Christmas day...

Well it is christmas day and I am talking to the people online and just eating and listening to music. Me and my cousin D were trying to set the configurations for her new psp and just other stuff. I am a bit tired and stuff. Everyone is really happy. Talked to Sufia and Jay earlier and stuff. They both made me smile, it was good to hear and just listen to what was happening at home starngely I am missing my home. very strange feeling lol. But it only comes and goes most of the time I am fine with it, because my family is very funny and there is always something happening, but I do kinda just miss sufie, jay and char. Also miss my husband, oh sorry hun that I didn't invite you to the housewarming party , I promise as soonm as I get back I will certainly invite you to my house. lol! um got nothing much to say oh except I got a really nice pink (although D says it is magnenta) Jacket... and a few shirts and belts and stuff, which is just cool. anyways guys I am so gonna go and stuff okay see ya leter.... Oh and MERRY XMAS XXXXXXXXXX

Live from Brooklyn New york Baby...

Okay so I am here and I am kinda staring to like it here. Even though the weather is cold and there is a big strike over here in transport and its kind of hard to travel round but other than that for what i have seen so far this place rocks. My cousins are cool. I have met another black person like me (which is my cousin) she listens to rock as well. It was just so great we are so alike. I thought hey Brooklyn hiphop are us but apparently not. D is really cool. Karen is fun too. We had alot of fun shoppping today. The flight was okay... I watched films that I already have like the 40 year old virgin and fantastic four also I listen to bloc party's album and kelly clarkson and there was some buff geeky guy sitting two rows next to me and we started having a convo outside of the toilet and guess what...he gave me his phone number and msn... btw way his name is frankiln. But all his friends call him FK. He is such a sweetie.

Plus the guys are really going crazy for me over here. Over in the U.K some guys like me depending what there sort of girl is but I walk down the road I get hollered by everyone, and bloody hell when I open my mout and talk. I swear they undress me with my eyes there and then lol. Okay so its funny, people stop me ans ask me to say stuff its quite a fun experiance. Its freezing cold, I am tierd and I think after all the shopping I did today I need a serious rest just online talking to Ant. He makes me laugh and makes me miss home so much. So until next time I can get online I will seee you later but I will try to keep you updated with pictures and other stuff but right now AMERICA ROCKS....

This Time.....I gotta something planned...I saw you fall not once but twice

Hey everybody well what can I say except for sorry I haven’t been around. Haven’t had a lot of money recently due to me having to support my mother a lot more, cus of our flat. So I haven’t got extra money to go online and stuff. Plus I haven’t been college recently (don’t worry I aint dropping out) it because my dad has been stalking me or getting people to watch me when I come out of college so the police have instructed me to miss out on college for a little while. Yey its like college without actually taking the 2 hour journey to reach there.

I still study and stuff and follow the curriculum and stuff so I am still upto date with everything. Just bored today and I had nothing to do honestly. I can’t go work today because they noticed big movement around the house . Yeah so here I am, far away from the ghetto (in the coutryside as Sufia puts it) doing nothing.

Well good news though going America soon well practically on Tuesday. If I can write an another entry before I go been neglecting here recently. So need to make a new type of template for this thing and just other stuff you know. Possibly build up my blog visiters again they have gone down since I started college because I haven’t really been promoting (bad me) but I will try and put this blog back into top order just where it should be.hey I could probably think of the html while I on the plane for however long it will be and just write it up on paper and then maybe when I get there and when I get settled in try it out. But damn I hate remembering codes. I know most of them but it pisses me off.

Um my pick chain also broke so I had to put into another snake chain that I owned but it doesn’t look right so I might just buy dog tags and put on that. Plus when I come back I so have to put up shelves, which chris said he would help me with, but generally I think he is not so interested in putting up my shelves lol, but doing something else. (yeah I can see you lauging) Just kinda of going over all my cds and just playing them all. Before I go to America I must so buy the seventeen days album by 3 doors down. So it can be my holiday album, plus chapter by Staind, maybe white butterfly by INME but I already have half of the songs from that album on this laptop.

Been pissed of by a few things recently 1 that my freedom has been revoked from me because my bastard of a father wont let us just leave and never return. And just certain things that have been happening recently with friends has been driving me up the wall. Dwaine is actually starting to act as bad a my dad and I’m not talking about physical abuse. The mind games that he is playing is just wrong I already gave my advice to Kaz and basically it was along the lines of. I see what D is doing to you, he is picking you apart bit, by bit and kaz as your best friend I will stand by every descion you make concerning him but for fuck sake Kaz he is tearing you apart and treating you like shit. I know you care a lot more than you say you do but just think about it aright and we just sat there holding hands. Then Charlotte and Dwaine can’t stand to be in the same room together. Without a fight or argument, so I am just like uh I can’t be bothered with shit like that whether I hate the persons guts I would look em straight in the eyes and carry on about my business. So tell me why is such a fucking problem for them to do it…

Oh yeah I took a big step whether forward or backwards in my appearance you decide, but I just thought to hell with it I want extensions with red tinting and now I have them. Most people who have seen it so far like it and think I look well hot! Its not my words, words of others. Zen was down webcam drooling and chris was getting extra happy when he saw me in person. Scotty (husband) loved em too and was saying to me keep your hair like that and then my wife will look more hot than when she started I just had to laugh. Me, Scotty and mark were sitting at the bus stop in the early morning meaning about 3 ish. Scotty was hugging me and putting his arm around me and stuff. Mark was like oi oi no public displays of affection here. Lol! We just cracked up. He was so pissed and he wouldn’t admit it. so I'm gonna post up a few pictures.

-3-days later....

Okay hey guys can't be bothered to make another entry so I am just gonna add it to this.... I'm going to america tomoz and I am quite nervous for what reason I do not know. I guess meeting family that I have never met before is kinda big but ah well.
I am in so much of a rush today getting stuff packed... gotta go to awards evening in stsaviours tonight to get my alevel certificates. gotta wash my clothes it just gerally hectic ahhh then I have a two o'clock flight as well.... god I am really tired.... lol I said I was gonna post pictures of me in here but I will ahve to do it another time I will change different things and stuff but I will have to do that when I 'm over there or when I get back....love you guys... happy christmas and a happy new year mwahxxxxxxx

Did the building up of some walls make me as strong as I am!

Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away
Maybe I'm just blind
Maybe I'm just blind

So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone-When I’m gone- 3 doors down

Hi guys I’m a bad, bad girl. I’ve hurt a really good man in the process of my life. I’m not even kidding I’m seriously being sorry. As we all know for the past few months I have not been dating, but have been rather friendly with Chris lol! I like being with him, everyone agrees I have become so much happier, slipped back into my old self again. I knew he had a great deal to do with that happening, honestly, he sat there for hours even though he didn’t need to on the phone to me talking about random problems we had or he had and we made it an everyday thing plus us having “conversations” while playing the ps2, so that’s what they were. But a few weeks ago he got beaten up a family member and five of his four brothers and we all can guess who this family member is. So I saw him battered and bruised and I know because of me that he is in this shape and in my head I thought I can’t do this anymore. I care for him so much; it hurt to see what they did to him. So went to his house last Friday to see you know how he was feeling cus apparently he is fine but he can’t laugh because it hurts, which made me think cracked rib, but he had it checked out and he was fine. So yeah I’m at his house and first sight of me, literally he opens the door and starts kissing my face off lol I didn’t even have a chance to say howdy.

So we were sitting there playing Underground most wanted (because Chris always has to get the new games out) and then out of the blue he paused the game, cus I thought it was because I was doing a good job of trying to keep up with him, also cheating and swerving him off the road lol. He stopped the game and looked up at me (because he was lying on my legs) and was like “I don’t want to be half way anymore I want you to be my girl” and I was like uh why. He was like saying because he loved me and I swear my eyes just saw the scar of when he got dragged on the floor and I kept on saying no, not even listening to him then he said “do you love me?” and because I wasn’t listening I said no. He went quiet and I realised what I said I try to dig myself out of it but kept on digging a deeper hole for myself and he wasn’t saying anything so I asked him did he want me to leave he nodded and I left. He called me later and was like I know why you said it now, not because you really don’t love me, but because you don’t want me to get hurt. He was saying that he would put his body on the line to be with me. He is 20 he can take care of himself. Stuff he was saying he was making it out like it could be done, but I told I love him but it going to stay the way it is now. He can go out and find another girl and I understand but it’s going to be halfway.

Oh I feel like a big meanie. Sufia was getting ready to jump down my throat as soon as I told her. I’ve been a bit mopey, I know he is probably laughing at me while reading this but it is true. I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. I’M SORRY.

Nothing much really happened we moved char to Camden during the week. Um I reached the 1000 mark on DA a couple of weeks ago. Lol! And I actually got picked as a special read for poetry on unknown poets…. wicked. Plus I’m part of a new community of ninja on DA. Come check it out and join.

Um official world Aids day, maybe when I get paid I might give some money to the cause. I like giving to charities and helping and stuff…Plus the darkness have another album coming out *looks up to the sky* shoot me someone lol! I hate the darkness and not that their first album wasn’t enough lets just bring out another one. GAWD! *shakes head*
Right guys so I am taking off. See ya latersxxxxxxx

Its dimsum time...special forces on the gogo. love isn't brains children its blood, blood screaming inside of you to work its will

MARTHA ALERT!!!!MARTHA ALERT!!!!! BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!!!! HIDE IN YOUR HOMES.SHE’S BACK!!! *Everyone runs*

Yep its true people her dumbness made her way back into our lives yesterday and what a hilarious day too. Where towards the end I wanted to go home but I will explain that later. So anyway here’s me walking along the road sporting my new black coat (which is just nice btw) When I bump into Kaz and Dwaine. While going to check my balance and I didn’t get paid. So I bump into them and kaz tells me. I just saw Martha. My face fell I was like uh why. She like has a dog now and lives in a car. Don’t think you didn’t hear me right because you just did. She is living in a car apparently because she fucked another hostel up and made herself intentionally homeless. So char arrives and so does chantelle. Martha had saying to Kaz that maybe they could walk the dogs together. So us guys go out have a chat and just sit in mcds. Then yeah there is alcohol brought and everyone started getting a bit merry, except me (like usual) and started doing weird stuff. Chantelle would not let go of me for the life of me. Now me being the nosey type there was this big white canopy thing that had been sealed off. So opened one of the sides and checked it out. It was a Santa’s grotto in the middle of Peckham. I feel sorry for what that Santa has to be ordering for those kids. “Hey little boy get up on my knee. Now what do you wish to get for Christmas” “I wish for a rocket launcher, a few guns, some weed and a psp because I have been a good boy just to receive them all Santa” LOL!
So we actually went in there and they were making their noise although I got to sit on Santa’s chair the longest. Yey!!!! So a security guard turfts us out. So char leaves at nine because of her hostel curfew. So Chan and me go to kaz’s with Dwaine who met up with us at blockbusters and saw that I was the only sober one out of all the three. Kaz got into an argument with D (again. I swear every time I am around they have an argument and are starting to put me in the middle.) So we are walking down the road all of a sudden I see D walking away and Kaz stops to cry. We ask her what is wrong and basically D doesn’t like seeing her drunk and stuff.
So she goes towards her house and lovely Martha is waiting for us all on the stairs. So I see D in the distance and start calling him. We meet each other in the square he says “what is it Corinne it is pretty cold out here” I said “ if that is your way of telling me to hurry up it aint going to work” he smiled at me as he knows how stern I can be.
So I was talking to him. I actually seemed to be getting somewhere, I mean trying to make you understand what is going on and how a girl would see it. It was going good, until drunken kaz came into it and started asking me what is going on. So we still tried talking but too soon it turned into another Karli and Dwaine argument. Karli starting following him into the pits of hell (Dwaine’s house)
So I go up to the front doors a there is Martha saying hi Corinne how have you been? And all that shit. Then Chantelle decides to leave me ALONE with Martha. So I here’s me just trying to put on music and stuff …you know trying to drown her out. Then she asks me so how is that curtain boy…the one that I used to talk to. I was like which one, trying to make her say his name. She was acting like she couldn’t remember his name for the life of her. YEAAAAAAAHHHH RIGHT! Then she asks me this question and I had to laugh afterwards… “Are you still going out with Asher?” “Thank the lord in the high heavens no” “so he is single” “I think he is..I don’t know…I don’t talk to him” “why not?” “Because he is an asshole” “what…I don’t understand” “didn’t think you would Martha” “so no-one is like going out with him” “I don’t know ask him” TEN MINUTES LATER “so is Asher coming here anytime soon” “I don’t know Martha ask his sister she would know” “Okay” lol! I think she is going to pursue and old target, which would be a barrel of laughs for me to watch *cracks up*
So Kaz comes back with D and says they are going to watch a film together so there ‘s me getting my coat on ready to leave and then Kaz says take Martha with you. I was like uh …why???? Because I want her to leave with you. So Martha’s dog jem and dizzy look at each other and suddenly they start playing, but then dizzy had something else in mind. Basically dizzy was trying to hold jem down to fuck her. Martha was “you are not ready Jem you are too young” I had to laugh. So we had to try and keep them apart. So Martha said she wanted another drink and makes another roll up. It was like she didn’t want to leave in the end me and Kaz had to try and force her out of the door. Lol!!! Then when we are outside she made me stand there telling her to Old Kent road through Peckham. After all that and this is at 2 in the morning she decides that she is just going to end up going to taking a 12 to Walworth rd. I just kissed my teeth and walked off.
So that was the Martha day for you guys. But I just think now she is back she won’t stop coming until she pisses someone off.
XOther things to rant and rave aboutx
-Can I just ask how annoyingly dumb is Techmo? I just thought oh okay they are letting Microsoft in on something that Sony had first, you know making dead or alive available on both gaming platforms but no. Techmo has sold all rights to dead or alive series to fucking Microsoft. That means for people who love dead or alive like I do and have been playing the game since the Playstation came out, and dead or alive was their opener have now lost our opener game. It was opener to ps2 as well so what the fuck is happening. I swear to god and I am not converting to xbox (again) just to play DOA and fable1 and the second fable that should be coming out soon. Uh it’s just pissing me off *growls* I swear there should be equal rights to that game since it has already built quite a strong fan base on Sony.
- True crime is back. Its called True crime New York City. I hope it is as good and maybe even better than the last one that was out, because I loved the last one. Nick is not back as the great (he is quite alright looking for a game character. WHAT... come on girls you can’t tell me you don’t think Ryu from street fighter is alright) policeman he was lol. But there is a black dude who looks like snoop dog in his place. I can’t wait to play it. Ahhh shit its Dim sum time
- A new need for speed is out. Yey!!!! I can’t remember what the fuck it is called but all I know it is new.
So guys I think this is my entry for you. I’m done for the day. A bit tired too and I haven’t attended college yet. O h lord keep me awake during English lol! Anyway guys I’m going to jet out of here see yaxxx Let me just leave you with this though….

god I can't think of a title

Um I had a really good entrance to this entry before and title. But now I can't remember it after the comp decided to crash half way throuhg me writing my entry and I couldn't copy and paste in time. *cries* So liek I was saying before this entry is just going to be filed with lots and lots of pictures because I found new and old pictures and I actually took a picture of my house bathroom .... what it is the nicest part of the house lol. So anyways lets get kicking with these pictures.... first of is my new abode and here is my bathroom.... gorge bathroom doesn't it just look so nice. and the lights dim down so you can have a really relaxing and music filled bath....its just nice. Okay I was talking some ideas over with my friends online and I said I wanna change my look and said well why don't I just go for the total I am a chich trying to be a boy look (not that I am not already half there) and I said to them that I was going to cut my hair down to look slightly like a boy they didn't believe me so I did it. Okay so most of the time I wear a hat but hey I kinda like it. me and my short hair and winnie the pooh that scott got me Me trying to hide how short my hair is... Me posing for the sake of posing

Okay well that is those done.Now we are moving onto the new ghetto version of the charlies angels...this time it actually involves black people... well black person meaning me... we are gonna start up a whole new tv programme. called Ghetto angels.. well it will entertain me to do something for it... but hey here you go pictures again....
Ghetto angels
Ghetto angels with sufia being a bit crazy
Me and char
Me and char chowing down @BGK

Cool this is goign alot faster than I thought it would because I have to write up the html and evertyhing,which can be annoying and stuff lol! so next topic of picture showing is me and my guitar pick that I carry around my neck... everyone keeps on seeing it on webcam and asking me what it is and saying that they like it. so I took pictures of me of course modelling it. I swear I am enjoying taking pictures of myself these days it really needs to stop.
Modelling pick and herself
This pic came out more kinkier than it was meant to.

Okay so also me and a couple of online friends had some fun online and did our best to dress up as ningas while on webcam and gave each other funny names.... now I can't remember my name... because it was way tooo long...but I must say my pic for it looks extra cool...Ninja cordie to the rescue

You see guys that was harmless we are now done with the picture showing lol!
Well nothing has been going on with me really. Was at Kaz's this weekend and just some stuff really blew up, but lets not going into that. Just getting clothes and stuff ready to go america. Also we have just realised that my pass port needs updating so yeah that needs to be done too arrrgggghhh.... oh great they are showing people around this dump of a college... why unless out of desperation (which is what I had) would anyone want to come to this fucking college lol! anyways I gotta go now and see sufia was meant to meet her at 6:30 and it is now 6:30 so I really gotta rush...lol! see ya laterxxx

RIP Eddie "Latino heat" Guerrero

1967-2005

This afternoon I have just found out that Eddie Guerrero died in his hotel room of heart failure. For those who have no clue of whom I am talking about. Eddie was a fantastic wrestler who always entertained, enjoyed himself and was just hillarious. His motto "we lie, we cheat, we steal" was known over the world and will never be forgotten. Never will wrestling fans forget his entrance music,his cheating to win fights and just his Latino heat.I give my condolances to his family and hope they can find ease and peace through the tragic events of his passing. As we lay another one of our great wrestlers to the ground we say goodbye Eddie, maybe we might not see his face ever again in the ring. But his LATINO HEAT will always live. Eddie,you will be missed. RIP...

ighetto and isteal - Cheaper versions for black people. Shroud of darkness is my friend. lol!

Please leave me alone
For I can not let this go
It's the lie that I live
Everything that I give

Shut the fuck up
Please tell me that I have grown
For I have bruises left to show
And I fall in between everything

Let me see
Come on, get up
Let me see your bruises

Cuz I will never let you know
Cuz I will never let you go
Please leave me alone

Let me see, let me see, let me see
Come on, get up
Let me see your bruises

Oh my gawd, I say OH MY GAWD. How long has it been since I wrote in here? I promised myself I would never abandon this blog. So I guess I have to keep writing... Um what have I been upto recently. You know, the same old, same old. Tierd as hell, nearly finished my ucas form (I hate that forms guts)plus I need to go back to St saviours of shitty Olaves to get a reference from miss weston. Hopefully she will make it nice and also make me look interesting. I need someone to go over my personal statement and see if it sells me, you know.

Um I'm getting a bit sad that I aint spending new years with all my friends I think it would be cool if I could.

Oh big news...well 2 pieces of big news... Well finally me and my mum have left the hostel and have got a home...our home far away from Old kent rd, Walworth rd, peckham, camberwell all of it. But I can't say the location, just incase one of my family memebers decided to relay the information to him. But we are fine the house is nice, although I do have a coffin for a bedroom and my mum has like the mc mansion, but I don't mind so much...my own space, my own area and no Azera, which for me is the best part. Oh that bitch must have been oh so shocked when she walked through the door and open our bedroom door just like she does and everywhere was bare.
we moved out while she was at her mum's. We never told her that we got a house or anything like that. We picked a date, grabbed our shit and left. Yey! But of course Azera said that we took her food from the frezer (I'm sorry when did Azera ever buy food) she also told the office that I took her drink and stuff (Yeah sure I did Azera) You do actually realise that after we are gone that house was like the sahara...it was just dry... (I should have taken pictures) So that means since I have my own house now sooner or later, probably in january sometime I will get broadband or something. I will never leave the internet if I do, but ah well.It Would be easier for me. When I can, I'll post up pictures of our new house and people who are friends to me (you know who you are) will see it, or have already seen it in person.
Jasmine asked me if I was going to "CHRISten" the whole house... get it CHRIS-TEN. I calmly said no... no matter how tempting it may seem I will not...wait I'll change that....I will try not to CHRIS-ten the whole house.

I swear we are acting like a married couple now that we making cheryl (his stepmother also my cousin) terribly sick. She just keeps shouting at us "go out already" she walks into the living room and I've got my legs on him and he's stroking my hair and we are watching simpsons and she is like "go out or get out" lol! I was just like WTF??? calm down Cheryl!!!

second piece of really great news for me anyway... I am getting totally hooked up kind of in a marriage way and entertainment way... well I've been asked like a thousand times to be married too and I said yes as a joke, but now thinking about it, who is better than what I have got now. but then again we being stupid and he just kept on putting on my ringing saying "you may kiss the bride" so yeah Married *LAUGHING* sweet and over cheesy chrissy awwww. Plus come America time when I get down there I will be given a PSP (finally), Ps2 (because my uncle is fed up with his)a digital camera (cybershot) He said this one is a maybe (a big maybe) a new laptop, because basically I am the niece he has never met before. So, he is going to spoil me rotten...wicked.

Plus started my own rpg... I have got lots people involved helping me with it so I will post the address when its done and I will also need a bit of staff to help me keep it going. So if anyones interested email me at cordiecupcake@hotmail.com not corinne@arabia.com 'cus it won't get to me. lol.

Other things that have happened...

We had to move char out of her home... which was just not very good for me because I couldn't see anyone in the house so I started throwing money to the window to get charlottes attention and then her mum opens the door and says "do you wish to come in." I was so embarressed.

Plus we met a cool guy down westend called Casper, he was australian and a very nice bloke I must say. So we all might be meeting up with him sometime and just walk the streets or london lol!

Alan is slightyl creeping me out to that fact that sometimes I am actually scared to talk to him online. Yes, he keeps on licking me hello and asked me if I would be the first black he could every screw I was like Okay wtf???????????? and I was on webcam so he litrally saw the shocked look on my face. I couldn't be exactly mean, I can't do mean, well I can but it only comes out when I am pissed off or when I am intentionly being a bitch. So I just said alan I don't think so.

My third husband (scott) won me a winnie the pooh at namco and he now sits proudly on my floor until I actually sort out my room and its contents. Idon't think that will be until January so that's gonna be one messy house lol.

So guys I'm gonna call it a day. Don't know when I will post next, but lets hope it is soon. I'm am going to go home now and put my tierd self (eventhough it is only 11am in the morning to bed see ya laterxx

Seventeen days...

Okay just been listening to Seventeen days a new track from the new 3doors down album Seventeen days. May I just say I have fallen in love with the song...its so cute. I heard it the first time and it really brings up all that emotion. Anyone who doesn't even know who I am talking about go here 3doors down website and listen to the songs while the website loads. If they don't load automatically press play in the player in the topleft corner. Live for today sounds good as well. 3 DOORS DOWN ARE BACK YEY!!!!

Um bored at college aint got nothing to do. Actually that's a lie I am procrastinating because I have my personal statement to finish and some essay question to do for nick and John. So yeah I should get to it...*whines* I can't be bothered.

Char did my nails yesterday, so they are all girlie and everything purple and just cute. *ADMIRES* They are so shiny..... Okay you now can tell how bored I am. I am just sitting here chatting random crap on this computer to myself...well not to myself but to you guys....you lot get me right....I thought not lol

Still pondering over going to see Staind. I know they are like my best band but can I be that irresponsible and put all my duties of taking care of my mum, to go to a gig. No I didn't think so. Plus, I don't how much she can take..really I think she is swinging by a thread. well not exactly that bad, but you can tell she just wants this over and done with. Oh anyone who wanted me to piss off from their and not to live in london anymore, which is yey for me. My mum might and this is a big might move us to kent...she only has a few days to decided and she says whereever she feels she will go in London, it will just remind her of her past. I feel the same the way too. Everywhere time I see somewhere that brings back a memory I start seeing it and it drives me nuts. I want somewhere where I can start writing new memories that don't piss me off.

So hmmmmm I wanna go to the sound tonight and check out the new unsigned bands that (blog unfinshed)

We got fun, We got spirit. Got your ass and we are gonna kick it.

so guys what have I recently been upto you only wonder. Well not too much really. Just been hanging out with the gang alot and trying to bust my ass to get into uni. Boy I have never seen me actually work so hard. So I have to finish of my personal statement and then give 15 pounds out of my hard earned money and then send that form off to my different universities out there. Please whatever you do love me uni's I have already had sussex decline me not you lot too. Sussex may have been my dream university to go to but I guess I have to get with the fact that I am not going today, tomorrow or the next.

Hmmm had something really creepy happen to me recently and everyone has pretty much asked me this because of my screen name on Msn but um yeah me and charlotte was on a bus and she was going home so she got o at Peckham and I was left on the bus. This bus was getting empty towards the end of its stop and at this stop I normally get off an get onto another bus which takes me straight home. So I sit there minding my buisness and to mention that there was only me and this guy and two other guys at the back of the bus. I'm just seeing his hand moving furiously up and down and his bag covering his pelvic aread. Now the bus came to some kind of halt and the bag fell onto the floor and I looked over at the guy and there he was just looking at me, eyes fixed and was just wanking away. I was like WTF???? I just was so embarrassed started looking out of the window. but because it was night time I could still see the reflection of his penis and his hand and he was just still looking at me. I just fucking didn't know where to look. The bus got to Dulwich and I got off and he got off too still looking at me. He walked across the road and I though yes he was gone, but then the perverted fucker crossed over the road, walked towards the pub and just stood there looking at me. I still just can't get the thought of it out of my head it is just really terrible. It had been haunting me for days but now I am getting used to it. I guess and I am starting to joke about it.

Um starting my media film production again. This time I will not be laggin in coursework and I am not gonna let my dad affect my sense of direction or determination. So I have emmmanuel, marilyn and Sufia in my group. We are seeming quite the funny team since the only production Emmanuel wants to do is making a porn movie starring me and marilyn. He actaully told us this and we were just like urgh can you just not please. We have decided that our production is just gonna be about some ordinary guy, who gets a letter he is not supposed to get and lands himself in some deep doodah. So when it's finished and if I can I will put thge finished piece up on here for you guys to watch. Wanna take a picture of my group and just show you guys.

Went shisha with the guys on friday. The guys meaning Sufia, Jasmine and Charlotte. Me and Sufia were so fucking light headed and just out of it we were feling sick in the toilets, we couldn't walk properly. Sufie was overly horny and I was kind of the same, except I had to go all the way to hackney if I wanted to get any lol.
Jasmine was laughing her head off at us 'cus apparently we should of had so much. The funniest part was we were so out of it and feeling sick when we came back inside to sit down and listen to music me and sufia still had more. *shakes head* Yeah I know me and Sufie are quite the crazy pair.

Fran has been kicking my arse on Yahoo pool so badly. I mean I have to win against her. My competitivness has just reached a whole new level I have to at least beat her like she beat me. For two hours straight this girl wiped the floor with me. I have to practice for pay back.

Been writing few more songs recently and recording them and sending them to david he likes entertaining himself and making up bass riffs to them. So I let him. I miss David. I miss having him just to basically be around. *shouts* COME BACK FROM UNI!!!!!!

Went to philips the other week to straighten his hair. So me and Charlotte went over there and attempted to straighten his hair. It was quite funny we kept on burning him and just laughed when he yelped. Um He was talking to Georgie and I think the other person was Michael. But it was funny because they made Philip rate charlotte right infront of her and he was like... "she is like 9. something on the Philip rictor scale" I was just like can he just not please. Then Charlotte got in an argument with Georgie down the phone which was entertaining. At one point I was standing right infront of him and because I was leaning over to do his hair he like "breasts" "breasts" I kind of just calmly walked out of his line of view. God my chest aint that bloody entertaining it's not like I'm Jordan.

Ooh by Mark and Anthony (excluding girlriends) I have the best butt and breasts otu of the girls, which I didn't believe because come on Martha had an arse (not to be gay or anything) and Kaz has tits.

Me and chris watched Late night raw a couple of weeks ago. That was really fun. I enjoyed myself. I had so MUCH fun that I didn't end up going to college the next day. He didn't go to work either. We just lazed around in bed for hours. Laughing and joking it felt nice. So did other things too but lets just not go into that, not to mention that he had that r'n'b track "Grind with me" by pretty ricky on repeat.I love the bass on that track, not be all funny but it is a song that puts you in the mood and he knew that. You can listen to the track>>>>here<<< if you have never heard it before He didn't want to let me go home. I was at the train station and he wouldn't let me get on the train he just kept on hugging me and pulling me away from the platorm towards the train station exit while saying in a very cute whiny voice "stay with me". Lord knows I wanted too but I couldn't so I tried my hardest to ignore him. I meant to go and see him either this saturday or Sunday, I don't know, I might be working both days. Still we are denying that we are going out. lol. Not that I don't mind because that means I HAVE certain freedom, although I feel guilty when I do think of anyone else in that kind of way but him. You've poisoned me bowy.

So I am just gonna go to bed now because I am tired and I need to get up at six in the morning today because I have an early english lesson. I haven't got the reading text so this should be really interesting. Mr Tidey is going to kill me.

Anyway see ya guys later.

Btw....I took some shots of myself because creativity has become a cure to my boredom so here are just some. Message to Chris and Jasmine. No this is not part of my soft porn collection. Okay. Plus I look 12 in one of them.
12 year old looking Pic Pic
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A six o'clock beauty.

Well um yesterday at 6' o clock on the dot on the 6th of October. Azera delivered an 8 pound 5 baby to the name of Shania. It was cute yesterday me and Sufia came and she was already going into labor with random contractions that started at 4 in the morning. So my mum took her to the hospital and they brought back home, saying come back in a few hours and then she will be more dilated. So she came home and we had to try and force her to sleep and make her eat, which she didn't. She eat a bowl of rice krispies and said she was in too much pain and couldn't eat anymore. So they took her back to the hospital. So I go to pick up Sufia and take her to the hospital. So me and sufie get there and Azera is as high as ever can be. She had been having gas and air and was signing bob the builder. Ah it was funny. They gave it to her so she could deal with the contractions because they are painful. So mym mum was her birthing partner. So me and Sufia were getting thirsty and went to go and get drinks. We come back to get sufias stuff and there was Azera screaming her head off. Lets just say she was getting the erge to push. Take in my she had only had gas and air, no pain relief or pain killers… nothing like that. So they tell us to step outside. So we stayed outside, while I guess my mum got geared up to be her birthing partner. Outside the door all we could hear was Azera screaming. There was one time when she screamed in a very weird was "uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhhhIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…WANT TO PUSH" Me and Sufia just looked at each other like ….uh …okay. Both crossing our legs like we were feeling the pain for her. So a couple of nurses told us to step away from the door and wait like in the waiting area so we did…. for 2 or three hours. While me and Sufia sat in the waiting room, we talked of us being in her position in a few years time. At one point, which is why the had to close the door, from the back of the labor ward where Azera was we heard the most screeching yell of all time. Yep it was her.
So me and Sufia wandered around the ward and listen to the choir that was women giving birth. Then passed by Azera's door when we heard. "she's out…well done" we looked at our watches and it was exactly six. She was born and she is such a cutie. I took pictures of her lookie…..>>>>before shania's birth>>>>

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After her birth>>>>>>>

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Isn't she just a sweetie. Oh look at me going on chic like on you guys. I'm sorry but she really is a cutie.

I came home about a few minutes to ten and I am really tired I'm just trying to regain my energy back, cus that day took a hell out of me and my mum. since Azera was swearing blindly and grabbing on to my mum's clothes, would have broke my mums hand etc… lol

So anyways I'm gonna go and do something alright byesxxx

You just got served... *laughs*

What else can I say either than I am so happy right now. Let's just say things that were bottled up in the back of my mind that I didn't talk when I had the chance to, was let out yesterday and I was sooo happy. Some one got served seriously yesterday and got told about themselves and Anarchys Angel is back and operation SDD is on and running. Hey, I tried to be civil but civil goes down the drain after a while. All I can say is: 1 down 3 to go. Hey I may have got blocked or deleted or both, but I am happy. that least I got out how much of a fucking twat this person is. All I needed to do to complete my quest is see this person and deliver a nice right hook.Chris was very proud of me for actually approaching it the way I did 'cus I was copying and pasting the convo to him. I can truly say I had fun doing that. T'was a blast. All I can say is: Pic


So what else did I do yesterday? Went to film theatre yesterday, it was really good and the mini films that were shown were very interesting, especially the one that had to poodles doing exercise and the woman's body physique was exactly like the poodle. Now only a thick person or slightly crazy would pick this theme, but it went well with the production and was just utterly cool. We also watched "coffee and cigarettes" which was strange and just weird in general. Emmanuel just kept on attacking me and Marilyn. I got so many sore sport on my arm because of that boy. Talked to Fran practically the whole of yesterday, just about random stuff. We just admired other people's drawings on DA and cried because we could never draw like them, although Fran is a wicked DA artist who is just under praised.

Azera's due date has left gone and left her and still she hasn't given birth. But she is starting to have he show, which is an indication that it is hours before labour she is getting all excited and stuff and I'M JUST LIKE YEY FOR YOU.

The case against my dad has been completely dropped. When I heard that, tears came to my eyes, it hurt that someone who will always plague my life got free from what he did. But he will suffer; I swear he is part of the SDD hit list I will take him out. Even if I become prison bound I will do it, just to have peace of mind.

Thinking about giving the blog a makeover and since I am back at college and just trying to do my personal statement and try and get my place back or Sussex Uni, if not, then Luton it is. I just eel I need to get away from London you know, just disappear. I know a lot of people would be happy that I am going, but I think it's the right thing to do. Distance from this city is what I need. Temporary freedom I think I can call it. Ooh saw a new WWE calendar must buy since I have the 2005 one and the 2006 one has the undertaker in *woots* Plus Favorites of Randy Orton and John Cena. Why is Chris Jericho no longer in the calendar? He used to look oh so sexy up on my wall.

Earlier I was on the phone to Chris and I was telling him about the annoying clang of "we are punk rockers" he started laughing. We just started calling them "Punk Fakers" arrrggghhh that chic Nadia is a pain in the ass with that annoying posh accent and those fucking boots and skirt. Maybe I should make another list PHL (Potential hit list). I also helped him out with a little friend problem that he was having. Basically he had a falling out with his mate and they just kept on talking to me about each other I was just like can you lot just talk to each other please used the phone in the office and made a three way call. It was sweet hearing them apologize. We are going out this weekend to watch something, maybe hang out at the arcade again or having a…(I know this is going to be sad) DOA OR Tekken Tag tournament or a link up pokemon battle with joint gameboys,which he always kicks my ass on because he gives me his pokemon Yellow game and has craply trained Pokemon. One thing about my chrissy -boy he is a sore loser lol and the worst thing is he knows it.*tuts* miss you.

Might be going to America in Christmas. Okay so its another year away from England at the holiday season. Ah well, could be fun. I'll be getting cheap clothes and all sorts so it will be good. Okay so I'm going to go now I gotta be up for six and its 01:46 in the morning, missing my memory stick terribly lol. see ya later guysxxxxxxxxxxx

Cordie got sugar and spice and all things nice *smiles*

Hmm hey guys I haven't done one of these rediculous and very stupid quizs recently. Not that I had to do much but bascially, put my name in there and then it gives you the recipe to make you. Now read this don't you think this is so me...

How to make a cordie

Ingredients: 1 part anger 3 parts crazyiness 3 parts empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of emotion and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

So guys I'm at college during a tutorial not that I meant to be doing anything right now. Had to wake up real early this morning 9:00 start that means at 6:00. I have to throw myself out of the bed and crawl to my destination of the bathroom, then to return to my bedroom to get ready and then sit on a bus for an hour and then get off to sit in English Litrature (not that I mind) for 3 hours.

I'm sitting here trying to pretend that I am not talking to Jenny in the silent area and getting on everyone nerves around us. But hey they can deal with it, us girls have got to talk, gig planning is in process. lol!We still don't know if we can exactly go but uh well I will go alone if I have to.

So what else, um they are moving me up with the big kids lol! well to be honest I am a big kid but I liked hanging with my As friends, now I will be plunged into A2 tutorial where the only people I will know are those who are in my english class. But ahwell I can make friends I guess...

Also there has been total havoc going on the in the shelter twhile I have been at college. Get this, a chic bernadette in my shelter is starting to become some racist fucker, and has minions as well. She actually tried to lock Azera (who is now heavily pregnant) in the lounge and tried to beat her up calling her and my mum "black cunts". I hate that bitch and I hope that she dies. Sorry that maybe harsh, but this bitch is un believable and I think that personally she needs just that special bit of attention from me lol!

Also stumbling on this... Okay the first few reads of this blog may make you laugh because this is the most sleep worthy blog ever. >>>>>>>Dullest blog ever<<<< I just had to laugh at points where he just says a few comments and then just ends the entry. You guys should check it out.

So I got to hit sociology soon and plus I don't think I have anything else to write, except what Chris told me to put in this blog entry which is
PYREXIA MAGICSZ- THE PROPER LEADERS OF THE NIGGERATION.
Don't ask me why...He wanted it there lol!

Yeah so I'm gonna go see ya later and love you all. well not all but you get the point lol!

Springs have got me holding on! but I don't know just for how long!

So many times she has slipped that noose around her neck crying, "This is it"
So many times she has stood at the edge of a five story building screaming, "This is really it"
So many times she has lay on her flood praying for the Asprin to kick in, "I hate this shit"
So many times she has pressed the razor to her wrist sobbing till it hurts, "I'll never quit"
So many times she's started a note, "I'm sorry... I love you so"
So many times she's almost finished it, "It's my time to go"
So many times she's crumpled it up saying, "What does this show?"
So many times he's picked up the phone, "I love you. Don't go."

- By Slowlydying

Trust me I have written so many entries before this one, but because the lack of memory stck I cannot upload anything *cries* soo enough I will get paid and will remotely back ont he internet world. Okay Not that I am feeling anything like what is wrriten above... well except for the last line. Well Chris will not let me go. I love him of course but I can't be with him ever and I know it. So what is the point of me living these little tiny fantasys that keeps on happening. I wanna be "his" girl. I remember talkign tohim about it. I said to him I wanna be his but I can't. He was saying something along the lines of "this is me and you. Remember. Not you,me, your dad and mine. So already I see it as you are my girl!" Why does he have to be so stubborn and undeniably sweet. Oh1 god guys what the fuck am I going to do I swore to myself I wouldn't go down this road again but it seems like that's where it is going. Sufia and Jasmine are saying that I should just give in and go out with the boy and deal with the bad times when they start coming. The bad times are here and I think he's dad knows that we are more than friendly with each other,which could end badly so I'm in confused ville. Still happy, but just confused.

So what else has been going on with me. To tell you the truth nothing much. Been going college and having fun in my lessons. English and Media kick ass. I'm sorry but it has to be said there are so many people in there that are so fucking entertaining that it hurts. Um got new friends as well and some old that used to go to st saviours and stuff but everything on the college front is looking okay.

Um my mum is having a meeting today with lambeth housing society to finalise where exactly we are going to be housed to wheter it be brixton or stretham I will be one happy chic when I move.

Azera has been in labour for the past weeks. Yeah I know scary. I never wanna push a child out and if I suddenly end up wanting children may you please shoot me during the process. but yeah she has been bleeding (not that I really care) but you get the point if I live there any longer I might have a screaming brat as well as her annoying mother on my case. Azera basically has been seriously pissing me off she has said to my social worker that I have been taking all her stuff and have been using them to my certain use. May I just say something everytime anyone has seen Azera hasn't she worn a GAP t-shirt on. If I am correct isn't that GAP t-shirt mine. My trainers now smell like her feet because she wears them more than I do. She uses my laptop and just random other stuff... do I complain. But me what have I used of hers. Maybe just her oil and that's it. Oh and her boots when she pisses me off when in the morning I wake up and find the shoes that was once there before, gone. She also *cracks up* said to my social worker *laughs again* that I cut my arms. *looks at arms* um I don't see any marks there do you??? I haven't taken a knife, glass or any of that shit to my arm, never have, But now suddenly out of the blue my social worker is asking to see my arms. I gladly showed them. She was confused of course and told me all of the things that she said. I wanna strangle her, But that would kill her baby *thinks* ah well two for the price of one.

Inme have scheduled another gig yey. For december the 17 this time I will personally go down there myself, okay not by myself Jenny and maybe ron might follow. To get tickets. Hmmm but I'm just too tired to even drag myself down to west again (went down there two days ago with and Sufia to go Camden). Oh Sufia told me to say "Yeyness is fun" okay lol!

Um what else has happened with me..... ummmmmmmm .....*goes blank* um my english teacher deifnately must like me...okay because I just keep on getting winked at and stuff and given looks and its funny. I like Mr Tidey (nick) he is a great and fun teacher.

Oh and apparently I have a big mouth according to certain people who know themselves anyway so what's the point of actually mentioning their name (might tarnish the beauty of this entry)but I guess I deserve every comment I get even though I haven't done anything wrong. Because I actually speak up and don't hide my emotions for once... I get all of this...Ah well. Life is too good right now to care about the small things and the annoying people in it don't you agree.

Tim is back in uni so hey Tim!!! *waves* more net convo's!! been missing you being online al the time! um Fran has gone off to uni! *woots* well done and have a great time. I also got praised for my "perfect Ghetto evening video", which was apparently so influencing that after it 3 people went to go and watch aladdin lol!

So anyways guys I'm off I will put all the previous entries that I wrote in here but this entry might just sum them all up. But it's worth hearing it though... yeah... yeah I thought so!!!!

Darkness falls upon her attitude! Regaining the fire

This week seems to be a week of just plain arguments with friends and annoying housemates. When I say annoying housemates I think you all know who I speak of. But anyways chronological order I will do all the arguments that have taken place during the week.

Starting with enrolment day which was on Thursday it was okay...okay l got so annoyed on that day I swear to God when I went kickboxing on Friday you could actually see dents in the bag. So anyways let me explain the day as I remember it least you will get a jest of what I was facing on that day. 'Cause I have heard so many different versions to this one day to make certain sound more victimized than they originally were.

So basically I got there to the college at 9:30 because I forgot when I coming from forest hill I have to change buses at Catford. So the journey was quite long. I got a lovely txt message from Sufia asking me where I was. No one complained when I got there because I explained how bloody big Catford was and they understood. So basically we get into the building and they give us the rooms we are meant to enroll in since me and Sufia were doing A-levels and our courses are on demand and it's a first come serve basis. We said to Kaz that we could do hers after we do our because the courses she wanted to do where not in high demand.

So we go into enroll and Sufia has to choose out of group and she couldn't mix and match her subjects. This means if she had to do any sciences she would have to chemistry, biology and physics. That is what she did last year and she nearly broke. Those courses were really putting on the pressure and she was not going to make the same mistake again. My problem was that they didn't have English language A2 course. I mean what college doesn't have an English course are they high. Plus they were saying they were a bit nervous about putting me in even though I have a B in AS because I come from a different school. Then they were trying to force a YEHE course on me. I think bullshit I got grades higher than that.

So I took the sheet and told Sufia about my problem and I realized she was having one as well. Sufia asked me do I wanna check out Southwark college and I said because they aren't offering me what I want here so I might as well. Looking at the time we would just about get down there to get decent course and stuff. So outside Kaz started going into one of her moods. Because I told her that's what I am gonna do and trying to get me to sign up to do drama when I have already done it. So Kaz and Sufia get in an argument because Sufia was telling her that we were on a tight schedule and she had to make up her mind whether she was staying here or coming to Southwark College with us. She just sat there in silence and saying how we were being unfair and how we were leaving her alone. I got a phone call from Sabriye and went outside. They were standing on the stairs still arguing while people going past.

After about half an hour and Sufia edging away from Kaz 'because I know that look she was gonna punch her. She was getting really frustrated. Sufia asked me am I coming with her, because Kaz was just sitting there not making her mind up or anything. The n she said take me to the room then. So if she was upset that we weren't taking her to her room then we would and maybe she might feel better.

So we took her to her room and keep in mind we have to take a journey all the way to waterloo from lewisham. So we stand outside and then she comes to the door asking if we were coming in. So I come in standing next her while she is still sniffling and Sufia stays at a far away distance. So we are sitting there for about 3 minutes Max when Kaz just walks out and says she aint coming to college and that she aint following us to Southwark College and that lot and we caught the bus and she was still crying when she got off. I was annoyed that after all of that, even though I proud that it took her that much courage but she went and signed up and still got the courses she wanted.

At Southwark college Law, all the sciences were filled up and psychology. The subjects I basically needed to go to uni and the courses Sufia also needed as well. Let's just say Sufie is not a happy bunny right now. So I'm doing sociology, Media and English A2.

So I went to her house and she wasn't there and then I saw marky mark in Pub and then I went it. Asked him if he knew where Dwaine was because wherever Dwaine is Kaz is normally. Then he told me about the version that he heard from Kaz's front and that made me mad and stuff, because that was really different from how it was.

So Mark called him and said that he was at Kaz's mum's house. So I was infuriated the only way I was gonna stop being angry was if I saw her and screamed a bit. Mark said to me too many people in that house hate you right now because she probably told them the version I heard. I really didn't give a shit to be honest. So we leave mark to up sink his sorrows in a glass of alcohol and make our way to Kaz's mum's house. Jasmine made it sure that Kaz only saw her nice and kind face first before she saw me on the other side of the door pissed off as hell.

So we talk, I get my point across and she tells us how insecure she is about certain things and then I tell her she needs to stand on her feet for a change and stop depending on people. I don't think she was listening but for once I spoke out about I feel, which I don't normally do. I will either just sit there and get in a mood or just sulk.

So Yesterday I got into a big ass argument with Azera (I think I'm on a roll watch out anyone if you piss me off I might just snap at you lol!) She started up an argument with my mum about her going to church and stuff about how fake she is and stuff and my mum was really hurt so it just set me off and I started shouting and screaming my ass off. I could tell she was upset about what I was saying but hey I don't care. I told her how she uses that baby in her stomach to get charity and make me people be on her side and just takes the piss with everyone and its pissing me off. I called her selfish, attention seeker. Do you know what I think has brought on this sudden change in my attitude is because I am slowly slipping back into being me! I fed up of people fucking me around and my mum was even saying to me that I was scary when I was arguing with Azera. She was even still arguing with my mum while arguing with me I was saying "look you are arguing with me now. So stop begging rudeness with my mother and shout at me."

I got really pissed off she is another person who I have just let run over me like a fucking steam roller. so she started befriending me this morning that bought food and stuff and stocked up the freezer with her own money and no-one elses *gasps* Mark is telling me to go over to Kaz's because he is bored out of his mind and has nothing else better to do. So he asked me and I said that I would go with him.

Plus the refuge got broken into last night after I went out round the corner because chris came to see me. We walked through the park, drank coke, ate muffins (doesn't taste nice with coke) and he walked me back home. Basically Bernadette this chick that lives in the hostel, is one crazy ass bitch and basically she was holding a knife and twisting it in her head, ready to draw blood. I had to take her two year old off her. It was just so twisted. The police came and checked the whole building and checked that it was secure and stuff. We nearly all had a sleepover in the lounge, cause we were all terrified that was some random person just wondering around.

so yeah I wouldn't exactly think this was an update about stuff but I guess I am not bothered to write the rest. So yeah bye from me guysxxx

Bleeding totally for you bleeding

Well everyone I have had a packed week. Yep very packed. Um Friday it was mark’s b-day we had so much fun it was great but on that Friday we all got a bit tipsy and we just started running around Camberwell Green Park. I started singing for fun it was entertaining for them lot. Then again I am always entertainment. *smiles*. I also for some odd reason was shouting in the middle of the park with Kaz “I am black”. Shock of all shocks charlotte…Yes miss Hayes did not and I repeat did not drink any alcohol. My husband (Scotty) keeps on laughing at me ‘cus I kept on dropping off the bed while I was trying to lie on it.

On Saturday Scott’s dad was taking us to some ones birthday party or something so we went. It was the funniest thing ever, there was loads of Karaoke and stuff and we wanted to go up to and sing, but we didn’t but I met Scott’s skinny cousin Lenny. Lets just say something me, Kaz and Jasmine were being touched up by him, kissed, groped and don’t even start talking about Scott's dad he was attacking me. Literally he was groping my butt, kissed me on lips (very forcefully) pulled me around the pub by the chain on my cargos and commented on my knickers, that he had to take them off me by his teeth lol. It was quite funny I just had to keep on telling my husband to make his dad stop and protect me, which was funny. His dad kept on giving me drinks and Kaz’s and Lenny kept on attacking me and Kaz’s tits not good. So as a dare…. We all dared one another meaning me, Kaz and Jasmine to all kiss each other and not just on the cheek or anything full on lips. So we got on with it and we thought it was quite funny that all the boys were left in total surprise it was so funny they were all like do it again. Oh please do it again. Then they dared me to go up to Scott and kiss him on the lips I couldn’t. So Jasmine took the dare.

So after much eating and much drinking and dancing down the road (don’t ask) we got back to Kaz’s house and started playing music and singing along. It was quite the thing to watch all of us screeching to whenever, wherever by Shakira.

On Monday went to go to visit Chris. No one was in the house. Kicked his ass on Underground 2 and Tekken 5, numerous times that it was shameful for him. Then he just wiped the floor with me on Worms (which is another one of my specialties) and Pro evolution soccer 4. Then we went downstairs to watch buffy.
Now I can tell you something we weren’t nervous to be around each other it was just that we both knew what the other person was thinking. So every time I tried to get up from the sofa to get a drink he kept on pulling down by my chain. (what is up with guys and my chain. What do they look yankable?) so anyway on the last yank of my chain. I fell on to him with my legs over his lap, which fucking hurt. I only remembered that because I still have a bruise. He laughed, smiled, rubbed my back, aww’d at my sad face and leaned into kiss me and there we were kissing. lol *blushes* *see’s stbfe’s lot jumping around* We talked for long afterwards and he made another black redhead joke about how it is now affecting my ability to stand upright. We joked about. We know we are about to play with fire for a second time, but we just gotta stick this one out together. We are gonna try and not take it any further or not tell anyone. but its gonna be hard. So after having a slight water fight in the kitchen. He walked me to the train station, waited for my train to take me to Denmark hill. We stood there listening to the mp3 tracks on his PSP (he better stop showing me the features or I’m gonna jack it) When my train came he didn’t wanna let me go not that I was minding us standing there and hugging and kissing each other, but I had a very impatient Mark and Sufia waiting for me in Peckham.

Went to Shaun’s house it was alright… everyone was laughing and joking and stuff and Dwaine was so high, his eyes went all glassy. Now I know when someone is high. I have seen my brother in that state many times. It was funny how he was denying it when he was stumbling around. Um had to babysit Kaz for about half an hour or so while she laid on the concrete for taking in
too much alcohol at once. *tuts*

so what else have I got to do this week. Um enroll for college, see my brother, meet up with vic who is in London again. Me and chris to go Forbidden Planet. Go stationary shopping… Oh yey! Update my blogs template. Yep I made one that suits how I feel right now. Um change my blog song to “since you’ve been gone” me and char have been ranting and raving about this song. I think Kelly Clarkson would have got less people calling her a poser if she just stuck with her original look but did just did the song. Not Play dress up. The song is still good though.

Um got loads to do, and little time to do it in. Blog requests have been flying in like no man’s business. I Have one of the most complicated request on my hands right now. To make her writing area shaped like a moon and her tagger area shaped like a star. Taking off for now guys. More updates soon…see yaxxx

The wings of an angel fell upon me

well I counted how many songs I have written over the summer and bloody hell I could make about three albums plus Bonus tracks lol! Sufia wants to do a joint collaboration in songs and stuff. Hey we came up with a funny band name for me mark and Sufia. "Performing live for the first time Whitie and the tick chicks" lol! Well on Wednesday (even though the weather sucked) I went out and hung out with Chris. We ran around west end trocodero and he brought a £100 digi cam from the gadget shop and he brought me a flying fairy thing. Because I'm a fairy in disguise apparently. I won him a teddy bear version of Tales from Sonic and we just started doing this funkyfied dancing while people were watching us.

Walked along Westminster bridge in the dark and he recorded us cussing people on the bridge and took stills on it of me on the bridge and both of us. Went late night cinema and watched Unleashed with Jet Li in it. One word for that film wicked. We just had a blast talking with each other and holding an umbrella sheltering us it was fun but wet. We went back to his house and watched tape of raw and played on his PSP (I love him but still hating him).

Um I am now married to Scott. My mum gave my hand away in marriage to Scott. Now he just keeps on calling me wife all over the show. We kind of done something that was really bad though. We've become a really bad destructive team. Wiko signs have been appearing all over London. Then on Yesterday (being Thursday added to this during the week) We kind of stole a sign from the imperial war museum to not climb on the big guns in the garden. I'm innocent I swear scott ripped it off and put it in my bag. But before he put it in my bag he put it above his crouch now read what the sign says and you will get it >>>>>>>Stolen sign<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Oh we went to Nandos yesterday too it was good. Plus, it was Marky's birthday so Mark ****HAPPY BIRTHDAY**** *cheering all around* It was fun. We all got our food and we were just eating away and for about a good 40 minutes mark was waiting for his food we just kept on torturing him. Now what is with people stealing shit and planting it on me they stole a whole bottle of ketchup and put it in my bag. Then Dwaine put salt and pepper in to his pockets they were going on like they didn't have fucking salt, pepper or ketchup indoors. Fucking hell. lol! but I thought it was funny to get out of Nandos and open my bag to get out my drink and to find a bottle of ketchup in there lol.
The cutest thing happened too Sufia was getting eyed up in the chip shop and told mark help her out please and mark was just put his arms around Sufia's waist and he was just like stop looking at my girls ass. Yep and you could tell by Sufia's face she was lapping that up.

My check still hasn't cleared yet so I hope that when it does clear I willl not be at college already. I have to go and enroll next Thursday which means I must find all my stuff, and at least put them in order. First things first though must put more money down on my PSP! I only put 50 down must pay for it all. Must have it in my arms and be mine (not chris'). The fact that he is getting the XBOX 360 in November and might give me his slim line ps2 is perfect enough for me. Although I said to him he would practically have the most complete game console collection I have seen.

So I've decided, I am going to take my grade 6 in guitar. I might as well. Plus now in this grade I can use my beautiful baby (my electric guitar) to win points in the examiners eyes. Oh I found Zeus (my plec) It was in my jacket pocket all this time. Sorry, I know this about to sound very sad, but I felt guilty doing one of my exams without it. I really did.

Okay stranger things have happened but my Dad ( yes you read that right) my dad just called me and asked me how everything was going. He says he misses us (yeah right) and that I should come and see him on Sunday. *sarcastic tone* Oh yey more hanging out dun with my dad, where we will have mentally stimulating conversation.

Oh by the way on stbfe I won most and best blog blends on the message board, which is just good *woots* It means more blends and more blog makeovers but hey I enjoy pulling my hair out over fucking html so I don't mind.

So yeah guys I'm done. Have fun whatever ya'll are doing and take care.xxxx

Grave oversights and shot beginnings

Time to think
On my back
Tomorrow’s made of dreams
Packing for them
Their ahead
Past is over my shoulder
Cringes of past mistakes
Make those beginnings beautiful - mixed verses from grave oversights, shot beginnings By Cordie

Hey ya everybody just updating my blog because of catching flu from Azera I have been forced to be put into bed. Now people who know me must be like Oh No Cordie has flu not good. I have a really low immune system, so any little cold or anything can have me close to my death bed. I feel better therefore No dying yet. So when this entry goes up it will probably be way out of date. Ah well. Anyway I heard a lot that has happened since this Friday when this flu knocked me off my feet. I’m about to give an update.

So on Friday I was meant to go over to Kaz’s but I couldn’t get out of bed. I was sick and stuff and decided to leave my whole life (my phone) at Kaz’s house the day before. I know how sad my phone is my life. But it’s true I always have someone who I need to hear from or I want to hear from call me and this week. I was supposed to go Yorkshire but my mother is not letting me go in my flu like state. So, I spent a whole day with Azera *horror scream* and did exactly nothing except for lying in a bed, watching TV and reading different Magazines, at one bloody point I felt like a vampire cus I bloody couldn’t take Sunlight or any type of light for that matter.

Chris called my mum and asked how come my phone was off and my mum told him that I left it and Karli’s and was too sick to go and pick it up. So Chris took a day off work (stupid boy but sweet) and came near the hostel to talk to me. Then he took me in his car to his house and took care of me for about 7 hours cus he knew I was gonna go insane if I didn’t get away from you know who. He made soup, put me under bed covers and treated me like a little baby. He knows he loves it that when he does it and then said afterwards as a joke “look what you made me do all day be slave to you” when full known that he was doing it without me saying Jack.

So Saturday my symptoms worsened and I get headaches so bad I could barely get up…and could hardly stand the pitch of my own voice. Mrs. I am pregnant, kept on talking and just frankly getting on my nerves. So I tried many ways to um rid myself from her. Throwing covers over my head. Although she did try to help and make me feel better at times by actually sharing her TV lol! and making me lie down her bed and watch it, although I couldn’t stand the brightness.

Then I got a call from Sufia through Azera’s phone. Now this is where this entry starts to get interesting apparently Chantelle had slept with Lenny, Peter and Mark all at the same time. Now can anyone say EW and why? I mean Chantelle may be um….a very nice person, but no….just no. But I can understand why Lenny would because he fucks anything that has the female organs. Peter I hardly know. I still don’t believe mark would. Mark hates the chick and I stand by his side and say that he didn’t but the only one who can tell us the truth is him and Scott and Scott thinks that he didn’t do it. But Mark has a strong personality and would defend himself if he was ever accused of anything so he hasn’t spoken up that is making him look guilty. So I am in basic shock that she could be so um… open. But I bet you anything she is going to start crying rape to justify what she did. One word for that HOE.

So anyway moving swiftly on.

On Sunday Jasmine came round for me to help her study cus she had an exam on Monday. So I decided to help her remember certain stuff and she thought it might be useful because of my Uni course that I would be taking. So we started studying. Now Azera who didn’t like the fact that no one was giving her, her bit of attention that she needed and was getting upset, because Jasmine was telling her that she is acting like she has money to spend her money on really expensive stuff for the baby when she hasn’t and Jasmine was just trying to make it easier on her. Finally Jasmine gave up and just left her alone where she stared to cry. Man is she pathetic. I swear sometimes…fuck that …most of the time she is unfit to be a mother. I feel really sorry for that baby.

So me and Jay were having dinner that my mother made for me, Jay and Azera. She comes in and says why anyone didn’t tell her that dinner was ready. So she sat there and she had dinner and stuff and then left. Now we swear we heard Azera in her bedroom for the whole of that time. But she came back interrupting us again saying she was feeling sick and that she just threw up and was feeling dizzy. Then Jay said it sounded like a medical problem her aunt had. As soon as Jay said you also see spots in front of your eyes. She started saying omg I can see spots, I feel so dizzy. Saying that she needed to go to the hospital. Me and Jasmine knew she was faking but if she was going to fake it then she would get all the things that go along with it. She hates getting her blood taken and the joy of me watching her squirm of them taking blood. Hah. So me and Jay was still trying to study cus this was very important to Jay. So we continued and she just kept on interrupting saying how dizzy she felt. So we thought we would get our own back and get food and eat it in front of her since little miss faker was Nil by mouth. So we came back with her favorite crisps, coke, Indian takeaway and yogurt. We got every pleasure in eating all that right in front of her.

we got to the hospital around 6 and the time was now 11:30 and doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with her (I ALREADY KNEW THAT) and so they were going to send her home but had to do one more test. Jasmine had her test at 10 in the morning and needed to get some rest so I sent her home. On the way out Jasmine said to her “Azera what you are doing people don’t like it so you need to stop it” and walked off. Afterwards Azera asked me a million times why did she say that for. Maybe another one has realized that you are using your baby as a way of making people feel sorry for you are make them care more.

I mean I was so annoyed with erh and she could tell when we left that hospital at 2 in the morning and couldn’t get a bus back home and had to nearly go all the way back to camberwell to catch a 176 to my house. Luckily we caught the last 75 which took us home. Fucking hell she is a loony bin.

Um so what else has happened I’m a lot better now I went to char’s house with miss tag along and watched a few movies and she was skanking char’s food.

Gonna have a great time this week end though Me , Vic (yep is coming down to see me again) Zen and Chris are gonna meet up and just hang out might take em all to Kaz’s on Saturday and just getting the meeting of all of them over and done with.

Oh yeah on Thursday is results day for gcse students and I have many friends who are taking their exams so I’m gonna say good luck to these guys : Sabina (wah gwaning little Sufia) , Nora (good luck hun), Zeinab (just because we don’t chat so much doesn’t mean I still don’t remember you), Mackayla (rude cousin you are lol), Sarah (aww my little boffin), Reanne, Tola, Richard, Ducky(screename), Alex (yo yo cus), Zak (milky white boy) Bobby, Andrew, The whole 11 Orange ( My old perfecting class) The whole of 11 Green (gotta support my color babeh) and um yeah *thinks* that’s it.

Can you hear me I'm screaming to the world I got you,I got grades, I got everything.

Hey ya guys well well Guess what it is A Level day and guess what I kicked that test ass *WOOTS* no lie after all the shit I have been through this year I am good to go. Guess what I passed with well grades that were great comparing witht hte situation that I was facing I wasn't even gonna take them to begin with 'cus I was so depressed and fed up with everything and now I am so proud I have. I got a C for Drama and a B for Psychology (and I am an independant student) Yey. And I already have that B from last year English. I got my results and chris was on the phone to me. I justr started crying when I pulled out the sheet. He was like Baby what did you fail. I was like no I fucking passed. ahhhhhhhhhh I've passed. You might hear me say I've passed cus I can't believe it my fucking self. But yeah He was like telling his work mates. He slipped up though he started screaming " my Girlfriend... I mean my friend passed her Alevel's " lol! I said to him it's alright for him to call me that. Then he screamed " and I might have a girlfriend" lol!

I went up to the office and called Sussex uni to see if I could reserve a place for next year instead of this year and get higher grades. They were like " Yes Miss hunt your place has been reserved, all you have to do is get the 260 points that we ask for." I was look woooh I had to call chris back and scream down the phone I got accepted I called my mum and she was screaming her ass off too. Sufia called me before I recounted my grades and I thought I got lower than I actually did. So may I take some time out to say Phew *wipes forehead*

Hmm nothign will bring me down today. I mean nothign nutta. Jack shit. How many other ways can I say it lol! for anyone who put me down, shut me down made me feel small for most of my life, these grades are saying shove you fuckers I'm gonna get paid after uni lol!

So what am I gonna do for the rest of the day....Party!!! yep that's all I gotta do. Mr J kissed me on the cheek it was wierd he was really proud of me. He was rubbing my back ( yeah sounds wrong) and was saying I knew you could do it I had every faith in you.

So I feel all happy inside. Telling Zak and Joe about it online and they are trying to calm me down. I can't. Permanant smile. Anyways gonna go and parade around with my grade see yaxxxxx

In each others arms we lose control tell each other jokes that never get old

So today Chris arrived back home (yey) and I happen to be writing this entry from his house and sitting on his lap to be precise. He waves to all lol! He is telling me about how he started having chest pains on the flight but the oxygen sure cleared that up. So how was it like seeing each other again cus we already know about our fan club wanting to know the updated gossip (yeah you nosey parkers on stfbesc lol) Trust me they have a countdown clock on there *goes off to find link*. Well you know those movies where you see two people running towards each other and then hug. We swear it was like that. lol! Proper The Bodyguard (good old film) flex! I basically spent a nice hour longish journey to Gatwick 'cus for some reason they are coming back to a different airport *shrugs* Through out that journey to the airport excitement just buzzed all over me and with Chris, Cheryl had to tell him to stop doing that knee shaking thing that we do when we are both nervous.
Me and my aunt, my uncle and my cousin sat in the waiting area and she was telling me not to pounce on him. lol! I wasn't gonna pounce on him *looks around innocently* but that all changed when we both saw each other from a distance. We smiled at each other grinning and everything while he was pushing along the trolley with little Adam on top of it lol! He looked at Cheryl and just abandoned the trolley and ran towards me and I was walking really fast and then we just did a little collision thing and just stood there and hugged each other. It was weird hugging him again.. one… because I haven't seem him for so long and… 2… because of the height difference. Big use of tip toes. He always lifts me when we hug. We just stood there hugging and us kissing each other on the cheek a lot. My little cousins were making kissing noises and stuff. So we all walked off to the car park holding hands (take in mind we aint even a couple yet) and he was back to teasing me saying he could still see some red in my hair, telling me that some of that dumb blondeness is still there. So I teased him about his height and just other stuff. We talked, hugged played on his PSP (lucky bastard) and joked all the way back. It felt good…natural. Our aunts say we are playing with fire if we go back into this relationship but ah well.

Since we've got back we've played Tekken 5 (which surprisingly I creamed him on) Smackdown vs RAW (I lost terribly. he's telling me to mention scores. For my own sake just no) showed him my mirror Tag. He wanted me to tag his name and mine and put it up somewhere so I said I would put it as my msn display picture. [mirror pic] now we are just online talking to Zen, my brother (yeah I know weird) Joe (his best friend) and Zee. Zen wants to see the webcam of the happy "couple" so we've been on webcam to him. He is making us laugh by writing cords on one hand and Chris on the other and making them kiss and my hand has lipstick on and then with a pen he started beating the chris hand lol

I'm all bubbly and very happy, everyone has been counting down this day and do you know what I just feel good that its finally here. Hmm we might be going to do a little shopping tomorrow and we might go either down Namco or Forbidden Planet or cinema (which ever one happens first) and just spend the whole day mucking around. Oh guys by the way I am getting a new cross (Yep the fascination never died it just laid dormant) just like the one I always draw. It's a cross that has ribbons wrapped around it and its silver. Sound cool, it looks gorgeous and its my present, which is cool cause he aint paying too much for it and plus all the other stuff we are doing tomorrow.

So guys I'm gonna leave it there and go off and enjoy myself have a wicked day I will give you lot (stfbe) more updates about the progression when I can see ya guysxxxxxx Chris says bye tooxxxx

Your dancing around me.Filling me with song.

Well hmm let's just say this week is a week I might either cry with shame
or cry with happiness either way I am going to cry my eyes out. I've been stressing over my A-levels for weeks now. Not because I'm one of those overachievers who can't accept a B nope. It's because lets admit people I wasn't of right mind when I was doing my A-levels. A lot of stuff was going on and the people who I thought would understand couldn't which was strange. But I gathered literally all the strength in me to do those exams. Especially my drama practical. A few days from now I will find out what I got and trust me I am not of eager to find out. AAARRRGGGGGHHHH!!!

But tomoz will kind of ease me a bit, hopefully if everything goes right and his flight hasn't been cancelled because of stupid British Airways, Mr. Christopher Fleming should be arriving in London Heathrow Tomorrow. He and Cheryl both want to see me at the airport. So I have to be driven by my aunt who is going to pick me up. We were just talking down the phone and saying how damn excited the both of us are to see each other again. But he may need oxygen on the plane because of what happened to him but he will be fine. Everyone keeps on teasing me saying cordie is gonna get laid on Tuesday. So to correct ya'll I aint getting laid. We are just friends *everyone starts coughing* We are...He wants to get me a new ring to replace the one he gave to me ages ago But I don't want to replace it I wear it everyday. I love it. Never take it off. >>>>>>Picture of Ring<<<<< Please excuse the poorly chipped nails and the dry hand couldn't be bothered to beautify my hand.

Yesterday we were meant to go and play pool but then we couldn't be bothered so we thought we would check up on the "very sick" Mark. So me, Scotty, Sufie and char went to go and look for mark. We get to his house and there he is looking a bit drunk, well still suffering from a hangover. So we all went to the shop and made jokes on the way about a couple kissing in the park and we were basically telling them to get a room. Telling them that was some x-rated shit and that there were children lingering around. So we all went back to marks and his nice ass house. and went into his bedroom and it was tidy. We found the cutest pictures of mark on his wall wearing his sacred heart school uniform in year 7 he looked so innocent. He forgot it was up there and forgot to take it down before we came upstairs. We sat there watching the O.C joking around and Sufia who was really having foreplay (joking) with Mark on the bed discovered a condom near his bed. Hmmmm what has Marcus been up to? Lol! But yeah he had the most oh shit look on his face, it made me laugh. He borrowed me his other DVD player and said I can have until I get another one, because you know my bro jacked all my stuff and basically I have no form of entertainment minus my laptop, which to mention needs more memory. What it's working like how my granddad would walk lol.

Hmm today looks sunny going to go and see Zen (David) and then go and see how Kaz is doing. David wants me to bring my lovely baby out into the light of day and bring it down Walworth rd area is he mad. The only way he is going to see it is through pictures. He wants to do something for results day for me I said I would think about it. Because that mean me staying around the area for a long period of time. This is a violation of the rules I agreed to. But seriously I haven't seen my old friends in ages so they can shove their violations up their ass. Listening to albums I haven't listened to in ages Alicia Keys Songs in A minor and Gavin Degraw chariot. A song that never stuck out me before on the Alicia Keys album was troubled. I swear that song was made for me. So anyways I'm going to go now and have fun. See ya later peepsxxxxx

This explosion was soon to come

Well think about this everything and all the issues that have arisen in that house lets just say it exploded. Lets just say that IT WAS BAD. Basically what happened was the war between Dwaine and Alan escalated. Basically things over the past weeks have been so bad between them Alan has refused to come to the house and Kaz found it unfair that she was being played like piggy in the middle. I know how that feels I mean it's not the nicest feeling in the world but this was handled wrong and blown way over proportion and that everything that happened yesterday brought this all to an end. No, No one died. lol. But yeah just a lot of stuff happened.

So the day started off alright got to Kaz's with Azera and the first question that was asked to me was "Is it alright if Asher and Rai came round" no hi or nothing. I said Yeah didn't care to be honest. Can I only say three more days *does a little dance* or does no one understand that. So Mark, Scott and Charlotte and I were out on the balcony having fun with Sufia down the phone and just cussing each other and laughing. We also did a Tag thing over Kaz's wall which was fun and Scott drew a picture of Marky on the wall.

So basically there was a mentioning of Alan coming round and from then I knew trouble would start. Kaz called D and told D that Alan was coming around and that Asher was bringing him and it wasn't up to her. D was basically angry and stuff because Jakita had alcohol at Kaz's and was pissed out of her mind so he was trying to handle her, and take in that Alan was coming round.

So while Azera was entertaining herself with the song only u by Ashanti (hmm could be my next blog song has a wicked base guitar riff) Dwaine came in and Kaz and him started having an argument. So we went out of the room but Azera stayed, why? cus that girl loves arguments and because she couldn't be bothered to move her pregnant self.

Me and charlotte went off for a walk around the block because she was feeling a bit woozy seeing the fact that she was feeling woozy but she still had another bottle of carling in her hand. *tuts* not that I can talk 'cus I did too but the fact I wasn't drunk I wasn't even tipsy.

So we get back and we see Kaz wondering around in tears and we were calling her and we just kept on asking what was wrong with her and D had falling out and weren't together no more. I don't know if these were her feelings or were they being amplified by her drink but she was really sad. So I went to comfort her. Azera was came down and to see what was happening. She came and Kaz left to go into the house. So desperate Azera who wanted to go toilet started going behind a car and got stuck in the process. Guess who came around the corner non other than Alan, Rai and Asher. Azera was still stuck behind the car not to mention that her underwear was still down. lol.

So basically they came and I hugged Alan said hi to Rai and then Asher asked for a hug. The look on my face and wasn't meaning to be mean but was like ummmm…. no. H e was trying to hug me and he said that if I didn't want to hug him I would have kicked his ass, speaking like he was all that. I think his head has gotten too big I don't know why *laughs*. it definitely needs to shrink. He shouldn't have said that because I'm sure my foot collided with his back, his stomach and his side a couple of times. Yey for me lol!

So Cole came downstairs and lunged for Alan I ran to get mark and all I heard was that Alan got scratched on the face. Arguments were happening left right and center. So I ran up to the house and Scotty was still upstairs trying to talk to Dwaine. So Dwaine disappeared and left al the girls in the house and I was talking to Kaz. Cole came in the house saying where was Dwaine and Kaz was crying and told him to get out and that he was making matters worse. He started on Charlotte, cus charlotte try to push him of the door and he was getting really riled up he was saying he was gonna hit charlotte. I told him to get charlotte he has to hit me.

So he was shouting at me telling me how I am whore and everything…yeah …right. Then I said move from the door and swung at me and missed I got him into a headlock twisted his neck and just started punching him. I had to tell Azera to move cause yeah being pregnant and near a fight like that was not good. I let him go and he sparked me right in the face. Lucky it didn't swell but fuck knows it hurt. I had to put a cold pattie on it. What don't look at me like that it was the only ice cold thing I could find.

We stood out on the balcony and decided we would go shop. So I went past Dwaine's house and his mum Mischa gave me an ice pack.

We went shop and came back and I basically had to go down there and rescue Dwaine as well as sitting there. But basically Dwaine was packing his stuff and I was talking to Kaz outside to calm her down. I didn't like to see her in this state. But in a way its for her own good she needs to be alone to think for a while. So I had to leave cause of course I had work in the morning. So everyone started leaving, but you know everything will be fine I hope.

So basically as you are all reading this can imagine that it was a very hectic night
I guess this kinda of a strange feeling feel in a way that the group maybe splitting apart and stuff but hey I can't say anything.

I guess I am mending things together as much as I can but its not going too good see ya laterxxxx

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you...

"Hey when a nigger aint appreciated somewhere. They will be appreciated somewhere else prefferably in my bedroom" - Quote Sparks

Hey ya guys so um not bored but I'm just tired and stuff and I feel in the mood of writing. I still love this vibe that I have been going on since recently. I think its great; there is not one day when I feel under the weather recently or feeling you know fed up. I'm just constantly smiling. It's a good feeling. Um what has been up with me recently... Exam results in a few days arrrrgggghhhh but I am hoping...um praying that everything will go well with them. Been talking to school friends online and they wanna go out on the day of results club, pub or just something fun you know to celebrate everything.

Got a few problems though to do with me going to pick up my results. Yeah Charlotte has asked me to go away with her to the Isle of Wight which I don't mind 'cus I've been there before and its great. One little tiny weenie problem, too many things fall on that week. Chris comes back on the 16th (yey) and plus my results are ready for me to pick up on the 18th (gonna kick test ass) and char wants me to go away with her from 15th to the 19th (yeah I know complicated) so basically what is going on is that I've got to make up my mind whether I am going or not. Chris is telling me not to worry and that I should go and have fun and he can see me another time and that he can pick up my results for me. But I can't do that to him. So yeah I'm stuck. Also I'm meant to be meeting up with Zen who I saw like last week. He is cool we are back on good terms again. Man he can seriously jar me AT TIMES WITH HIS HISSY FITS ( yes I am trying to point it out to you) but I love him to bits.

Hmm talked to Zak yesterday, got a little worried that I didn't see him and Kyle online. But he's cool. Which is good. He makes me laugh. basically he was meant to come down and you know see us, but he can't due to lack of money, which is cool because when you've wanted something generally for yourself and you wanna buy it you would work very hard just to get it. I just wonder why other people can't understand that eh!

ooh today hopefully I should be receiving my almighty buff phone my dad told me its Samsung and black and it slides up so it is either a Samsung D500 (which I am hoping it is) or a Samsung E350 (which is another phone that is buff within itself) so either way I am in good new phone Ville.

I became a cheerleader today well technically yesterday cus it is now 2:25 in the morning and starting dancing around Kaz's living to music and Scott has come to the conclusion I am mad. Nope I'm just overly hyper *looks innocently up to the skies* Alan called Kaz and asked if I was single. I was like okay...um...why? *shudders* I like Alan as a friend, minus his creepy antics but the strong coming onto me is just scary.

um people keep on asking me if I have lost weight, now I just don't see and think I am pigging out so much I could have grown an extra chin but everyone was just saying her cordie you've lost weight and I'm like uh okay.

Also may I add since Azera is close to birth she had the chance to move out and she didn't she turned the place down. do you know wy to scrounge off me and my mum and use me as her personal slave it is driving me nuts. Now she is asking me to go saers with her now and is telling me to go and get dressed so I can haul her random bags home. Uh annoying so annoying. But must think happy thoughts not to omplete remove her head from her body. She's depending too much on me and my mum so what happenes when I leave she was alredy afraid at the fact that we move any time now. But now she is like constant glue to my arm. she never leaves me alone. I can't go anywgere without her being steps behind me asking me where I am going. *tuts* I seriously need a gun. I can't wait until the day I move. its gonna be wicked. I don't care my room is gonna be dream worhthy, well my dream like anyway...gadget packed *woots*

Okay only people who are in on the joke will know what this means next

>>>>Geezer Bird and Ass fucker<<<<

lol!

Okay So I'm done for now got so much to do and so little time until this rocking summer ends see ya guys xxxx