Belief

Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god - Gavin Degraw Belief (listen to this track very good)

Well, its 8:23 in the early monday and guess whose bags I had to wheel into my house from the airport. Yep, none other than my dad's. He's back *cries*. He came with his nice-ness as well, it was very sickening of "baby, how are you Darling you have grown" Yeah anyone would grow without three months of your bullshit. I have actually grown compared to him, I am the same height as him. I was never that tall before YAY!!!! My mum is downstairs slaving over the oven again. I feel sorry for her right now, to have peace for three months and it come to be disturbed by that fat trollop. Meant to be going with Char and the gang to convent garden just to laze around and have fun and stuff. Should be cool and all. Shopping with Sufie on Tuesday. I aint got that much money so basically I am going to watch Sufie hold up about five shirts that are the same and ask me which one she should get. She hates it when we go somewhere like FCUK and asks me what top looks better they all look the same she always looks skinny in them so I don't see the point. But that is only coming from a tomboy's perspective. Kaz gets annoyed at me too when I say that about how much time she spends on doing her makeup I swear 50 kids in africa die while she is putting on makeup. Yep, finally I'm returning to myself. *smiles*

It was the spawn of Satan's birthday yesterday on saturday she said she was going to camden to go and get a "gothic" dress for the occasion, from the black rose, which as everyone knows whose been Camden with me I get all happy when I see things with long whipsy sleeves. Don't laugh at me ask Kaz. So she was going on saturday to buy a dress and wear it around Kaz's house woooooo how adventurous lol! (Okay cordie stop being so mean) Yeah and now she's trying to scam off my b-day too. She's asking me, because she feels all left out that nearly the whole groups birthdays are in july that could we get her a cake so she doesn't feel all left out. I wouldn't have a problem with that if her birthday was in june but come on May lol! we are planning on just getting everyone together and have a night out dressed all weird then I have a party at my house with my family which of course everyone is invited to and something called the blessing that every St.Lucian person receives when they turn 18 and 25 from their parents. Its really embarrassing I watched my brothers and he was trying not to crack up through it lol!
But I would want my friends (my real family) there with me. Then just days later head down to Manchester (hopefully) for an InMe gig *woots* I think this birthday is gonna be the best and I can't wait for it.

Zen (David) is down in London. We are friends again. He came to my door bearing a massive Jericho poster and said "a peace offering, in other words talk to me" I just cracked up. I hung out with him all saturday and slept at his house. Actually I wasn't intending to sleep there. We were watching the pirate version of "The Kingdom of Heaven" (that boy is learning from me) It was good from what I watched, but I was so tired, I hadn't slept in the last 24 hours, I fell asleep on his bed. Did he wake me up? No, he left me there sprawled on his bed and just got in next to me. Sneaky bastard. I wake up next morning, I went home to wash and he called me on my phone and I was back over there just having a jam feast on guitars. He doesn't like the fact that a "girl" is better at playing guitar than him lol! But then again he does play Bass what's so hard about it? I'm thinking I might go over there again today he's here until wednesday and then he heads out to Scotland for his job placement. He's done most of his exams so he wants to tour around England. In his words "you should come with me" and I say "ummm...Nah!!!"

Tim says I don't mention him enough so this whole paragraph is gonna be dedicated to him *smiles*
You are like my bro., you stupid boy of course I love you. what would I do without you bugging me everyday to keep sharp and to wake me up and stuff. Then you take time out from what your doing to talk to me about my problems and make me see things clearer. I'm only mean to you because when anyone cares about me I feel the need to push them away because I'm not used to being cared for that much. You know that although you say that I have been, But ah well. Thank you for giving me help Tim. Even though you still haven't made me a meal yet and keep on promising to put my boyf and his sister in a pedigree. lol!

Witnessed my first exorcism yesterday as well late in the evening, My mum and her church friends came over and they were blessing the house 'cus they knew my dad was coming back to prevent trouble (my dad always comes back with a certain anger when he's been to st.lucia and you know what that leads to) Now my mum is a powerful christian I believe that, but what I saw was crazy. I know I am about to sound crazy, but I saw it for my own two eyes. She was praying and then she fell onto the floor. Darling, my mums stronger christian friend started praying for her. Darling rested her hand on my mums stomach and Mum in a very innocent voice said to darling "you are hurting me"
Darling said "that is not gil speaking you come out and you come out now" all of a sudden my mum shaped her fingers like claws and her voice went really deep and old like an old man of some sort. It was scary. Proper I was shitting myself (well not literally but yeah) I was so afraid. so they kept on praying and my mum went suddenly back to normal and then started vomiting everywhere. They said that she was under spiritual attack from my granddad, which I can understand because he does deal in black magic and stuff. Oh what a fucked family I have.

Oh my dad just gave me a present, well he let me choose. He gave me two pairs of gold earrings in front of me and told me to choose. Me knowing well, that my mum would get the other pair. The pair that I think my dad wanted me to choose where gorgeous the most expensive pair, but then I thought about it and looked at my mum who had such a sad look on her face while doing the dishes and took the other one not the pretty one.
I must admit I saw the shock on his face when I didn't take the pair he wanted me to have. I wanted it to go to my mum she deserved some happiness. When she saw them she just smiled. I knew then I had did the right thing. awww my mummy I love her so much. I just wanna make her happy. Also I swear I can smell the essence of St.lucia in my kitchen. lol! I know that sounds very stupid, but St.lucia has that sweet kind of smell to it. You know when you are there by just the smell. Right now, I can smell that familiar smell in my house especially in the kitchen.

Missed Asher a lot on friday, but I think he's still slightly off with me for what I said in my last entry and the conversation that followed it was very fun and sarky (I put my own little sarcastic spin on it.)

I think this has been the longest entry in ages. I don't know, I never felt in the mood to write about my life too depressing. Today though, I feel happy although I know my freedom is gone, and it will be much harder to get outside. I'm strangely happy inside. *smiles* Yeah I know crazy, but its just how I feel. you'll see by tomoz I'd be writing a depressed entry lol! anyway guys, I'm taking off, got nothing much to do but lie on my bed and probably go to the net cafe later. Byexxx