that I couldn’t go anyway ‘cus I didn’t get entered for Media. He might be coming up to London this week to come and see me Oh joy *coughsarcasmcough*. I went to see Chris in the hospital today too he is doing okay I was a bit worried when I heard what happened so he said I made him feel better, that‘s good. Least I’m good about making others feel great about themselves but I can do shit all about myself lol!!!! Anyways see ya laterxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Felt pretty ugly this weekend although I had Alan constantly staring at Charlotte and me. I know why he was staring at Charlotte like come on what man wouldn’t, plus she made out with him on Friday/Saturday but why me. It was proper Michael style staring as well. “Are you coming carina” Sorry I had to put that there just to amuse myself. We also dubbed Charlotte and Sufia the ball breakers of men. I mean if these two came onto any guy, these guys would be willing to screw anyone just to kiss then. Sufia can even get teachers under her spell, you should see her at work its great.
I also have been putting myself down a lot lately. That sucks. I used to be very happy within myself, but for some reason I think I never look good enough or this and that. Could it be I’m turning into a proper chic? I have been wearing skirts a lot more lately and no they are not specifically for Asher as Kaz keeps saying. I’m feeling a lot more better compared to last week though. Last week I was considering suicide ‘cus my life was just fucked and no one cared. I still feel kind of the same just less on the wanting to die factor. I hate when I make people depressed when they read my shit so from Now on I’m going to try and be more cheery just for you guys.
Um I got to go and have a bath ‘cus unfortunately I have to go to that God forbidden shit hole that I consider to be sixth-form tomoz. Tomoz I also have to practice for my drama practical, which is in one week and three days. I don’t even know my lines are or what we have done because my group is never present I should have expected this come on you know who is my group. Then I have my guitar exam in four days and counting and my song and my selected pieces sound shi. My guitar teacher said to me that maybe I shouldn’t take the exam ‘cus I don’t seem to be concentrating and I look “down” can people atop telling me I can’t do shit it is really becoming annoying. I also noticed that time dawns on me that my dad will be back soon I wanna’ run screaming from my home or burn my dad’s town hall records also citizenship papers and then he would have to stay in fucking St. Lucia and wont come back saying how many men want “his nice English daughters hand in marriage” I hate being an St. Lucian Indian it sucks.
Oh also I can’t wait until the 23rd of May… guess why? MY STUDY LEAVE STARTS *does a little dance* I can’t wait, no fucking crappy St. Saviours ever again…………BYE SSSO, HELLO LEWISHAM COLLEGE. New people, new teachers and new start. Just what I need. SSSO screwed me over so many times. I can’t wait for a new start and new friends should be good. Zen was complaining at me earlier because I weren’t going to uni. I then told him that I couldn’t go anyway ‘cus I didn’t get entered for Media. He might be coming up to London this week to come and see me Oh joy *coughsarcasmcough*. I went to see Chris in the hospital today too he is doing okay I was a bit worried when I heard what happened so he said I made him feel better, that‘s good. Least I’m good about making others feel great about themselves but I can do shit all about myself lol!!!! Anyways see ya laterxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, May 06, 2005
DoNt LiKe ThAt I'm ChAnGiNg. DoN't LiKe WhO I HaVe BeCoMe.
Well today I didn't even plan in coming to college but guess what I am here in this shit hole but Jay is with me right now so everything is fine. I feel so unloved today like no one cares in the world, which I know is not true but the point is that is how I feel I just can't help it. I sound so pathetic right now and my depression is started to taking its toll I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. I wish I could be the way I used to be fisty cordie who had a mouth a was careless and the most fun person to hang around with. Now I am generally depressed and really quiet. Its creepy! I hate this quiet streak I'm gonna on. Before I couldn't even shut my mouth I always had something to laugh and joke about, always had another cuss up my sleeve. I think its just school maybe when I'm out of this place I will turn back to normal. I'm still trying to accept the fact that I am a failure but hey I think i will soon.
Whore came in to school today to actually do work *jaw drops* Omg!!!!! Yeah but of course I had to help her edit the script I mean couldn't she had done that without my help or was she feeling a bit lonely. She spoke to Zak today and was having Martha like tendancy's of taking over my user account how annoying.
Before me and Zak were having a cool convo basically about stuff that is going in our lives and it just gave me this realsation that everything around us is so fucked and people around us are so fake. So yeah, basically we just talked about certain stuff. I also talked to Sebis who haven't talked to in ages and Joanne.
I'm here talking to Jasmine she making me laugh and telling me to not worry and be strong lol! I'm also worry about her sanity and wondering if its there or not. Today we are going Pizza hut or somewhere today I don't know where we are going but I feel like evrything is off today meaning certain people but I'm guessing I'll find out what I have done now to get people annoyed at me now lol!
Yesterday I got hom and guess what I found a dusty space where my tv in my bedroom used to be no lie my brother Jacked my fucking tv. My tv Mine I was so pissed off he wants everything of mine soon I wont have any cool stuff left.
Oh my friend Samantha, her mum got hit by a bus today I just wanna send out my sympathies to her and hope that she is alright.
Okay guys I think I'm done I'm going off to possibly change my tights and do my hair and go to Kaz's. see ya later xxxx
Whore came in to school today to actually do work *jaw drops* Omg!!!!! Yeah but of course I had to help her edit the script I mean couldn't she had done that without my help or was she feeling a bit lonely. She spoke to Zak today and was having Martha like tendancy's of taking over my user account how annoying.
Before me and Zak were having a cool convo basically about stuff that is going in our lives and it just gave me this realsation that everything around us is so fucked and people around us are so fake. So yeah, basically we just talked about certain stuff. I also talked to Sebis who haven't talked to in ages and Joanne.
I'm here talking to Jasmine she making me laugh and telling me to not worry and be strong lol! I'm also worry about her sanity and wondering if its there or not. Today we are going Pizza hut or somewhere today I don't know where we are going but I feel like evrything is off today meaning certain people but I'm guessing I'll find out what I have done now to get people annoyed at me now lol!
Yesterday I got hom and guess what I found a dusty space where my tv in my bedroom used to be no lie my brother Jacked my fucking tv. My tv Mine I was so pissed off he wants everything of mine soon I wont have any cool stuff left.
Oh my friend Samantha, her mum got hit by a bus today I just wanna send out my sympathies to her and hope that she is alright.
Okay guys I think I'm done I'm going off to possibly change my tights and do my hair and go to Kaz's. see ya later xxxx
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Find something worth voting for.......... Vote Active *cheesy grin* "okay cut" Thank God where's the alcohol lol!
Today is voting day and we are praying that the Active party wins and then we could put (I love Bashment dude) Natalie in her place and our manisfesto so rocks so.... yeah personally I think we should win *smiles* I'm even wearing my Vote Active Badge today in support, of my party *woots* So anyways, today has been feeling quite odd I mean, Miss Weston is being nice, everyone is being nice. Its quite creepy. Very tired though as I look around and realise that I have just wasted another two years of my life, Knowing that I might have to do another two more to actually aquire another subject to replace the hole that Media left. So great, I was gonna be the first one to go to uni out of our group and in about a few seconds my dreams were dashed. *cries* I can't believe this, its actually a big come down for me, I don't fail , I never fail. I mean, I'm always been seen as a failure to my dad because of the whole Chris shit and me basically being me. But I have never failed academically *feels stupid* how the fuck am I gonna get to uni and become what I wanna become they want excellance, excellance is not someone who has to stay four fucking years in college.
I did something pathetic last night though, I cried myself to sleep. I'm so afraid to tell my mum what is happening and how the hell am I gonna tell my dad. Spoke to Joe about it Yesterday he really made me smile and cheered me up a bit, I needed that I seriously needed someone to tell me that it was gonna be okay. He did, so Joe if you are reading thanx alot!!!! So before this September I have got to think about hwta the fuck I am going to do with my life and how the hell is everything gonna be ok. I still need a hug from the certain someone but they are never around these days.....you know who are! Missin u!
Still on the hunt to find my MD, still no luck. We think maybe the people in the chip shop were lying... so .... I'm gonna try there again but not only me with marc and Dwayne. Speaking of Dwayne, yesterday or the day before *thinks* can't really remember.He thought he would sit on top of me and smack my ass really hard. I am also thinking of playing matchmaker this weekend, because I'm bored and my own life is fucked so why not make someone elses that much happier. I'm gonna match up Charlotte (sorry philip *hits him across the head*) and Marc. I found out (because I happen to be a nosey little fucker) that they like each other..soooooooooooooooooooooooo....*smiles* I'm just gonna work what magic I have left and hopefully everything will be out in the open......by let's say ummmmmmmmm Monday next week. Lets see if I can do this.
Going pizza hut on friday, I'm not really up for the whole day with all happy friends and stuff and being all smiles everywhere, but I guess, it will cheer me up a bit. I actually wondered last night if I died how many people would care? 'cus I know if it was upto my dad he would find the most nearest hole and wrap me up n white cloth and put me in it. He would be glad to get rid of me. Maybe I should find my own place so I wouldn't have them shouting at me and telling me I'm useless and stuff.
Oh yeah I also have a New Template I think it looks so cool. This one was actually donated to me, 'cus of a wicked cool Backy I made *woots* so I got this in return. I've been trying to make it pretty all day and filling in stuff...still gotta add some blinkies and some other stuff and then we wil be good to go.
Mr J just came in asked for his coursework I have done it but guess what people......no fucking printer in this school is actually working so I am just wondering how the fuck and am I gonna print it tommorrow for him lol! crazy this shit is, just crazy. So I think I'm done I'm just gonna go to Kaz's and hopefully cry out my stress and stuff and hopefully martha won't ask me stupid stuff like can I use your msn name please? if you want to talk to people find your own friends don't borrow mine and chat shit to them. *breaths and panting in an angry state* So anyways guys see you laterxxxxxxxx
I did something pathetic last night though, I cried myself to sleep. I'm so afraid to tell my mum what is happening and how the hell am I gonna tell my dad. Spoke to Joe about it Yesterday he really made me smile and cheered me up a bit, I needed that I seriously needed someone to tell me that it was gonna be okay. He did, so Joe if you are reading thanx alot!!!! So before this September I have got to think about hwta the fuck I am going to do with my life and how the hell is everything gonna be ok. I still need a hug from the certain someone but they are never around these days.....you know who are! Missin u!
Still on the hunt to find my MD, still no luck. We think maybe the people in the chip shop were lying... so .... I'm gonna try there again but not only me with marc and Dwayne. Speaking of Dwayne, yesterday or the day before *thinks* can't really remember.He thought he would sit on top of me and smack my ass really hard. I am also thinking of playing matchmaker this weekend, because I'm bored and my own life is fucked so why not make someone elses that much happier. I'm gonna match up Charlotte (sorry philip *hits him across the head*) and Marc. I found out (because I happen to be a nosey little fucker) that they like each other..soooooooooooooooooooooooo....*smiles* I'm just gonna work what magic I have left and hopefully everything will be out in the open......by let's say ummmmmmmmm Monday next week. Lets see if I can do this.
Going pizza hut on friday, I'm not really up for the whole day with all happy friends and stuff and being all smiles everywhere, but I guess, it will cheer me up a bit. I actually wondered last night if I died how many people would care? 'cus I know if it was upto my dad he would find the most nearest hole and wrap me up n white cloth and put me in it. He would be glad to get rid of me. Maybe I should find my own place so I wouldn't have them shouting at me and telling me I'm useless and stuff.
Oh yeah I also have a New Template I think it looks so cool. This one was actually donated to me, 'cus of a wicked cool Backy I made *woots* so I got this in return. I've been trying to make it pretty all day and filling in stuff...still gotta add some blinkies and some other stuff and then we wil be good to go.
Mr J just came in asked for his coursework I have done it but guess what people......no fucking printer in this school is actually working so I am just wondering how the fuck and am I gonna print it tommorrow for him lol! crazy this shit is, just crazy. So I think I'm done I'm just gonna go to Kaz's and hopefully cry out my stress and stuff and hopefully martha won't ask me stupid stuff like can I use your msn name please? if you want to talk to people find your own friends don't borrow mine and chat shit to them. *breaths and panting in an angry state* So anyways guys see you laterxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Just tell me straight
Well today I nearly, when I say nearly made it to school on time if I had walked just a bit faster I would have made it, but ah yes that's my life never straight forwards, nothing ever goes my way.I got into Media and done some really good work and I got my coursework back to do a little changing to it. I felt happy in Media, more happier than usual and I also felt, like I actually belonged in this school, for once in my life lol! Lauren comes out with how my voice is very posh, I was loking at her and was like what corinne are you listening too. I really wonder.
My day is going fine until Ms Weston comes to the sixth-form computer room and tells me....I think you need to have a chat with you Media teachers at lunchtime to discuss if you will be entered for Media. First of all why do we need the converstaions for I think they can make their decision without seeing my face, sitting there looking like a miserable little fucker. Two, it's luchtime, not to be really bringing out my ghetto nature *laughs* But come on, Y'all fucking with me right, Lunchtime to see your ass, Nigger like me need food and need time to rest and I'm very sure you do too....couldn't we just listen to each other and say look corinne is, or is not entered and I will be happy.
Okay the weirdest thing just happened, Raina just took a picture of me for her Media project, the way she just looked at me and said yep picture to camilia *flash of light goes off* okay that's good next Subject I was like what??!!?
So I am just a bit annoyed today, just over this whole media thing and of course Martha and this whole Alan and Michael thing that she just keeps on going on and on about, 'cus she actually has two guys that like her. She slept with Alan (YEP IT IS COMFIMED SHE GOT DOWN AND DIRTY) and then decideds that she doesn't want a relationship with him *shakes head* well I'm not gonna say anything.But I have made this important pic just for her. pic. Oh guess what I found a picture of Natalie (click on her name to see the pic)Aint she really pretty *laughs* This is miss I love BASHMENT DUDE, and don't talk to me about FUCKING orginisation. I also took some shots might submit them later, THEY ARE NOTHING SPECIAL BUT I got a bit bored during school so I snuck out with the digi cam don't know why so take a look. pic1 Pic2 pic3
So yeah I think I'm done for the day. I might come back and write any updates or tell you what the decision is for my media entry. I only realised how many people read this. I get around 42 hits a day that's just crazy. Anyways see ya later Kissesxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
*~ After the meeting ~*
I found out that I am not entered for media they were all so patronising and fake and stuff and whenever I tried to get my point in or my thoughts about the matter in, I was denied left right and center. When they all said at the end like they had fucking rehearsed it Corinne I don't think its best. Then all looked at me and they all started getting up and leaving. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I need a hug or something or another. Just need to talk to someone who actually cares. (there are not many people who actually care)but anyway I'll see ya later guysxx
My day is going fine until Ms Weston comes to the sixth-form computer room and tells me....I think you need to have a chat with you Media teachers at lunchtime to discuss if you will be entered for Media. First of all why do we need the converstaions for I think they can make their decision without seeing my face, sitting there looking like a miserable little fucker. Two, it's luchtime, not to be really bringing out my ghetto nature *laughs* But come on, Y'all fucking with me right, Lunchtime to see your ass, Nigger like me need food and need time to rest and I'm very sure you do too....couldn't we just listen to each other and say look corinne is, or is not entered and I will be happy.
Okay the weirdest thing just happened, Raina just took a picture of me for her Media project, the way she just looked at me and said yep picture to camilia *flash of light goes off* okay that's good next Subject I was like what??!!?
So I am just a bit annoyed today, just over this whole media thing and of course Martha and this whole Alan and Michael thing that she just keeps on going on and on about, 'cus she actually has two guys that like her. She slept with Alan (YEP IT IS COMFIMED SHE GOT DOWN AND DIRTY) and then decideds that she doesn't want a relationship with him *shakes head* well I'm not gonna say anything.But I have made this important pic just for her. pic. Oh guess what I found a picture of Natalie (click on her name to see the pic)Aint she really pretty *laughs* This is miss I love BASHMENT DUDE, and don't talk to me about FUCKING orginisation. I also took some shots might submit them later, THEY ARE NOTHING SPECIAL BUT I got a bit bored during school so I snuck out with the digi cam don't know why so take a look. pic1 Pic2 pic3
So yeah I think I'm done for the day. I might come back and write any updates or tell you what the decision is for my media entry. I only realised how many people read this. I get around 42 hits a day that's just crazy. Anyways see ya later Kissesxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
*~ After the meeting ~*
I found out that I am not entered for media they were all so patronising and fake and stuff and whenever I tried to get my point in or my thoughts about the matter in, I was denied left right and center. When they all said at the end like they had fucking rehearsed it Corinne I don't think its best. Then all looked at me and they all started getting up and leaving. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I need a hug or something or another. Just need to talk to someone who actually cares. (there are not many people who actually care)but anyway I'll see ya later guysxx
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
had a bad week
hey ya everyone had the most worst weekend ever, Okay well on friday I lost my buss pass and my bank card on a bus heading towards brixton....yep brixton that's gonna end well. Then I got kinda got a bit pissed on friday felt even worse 'cus my scratchy throat turned into a headache and temperature and I was feeling really bad.It got even worse on saturday I couldn't even sleep and stuff and on sunday I had Kaz saying come over I was like uh...................No. With the help of benylin I am at school not that is a good thing. ummmmm I'm going over to kaz's now because I can't be bothered to stay at school.
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